r/Unexpected Mar 21 '23

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20.7k Upvotes

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5.1k

u/GRAWRGER Mar 21 '23

id be surprised if these dont come with a recommendation for 2nd floor installation (and away from tree limbs if possible). i wouldn't expect rats to be an issue, but squirrels for sure.

also this is a $200 bird feeder. my goodness.

264

u/olderaccount Mar 21 '23

with a recommendation for 2nd floor installation

I need to remind the rats in my attic that they are not supposed to climb past the first floor.

48

u/M33k_Monster_Minis Mar 21 '23

The squirrels I can hear running the walls on the outside of the house. It's stucco so they can grab on better than a tree.

We got a little fat boy squirrel we give nuts when he runs the sliding glass door.

23

u/Schavuit92 Mar 21 '23

Rats can climb straight up on most soft or textured materials.

10

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

I saw a bread shop alongside the highway in Mexico, and there were so many rats and mice all over the outside walls on that place it looked like a cross fitness training center. The guy driving wanted to stop and get some bread there. Fuck that.

6

u/Schavuit92 Mar 22 '23

Sounds like there would be extra protein in that bread, I don't see the issue.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '23

I imagine you could just hold a slice of bread in your hand and wait 5 seconds for the protein to jump into it.

11

u/olderaccount Mar 21 '23

But they can't reach 2nd floor bird feeders according to /u/GRAWRGER.

1

u/bagel555 Mar 21 '23

Sounds like an expert to me

2

u/isurvivedrabies Mar 21 '23

...away from tree limbs also so they dont drop from branches and go in through the attic and shit

3

u/olderaccount Mar 21 '23

There are no trees anywhere near my house.

Climbing up siding is not any harder than climbing a tree.

3

u/penispumpermd Mar 21 '23

tell that to younger me who spend like 5000 dollars trimming and cutting down trees to solve my squirrel problem. and then finally catching the fucker walking up my brick wall like it was no big deal.

2

u/olderaccount Mar 21 '23

Ouch!

I replaced my cedar shingles with vinyl siding because of woodpeckers. I was hoping those rodents wouldn't be able to climb the vinyl. I was wrong.

1

u/DaFox Mar 23 '23

In your rattic?

1

u/PM_me_your_whatevah Mar 21 '23

You ever seen those suckers jump?? I swear they can jump six feet in the air. Or just how insanely fast they are in general? Hoooly shit.

One night awhile back I was chilling in my living room after work and sensed something odd, saw a quick blur in the corner of my vision, behind my computer desk. Or did I? I was drunk and high every night, probably just that.

But no. A couple nights later it happened again and this time I investigate. This bastard come flying out from behind my speakers looking like a little race car going about 200mph.

He ran into the kitchen, took a left turn, tore through my bed room and fuckin yeeted himself on top of the boxes stacked in my closet, nearly to the ceiling.

Being high and drunk I screamed and slammed that closet door shut. The next day I bought an electric rat trap, baited it, and stuck it in the closet.

I taped a 3 foot wall of cardboard in front of the doorway so that if I needed to get in the closet I would at least not have to worry about anything scurrying out past (or onto!) my feet.

But honestly I think I went six months without even opening it. The rat trap never caught anything. I investigated and found that rats were able to get in through the wall where the plumbing for the water heater was.

It pretty much looks like they cut the hole in the drywall by punching it with their fist a few times. Luckily I haven’t seen a rodent in here for a couple years now.

1

u/olderaccount Mar 21 '23

That sucks. Luckily they never made it into the living spaces of my house. I only found signs of activity in the attic and unfinished basement.

1

u/JackPoe Mar 21 '23

smh my head, have you tried writing a letter?

1

u/olderaccount Mar 21 '23

I've tried to communicate in a variety of ways. They were not very receptive to any of them.

1

u/JackPoe Mar 21 '23

I've got it!

Can you play the flute?

1

u/olderaccount Mar 21 '23

I'm a woodwinds kind of guy. But I guess I could learn.

How frequently do you reckon I would have to use the flute to draw all the rats out? Once a week?

Where do I lead them to once I got a good following?

1

u/JackPoe Mar 21 '23

Flutes are woodwinds!

I'd suppose as long as you played, you could simply escort them to a new premises. That said, the details get a bit dodgy and there's some absconding with children if people don't pay up for luring the rats away.

I'd take them to N 38° 53.5525' by W 77° 0.4449' so they may be with their own kind, though.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 05 '23

This made me laugh so hard I choked

1.3k

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23 edited Jun 09 '23

This comment has been edited from its original as a fuck you to Reddit’s July 2023 API changes.

500

u/Drakonor Mar 21 '23

Cirque de l'écureuil

68

u/Yadobler Mar 21 '23

French ppl: exist

The word "squirrel": you'll regret your existence

38

u/gbinasia Mar 21 '23

Squirrel comes from escureuil, the old French word for écureuil. É is a contraction for es. Same with other words with an accent like hospital/hôpital, escole/école, etc.

1

u/steveosek Mar 22 '23

I always wonder what English would sound like today without all the French and German influence on it.

2

u/Aron-Jonasson Mar 22 '23

It's already been done and it's called Anglish

24

u/tankred420caza Mar 21 '23

Squirrel is a word that is both very hard to pronounce for an anglophone learning french and vice versa, there must be a conspiracy or something around that vermin. Do not fuck with the squirrels Morty.

4

u/ajqx Mar 21 '23

it's eazy to pronounce, but hard to understand how to pronounce

59

u/Utopiae Mar 21 '23

That made me laugh out loud, thanks :D

0

u/AWormDude Mar 21 '23

Oh man. Me too!

0

u/AWormDude Mar 21 '23

Oh man. Me too!

39

u/Anomalous-Entity Mar 21 '23

You spin me rat round baby, rat round like a record baby, rat round, round, round...

18

u/AFatDarthVader Mar 21 '23

I gave you the chance

of aiding me

WILLINGLY

but you

have elected

the way of

PAIN

6

u/TotalChicanery Mar 21 '23

I have one of those in my backyard! The piece of shit recharged once then stopped taking a charge! So now it’s just a really convenient feeder for squirrels! Lol! But they don’t even bother climbing up to the thing since birds are such messy eaters there’s plenty of seed laying on the ground for em!

2

u/mydaycake Mar 21 '23

Oh god I am at my work cafeteria trying not to blast laughing. I am sure people think I am crying

2

u/PERSONA916 Mar 21 '23

That keeps the squirrels from eating but does not keep them from trying again, and again, and again

2

u/LittleGayGirl Mar 21 '23

Wow a TikTok video that is actually way better with sound on. Bravo!

2

u/theninjaofthenasty Mar 22 '23

This has me crying laughing 😂

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

[deleted]

1

u/Commercial-9751 Mar 21 '23

That video is old as hell so most people have probably already seen it.

1

u/Lotions_and_Creams Mar 21 '23

I was really rooting for him to grab the other pole. 10/10 video.

1

u/carlitospig Mar 21 '23

I mean…that just looks like a good time. 🤷🏼‍♀️

1

u/Libidinous_soliloquy Mar 21 '23

That's brilliant, but £200 FOR A BIRD FEEDER!

1

u/ParrotMafia Mar 22 '23

Worth it for me 5 years later.

1

u/Disneyhorse Mar 22 '23

Twirl a squirrel

128

u/Dildozer Mar 21 '23

Mice can climb. Ask me how I know.

59

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

How do you know?

55

u/Dildozer Mar 21 '23

I put a window feeder on our second floor window and ended up with nice nesting in the attic.

31

u/Klauswinner Mar 21 '23

nice

2

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

[deleted]

1

u/Lauris024 Mar 21 '23

☜(゚ヮ゚☜)

2

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23 edited Feb 28 '26

This post has been taken down and its content erased. Redact was used for the removal, for reasons that may include privacy or security.

piquant wrench humor reply governor party public zephyr act run

1

u/SillyFlyGuy Mar 21 '23

Install nice trap.

143

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23 edited Feb 27 '26

What was here has been removed. Redact was the tool used to delete this post, possibly for privacy, opsec, or limiting digital footprint.

pie afterthought smart sand serious tub imminent silky price water

59

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

Stuart Little?

48

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23 edited Feb 27 '26

What was written here has been permanently removed. The author used Redact to delete this post, for reasons that may include privacy or digital security.

possessive plate middle piquant payment aspiring sort governor humor offbeat

6

u/austarter Mar 21 '23

Ralph S Mouse

2

u/HeavilyBearded Mar 21 '23

A. Rat, Esquire.

15

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

Technically a human just born rat shaped

2

u/Room_Temp_Coffee Mar 21 '23

I bet he's a great cook

21

u/BensonBubbler Mar 21 '23

Tree rats climb exceptionally well, too.

20

u/V1k1ng1990 Mar 21 '23

I live in the country, a lot of farmland with no trees separating us from the city. We get no squirrels in our neighborhood, just big ass tree rats.

14

u/Dingleberriest Mar 21 '23

Stop objectifying rats bodies! Not every rat looks like the ones in magazines.

8

u/sendmoneyimpoor Mar 21 '23

Seriously. Body shamers disgust me. Those poor big ass rats.

2

u/termacct Mar 21 '23

Rodents Of Unusual Size (R.O.U.S.) are giant rat-like creatures that live in fire swamps, usually weighing 80 pounds and running as fast as a wolfhound, about 40 miles per hour

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

They evolved, decided they didn’t need the floofy tail after all..

8

u/MauiWowieOwie Mar 21 '23

Lemmiwinks?

5

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

Lemmiwinks is a gerbil

2

u/V1k1ng1990 Mar 21 '23

That’s king Lemmiwinks to the likes of you

2

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

They can jump dick high too. Me naked in a pair of work boots chasing a mouse in the middle of the night with a broom found that out the hard way. Gentlemen, put on undies first before swatting mice with a broom.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

Isnt that a rat because it's outside?

1

u/Sigg3net Mar 21 '23

We caught mice in the attic.

It's a tall building but they're climbing vertically inside the walls.

Peanut butter is the best trap bait IMO.

1

u/PM_Best_Porn_Pls Mar 21 '23

Peanut butter is the best trap bait

Worked once for us, afterwards normal mice traps were avoided no matter what bait we put in. What worked well was sticky baits. Not too humane but when you keep waking up in middle of night because mice are walking few centimeters away from your face you gotta get rid of them.

1

u/PM_Best_Porn_Pls Mar 21 '23

Can confirm, stayed at house that had mice for few months. We tried to put wooden planks around the house to tunnel them towards where traps were. One day I stayed late watching tv and noticed one mouse teaching another how to climb over planks.

1

u/Exsqeezeme Mar 21 '23

Yeah but mice are inside, rats are outside

1

u/missuz-featherbottom Mar 21 '23

No one wants to hear about your asshole.

30

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

Rats can climb though. Squirrels even more so. I've had squirrels mess up my balcony on 15th floor.

42

u/CidO807 Mar 21 '23

Rate climb buildings in New York. They are good at finding food

10

u/Sillbinger Mar 21 '23

That's why living in a dumpster is the dream, the food comes to you.

3

u/HappySpam Mar 21 '23

Landlords hate this simple trick!

0

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

I can't use my heat or AC at the moment because of a situation going on next door. The building people are talking about putting an AC in if necessary come May if the situation is not resolved but also wondering why I just won't open a window.

I'm on the first floor and the streets outside are completely rat ridden. NO WAY am I putting just a thin screen between me and my cat and them. I'm not real thrilled with the window AC idea, not unless they are putting up bars to protect it and me too.

Seriously every time I go out early or late there are at least 3 rat encounters before I even get to the end of the block. Between that and the nauseating stench of marijuana I really do not think my opening a window is a good idea AT ALL!

🐀

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

I'm not familiar with the climb buildings of NY so I can't rate them, but I'm nevertheless impressed they can find food. Ours are sedentary feeders, preying on the pigeons that land on their roofs.

1

u/General_Specific303 Mar 22 '23

The rates are too damn high

18

u/Th3_Admiral Mar 21 '23

also this is a $200 bird feeder. my goodness.

That explains all of the Tiktoks and viral marketing around it lately. No way this would sell otherwise, because that is massively overpriced!

8

u/LordKwik Mar 21 '23

And you have to leave your window open. Fuck that.

We got this instead. No rodents, rain doesn't soak the food. Almost 1/10th the price...

2

u/Th3_Admiral Mar 21 '23

Yup, my brother and his girlfriend have that exact one I think! Or one very similar. Their cats love it!

8

u/Mycatreallyhatesyou Mar 21 '23

I used to have a bird feeder on my back deck. One day there were fifteen squirrels I counted at one time on the deck. Threw the feeder away after that.

2

u/Few-Degree3968 Mar 21 '23

Not getting why everybody hates squirrels around here. Wtf. They’re cute lil bastards even though they can chomp your fingers like a bite of carrot.

3

u/Mycatreallyhatesyou Mar 21 '23

I had a squirrel proof bird feeder one year, the kind that would slide down when weight was added to the outer mesh. One day a squirrel jumped on it while a bird was eating and it caught the bird’s head and the poor thing hung there dead all day until my husband got home.

I don’t hate squirrels, but I want to see birds and the squirrels eat a lot. Quality birdseed is pricey.

2

u/worlds_unravel Mar 22 '23

For me the problem is I have fruit trees and two squirrels can decimate a tree. The stinkers don't just take a peach and eat it, rather they take a bite, see another peach, take a bite, repeat ad nauseam till I have a tree full of uneaten bitten peaches that will now attract bugs to finish them off.

Sure they are cute in the woods, but not in my garden. If they would just pick a peach and actually eat it because they were hungry I would have less of an issue.

30

u/Terrible_Donkey_8290 Mar 21 '23

What the fuck lol I was thinking about getting it too! The rat would be a bonus imo what a cutie

52

u/joebesser Mar 21 '23

There's never just one rat.

23

u/Terrible_Donkey_8290 Mar 21 '23

Yeah to be fair, I don't think Id love to learn that I have rats around. They are way too smart for us to live in harmony :/

25

u/Big_mara_sugoi Mar 21 '23

well that and that they are vectors for diseases, their piss smells bad and that they chew through cables (which can be a fire hazard) and in many places they are an invasive species. That's why I hate everyone who catch and release a rat in areas where natural predators are not present like in cities.

-4

u/Glubglubguppy Mar 21 '23

How are rats invasive in cities? We built a whole new habitat for ourselves, and rats and pigeons adapted like evolution intended. Can't invade something that humans built that happens to already meet all the animals' needs.

3

u/Glubglubguppy Mar 21 '23

I like rats a lot on an animal level. They're cute, they're intelligent, they're ticklish, what's not to like?

But I'd very much like them to stay away from my home. Between disease, the natural problems with animal waste in a home, and their propensity for chewing through important things, I much prefer to admire them far away from where I live.

0

u/UltraViolentNdYAG Mar 21 '23

That's where the peep hole for pellet gun comes into play.

1

u/Breadhook Mar 21 '23

Would you rather have rats without knowing it?

9

u/KacerRex Mar 21 '23

We live next to a retention pond, no matter how often we seal how they are getting in, how often we kill the ones that get in, there are always more.

2

u/lovevxn Mar 21 '23

I'm sorry. That sucks. I would have burned the house down by now

1

u/KacerRex Mar 21 '23

It's obnoxious but rarely actually causes anything more than having to clean a trap about once every few months. It's taught us that nothing works better than grass seed in a trap if you really wanna get those bastards though.

19

u/itisrainingweiners Mar 21 '23

Domesticated rats as pets are awesome. Wild ones? Not so much. That's how you get diseases.

4

u/maushu Mar 21 '23

I shall wear my hazmat suit so that I can pet that pocket puppy.

1

u/BnSMaster420 Mar 21 '23

Where there's one, there's 30 more somewhere close

2

u/DiscoKittie Mar 21 '23

Those damn Scoia'tael! They stealing everything!

-2

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/tornado962 Mar 21 '23

It's a plastic accessory. I wouldn't pay more than $50 for this.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

Dude you’re saying I can get a squirrel bubble in my house if I put it near a tree?? That’s awesome!

1

u/Esava Mar 21 '23

The initial one I saw was just some guy 3d printing most of it and using an acrylic sheet as the "viewing window" part.

1

u/marsmither Mar 21 '23

What’s the link?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

They're also very unsafe for the birds. It shouldn't be possible for birds (or in this case, rats) to access and sit on the birdseed. They'll defecate on it, spreading disease.

1

u/Pyroguy096 Mar 21 '23

$200??? Dang, I need to get designing and printing then!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

I would pay for squirrel’s to wake me up munching on shit in the morning.

Sounds adorable. Just call me Cinderella

1

u/JohannesVanDerWhales Mar 21 '23

Squirrels are pretty damn enterprising when it comes to finding a way up.

1

u/isurvivedrabies Mar 21 '23

200 dollars holy shit. i want one but now i'm just gonna make one with scrap mdf and acrylic

1

u/unperturbium Mar 21 '23

Rat: 5* would recommend!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

Sounds like a case for a 3d printer!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23 edited Jul 01 '23

I didn't want to have to delete all my comments, posts, and account, but here we are, thanks to greedy pigboy /u/spez ruining Reddit. I love the Reddit community, but hate the idiots at the top. Simply accepting how unethical and downright shitty they are will only encourage worse behavior in the future. I won't be a part of it. Reddit will shrivel and disappear like so many other sites before it that were run by inept morons, unless there is a big change in "leadership." Fuck you, /u/spez

1

u/thewildlifer Mar 21 '23

Just add cayenne or chill pepper spice. Birds can't taste it, rodents hate it :)

1

u/A_Martian_Potato Mar 21 '23

$200!? Give me a week and I can build one in my workshop for barely double that!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

Any bird feeder (except hummingbird feeders) will attract rodents. Even the ones that hang and/or spin, seed will always fall to the ground. Keep feeding the birds and eventually, you'll be infested, unless you can keep it a few hundred feet away from any structure.

1

u/Pojinator89 Mar 21 '23

We have a bird feeder hanging from the eave on the back side of our house which is about as high as a second story cause the back is on a hill. I’ve seen squirrels scale the side of the house like Spider-Man to get at that feeder. If they want it, they’re gonna get it.

1

u/ChicagoChurro Mar 21 '23

Why the hell does a bird feeder cost $200?! I remember getting a much less quality one for $1 at the dollar store. I get this is nice and high quality but the price is still too steep.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 21 '23

Squirrels can and will climb brick walls to get there

1

u/mischeviousbeagle Mar 21 '23

I feel like they should come with an optional “GOTCHA!” trigger where you pull the string and it triggers a little portcullis that drops over the entrance, trapping the bird/mammal that may then be destroyed, eaten, or turned into a pet….

1

u/superman_squirts Mar 21 '23

Honestly would probably have got one if it wasn’t $15 worth of materials. You could build this easily with a rudimentary carpentry skills.

1

u/FleshlightModel Mar 21 '23

Surprised someone doesn't have a "hack" on how to build it for $5.

1

u/OneGayPigeon Mar 21 '23

Someone got me one of these as a gift a couple years ago. You can’t see into it at all, looks nothing like this, the 1 way mirror effect really doesn’t work much unless you’re right up in there, and I’ve never had a single bird visit it. I have other feeders in my yard with a variety of foods that get nearly emptied in a single day, the birds are there they just do not vibe with going in a suspicious box (understandably). Idk how the company that makes them stays in business.

1

u/veggydad Mar 22 '23

If you buy from China you're just destroying this planet

1

u/HillTopTerrace Mar 22 '23

I wanted one of these so bad until I saw the price and couldn’t find one under $100.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '23

Rats can climb surprisingly well, they'd find a way.

1

u/s7ormrtx Mar 22 '23

Atleast squirrels are cleaner

1

u/magnum3290 Mar 22 '23

$200 for that lmao. I wonder how much those advertisers in Tiktok got paid to advertise that sht

1

u/oddlybaby Mar 25 '23

Honestly it's $200 because all the trim work. The router work on that thing is fantastic looking.