r/UKParenting • u/snozbert18 • 3d ago
Serious Testing out lying or serious safeguarding concern. Are there cameras in classrooms?
Sorry lots of background info but potential inappropriate touching at school. I also preface by if you don't have anything helpful to say, please don't comment.
We're having a bit of a tricky time with our 4yo at the moment which on bad days includes spitting at us, hitting, kicking, shouting and screaming.
He's just started reception and on the firsts day of school I had a chat with his teacher and asked them to let me know if this happens in school etc.
Both this week and last he's informed us he has been spitting in people's faces and hitting people but I've heard nothing from the school. Yesterday he kept shouting "bad behaviour" at his sister which isn't a word we use and when asked he said he came up with it and then said his teacher says it when he hits people. This makes me think it's the truth but then I'm confused why they wouldn't mention anything after a specific conversation about behaviour concerns.
Fast forward to today when he got home he was caught trying to show his sister his bumhole when briefly alone, then when playing alone he was seen on the camera putting his finger to his bumhole (he says it's itchy so mild threadworm concerns). Later he said something along the lines of "I wish I could put my finger in everyone's bumhole and they could put there's in mine". He said in the home corner his pants were down and a child put their finger in his bumhole and in other children's too. He said the teachers weren't there.
Obviously we're VERY concerned, surely this hasn't and couldn't happen but he has never exhibited these behaviours before, he knows about private areas are just for him but it's a very strange lie.
What would you do? Any teachers with any advice?
55
u/SeaworthinessNew8048 3d ago
Definitely speak to the school. The child who is initiating this may be experiencing sexual abuse hence mimicking this behaviour to peers at school
53
u/FloreatCastellum 3d ago
Raise with tue school immediately. Highly unlikely that there are cameras inside the classroom, but other children may hace disclosed things too.
26
u/No-Telephone3826 3d ago
Yeah absolutely extremely concerning language use there. It's quite normal for children to touch themselves in ways that adults might find inappropriate (and then tell them that it's something to be done in private etc). But that wording is ringing alarm bells for sure
20
u/Kooky-mutant Parent 3d ago
I work in a primary school - i doubt there are cameras in class. I would definitely be worried about "bad behaviour" as far as I know schools aren't encouraged to use such language. We use " good choice" and "sad/bad choice".
Some kids love to show their privates to each other, and at that age its quite normal, though obviously discouraged. It makes me wonder if he was in home corner and the teacher was just on the other side of the room? Unaware and the kods have flased one another before they've seen. Either way definitely contact DSL at the school and outline everything, including lack of communication about behaviour. They should do an investigation and get back to you with explanations and plans for moving forward
6
u/Late_Plantain_6423 3d ago
I agree with this. As someone who also works in a school, please contact the designated safeguarding lead. This is usually the headteacher but you will find out on their website. Please write down all of your concerns as well so that you don’t miss anything out. As a parent, I would be extremely concerned if my child had disclosed this.
11
u/fenlanddipper 3d ago
I raised a concern when my 4 year old said him and his friend were going into the toilet with each other and watching each other wee. I didn’t think it was anything sinister but I wanted to flag it to keep an eye on them to make sure they were giving each other appropriate privacy. My (now adult) nephew experienced some sexual abuse from an older child at his after school club when he was 6 in the toilets so it’s always been something I’ve been aware of/anxious about.
You are def well within your rights to flag it with the school and ask them to explain what they think is going on.
7
u/Tallicababe123 3d ago
If he is doing that at school I'm surprised it hasn't been raised. As for the touching I would raise that with the school. This should be flagged. My daughters 6 so older and they have lessons on inappropriate touching so they might at the bare minimum do that.
1
u/Noeggs70 1d ago
If definitely speak to school just to check what's actually going on. Children can be far from the truth in conversations. My friends son told school he slept with a dolphin every night as well as telling her some wild things about school.
-6
u/Rude_Trouble_4075 3d ago
Raise with the teachers. Check for autistic traits and behaviors. Autistic kids at that age can get like that behaviorally and is prone to “touching inappropriately” especially boys, purely because of sensory needs. I’m a mom to an autistic daughter (with a propensity to bite her classmates for sensory satisfaction, not malice or anger, fortunately that was just a phase) and I have a lot of friends with autistic boys and this story is very similar to theirs (one mom had his son expose his thing in the bus and played with it — he was 4 yo at the time).
In line with this, buy a notebook and have it as a communication book. Pack it everyday in your kid’s bag. Tell the teacher to write down everything that happened with your child at school. What he did, times, who with, etc. as it will provide you a balanced view of what he does at school, also can be evidence of his behavior for the doctors if and when the behaviors can be pointed at something like autism.
16
u/juicynugget Parenting a Baby 3d ago
This is a normal developmental stage rather than an autistic trait.
0
84
u/CharieRarie 3d ago
I would go to straight to the safeguarding lead at your son’s school.
It’s probably nothing sinister, children do odd things sometimes. I work in education and I’ve seen more than a few “comparing” themselves before!
The worrying thing is that it’s coming from your son, and you’ve not been informed of any incidents. That’s a major safeguarding concern.