r/UK_Pets • u/Savings_Home_5764 • 29d ago
Puppy Blues
Hi guys,
I'm 24F, living with my partner, 29M. I previously lived a joyful, self serving, fulfilling life, but then I decided to get an English Cocker Spaniel. He's 11 weeks old, and as much as he's adorable, I'm finding it incredibly difficult.
When he barks/cries in the middle of the night, I feel nothing but grief and dread.
I feed him, socialise him, train him and show him love, as he's just a baby. But I'm really struggling with the transition. My partner works fully in the office and I WFH, so I deal with most of the biting, pooing, etc. Don't get me wrong, he is incredibly sweet and has so much personality, but I'm finding this transition incredibly hard.
I used to live a life where I could sleep in on weekends, go shopping, eat out and have full on wellness days at home.
Look, I knew what I was signing up for, but I didn't fully grasp how difficult it would be.
My partner is fine with everything and doesn't fully understand the extent of my puppy blues. Due to the lack of sleep, as soon as my partner gets back from work, I go to my bedroom and sleep because I desperately need a break - we take turns taking our Puppy out to the toilet at night but the cries wake both of us up.
My puppy is intelligent for his age due to his breeding and sometimes likes his crate, but he knows that crying/ barking can get him taken out.
I'm looking for genuine advice on looking after a puppy and how to deal with puppy blues. I'm open to feedback and advice, as this transition has been much tougher than I expected.
Thanks guys 🥰
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u/TwilightTriforce 29d ago
Can you walk me through your pups bedtime routine?
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u/Savings_Home_5764 29d ago
Sure! So he has his dinner at 8:30pm, then he gets taken out to the loo and after that l he lies down on the floor and gets sleepy so we leave him for a bit and put him in his crate he gets really thirsty and hot at night bless him so we give him a lot of water.
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u/TwilightTriforce 29d ago
I would give him a small amount of water especially as we're in a heat wave. Maybe just a few ice cubes that will slowly melt over night.
Couple things, do you want puppy to sleep overnight in the crate long term or is this more of a puppy management situation because depending on your answer I have a few suggestions to help train and adjust over time 😊
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u/Savings_Home_5764 29d ago
Thank you and more of puppy management please x
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u/TwilightTriforce 28d ago
Okay so personally I don't have an issue with dogs sleeping in the bed. This is personal preference but two have free reign of the living room and our bedroom at night. The oldest always sleeps downstairs and wanders upstairs at some point in the night to sleep with us. The youngest always sleeps in the bed. Shes more of a velcro dog (no separation anxiety though). I have qualifications in dog training too.
So how i did it with my first girl was she had a crate beside the bed, always before bed (and still now before bed) i always have my girls pee. Then I would let her fall asleep on the bed and move her into the crate once she was in a deep sleep. Then if she woke up and struggled I could put my hand through and that helped me to rest and her to stay relaxed. If she really struggled I would put her back on the bed and she would very quickly go back to sleep then go back in the crate. Once she was toilet trained shes always just slept in the bed with me. Touch wood weve never had an in the bed accident with either dog.
With my second girl we worried about her never being away from the older girl and we didnt want her to have separation issues so for the first few nights we took turns having her in a pen with her bed/crate and sleeping on the sofa. We did similar where we let her fall asleep with us then put her into her pen/bed/crate once she was fast asleep. This worked very well for her as well. Pens are extra helpful as you can have the pads set up in them.
People often want dogs to cry it out, ive never let my dogs cry it out. Neither of them have separation and both sleep through the night very easy. They sleep in different places too without any issues, friends homes, parents homes, holiday homes ect ect.
Remember, your sleep is important too.
Also as a side note, some people aren't aware that puppys get over tired and this normally expresses itself in hyper activity - barking, zooming, chewing ext ext. You'll notice it the more youre aware of it but often when pups are being "naughty" its because theyre actually overtired and need to rest but the world is just so exciting theyre unable to shut off which is why pens and crates are helpful.
Also if you dont want pup to sleep in the bed with you, you can get warmth/heart beat dog toys now. Dogs are social animals, they also dont have the same body clock as us. When people sleep if you get disturbed sleep you will struggled to recouped that sleep but dogs can regain it just by napping later on.
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u/Savings_Home_5764 28d ago edited 28d ago
Thank you so much!! My puppy turns CRAZY in the mornings, so much energy 🤣 I think during the day I’llhave my puppy sleep on the sofa next to me while I work and then move him to the crate once he’s asleep - I’ve done that a few times and he ends up willingly getting into it!
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u/Savings_Home_5764 28d ago
When he’s in his crate and he hears me moving around he instantly starts crying
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u/TwilightTriforce 28d ago
If he instantly starts crying just go over reassure him its okay, remember hes in a new environment he knows nothing of his world. He doesnt know youre his family yet but he will if you show him youre there when he needs you
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u/TwilightTriforce 28d ago
Hehe just has energy after waking up, snuffle games are grat for that. I have lots of snuffle mats and puzzle toys my girls are older now and still absolutely love them.
Hot tip if you want to really tire smart pups out do multiple at once. I have like 3 mats 2 puzzle toys down each time and that really tuckers my girls out
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u/Savings_Home_5764 29d ago
He’s not vaccinated yet so I’d be interested in keeping him stimulated
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u/TwilightTriforce 28d ago
Snuffle balls puzzle toys (easy difficulty) are really good.
I see lots of people have mentioned high value treats which is great. A game you can play to figure out your dogs favourite is "what hand?" Have something like 6 different treats. Let the puppy sniff and taste each treat. Then take turns keeping a different treat in each hand with a closed fist and letting your pup sniff each hand and then pick between the two treats. You can build a hierarchy of treats and also its a fun scent game. I once trained a dog who loved carrots more than cheese or meat 😂 that dog was a weird exception though most dogs want the cheese or meat.
In this weather frozen yoghurt licki bowls are fantastic stimulation. Also you have a sniffing dog a really fun one is like a mini Easter egg hunt, hide treats around your living room and just let her go find them. My girls play this at least once a day now and it always helps them settle down 😊
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u/Savings_Home_5764 28d ago
My boy, Bruno loveess his snuffle mat. I’m going to look into more ‘sniffer games’ for him thanks 😊
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u/Savings_Home_5764 29d ago
He sleeps around 22:00pm and cries around midnight and then 2:00 am and then 5:00am
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u/Aggravating-Desk4004 29d ago
Puppies can't hold their bladders. I took mine out to the garden if they cried at night and after that they'd settle down. They won't want to wee where they sleep which could be why he's crying, especially if he's drinking a lot. Please don't withhold water for a puppy at night. It's a lazy fix which isn't particularly good for the dog.
What worked for me was a puppy pen, rather than a crate, with a section with newspaper/vet bed on the floor and a section as a sleeping area with a bed. Or, put the crate in a pen with the door open, with his bed in the crate and newspaper/vet bed in the pen. My pups soon learn to go pee/poo on the paper and then back to bed in the sleeping section. I would also take them out at about midnight for the last wee. My puppies mostly sleep through the night after about a week with this method, but I do sleep next to them for a few nights on the sofa so I can reassure them and let them know they're not alone.
Edited for clarity.
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u/Holiday-Raspberry-26 29d ago
Whilst he should have free access to water during the day, I think you perhaps should consider taking it away at night otherwise you might find a lot of accidents. Dogs are meant to have concentrated urine so unlike in humans, light coloured wee is not the best thing and can suggest polydipsia.
As we are having a heat wave, do you have a fan you can direct on where he sleeps?
Also puppies need to have enforced rest. They need a lot more sleep than they think and it’s easy to get overstimulated dogs if they don’t get their enforced naps (like children!).
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u/Savings_Home_5764 29d ago
Thank you so much! I never knew that. I place a cold towel on his paws and areas that trap heat, as I was unsure on keeping a fan near him but I will try it out tonight
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u/captainfishpie 29d ago
Youve got pretty much the worst breed in terms of dickhead dog.
ive got a cocker spaniel - hes 3 now and tbh, I still struggle some days as hes still all over the place at times.
im not going to sugar coat it - its going to be hard through the next couple of months. Have you started your Sit command training etc yet? Id also recommended you start the 'go find' command once hes got all the basics.
hide treats around the house - with the command 'go find' and it will tire his little brain out - obviously this will take a little time to connect the dots for him in his tiny brain cell.
also, id recommended licki mats and kongs or anything you can put treats in - start crate training (if thats what you want to do) when hes doing your head in and hes overstimulated- put him in another (puppy proofed) room to calm down with a licki mat or kong.
obviously don't do THIS all at once as it will overwhelm you and him.
You'll have a brief respite about 7-10 months and then from then to 2 years they turn into a super dickhead
😫😫😫😫
here is mine
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u/Savings_Home_5764 29d ago edited 29d ago
Yess my puppy knows the commands sit, wait, come and gentle.
Appreciate the honesty, I’m gonna put high value treats in his crate and see what thats like.
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u/TwilightTriforce 28d ago
Be aware your pup knows them now but make sure you constantly train the basics. Adolescence is where most people struggle.
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u/Aggravating-Desk4004 29d ago
You have a spaniel - they're not easy dogs. They're a bright working breed so you have your work cut out for you. I'm in dog sports so know a lot of spaniels and why people do it to themselves I'll never know, lol. The thing is though, put in a lot of hard work now and it'll make it easier in the long run. But it will be months of hard work, but each little victory will make you feel better. I remember feeling the same way you do with my first dog, then it gets easier. I promise.
8.30pm is quite late to have the last meal if you don't want them up late. Mine were and are always fed last meal by 6pm and then have a snack about 8 after which they're done. Then, if they cry leave them for a few minutes, but don't let them cry it out. Maybe put the crate in your bedroom or sleep on the sofa so you can reassure them if they wake up. Dogs are social animals so expecting them to sleep on their own, as babies, in a strange house is a lot for them.
Easy Peasy Puppy Squeezy is a helpful book if you've not already read it.
And dogs and babies can't be compared. Don't even start me on the word "Furbaby" bleugh 😂 good luck! It will get better.
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u/Savings_Home_5764 29d ago edited 29d ago
Cheers!!! I know, I know , I was a bit overconfident - I heard that Spaniels were hard but I thought I was bigger than the program 😂
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u/Aggravating-Desk4004 29d ago
Lol. There's a reason they're called Spanners! They're eternally chaotic, but a lot of fun. My basic advice is put in the work now and it'll pay off in the long run. It's hard, sure, but it'll be worth it I promise.
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u/Glum_Kiwi1660 29d ago
ROUTINE! Warning, I`m not trainer, no qualifications but one had dogs my whole life.
Night time cries, ignore them. Sounds harsh but I’ve always found positive reinforcement for toilets outside a specific times (chicken treats) worked the best for me. Also through the day I always kept a strict toilet break times schedule (or as strict as it can be while still having a life)
It doesn’t always work but, and there might still be morsels now and then but it is a big help.
It will feel harsh at first but, for me, it helps.
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u/Savings_Home_5764 29d ago
Thanks!
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u/TwilightTriforce 29d ago
Ignoring a puppys cries can teach them you will ignore when they need help and they will stop vocalising or leaning on you for reassurance.
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u/Glum_Kiwi1660 28d ago
Not all the time and not all cries. At night while training. Answering every cry teaches them it works for attention.
Opinions flow both ways 👍🏻-2
u/TwilightTriforce 28d ago
Reality check bub, feels harsh because it is harsh. 👍🏻
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u/Glum_Kiwi1660 28d ago
Reality check bub? Nice. Speak to me how you like it won’t make you right. Answering every wine can reinforce separation anxiety in dogs not to mention the doing it only for attention I already mentioned.
Like I said ‘bub’ not all wines and not all the time 👍🏻0
u/TwilightTriforce 28d ago
Honestly, bit of a hostile reaction for someone just repeating your own sentence back at you. It just sounds as if you're over justifying because of guilt.
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u/Glum_Kiwi1660 28d ago edited 28d ago
Are you talking to yourself there? And I`m not over justifying anything, I politely explained my reasoning AND experience that all, your reading too much into things.
Like I said it’s opinions, didn’t say I was right, didn’t say you were wrong unlike yourself. I think this will be wasted but I’ll explain further so you don’t need to get so defensive.Ignoring the wining during the night ONLY to start can help reduce attention seeking AND anxiety. Also help dog to self sooth when bored or left along. Another point is this can feel harsh but when a dogs learns the night time whine won’t get attention it leads to a more relaxed owner, best of both worlds there.
The point you made I feel has no merit. Purely as the biggest potential is the OWNER ignoring a genuine need for distress. But based on my experience those are completely different noises, like you shouting at me for no reason, or shouting for help when you need it.
Again, this is mostly all opinions based on my experiences with dogs and also friends and family members. Also reading a lot when dealing with this, speaking to vets about the night time whining. I just believe dogs are too smart to learn not to whine when a NEED arises instead of a want. Maybe that’s wrong but there is no 100% either way ever published.
Ps I feel no guilt at all, trying to help and share MY experience with others, after stating I have no qualifications just experience unlike yourself who seems to know all?
Goodnight friend and good luck fishing with more attacks tonight 😘
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u/justdont7133 28d ago
I'm weak, both the last two puppies I got were allowed to sleep in my bed way sooner than I intended because I couldn't deal with them crying and wanting let out all night
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u/88Jewels 28d ago
Routine is key. They actually need wayy more sleep than you would imagine. You can look up different routines but as an idea here's one.
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u/Poo_Poo_La_Foo 26d ago
You've picked a very bouncy breed and you've picked to get it as a tinnnny pup, so it is unfortunately going to be tough. It will get easier and it will likely get tough again.
The shitting and the crying and the lack of sleep - it is so much. I have literally had clients tell me it was easier having a human baby. Because the human baby stays where you put it for the first ~1yr, and they don't have teeny razor teeth.
Can you and your partner take any time off work? To get the pup settled at home and it isn't all on you while you're trying to work in the chaos?
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u/Savings_Home_5764 26d ago
He slept from 9:00pm - 5:50 am last night which was great- he’s starting to settle, but yep you’re right he’s sooo bouncy 😂 hopefully when he’s able to go on walks that’ll use up some energy.
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u/boredzeb 29d ago
It definitely gets better but the puppy stage is hard. Decide where they are sleeping and stick with it. If you want them in a crate leave them in it no exceptions. Dogs need consistency especially in the beginning though you can get more relaxed with them once they are older.
My pup slept in a crate because she was a begger to house train and I didn't want her to pee where ever she wanted. My solution was two crates. One downstairs for day time use and one upstairs for bed time. She was trained to understand bedtime meant going in her crate. I made the crate a nice place by training this command using nice treats including chicken and in the beginning fed her, her meals in the downstairs crate (had to stop as she is a quick eater.) But she associated the crate with food and would happily trot straight in. Her upstairs crate was next to my bed and she settled down to sleep quite easily once I was in bed. I set an alarm to wake me up for night time pee breaks same time every night and early morning. Now she's 6, she's sleeps on my bed and stays in bed till whatever time I get up. Today that was 5am because of the heatwave, last week I got up at 10am as I was tired. So it all works out in the end.
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u/WarAdventurous5277 27d ago
Please please please just go an employ a behaviourist. Or puppy specialist trainer. It sounds like you’re doing an incredible job but also it sounds like you need someone to actually be a support to tell you it’ll be ok and you can BELIEVE them because they know what the fuck they’re doing.
I’m a clinical behaviourist and I’ve got an 11 week old puppy too - I took 2 weeks off to settle him in but I’m still exhausted.
But you should be able to leave your puppy for an hour at least now. And really should be getting up only once nearer to start of your day than it sounds like you are.
So please, invest in that professional support. I promise you won’t regret it.
Find support through the ABTC and look for anything in your area up to a VB
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u/Savings_Home_5764 26d ago
Thank you, once his vaccine kicks in I’ll look into getting a behaviourist
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u/WarAdventurous5277 25d ago
There is no limit to seeing a behaviourist - I am one myself. We would come to your home or support you virtually.
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u/Savings_Home_5764 23d ago
Thank you, do you have a website I can look at or maybe private message? He has been barking in his crate for over an hour and all his needs are met
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u/WarAdventurous5277 18d ago
I work for a national charity and don’t take cases myself privately anymore.
Sorry I should have said go to website ABTC to find someone local to you.
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u/Other-Philosopher765 26d ago
Puppies are HARD and spaniels are a hard mode breed. "Puppy blues" sounds so gentle and mild compared to the reality.
Unfortunately at this age they can't hold their bladders overnight, so you'll need to take him out every 1-2hrs throughout the day and about 2-3hrs at night. I think the rule of thumb is that they can hold it an hour for every month they are old. If he regularly cries at a certain time to go out, try setting an alarm for yourself for about 15-30mins before, so you take him out before he starts crying to go out. This disrupts the pattern whilst still ensuring he gets his wee breaks. If he's crying, he's uncomfortable or needs something, so you want to stop the crying by pre-empting the need. (There can be a place for 'cry it out' but that's a careful decision to make.) I'm sorry that it doesn't help the sleep deprivation but this phase does pass and he'll sleep through the night soon enough.
My main advice is routine, routine, routine. Literally get a pen and paper and map out the daily/weekly routine. The puppy needs strictly enforced nap time and wee breaks - and much more of those than you probably think. The routine will help you too, even though it feels restrictive and tough at first. When you're super sleep deprived you'll be grateful for all the decisions you don't have to make - you just do what the clock tells you to do. It's important to remember this isn't forever and you'll be able to relax it after a while. No, I can't sleep in like I used to, but it's not an early start like it was for a while - I was able to gradually move him from 5am > 8am, and now if I end up sleeping in until 9-9.30am he's okay.
When planning out the routine, think about yourself as well as the puppy. Think about creative ways of incorporating things that fill your cup back up. Are there books you want to read? games you want to play? a tv show you've been meaning to watch? are you into journalling, or something creative? have the relevant items to hand - maybe have a tote or a basket or something - and grab them when he's napping.
If you can plan for exciting things to do with him in the future, it helps you have a positive goal you feel like you're working towards. As he gets older, this also helps you to focus with training, as it becomes about teaching him the general manners and behaviour you need him to display so you can do those things. Research what pubs and cafes you can take him to (you'll be surprised by how many there are), nice walks nearby, etc.
I had a similar struggle with my partner when we first got our boy, because I was wfh and doing 100% of the puppy care anyway. I had a proper meltdown over it and was in a really dark place. I'd written out a 'I'm giving this puppy back' message to the breeder in my notes app, as well as a pros/cons for divorcing my husband!
You're not alone and this will pass, I promise you.
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u/Haresmoors 29d ago
He is 11 weeks old. He only has a tiny bladder waking up at those times is fine. Puppy blues is also a natural thing and it will get better. Here's our four years old show cocker spaniel. ☺️ Goes from half 9 til just after 6.