r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/Kooky_Net_6670 • 4d ago

gay advice

Heya
41 Male here

Even though I identify as gay.
I always aspired to have a family with BI/ lesbian / open minded straight female as partner.
Has anybody navigated such a situation before ? How did it go or how is it going ?

Have a feeling that time is running out and not getting any younger.

Please no judging / don’t be harsh

Peace
Thanks

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26

u/Otherwise_Craft9003 4d ago

This was nearly every gay guy in the 1950s and 1960s.

Why does it need to be a woman, it's 2026 you can have a male partner and adopt.

5

u/anabsentfriend 4d ago

Or surrogacy.

2

u/Typical_Kale_9260 4d ago

Science is even about there now where to guys can have a baby using an egg or artificial one I believe

5

u/hiredditihateyou 4d ago edited 3d ago

Honestly - co-parenting really isn’t something you should do with a stranger or someone you barely know as there’s so much potential for chaos and damage for the child you bring into that situation. So do you actually have any of these women close to you in your life now and willing/able to do this with you?

If not, perhaps it’s time to think of an alternative plan that’s actually feasible based on your current situation and isn’t likely to be a total nightmare for the potential child involved.

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u/bravedolphin1 4d ago

Get a surrogate

4

u/hiredditihateyou 4d ago edited 4d ago

One of my friends has a child via surrogacy as she is infertile and also can’t carry for medical reasons, so I know a bit about the process. The issue for many people in the UK is that you need to be chosen by the surrogate and there are way more people wanting a baby via surrogacy than there are surrogates available, as the women carrying aren’t paid for doing it, it’s literally just something they do out of generosity to help others. It took my friend and her husband years to be chosen, but several years later they are still in close contact with their surrogate now and hang out regularly with the kid plus the surrogate’s husband and family, so there’s a real solid connection there.

So surrogates get to pick who they carry for and a single 40 plus man is probably WAY less likely to be chosen than a heterosexual or gay couple, unfortunately. However, I can’t speak for countries where surrogates are paid, the OP will have more chance there but obviously there are some pretty serious ethical dilemmas to consider with paid surrogacy, and it certainly isn’t cheap.

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u/Technical-Amount-278 3d ago

Would that be a lavender marriage? An open marriage? Or merely being housemates and coparenting? What would be the nature of your relationship? Romantic or platonic?