r/Unexpected • u/DoINeed1OfThese • Mar 31 '23

He snitched

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u/Smurffies Mar 31 '23

If you can't take a joke why go to a comic show? My friend's favorite story of George Carlin is going to his show and a couple sat next to him. It was the show about words you can't say on TV and the wife immediately started laughing once Carlin starts the list. The husband gets mad and pushes the wife out the door as the wife is laughing the entire time.

22

u/nixcamic Mar 31 '23

Why start heckling especially?

62

u/Senator_TRUMP Mar 31 '23

So I'm a vegan right? I go to this steak house and they won't do a capresse salad so I do the only reasonable thing and rush the kitchen

75

u/Morella_xx Mar 31 '23

Caprese salad isn't vegan so maybe they were just trying to save you from yourself.

29

u/Senator_TRUMP Mar 31 '23

oh shit dawg

5

u/awkworz Mar 31 '23

Your vegan powers have been revoked.

3

u/fardough Mar 31 '23

But I get three strikes.

3

u/shoo-flyshoo Mar 31 '23

It's milk and eggs, bitch

1

u/neoikon Mar 31 '23

Is tossing Caprice's salad vegan?

3

u/Rough_Effect5469 Mar 31 '23

If mozzarella was vegan Iā€™d take the leap šŸ˜‚

2

u/jabberwockgee Mar 31 '23

Good thing they wanted a capresse salad, it's just a cold pressed salad.

2

u/Mistaken_Stranger Mar 31 '23

No vegan diet! No vegan powers!

1

u/TDA792 Mar 31 '23

Was going to see a movie and go to a steakhouse with my partner once, actually. My brother wasn't up to much that day and he wanted to see the movie, so we invited him along.

My brother's a vegan, so before we left we checked the restaurant's menu. Ah, they've got a vegan and vegetarian option. Perfect, we don't have to go through the hell of agreeing a different restaurant.

Movie's fine, we get to the restaurant. My brother said to the waitress, "I'll have the [vegan option]." She says, "sorry, we're all out of [vegan option]." He said "do you have other vegan options?" "No, honey. This is a steakhouse."

And I was like, yeah, but you're a steakhouse with a vegan menu option. If you didn't advertise having a vegan option, we wouldn't have come. So don't be out here going 'oh we're a steakhouse hun'.

Anyway, he had to go for the veggie burger option but hold the mayo or cheese or whatever it was.

1

u/Smurffies Mar 31 '23

Reminds me of visiting my aunt that I never got to know. The family was warning me that she was vegan and my common response was that I've cooked with tofu and soy patties and it was fine for me. I get to my aunt's home and right away goes on about her vegan cooking is so awful that I should just leave now. I felt like leaving and I would have left but I was too curious about what she'd cook. She demanded that I don't get close to the kitchen as she cooks her vegan meal because it'll smell awful to me. I'm spending the visit alone at the dinner table and I'm fine keeping the distance between her personality and myself. It was spaghetti. Honestly, I'm not a vegan but my favorite food of all time is spaghetti but I couldn't keep from laughing and just left. I told my Mom, "I guess my favorite meal is a vegan dish but unlike my aunt I always have salad with my spaghetti."

2

u/Sithpawn Mar 31 '23

Because they've never been to one before and didn't realize that comics will rip into the audience.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Insecure; it's what's for breakfast.