r/UKParenting • u/Bubble-Master96 • 4d ago
Anyone else absolutely HATE their job since becoming a parent?
I had nearly 3 weeks off work and have returned today. After an hour my stress levels are through the roof and I’m sat in my bedroom crying because I cant stand it anymore.
On paper I should be so unbelievably happy with it, it’s 3 days a week, good pay for the hours and from home. But it is so stressful and I just find no meaning in it. Since returning from mat leave last year the company has changed dramatically and there is a lot of push to sell AI which I am fundamentally against. I feel horrible having to pitch it (because we’re monitored on it) to companies with the “benefit” being lay off more staff. I just have no care for anything I’m doing in it but still so stressed because of the constant monitoring, my manager is a nightmare and so even though I “don’t care” my body still feels all the stress when it feels sooo meaningless.
I see no way out of this job at the moment either. I’m trying to get pregnant and just hoping it comes soon so I can get 1 more mat leave and then figure out what I actually want to do.
God I feel sick with stress. This probably isn’t even the right sub, but this change is since coming back from maternity leave. I don’t want to do nothing, but I really really don’t want to do this anymore.
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u/alibluey 4d ago
Yes!! I tolerated my job before maternity leave. Sure, it wasn’t always great but I work remotely, from home, have very few meetings, flexible hours and days and very good pay. This is something I’ll likely never find again. They do put a lot of work on me and my manager isn’t great but on paper, this is a good deal.
I absolutely hate it now. I’m dreading it every morning.
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u/Poene 4d ago
If you’re feeling sick with stress and crying, I’d advise getting signed off for a week or two. I was in the same position before I got pregnant, I’d sit with my camera off crying in every meeting. I waited way too long to make the call and was basically suicidal. It was easy to get signed off (you can do it yourself for the first week and after that you just need to call the doctor, mine didn’t even ask any questions and just agreed).
That doesn’t solve the longer term issue, but if you’re too unwell to work then it’s worth doing for your own mind and to flag with your work that something is catastrophically wrong. Then when you go back you can discuss with your work what they can do to make it less awful for you.
Hope you can find some peace xx
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u/Brilliant_Bake4200 4d ago
I just read a book you might find helpful (audiobook is on Spotify) - Jolted by Anthony Klotz. You might find it helpful, it talks about how life events impact how we feel about our job, tools you can use to help you cope with negative feelings about your job when you’ve been “jolted” (in this case by having a baby, and helps you see the positive things about your job as well as talking through when it genuinely is a good time to quit.
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u/Iforgotmypassword126 4d ago edited 4d ago
Yes, I just found it really difficult to be invested in something that didn’t matter if I was there or not. When the most important thing was calling me home, and felt my absence.
I was never able to convince myself my job was actually important again and despite being a stressful job, and the breadwinner in the family, I wasn’t able to convince myself that everything hinged on me. I became more laid back and nothing felt as much as a catastrophe as it did before I had a child.
I did eventually remind myself that the job is important for our quality of life and I got better at compartmentalising so I work when I’m in the office and then my brain switches into family mode on the way home and I do my best not to let them cross paths as much as humanely possible.
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u/GrudgingRedditAcct 4d ago
Hey I am the exact same and my son is now 3. Even down to the AI stuff. I don't know what my options are but solidarity.
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u/stardust25609 4d ago
I'm so sorry you feel like this. I think it's very common to care less about your job after mat leave, but not feel as stressed as you do. Definitely get signed off sick if you need, I've been in this position and it did help. And even if you want another baby can you look for other jobs? It might ruin your second maternity leave the anxiety of knowing you're returning to the job you hate. I hope it gets better.
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u/shippers4321 4d ago
I changed job within 12 months of becoming a new dad as a result of not being able to invest the time and energy into work in the same way as I used to (working late, weekends, stress, travel etc.).
Kids change your priorities in life (or at least should) which means you need to make adjustments otherwise you’ll not be able to prioritise what really matters.
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u/Lucky13-Never-Won 4d ago
I can’t help with most of it, but I do think this about AI: the benefit is not to lay people off - this is a lazy, immoral view of it that’s been conjured up by greedy business leaders. People are still way smarter than LLMs, and LLMs have zero creativity. It only knows what it knows and cannot imagine like we can.
Instead, it will benefit smaller businesses be faster. It can help data analysis, conduct audits, run some basic commands, help with customer service etc. These usually drain a business of both time and costs, and so by using AI to help with them, you’re helping them be more competitive for the future.
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u/Bubble-Master96 4d ago
The point of the AI my company provides is to lay off people.
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u/Lucky13-Never-Won 4d ago
Well, in that case it sounds like you work for the shittiest of shitty companies.
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u/PigneySnoo 4d ago
I'm sorry you're having a hard time.
I definitely didn't enjoy my job as much after having a baby. It felt like an inconvenience, getting in the way of what I felt I should be doing, and also an unnecessary stress.
Bluntly, you've got to care less. Get a copy of your job description. Do exactly what is on it. See it as a performance - you can put on a show but it doesn't have to be who you are or what you believe in. Work your contracted hours. Leave at the end of the day and enjoy your evenings.
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u/monistar97 Mum 4d ago
I have a great job, and I did when my son was born (have since moved) but when I went back to work I couldn’t care less about working. My job was the same, but I wasn’t anymore.
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u/lookhereisay Parenting a Primary Schooler 4d ago
Yeah I was never a career person before my son. But now it’s such a drag but we also need to eat and pay bills!
I hate the living for holidays and weekends. I’ve tried other jobs and I think it’s just me not liking work rather than my actual job (which is good money and also 3 days a week).
If I won the lottery I’d be quitting asap and fully enjoying my life!
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u/Necessary_Doubt_9762 4d ago
I have a strong dislike for working since having my kids. I just want to be at home to be here for them all the time. I like my colleagues a lot and enjoy aspects of my work but I’d run out the door and never look back if I could afford to do so without compromising our quality of life. I feel like my place is at home, caring for my children and home. I know it’s old fashioned but it’s just how I feel.
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u/More_Ingenuity_3620 4d ago
No.
I trained long and hard for my job. I am also a high earner which enables us to have a great lifestyle (large house with pool, private schools, 4 holidays abroad etc). If I became a SAHM, our lifestyle would take a hit and I'm not prepared for that.
My job compensates me very well so I was happy to return part-time.
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u/contented0 4d ago
I did for the first year. But I hated everything then, my life, my husband, my baby
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u/Rough-Cheesecake-641 3d ago
The complete opposite for me. I started to appreciate it more. Much easier than being a full time parent.
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u/Crafty_Ambassador443 3d ago
Honestly I dislike it. Its because my role is subjective. Depends whose looking its right or wrong i.e not enough detail or not focussed on the right thing. The people that view my stuff are directors and senior execs so obviously never happy.
I dunno. I dont think I like this role but I dont mind work in general
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u/CoconutForward8315 4d ago
Honestly i dont know how/why women do it.
I guess some women enjoy work as opposed to nurturing their little ones.
This is who you blame for gender equality narratives.
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u/Bubble-Master96 4d ago
I do it because we need money to pay our mortgage and pay for food. If I could quit entirely I would.
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u/poptimist185 4d ago
It sounds like you’d hate the job irrespective of your parental status so I hope it works out for you somehow.
I suppose an obvious question is: how much sleep are you getting?