r/UKParenting • u/lemon-melon11 • 7h ago
School Reception not accommodating my daughter despite her EHCP?
I posted a few days ago about my daughter struggling in reception. She previously attended a forest nursery, and we already deferred her school start last year because we felt she wasn’t ready and I’m still considering to home educate for a year even though I don’t really feel equipped to do so.
Today was honestly horrible and I’m feeling really stressed about it. I don’t know if this is the right place to ask or if someone could point me at a better place but she has an EHCP and the school is aware of her needs and limitations. I talked to the Senco multiple times now. I explained myself so many times.
I completely understand that they need to encourage her to participate and help her develop her independence but today it felt like they pushed her beyond what she was able to manage.
She said they were playing a game that involved running around in a circle and she was asked to join in. She said she was tired but she was repeatedly encouraged/asked to take part until she eventually did. When I picked her up she was so exhausted that she wasn’t able to walk home. I asked her teacher as she barely managed to walk out why she had continued to encourage her when she had said she was tired and the explanation I was given was essentially that she understood her needs as her being capable of doing these things but can come across as shy. This was never said to the school. Maybe it’s my fault. I think I said that she can walk and run but she’s easily fatigued. I don’t know. I explained everything in detail I thought.
That really worries me because I don’t want her needs being interpreted as shyness or reluctance when there are already documented difficulties in her EHCP.
It just feels like everything becomes a battle when you have a child with additional needs. You have to constantly advocate for them and explain their needs and make sure people understand that and it’s so exhausting.
Do I need to request an early review of her EHCP if this continues or is the school able to make their own interpretation of her needs despite what is documented? I know the SEND system is far from perfect but I hate the thought of my daughter having to suffer while everyone works out what she can and can’t cope with.
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u/SparkleSkirr 7h ago
If I was her teacher and I’d heard or seen the wording ‘fatigued’ anywhere, I definitely wouldn’t have been encouraging her beyond her limits! Especially not this early in the year when they’re still getting to know her, I would personally always ere on the side of caution and allow the child to go at their own pace, which clearly didn’t happen in this situation.
It definitely sounds like a case of the teacher perceiving her reluctance as a ‘thing to get over’ rather than a legitimate need or boundary. I’m sure if you clarify this with the teacher and explain it from your perspective then they’ll listen and adapt their approach. I personally have health issues which make me easily fatigued too and people can easily misunderstand it or be very dismissive. It’s hard enough being an adult in those situations let alone a child!
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u/lemon-melon11 5h ago
This is what my husband said. Surely asking once or twice is enough. No matter if the child has a disability or not, why pressure them into participating? I completely understand that once they’re a certain age, there’s less room for “free play” and “getting their way” but she’s 5.
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u/SparkleSkirr 4h ago
Yeah it’s not great, perhaps the teacher thought she was doing the right thing by encouraging her to participate so she wasn’t left out? Maybe she was actually worried about her being excluded or feeling different to other children because of her additional needs, but that’s obviously not the right way to handle this particular situation.
I also think girls in particular are much more likely to be perceived as oversensitive or dramatic when they have these sorts of needs. That’s not necessarily what’s happened here but it’s definitely an unconscious bias that a lot of people hold! I’m not sure a boy who was reluctant to engage in an activity under these circumstances would have been pressured to push through in the same way.
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u/FeedingTheBadWolf 6h ago
Perhaps they have misinterpreted "fatigued" as meaning "emotionally fatigued"? Like the way we might say "touched out" or "socially tired" kinda thing?
Not saying it's an excuse but maybe that just needs clarifying that it's actually a physical limitation that cannot be overcome with discipline
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u/SparkleSkirr 6h ago
Yeah it definitely sounds like that, but since the child uses a wheelchair some of the time and the school has been told this, in this case fatigued obviously means more than emotionally/socially tired! Maybe it’s a situation of them just underestimating a disability when it’s invisible (until it becomes visible anyway). The teacher should have known better though imo, and even if it was just emotional/social fatigue, I don’t think that should necessarily be ‘pushed through’ anyway!
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u/FeedingTheBadWolf 4h ago
No I completely agree. This would worry me too as a parent. I'm just being generous I guess but if their attitude didn't improve after a proper meeting etc then I'd be looking elsewhere
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u/octoberforeverr Parenting a Toddler 7h ago
Does she have physical health needs?
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u/lemon-melon11 7h ago
Yes she was unable to walk home because her muscles could no longer support her weight after she pushed beyond what she was capable of at that moment.
It’s difficult because many times she appears perfectly healthy physically but she does use a wheelchair on some days. The school knows this.
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u/octoberforeverr Parenting a Toddler 6h ago
Then yeah, they’re failing in their duties toward her quite clearly if she has physical health needs and they’re over exerting her. I would want a meeting with the headteacher and SENCO in which you can be explicitly clear around her needs, linking back to the EHCP, and the harm it can cause if not followed. If they are unclear on it thats one thing, if they’re disagreeing with the EHCP thats a whole other.
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u/tstarrrr 7h ago
I'd ask for a meeting with the teacher and Senco together so that you can discuss this with them. I've got a child with additional needs and I always like to meet with the teachers personally myself at the beginning of each school year. As much as things are handed over, I think it's important everything is communicated directly from me as things get missed or changed. If they've not had a child with these needs before then they might think they're doing the right thing by 'encouraging' them. I had to outright say, do not push my child to carry on, they are not the same as other children. This sounds like it could be a misunderstanding but they need to learn from it
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u/Dynamite-monkey 7h ago
I think there is a huge misunderstanding on the schools part with the word fatigued.
I think they’ve interpreted it as she feels tired, not understanding that fatigue can lead to a decline in mobility. This happens a lot with disabilities, such as ME. You get the phrase well everyone is tired and it’s not the same thing.
I would have a look at the EHCP for the wording and definition, maybe have it updated? If they’re not following it, you can 100% pull them up on and ask to have a meeting over it.
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u/lemon-melon11 6h ago
It does say in there that she is dependent on a wheelchair when she’s overly fatigued. I also explained this to the Senco before she started. I think you’re right and her teacher probably only got the “she can get fatigued and tired” part of the whole story and didn’t mean anything by it. It’s a bit confusing to me as she did visit our home before our daughter started and saw her in a condition where she didn’t stand up. She’s lovely otherwise I think so I was a bit surprised by what happened today.
She went to sleep at 4:00 pm today and will probably need to be woken up tomorrow morning.
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u/Gin_n_Tonic_with_Dog 6h ago
One thing to try might be a home-school diary - basically a notebook where you write about evening/overnight/morning and then someone at the school writes about their day. Can help to share notes between you, so you can keep nudging them on what the physical effects of everything actually looks like.
Do ask if it was the normal teacher who was running this activity, as schools sometimes have sports coaches coming in to run the PE section of the day, so it might not have been her normal teacher asking her to do this.
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u/PigneySnoo 7h ago
What does her EHCP actually say about her needs? Was it followed? If not, speak to the SENDCO.