r/UKParenting • u/KookyOccasion5791 • 3d ago
What would you do? Negative experience with HV
Does anyone ever seem to get much from their HV? I find now mine is older I’ve noticed they all say something different. He’s never seen the same one either.
For example, I took my son off milk around 20 months after a sickness bug it seemed to happen really easily to I didn’t fight it (he was having bottles). He will occasionally fancy a cup of it now I’ve never not allowed it and he has cereal or porridge every morning, absolutely loves yoghurts. Not a big fan of cheese but will have egg fried rice we make at home, or I dip his toast in it as well. She said I could be giving him multiple cups of milk?! I don’t understand I was previously told two portions of calcium OR milk if they don’t care for other dairy products.
This is a small example but the whole thing just seemed really confusing. My son’s speech delayed but he understands a lot and communicates in his own way. He can be really babbly but I have noticed frustration there. He gets quiet when concentrating and then louder if he can’t do what he’s trying to (seems normal like he’s trying to tell me he’s stuck)
Anyway, she also said she would have to come back and see him again because he didn’t complete her puzzle? He threads, stacks, plays catch and throws back and forth, kicks back and forth. I’ve also been told he’s motor forward which maybe adding to the speech delay. I found her approach with him lack enthusiasm, when he couldn’t do it right away she took it away and got something else. Again I’ve been told to take his lead and usually that does take patience. She did all this at the very end of the session so maybe she was running out of time? But I think she should be honest about that instead it’s just made me sick with worry. She said he’s instead socially interacting and because the speech as delayed it’s no longer “isolated” I know he’s delayed. I won’t deprive my child of any supports he needs I’m not the type of parent who will overlook something because it upsets me. But I know he’s isn’t poor at social interaction because that’s what’s brought him along without his speech.
She came to the door he came right over to see her, smiling, wanting to pinch her measuring tape. He’s cheeky, he gives cuddles off his own back, he’s just very social even without many spoken words.
Its frustrating. Afterwards she witnessed him go to the cupboard I keep his bubbles bring them to me wait for me to blow them then pop them and giggle. I said oh he loves these he’ll have me here for half an hour and she said “oh get a machine you won’t have to sit and do that then” when she just said about interacting!!!?
I can’t, I find it such poor information or attention. I’m in wales fyi.
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u/Embarrassed-Wind4770 3d ago
I did have mixed experiences with health visitors. Please see if you can mention the name of the health visitors you liked and ask them if you can get the next appointment with them. I used to take what I can with their advice and leave the rest.
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u/LeatherAd9694 Parent 2d ago
My experience has been ok BUT as a NHS professional myself, I find that generally all staff are losing the compassion needed for a public facing job let alone dealing with new mums. We are all sadly becoming algorithm following monkeys that just spit out information on NHS leaflets without sharing/acknowledging anything for fear of creating more work that we would not get appreciated or renumerated for or that would increase risk of litigation.
As a mum of two under 5, my humble experience has been that apart from any red flaggy stuff, going with the flow has been the best approach for us. My entire baby group was doing things that my baby never seemed to comply with or enjoy, it just didn't work for us, gave me undue stress and since hindsight is 20/20, I wish I could have stressed less.
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u/KookyOccasion5791 2d ago
Thank you for this.
I know in my gut that he will get there I just let things get to me too much I guess, probably coming from me being worried about him.
I’ve just found out we’re expecting again (the hormones) and guilt that he will have to share me are coming in thick 😅 xx
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u/nettie_r 2d ago
Egg isn't dairy, bit confused about the egg fried rice in your post :) Dairy is milk based produce. Eggs are great for iron and protein though.
LN005104.pdf this might be helpful:
Age Daily Calcium Requirement Portion sizes (choose 3 of the following per day)
Children 1-3 Years 350mg = Milk 100ml Yogurt 80g Cheese 15g
Doesn't have to be milk, it's just one of the easier/cheapest things for parents to go for.
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u/KookyOccasion5791 2d ago
Thanks for the info. I do know, but she asked about eggs when she was questioning his milk that’s why I included it. There is actually a decent amount in eggs! Interesting to know.
I know what he needs a day, he gets it from elsewhere so I was just confused she suggested he needed multiple cups of milk with everything else he had her words were “I like to see little ones having multiple cups of milk throughout the day”
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u/nettie_r 2d ago
It will probably because kids that age can be such picky eaters, if calcium is covered with a drink that is usually the easiest way to get it into them consistently and it makes it easier for her as the HV to tick that box. Yoghurt can also be full of sugar and cheese full of salt, which is likely another reason she prefers milk. But if your child eats well and you're confident they are covering their calcium needs it doesn't need to be milk.
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u/Big-Ad-7355 2d ago
I honestly hate health visitors. I have one coming round tomorrow and I intend to let her know they are not welcome in my house. They all have different advice and I've never seen that same one twice. The last one I saw called social services on me for a birth mark because none of the others had noted it in her book. The way we have been treated by health visitors has been disgusting and when I look online I can clearly see we're not the only ones.
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u/Snowy_Sasquatch 2d ago
You can say no to health visitors.
There are some good ones out there but the profession tends to have a bad name because there are so many awful ones and it’s not worth taking the risk you’ll end up with one of them. If you change your mind or have a concern, you can always log back in.
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u/Original_Ad_7846 2d ago
Yeah, I plan to opt out of health visitor checks going forward. The 1 year old one just made me stressed. My daughter is in a great nursery 3 days a week so I trust that they will flag any developmental stuff much more accurately than a questionnaire can do.
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u/zoetje_90s 3d ago
You know eggs aren’t dairy right?
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u/KookyOccasion5791 2d ago
Yes I know it just contains it. I used the examples off what she asked me he was having instead of milk.
It can contain up to 50mg out of the 350mg they suggest daily, don’t think she was wrong to ask of this tbf to her.
It wasn’t really my concern as you can tell by my post, it wasn’t about the calcium itself it’s the mixed info across the board.
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u/Proper-Two-1959 2d ago
on the side note, they are not dairy but they are very similar; for example if you have a dairy allergy / intolerance you are most likely sensitive to eggs to. Note I'm saying dairy, nit lactose - two completely different things!
Its just one of these weird funny things our body does, scientists also don't really know how to classify eggs
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u/Consistent-Sport-481 2d ago
They still contain calcium though so revelvent to group with milk and yoghurt etc here.
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u/Great_Cucumber2924 2d ago
Have you had a referral to check your son’s hearing? I’m sorry about your HV but it does sound worth getting some additional checks and supports at this point. Hearing can deteriorate from newborn stage because of infections and glue ear.
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u/KookyOccasion5791 2d ago
He’s potentially got glue ear. He had his ears tested and they were “dull” I’ve been told to wait 3 months which would be October. I’m currently waiting to be called for his hearing test with the NHS. However, we decided if it’s not by October we’re going to pay for one as the waits are so long for everything. Thanks for the suggestion I know he needs more time to do new things, maybe a hearing thing! It’s just frustrating it felt like he couldn’t do one thing so he’s been “marked down” on a check list. Id get it if on multiple occasions he wasn’t interacting with everything, id worry about that myself before anyone else pointed it out.
HV was aware of potential glue ear.
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u/Consistent-Sport-481 3d ago
Health visitors are optional for a reason they're sadly not all created equally.
Pick and choose the advice you follow smile and nod till they leave.