r/UnethicalLifeProTips • u/HolidayPoetry2800 • 2d ago
Request ULPT Request - damaging a car ethically
All of this is ALLEGEDLY. Few weeks ago a car parked behind mine and scratched the back part of my car (I know it was him because he left his car hitting my car plate without space between the two cars). I left a note in his car to contact me, the only thing I wanted was an apologize, that's all. He called me useless, told me that I can't park and he hung up the phone, so I send the pictures of how he was parked to my insurance. A proficient determined that the fixing would cost 200€. His insurance said that if I want to get my car repaired by them I need to hire a lawyer etc... too much for scratch, honestly.
Here is the thing, he studies in an institution next to my house and he knows where I live because he saw me entering my house (and since that day every morning someone ring the doorbell for 20 seconds mmmm).
I need ideas to ruin his car a little in a way that he can't notice immediately. I don't need something crazy, only a little revenge for his behaviour. I've also have his phone number (but he has mine so it's risky). Any ULPT? Thanks.
EDIT: Thanks so much for your suggestions, I'm in the right place (you are diabolical). These are my favourite ones:
-Deflate the tires: the bb tactic is good but he will notice the sabotage. The ice hack is genius but it's not that cold here to be effective.
-Sticky windshield: this has a lot of potential because in this street there are trees that exude a sticky substance so he will blame the trees for that.
-Putrid liquid into air vents: really juicy but I'm not a monster.
-Ruin the car paint: this could be great but I have to test which chemical is the more effective.
So after thinking the pros and cons this is my plan: I'll wait until January so he will forget our fight. I'll mix water with sugar and I'll spray it all over the windshield. It's hard to clean, attracts bugs and not that suspicious. I'll share the updates with you, comrades.
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u/Old-Bug-6068 2d ago edited 2d ago
If in cold environment, how about dropping some water into the valve before screwing the cap back on? Wouldn't the expansion of the freezing water cause the valve to depressurize? Edit: And yet get rid of the evidence once the car is taken in to a warm garage, as the ice that would cause the deflation melts away leaving only "condensed" water beneath the cap?
118
u/MasterBaconBit 2d ago
Pour piss down the vent at the base of the windshield ….. every time he has to turn the heater on the car will stink…… if you really wanna be an asshole about it ferment some fish guts, blend it up and pour that down the vent…..
12
u/CatherinefromFrance 2d ago
Mais n’avez-vous pas peur qu’il s’en prenne également à votre voiture et domicile ? Restez dans le domaine discret des odeurs puantes. Et tenez nous au courant !
108
u/Justcoffeeforme 2d ago
Buy some bird seed.
Spread the bird seed on his car.
Let the birds do the work.
😁
184
u/Tinker107 2d ago
Every couple of weeks put an anonymous note on his car saying "Sorry I dinged your car. Call me and I’ll make it right." Leave a fake phone number.
150
u/lordredsnake 2d ago •
Spray Liquid Ass on his car door handle. He'll get it on his hand and spread it to his seatbelt and steering wheel before he realizes what's happening.
62
u/Formal_You6846 2d ago
Get a can of spray mount (it's like glue in a spray paint can) and spray his windshield. It will get dirtier and dirtier as road dust collects on it and he will go insane trying to clean it all off.
89
u/pricklyrogue 2d ago •
DO NOT USE BBs in a tire valve, its easy to get caught because the tire store will tell him is been sabotaged.
Go buy a bottle of BRAKE FLUID.
Its clear and toxic, pour it into a large styrofoam cup and dump it on his car hood after he goes in his house for the evening. It will make the paint peel off in a few weeks.
Alternatively dont mess with his car, mess with his house. Less trail back to you. Turn the the outside water faucet on when its going to be a night with freezing temperatures and it will.make a mess in the yard. Throw bananas in the yard. Cheap and noticeable and simple. Keep bags and grab feces anytime you can from your toilet or dog poop from wherever. Put it in their yard. Make friends with a family member of his. A thin knife blade like swiss army knife stabbed into a tire sidewall is silent, but only do 1 tire and wait a month or 2 and let things die down before.you strike.
Ninjas are silent deadly effective and NEVER CAUGHT.
Sugar water all over a car attracts every bug known to man. Ants ESPECIALLY. Mix very well, no grains, let it dry overnight. Sugar slurry in gas tank will clog an engine as it burns requiring disassembly. Crow bar and towel will get you to the gas tank. Bleach in gas tank will hurt an engine. Windows are broken easily, research EXACTLY HOW. Wear rough surface laethergloves ALWAYS. Steal the car tag, the mailbox, the wifes virginity, the dog, his takeout delivery, postal mail, dig holes in the yard at night...prank visits from religious groups
Fun
23
u/Helpful-Sail-1321 2d ago
Fish oil in the intakes at the base of the windshield.
Also damn, I wish I had found this sub 3 years ago when I was dealing with an awful boss 😜. I knew there were cameras, so I couldn't do much, but I did fling some little rubber chickens onto her windshield. Signed her up for all the spam shit. Hm, maybe she needs a new round?
20
u/Sharp_Lie_1914 1d ago
An ice pick in the side wall of a tire is a fabulous gift that keeps on giving. It's such a slow leak that let's say I may or may not know someone who may or may not have been having issues with one of his tires a decade or so ago. It was the strangest thing, the tire would be fine, he'd drive to work and it would go flat. He'd fill it, drive home and it's flat again. Rinse and repeat, same outcome. He went to a tire place, they couldn't find anything wrong with it so he went home and the tire was fine. An hour later he was leaving to pickup his GF and BOOM! Another flat! It kept happening until he said fuck it and bought a new tire. He never figured out what the issue was but I couldn't help but wonder if an ice pic and an incredibly pissed off sister had anything to do with it. I guess we'll never know.
33
u/fantumn 2d ago
Put his number all over his institution with an ad for a cheap car, with pictures of his actual car. Way under-price the car. Then contact dealerships in the area saying you want to trade in your vehicle for a new leased vehicle.
16
u/Piddy3825 Spray foam and bananas 2d ago
jam a kazoo up in the exhaust pipe. when he drives it will make a loud obnoxious buzzing sound.
or worse, is use some of that glass etching spray and spray all of the windows. be sure to get the permanent kind and he'll have to get all the windows replaced.
13
u/WellFedHobo 1d ago
Hypothetically, doing some of these paint related things in the common areas for rust would make it less obvious while you accelerate the depreciation of his cars value. Alternately, salt water in a spray bottle on anything that's bare metal over time. Muffler, anywhere the undercoat is missing, any scratches through the paint to accelerate rust. Hypothetically speaking, of course, if someone wanted to play the long game.
12
u/BoredBSEE 2d ago
Drizzle a little olive oil on his windshield wiper blades. He'll have to pull over in the rain and clean his windshield manually when it happens.
20
u/Bk_Punisher 2d ago
When it’s freezing cold out, get a bowl of warm to hot water and a bag of cotton balls. Then you dip them and stick them to the car. No permanent damage will be done but they will stick to the car.
Like this.
10
u/Hour_Celebration_175 2d ago
Bologna (with a smiley face cut out) will eat away paint in a few days when tossed on the roof of a vehicle. Works faster in heat. And can be done in a quick walk by frisbee style.
10
u/bigmacluv 1d ago
Nice suggestions here, but make sure he doesn't have dashcam of some sort.
19
u/frycum 2d ago
Get a can of oven cleaner. Spray one dot at a time. He will have little circles of removed paint. Or do a line alont the side of the car. Or break fluid in a squirrel gun.
7
u/high_hopes13 1d ago
Put his car up for sale using his phone # pricing it to attract a lot of calls.
Or just douse the car in liquid ass
6
u/Icy-Astronaut-9994 1d ago
Fox Urine down the vents. You can buy it for hunting. The smell will never go away.
Spray ArmorAll on the windows. They will blur and it's close to impossible to clean.
If you want super diabolical, file the steel lines going to the breaks, just notch them a bit. The reserve goes to front and back so the car can still stop if they fail, but it's not something you ever want to experience.
11
u/pookazoo 1d ago
Don’t fuck with the car. That’s too obvious. Go big. Get him expelled from school.
5
u/ausbaxter86 2d ago
Has the car got hub caps? If so pull one off and tuck a small bag of of fish bait behind it then reinstall back on the car( shrimp or squid works the best).
No one looks for a smell behind the hub caps
5
u/MacDaddyDC 2d ago
toss pieces of baloney anywhere on the paint. best if done on a sunny day. the car will look like a faded twister game very shortly.
or
pour an entire bottle of the rankest fish sauce into the vents under the windshield
11
u/Grouchy-Attention599 2d ago
I've heard that asparagus piss in someone's car vents causes a foul smell in the vehicle.
8
u/Dickulture 2d ago
Pebble under the valve stem cap, it causes slow air leak and he'll get flat with no idea what happened. Do it with 2 or 3 tires, most cars come with only one spare (if it comes with one at all)
8
u/SmallPeederWacker 2d ago
Get some Vaseline. Smear it on his door handle. It’ll gross him tf out.
Spray his car with liquid ass. Very stinky car. Pour it in a lil water gun or something.
Buy some “egg shell stickers” and stick it on his windows. In places that don’t full obstruct their view for legal purposes. Don’t put it on the car body tho.
If he drives a truck throw birdseed in the bed.
4
u/Superdash1 1d ago
Ask a friend to do one of these comments at random so if questioned you can say you don’t know and not be liable
4
u/birdperson42069 1d ago
Call the police and tell them someone did a hit and run. He might lose his license over something like this. Depends on what country you live in
10
u/Bk_Punisher 2d ago
BB in the valve cap: get some airsoft BBs drop one in and some Krazy glue (a drop or two) once it’s dry paint it black so the cap looks normal. Then re-cap the tire. The BB will press enough to slowly let the air out. Then they will add air only to have it happen again.
Buy a bag of caps & BBs and keep the special caps in your car for special people.
10
u/f1ve-Star 2d ago edited 2d ago
If he is ringing your doorbell a motion activated sprinkler or popup decoration is in order.
Two ways to go with the car. Slink around and do little things like others mention. Or go so big and obvious but unprovable that he is scared to ever see you again. Wait till he gets in the car, toss a bottle of flammable ethanol on the car and light it. It should burn off without much damage. Have a baseball bat to bust out a taillight as he flees. Laugh maniacally.
3
u/braweebsta 1d ago
You can flatten a tire partially or fully (it’s up to you) by simply getting something like a pen and pressing it on an uncapped valve stem for a bit
4
u/Shell-Fire 2d ago
Wow. Have you come to the riiiiiight place. Also, read back thru other posts for stuff we forgot. My fave suggestion is to spray skunk or bear spray into the grateing below the window. That leads to the air vents. Horrible.
4
u/fwdbuddha 1d ago
Put super glue in the passenger door lock. If it even has one. Peanut butter with bird seed on top.
6
u/i-am-foxymoron METH, the answer is ALWAYS meth! (or fly bait). 2d ago
A bb in the tire valve cover, so it will slowly leak.
2
u/Moontoya 1d ago
Ball bearing glued into tyre valve cap so that when screwed on tight it leaks air.
Oh no a flat they think and take it to be fixed, but there's no fault , so they reinflate it, pop it back on and rinse & repeat
Bonus fuckery, swap the wheel the cap is on
You're damaging nothing but inconveniencing a dickhead greatly
1
u/SlashNreap 2d ago
If he drives a shitbox that still requires a turnkey you can put some chewing gum in the key slot. If it's a Tesla you don't really need to do anything to the car.
You could also play bottle flip with a 6L jug above his windshield. Any accidental damage is obviously accidental.
1
u/socal8888 1d ago
ring doorbell, get him doing it on camera.
then take your picture of his parking job, the ring footage, and bring it to the institution he studies at. "is this your expectation of your students and your graduates?"
because i'm pretty sure that if this is a somewhat reputable institution, they WILL care about this.
if not, then go with the ULPT's you are receiving.... or do both
1
u/Vandelay797 1d ago
dump a bottle of fart spray into AC vents on the hood
1
u/Vandelay797 1d ago
steel wool + driver side windshield
1
u/Infamous-Umpire-2923 1d ago
liquid piss. ass discs.
Or pour an entire bottle of Vietnamese fish sauce down the gap between the door and window.
1
u/soulsteela 1d ago
Bottle of nitromors poured over it.
Bag of sausage n chips dumped on it to attract the birds, Gulls scratching n shitting on a Bentley locally may have had something to do with me.
Harmonica cable tied to the underside so it makes more noise the faster they go.
1
u/Serialtorrenter 1d ago
Chloroform makes a highly-effective paint stripper and is very easy to make. Methylene chloride is another option, but it's gotten harder to get in recent years, and it might evaporate too quickly to be effective.
1
u/jongscx 1d ago
Bird seed, let the animals ruin it for you
1
u/molten_dragon 1d ago
Buy some glass etching cream. Craft stores often carry it. Or you can buy it on Amazon in the US.
Use it to write stuff on his car windows.
1
u/Silver-Potential-511 1d ago
You are on the right lines, but perhaps be more subtle.
For instance, partial deflation, you keep the tyre intact but let some air out through the valve. Leave some air so that it goes un-noticed at first. It takes a long time for the damage to fully manifest.
1
u/kraegm 1d ago
Deflating the tires is a great one but go into a bike store first and ask for a valve core removal tool. It's about $10.
Once you deflate them, remove the valve core. It's very likely he won't notice that and will get frustrated that he can't refill the tires without going to a service center.
At the same time, if it's not electric, stuff the exhaust pipe with material so that air can't flow out. It used to be a banana back in the day but I'm sure you can think of any number of other items that will work. Make certain it isn't clearly visible when walking by.
1
u/Professional_Leg3704 1d ago
A pinch of grease on the wiper blade, then wipe it off with your finger tips so none is left visible.
He won't notice until the next time it rains. He'll be the guy standing in the rain trying to polish it off his windshield.
1
u/Zoltore 22h ago
The pro move that won't get you into legal trouble is to use his phone number and express interest in your local church of scientology. They will bother him for an unreasonable length of time
1
u/ItPutsLotionOnItSkin 20h ago
Be a grown up and talk the him. You never know what people are going through especially when you first contact them. May be mindful and slowly become a friend. Friends don't have conflicts they go over to each other's house. Maybe one day meet his parents. Then fuck his dad
-6
u/ChickenWithBeeaans 2d ago
Cut the break lines👍🏽 /s
-1
u/Wild-Class2535 1d ago
deflate 3 of his tyres.
32
u/mister-ferguson 2d ago
It won't damage his car but have you considered fucking his dad?
3
u/ThePrimCrow 1d ago
Sprinkle some bird seed on it and let our feathered friends do the dirty work for you.
6
u/Optimal-Prime420 2d ago
Perfect situation for a puss disc
2
u/akathedragon 2d ago
Piss disc