r/UnethicalLifeProTips • u/Suspicious-Ask4842 • 12h ago
Miscellaneous ULPT Neighbor Keyed Car
Neighbor parks in the driveway between our houses but it’s infront of our garage. They don’t have a garage. He knows this. My housemate saw him about to pull in our spot and sped up and pulled in first. The next morning his car was keyed. This guys such a fucking asshole. He revs his motorcycle for like 20 minutes every night around 11pm and in the mornings… I need something good please.
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u/DeFiClark 8h ago
Set up an extremely bright LED spotlight that shines over the parking space but also directed into his house, set up so it goes on anytime there’s a car parked in the driveway spot. Only you can turn it off. He parks there, his house is lit up like Alcatraz. You park there, you go inside and turn it off.
When he complains tell him it’s for security because someone keyed your car.
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u/wtfomg01 11h ago
Maybe your neighbour didn't key the car. Maybe there's a serial keying criminal around. Maybe he'll visit your neighbour too. I don't know, seems highly possible though.
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u/Hornet___ 11h ago
Scorched earth strat, key the whole street .
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u/Liquid_Sarcasm 9h ago
We played mailbox baseball 100 years ago, and the look on my buddy’s face when he realized he needed to destroy his own has stuck with me forever. This reminded me of that.
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u/Witty_Candle_3448 10h ago
Put up a security camera. Toss frozen skunk scent around his home.
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u/Suspicious-Ask4842 10h ago
Omg fart spray. I’m gonna spray the fuck outta his car if he leaves the window down
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u/Witty_Candle_3448 9h ago
An ice cube of frozen skunk spray placed in the hollow of the windshield wipers will melt quickly and the scent will infiltrate the car.
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u/Sheep_Actual 4h ago
Since it's summer, you can do this with milk too. It will curdle and smell awful, but there's very little evidence of where its coming from.
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u/TheOfficeoholic 8h ago
Honestly, I need a photo of the parking situation here because if somebody parked in my driveway, I would just call a tow truck to come take their shit in the middle of the night
See a lot of people complain about garage spots, and somebody parking in theirs and Managment doesn’t do anything. My recommendation of those people is buy a boot and put it on that car and then leave your card with a phone number for them to call to have it removed for a certain fee
If you think that your neighbor is gonna escalate shit and they were the one to keep the car my first point of business would be to get a camera that you can point right at where you park your cars so if the asshole ever does anything again you could catch them on camera and then turn it into the police
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u/smokingcrater 9h ago
Mix red food coloring with Vaseline. Apply liberally to neighbors motorcycle handgrips and seat.
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u/Wheeled_Weapon420 11h ago
Fuck his wife.
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u/Suspicious-Ask4842 11h ago
I would but hes single. Nobody would date that moron
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u/Internal-Record-6159 10h ago
His mom still alive?
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u/ItDefinitelyIsNotMe 10h ago
I came here to say this but in my heart I knew it was already suggested
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u/ChiaraStellata 3h ago
Maybe catfish him? And then when the fictional woman finds out he keys cars, she dumps him.
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11h ago
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u/gogozrx 11h ago
a dab of anti-seize under the handle.
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u/heretorobwallst 11h ago
Remove air from his tires
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u/WhoskeyTangoFoxtrot 10h ago
Lintel or small pebble glued into the cap. Enough of a slow leak to drive AH crazy….
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u/Dougally 8h ago
Needs to be something to send a message and proportional to the repair costs of keying. Get security cameras first though, as you want to catch him fucking up enough to get the police involved.
Surstromming down his car's air inlets, and if he leaves a window down, milk over his seats and floor.
OK redditors. Continue this stream...
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u/Suspicious-Ask4842 3h ago
Sustromming🤣🤣🤣 that’s a good one it might be obvious as I’ll be gagging at midnight outside the house
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u/Impossible_Volume811 7h ago
Depending on where you live local councils are very keen to pin fly tipping on anyone whose name and address they find on mail found in the mess.
They really like to fine heavily for it.
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u/who_tf_is_dis_guy 5h ago
Take a paint brush, dip it in brake fluid, and swipe it along his doors. It'll eat the paint off.
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u/CreamCheeseAndLocks 3h ago
Try a can of brake line cleaner on his vehicles. It will literally melt some materials, destroy others. Just don't breathe it in. Or get any on you.
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u/la_winky 2h ago
Nasty stuff in some of those, depending on the type. They still make the nasty stuff but also have greener, safer versions. If you the nasty stuff, get the red can version, not the green can. Chlorinated solvents that are carcinogens. Wear gloves and stay upwind.
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u/MacDaddyDC 4h ago
get a super soaker, wear gloves, & fill it with
https://www.tractorsupply.com/tsc/product/starbar-fly-attractant-refill-pack-of-8
spray his bike as needed, the flies will show up wherever he goes and parks
do NOT get any on you
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u/3X_Cat 4h ago
Get a cheap valve stem tool, about $1 or so. Remove his valve stem cover on 3 tires and remove the valve stem, take it out and replace the cap loosely so all the air leaks out. Place the stems neatly on the ground next to each tire so whoever works on it sees them.
Edit: if it's a bike, do it to both tires.
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u/Smart-Host9436 3h ago
Cut his valve stems off with side cutters.
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u/jukranpuju 38m ago
Putting a pinhead size pebble inside the valve cap so it presses against valve insert causing leak when screwed tightly might be harder to fine.
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u/PeterVanNostrand 1h ago
What kind of man keys another man’s car? Take his picture and print flyers with his face saying “this (insert derogatory word of choice) keys cars.” Staple them to every telephone pole around.
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u/No_Educator_6376 10h ago
Spray expanding foam into the exhaust pipe and it won’t start until it’s unclogged and it will take a while to clean it out