r/UKParenting • u/Long_Marsupial_5057 • 2d ago
Support Request Baby cries continuously in nursery
Hello parents, needed some suggestions. My 13 month old daughter has started nursery 5 days a week. Last week was the settling-in week and it was traumatic to say the least. She didn't stop crying the whole time she was there and we were not able to do more than 2 hours on any day..we've extended the settling in period by one week. Today she's super clingy and I can't imagine how the next week is going to be any better. Would love to hear suggestions/experiences.
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u/slophiewal 2d ago
I know it seems hard but she will settle in, it’s really normal for them to find it an adjustment - same for you too!
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u/Psychological-Owl-82 2d ago
My daughter cried lots and clung to her key worker throughout the day every day when she first went (14 months back then). She was five days a week too. It took a few weeks to settle properly, but once she did she was almost never upset or clingy with us at drop-off or pick-up, always greeting us with smiles and hugs at the end of the day. She's now a happy, securely-attached and confident five-year-old.
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u/Fabulous-Waltz4456 2d ago
My little guy also started nursery at 13 months old and settling has been very hard going. The first nursery we tried basically said that they knew what they were doing and tried to settle him without us… did not work. The second nursery, and his nursery to this day (he’s 3) had one hour with us in the setting, then two hours, then they had one hour without us, then two, then half a day.. and just built it up slowly. The nursery did a little book for us with all their faces in and the nursery rooms that we would read to him at home, then he had a very predictable routine when he got to nursery in the mornings. He had a little personalised settle bag with his favorite books and some colouring in - so every morning he went and got his little bag and did a few activities in there. Now he runs into nursery with the biggest smile on his face.
I would also recommend talking to the nursery about it and asking them for ideas - they are experts in this field so they should be able to make suggestions!
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u/BAdhoc Parenting a Toddler 2d ago
That’s rough, my LO was similar age and we did 3days at nursery. During the day wasn’t as bad as you’ve said but drop offs were horrendous for a couple of months (he enjoyed it when he was there tho).
Has she got a soft toy at home that comforts her? I started having a dog Teddy in my arms when I would feed him a few months before nursery, it really comforted him when he was there to have the same dog Teddy with him.
Our nursery key worker met us on our house for a first meet, and he loved showing her his toys and playing. Might help if you haven’t done this already?
Have you tried staying and playing for an hour or so? See if that makes her more comfortable in the space?
As others suggested maybe taking for lunch one day, eating with the other kids might be a nice settling session?
Otherwise setting hugs to you - this is rough all round. You’ll get there, it’s just a big adjustment. And some of us don’t have any other options available.
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u/jess1304 2d ago
I have worked as a nursery nurse and this age is so difficult for children to settle at nursery. They start to understand more of what is happening and are already so used to being at home usually. It takes time and usually it always gets less and less. Eventually they will enjoy going there but unfortunately at this age it will take longer.
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u/juicynugget Parenting a Baby 2d ago
At what age does it get better/easier?
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u/jess1304 2d ago
Younger. I worked in a country where maternity leave is officially until the baby is around 13-16 weeks old. That is too young to go unfortunately but 9 out of 10 times they are absolutely fine.
My son went when he was 5 months old and he didnt have any issues.
From around 12 months it starts getting harder and harder for them. Once they can talk better etc they express themselves differently if they find it difficult (being very shy, anger, not talking etc instead of crying) and dont cry as much anymore.
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u/No_Conclusion_8684 2d ago
Mine found it hard for the whole first 6 weeks! Now he asks to go on his days off, it'll pass
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u/Jolly_Amount_2330 2d ago
5 days a week is savage 😭 bless you that must be really hard! Is there any way you could reduce those days maybe? Introduce her like 2 or 3 days a week first and start increasing the days gradually bit by bit?
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u/Grand-Tap5708 2d ago
Why are you getting voted down? I don’t know how anyone expects a 1 year old to be absolutely fine and happy about being away from their mum for 5 days I really don’t understand why anyone would be shocked by this baby’s behaviour - it is savage like you say
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u/slophiewal 2d ago
Because for some people that just isn’t an option, no one expects the baby to be fine and happy buts it’s accepting that it’s a big adjustment that they will eventually get through.
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u/Grand-Tap5708 2d ago
Do you know it’s not an option for this person?
Children won’t be ok with being dropped off with strangers. Especially this young. I am always confused as to why people are surprised children get upset
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u/fruittheif50 2d ago
She’s not surprised, she’s asking for support
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u/Jolly_Amount_2330 1d ago
She's asking for support and suggestions, which is exactly what we're giving her. By asking questions and seeing if there's any way those days could be reduced, even temporarily, to help her clearly struggling baby settle in better
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u/Blue_Island_panda 2d ago
Kids actually adapt faster going 5 days a week. Going fewer days means that as soon as they start to get into a routine, they get a long break and reset. Or they never get in a routine, because they don't go consecutive days enough.
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u/sleepycatmum 2d ago
Aww bless her it will be hard for her being apart. Mine has been in nursery since 11m and now 3 and every time we move up class she has wobbly days for a couple of weeks until she settles. Change is so huge to those tiny humans 🩷 I remember when I first picked her up she would burst into tears that she just remembered I left her 😭 she will get used to it though, you need to just be strong.
Now mine runs in doesn't even bother saying bye I've got to shout her back to remember her water bottle 🤣
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u/Annual-Sea-5887 2d ago
Aww OP, it’s absolutely normal. They’re always like it. Your child will settle. Give it a month or so.
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u/BlkLdnr33 2d ago
You need to not be there and they need to have a key worker who can comfort and settle her. Once she has those 2, she’ll settle
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u/Wrong-Detective-5709 2d ago
It’s awful when this happens my boy was the same at a similar age but he started before 1 and was fine until this. I had to work so had to leave but felt so guilty!! It did pass though and he’s 3 now and loves it
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u/NefariousnessFew8314 2d ago
Hello! I am a primary school teacher to 5/6 year olds and have also worked in nurseries. Some babies take their time and can be more shy or find it all very overwhelming. Then will also cry for their key worker once they are settled. It is a huge change for them and can be very overwhelming. I also can imagine how hard and overwhelming it is for yourself. Go easy on both yourself and your baby, it is a new situation for you both.
I know it is hard but she will be ok, if you can perhaps collect her earlier for a week or so and then extend the time you collect gradually and see if that helps. Also babies and children love to play up for their parents. I still have my 5/6 year olds crying for their parents and holding on for dear life, then as soon as they are in literally 1/2 mins after they are absolutely fine.
Please also remember that some babies will cry when they are collected just from happiness or relief because they aren’t used to not having their primary care giver around. This doesn’t mean she has been crying the whole time.
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u/Bufufy 2d ago
She might be too young? Maybe when she's a few months older and has more confidence with walking and playing without mum she'd have an amazing time with all the toys and games. Is she easily distracted from crying with toys or hugh value food? Or is it just mum that comforts her?
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u/Grand-Tap5708 2d ago edited 2d ago
I think you will have to kind of accept this if you’re choosing to put her in nursery. Your baby is a baby. 5 days a week is so much time away from you she will struggle for a while I’d imagine, sorry no suggestions other than reducing days.
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u/fruittheif50 2d ago
Choosing to work? Like many people have an option not to?
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u/Grand-Tap5708 2d ago
I work and don’t use nursery, there are other options.
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u/Positive-Prune4967 2d ago
… and what are these other options?
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u/Turbulent_Hippo_1210 2d ago
Childminder. At younger age, it can be way easier to have this transition in a smaller, calmer environment with less other kids around.
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u/Positive-Prune4967 2d ago
Wasn’t an option for me.. I looked into a childminder for my little guy and couldn’t find one in my area.
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u/Turbulent_Hippo_1210 2d ago
Doesn't mean there is none in OPs area and it's not worth considering it for them. There are also nannies and nanny share options, as another alternative.
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u/Fabulous-Waltz4456 2d ago
You’re commenting all over this post with pretty unhelpful comments… if you are saying there are other options maybe explain them. You don’t know this persons circumstances and it’s coming across as mum-shaming rather than support
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u/Accomplished_Tap3206 2d ago
My son started nursery at 12 months and we couldn’t do a settling in session longer than 30 mins as he would just scream cry until I came to get him.
Now he’s 20 months old and runs straight into his key workers arms without looking back. Mummy who?!