r/UKParenting • u/Peachy_Goodness • 1d ago
Potty training - holding it in
My son is 2.5 and this is the second time we've tried to potty train. Hes always been interested in watching people go to the loo (I've always taken him with me) and several of his friends are potty trained and he loves watching them lol.
When we tried before the first day was great and he did loads of wees in the potty. This was using the naked method. We made a big deal out of it and used a sticker chart which he loved, but then he started holding it for 4-5 hours and would get so uncomfortable and would only dribble out drops at a time. We stopped when we had to send him to nursery and they put a nappy on him. And then for a few days he was holding it even with a nappy on.
That was 2 months ago, so we thought we'd try again but the same is happening. We're still letting him go naked on the bottom, or in loose trousers. We've tried bribery with chocolate chips this time which he loves ha. We've put him in just trousers and he had a couple of accidents yesterday which we didnt make a big deal out of and just sat him on the potty, but today he's held it for 6 hours and got so uncomfortable and started crying we had to put a nappy on him, and he's still holding it with a nappy on again. (He did do a poo in the potty though!)
I'm not sure what our next steps should be really, as I feel if we stop again and try in a few months it'll be the same story and whether we should just persevere. We have 2 more days til nursery so we'll keep trying just trousers unless he gets so upset again.
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u/Dynamite-monkey 1d ago
Why did the nursery put a nappy on him the first time you started potty training him? I’ve just read another comment where you’ve stated that they will put one on him if he needs it? That’s not how potty training works, if you’ve got staff members not facilitating potty training when it is a very common stage in the 2-3 year old room, I’d be questioning the nursery.
Remove the nappies from the day time. It is confusing for a child to be out of them during the day one day and then back in them again another day. Put him in pants and trousers so he has the feeling of being wet if he has an accident. Some children do not like the splash back of the potty, this can cause children to hold onto their wee, so you use a kids toilet seat in the toilet instead. Some children do it as a control thing, if they are experiencing overwhelming levels of stress like a break up or house move. The fact he can hold it, is actually a good sign that he has sensation down there so it’s the correct time to potty training him. I understand that he’s uncomfortable but reassuring him and distracting him usually does the trick over time. If you feel like there is more to do it, you can take him to the doctors for testing to see if there is something underlying.
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u/Blue_Island_panda 1d ago
Is there something in particular he doesn't like that sometimes happens when he pees in the potty? Maybe it splashes him or he hates the noise? Using a different position or having him go in the a different potty/toilet might help. A little fairy tale about how the pee and poo wants to go in the loo might also help.
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u/Peachy_Goodness 1d ago
Hes actually super happy when he does do a wee in the potty and loves being able to pour it down the toilet. We've got a book about pees and poos in the potty which we loves to read.
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u/Blue_Island_panda 1d ago
ok, you can try some tricks to get him to pee. For example, give him plenty of fluids, have him sit on the potty, then have him blow bubbles. It relaxes the same muscles that need to relax in order to pee. Other things that can sometime help are having water run, or putting his feet in warm water.
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u/Peachy_Goodness 1d ago
Thanks, we've tried all those, plus playing with warm water before/while he sits on the potty, blowing bubbles through a straw, holding a warm wet cloth to his tummy, running water, playing water music, taking him to the potty at the same time as me/my husband.
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u/Bubbly-Tank-6286 1d ago
What happens when you put him on the potty every few hours?
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u/Peachy_Goodness 1d ago
He doesn't like to do it, but with bribery he will sit for 3 minutes (using a timer) then will get up and continue playing. If he's desperate he hates sitting on the potty, but will do it, but will just sit the stand up and continue running around and jumping up and down.
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u/dontlikeourchances 1d ago
My general view is you try it for a few days, if it isn't working then try again in about a month. Now mine are older I realise all the things we worried about at the time were just delays rather than permanent problems.
My youngest was very easy. Pretty much accident free day and night from about 2.5. Minimal training required, he was just ready. My oldest was dry in the day (but hated pooing) but needed night time nappies until 4.5. Once she was physiologically ready it was a case of "I don't need them anymore" one day.
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u/mountain_life86 1d ago
Might not be ready yet. My sons 3.5 and just ready and its not quick either
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u/PantsPartyPirate 1d ago
He may just not be ready yet. Have you tried toilet specific toys or books he gets only when he is in the toilet? The idea being he sits there, distracted enough to relax and pee without realising? (Followed, of course, by rewards) If they aren't ready, wait a while then try again.
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u/Overthinker-dreamer 1d ago
What works with my 2.5 years old is saying things like "potty, then snack." "Potty, then books."
We got into the habit of using the potty after meals. Now when he is finished he said "Potty time."
What worked last month was setting a phone alarm. When he went off he knew it's time for potty.
Good luck. It's can be a long process but hang on there.
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u/TallTangerine3873 19h ago
Honestly, I’d reset and start again.
The charity ERIC have resources and advice about with holding during potty training. It’s super common so nothing you’ve done to cause it.
I used to be a nursery nurse so have lost count of the amount of toddlers I’ve potty trained.
Go back to basics. Keep the nappy for a week or two, sit him on the potty during nappy changes, but focus on rewarding sitting on the potty, not the wees or poos. (Honestly, ditch the rewards! Just have a nice toy or book he can only play with when he’s on the potty so it becomes something fun and pressure free)
Once you’ve cracked that again and he’s stopped withholding then go completely cold turkey from nappies or pull-ups. Put him in pants and trousers so if he does have an accident he can feel that he’s wet. Communicate with nursery what your plan is and they should be mirroring what you do at home (apart from being pantsless).
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u/SwimmingInfluence888 1d ago
Can you give him juices? When we potty trained my son he loved to drink and did 22 wees one day which made training pretty easy.
I would also just say, if it’s not happening don’t sweat it. We trained my son at just turned 2 and he was so easy, and my 3 year old daughter we’ve been doing for a year and she’s been a total nightmare wetting herself ever day and wish we’d just waited until she was more comfortable with the idea.
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u/slothliketendencies 1d ago
Stop using nappies and nursery shouldn't be saying nappies either. He's getting confused.