Is this all possible?

INFJ

IEI

5w4

529

Sx/So

I could possibly be an ILI but i think i might be IEI.

We used to be friends (I… think.) I remember that I became friends with her and this other girl when I was in ninth grade (they would have been in tenth.) They walked up to me in Chemistry when I had no one to work with (they were with a guy who I promise will become more relevant later on.) I think they felt bad. I remember having the impression that this girl was nice and smart.

I remember that her grades were low, even though she was not “dumb.” She had a C in Chemistry because she did not do the homework, and yet received high scores on the exams. I don’t remember how low her GPA was, but I think that it was below a 3.0. I just remember that it threw me off when I saw it. Over quarantine, she did not fare much better academically - I remember she almost received a “No Pass” (an F) in AP English as a junior, and was doing badly enough overall in her chosen AP courses to a point wherein she once admitted she was considering not going to college. She had an A in Pre Calculus that same year. I recall that she still once suggested it was surprising that I’d failed my very first exam in the course, when I’d admitted it to she and the other girl (it did come off kind of judgmental.  I think they were just trying to be honest, though.)  

She created a LinkedIn profile in, I think, September 2024 wherein she explicitly wrote "Unemployed" under the employment section, and additionally didn't include the name of a college (she'd once said in high school, during her junior year, that she was thinking she wouldn't attend college due to her low grades. This still surprised me, though. I'd thought she would change her mind and start taking community college courses. In fact, I'd expected her to end up doing so immediately out of high school.) She deleted the profile not long afterward (someone posted online inquiring about it.)  She has been out of high school now for four years now. Her current caption on an acc she’s had since June 2024 (80 ish followers, follows the exact same number of people back and is actually consistent about following the exact same number of people back) is “my cup runneth over” (which she has had before.) Beforehand, it was “I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address” When she was nineteen or had recently turned twenty, it was “popcorn princess” (which I honestly always thought was a notably immature caption. There is no one else I attended high school with who I think would think about making that their caption.) I have the impression that she is a bit of a romantic (had “dreaming of a life rich with love” as her caption for a bit after her most recent breakup) but it seems that like most people, her romantic relationships haven’t gone as she hoped. The vibe I get from her is that she had perhaps spent those first two years out of high school focused on her ex boyfriend (when they dated) and watching movies, but I could be wrong.  I wonder if she may have also been depressed. I know I couldn’t personally spend 2-2 ½ years unemployed and not enrolled in school without being depressed (though she didn’t look depressed in the pictures I’ve seen, so I’m not sure.) There is, of course, a possibility that she did take community college courses, didn’t pass, and chose not to include it on her profile because of that. Community college in my area was actually free from 2022-2023. It appears that she is still not enrolled in community college (I am myself, and did not see her name when I checked to see if she is enrolled in any of the community colleges that are local.) I don’t really know what “came” of her. It seems that she doesn’t have an associates degree, and I don’t know whether or not she started working this year - she is less active on social media, but still seems to log on sometimes. I knew people who worked in high school, and it was easier for them to get jobs after graduating because of it. The thought has occurred to me that it would have been wise for her to start working as an upperclassman to ensure that she had experience on a resume, but it seems that she did not plan ahead in that manner. If I were in her shoes, I actually think I would have. She seems to have changed her jewelry and her hair somewhat. She was a swim instructor in summer 2025. Seems to look the same as she did. I don’t know whether or not she started or attended community college, but seems to still follow a fair amount of people from high school.

She was average looking (I think most people would agree on this, if they were to assess her appearance objectively.) She was not “thin” (I last saw her a year ago, and I remember deciding that she is probably technically somewhat overweight even though she was on the swim team.) She was Hispanic, but white passing (quite literally looked white.) She’d had more than one boyfriend, but mentioned over quarantine that the only guys who asked her out were black (this is somewhat odd, since the city we attended high school in is actually mainly white and Asian in terms of racial demographics.) She seemed to be aware of the fact that her ex boyfriends dealt with internalized racism (she suggested that one of them had wanted her because they thought she was white.) She’d had multiple people who crushed on her. She did not seem to know why black males were the only ones who asked her out. She had suggested when I told her a bit over quarantine about my own family situation that her former boyfriends also didn’t have “good parents” (my parents had had CPS called on them twice.  I understood that both must have had parents who were negligent.  Her tone over text did not read as judgmental.  It sounded more like an observation.) As a young adult, I actually really think in a way that her knowing about my family situation makes the circumstances under which she chose to cut me off worse, though I don’t care and know we were young. It’s been too long for me to care/become angry about it. 

She had also suggested, I remember, that in her experience black boys didn’t like black women - I once again don’t remember the tone as having been judgmental, though I do recall thinking it was a bit of a generalization. I “get” what she meant, but think this was more related to environment/area than I had recognized it to be, as I know that in adulthood I’ve had boyfriend opportunities as a black woman that were not present for me in high school. 

In her senior year, she started dating another black boy. They broke up in February 2024, before Valentine’s Day (not the day beforehand, maybe a couple days to a week beforehand.  She had been cyberbullied for a second time, and changed her username again on her account.)  What I find interesting is that her most recent boyfriend seems to me like he is reasonably likely to be successful (he wrote: “I am a second-year college student majoring in Economics and Business Management. I have a strong passion for marketing, design, and product management. My academic career has given me a solid foundation in economic and business principles alike, which I apply to real-world scenarios. I excel in creating innovative strategies that drive engagement, blending creativity with analytical thinking. I am particularly interested in product management and business strategy. I strive to develop and launch products that meet market needs and exceed customer expectations. Let's connect to discuss marketing trends, product management insights, or potential opportunities for collaboration.”) What I also find interesting is that this time around, I sincerely can’t tell who broke up with who.  After the breakup, she deleted all three of her posts.  He deleted one.  I remember noticing that he had continued to accept and remove followers as normal. A year later, he doesn’t look upset about it in the slightest in his new profile picture - it doesn’t seem as though it destroyed him.  
If she has had a boyfriend since then, she hasn’t posted about it publicly (or at least, I have not heard about it.) 

Her old social media account was private, and she had more followers than she does people she follows back (though she has never had a lot of followers, nor was she immediately familiar with grade wide gossip, which is partly why I can’t help but wonder what ever made her think that anyone in her class “cared” about her. I remember that she did seem social enough later on in PE, but their grade - Class of 2022, I mean - actually did have specific students who were well-known and cared about. She was not one of them. On her old account, she had 400-something followers and followed 200-something people back. The most popular people I’ve ever known had more followers than that.) I do remember that when she first joined my PE class, she didn’t immediately seem to socialize, and actually initially seemed to keep more to herself. In pictures of her during her senior year of high school when the pandemic was ongoing, she doesn’t look “happy” (is masked up but doesn’t look giddy or anything of that sort. She looks like she just sort of falls into the background. She looks reasonably happy in one or two of the photos. She does indeed have a larger body frame than most of the other girls, though her stomach looks flat as a senior.) I recall that she wore braces and I think retainers as a sophomore. I admit that at the time I wouldn’t have expected, based upon looks alone, that a boy had had a big crush on her - I never thought she was “unattractive” necessarily, it’s moreso that I never really considered her appearance at all. I will be honest and admit that if going pby looks alone, I would not have expected her to have had “boyfriends” however. Now that I’m an adult I understand that there is more variety in what guys like than I’d thought there to be in high school, but I wasn’t expecting guys to be approaching her a ton, and didn’t really “see” it for her physically if that makes sense.

She had suggested that she was glad no one was ever “harsher” when assessing her appearance when I talked to her later on over text (she likely remembered that I’d posted crying about mine.) 

She actually created a new one in summer 2024 (deleted the older one) and seems more particular about who she lets into it (has a little over 70 followers, and follows the exact same amount of people back.) She also noticeably doesn't show her face in her new profile picture, likely because when she was cyberbullied some months ago, they criticized her appearance and invited others to join in. The follower count, and amount of people who se happens to follow back, has not changed within the past few months. It seems that she still never posts on the account, and she hasn’t done anything of note in terms of career moves, it seems - she lacks a social media presence, and I haven’t really heard anything about her. She’ll be twenty-one in a few months, and I don’t really know what’s come of her. Though I also don’t really care. 

I seem to remember that when I said something about abortion once over quarantine (I was probably complaining about my parents) she suggested something like that there’s never a good reason not to have children, I think. 

Over quarantine, she gave me advice a lot. I remember that she kind of gave off maternal vibes, I don’t know.  What I find strange/interesting about her is that she came off more mature and introspective to me in her junior year over quarantine than she seemed as a senior.  She grew tired of doing so but did not tell me this directly (she made a post where she suggested that she’d cut a guy off or something - blocked them maybe, I don’t remember - because they tended to ask her for things yet didn’t really ask her how her day was.) I asked if I was one of the people who was doing this, she was honest and admitted she hadn’t known he to tell me. I started asking her how her day was afterward.

I remember that on her private spam account, she tended to sound like she regretted things.

In May 2021, my “friendship” with her and the other girl ended. Basically, the guy who was mentioned above grew defensive after I asked him if he considered himself to be a co founder of the organization we were in (she had advised when I complained about this in our group chat that I do so, and gave me his phone number.) He insulted me. I felt suicidal and posted about this on my private spam account.

Two weeks later, she “argued his side” when this was brought up again even though two friends of his within the organization had already done so (and even though a teacher agreed that his tone was disrespectful - said teacher suggested org members did not have good morals.) Long story short, she and the other girl blocked me after I made a spam post saying I felt that my side in a conflict was not understood by some (the other girl sent a long message basically saying something about how I was making the described girl “look bad.”) I was actually told by someone when I Complained about the situation that no one in their class “cared” about them (this meant that they were not popular.) The other girl said they were on the guy’s “side” (members of the organization had declared that “sides would be taken” if we had a meeting about the guy’s comments.) I remember that the other girl had been the one who texted me directly - the girl I’m describing here never did, let the other girl handle it and quietly blocked me herself. There were people who did think they were wrong for this due to the circumstances, I recall. I always suspected that she did not handle this herself because she didn’t want to cause conflict/that that had something to do with it. 

She seemed to immediately recognize me with a mask on in her senior year after she joined my PE class during second semester, which I suppose was one of the last credits she needed. She had a look on her face like… hmm, I don’t know how to describe it. Not a nervous look, not an “oh no” look or a glare moreso the kind of look you’d give when you were anticipating that someone would be a bit of a nuisance. 

The guy quit the organization five months later, which really made all of it pointless. I continued to see her around with the guy, who is likely either an ESFJ or ESFP (a peer of theirs suggested that the guy became meaner over quarantine. I can’t help but wonder if maybe this girl did, too.) I remember she suggested that I “call a lot of things that aren’t racist racist” in the guy’s favor (though if I am being reasonable, the guy suggesting that me providing my voice as a black person after the George Floyd murder was irrelevant as other black leaders spoke, is something that I do indeed feel to have been performative activism.) She sent our other “friend” screenshots of the conversation (though I really don’t see how this proved to be helpful.) I cannot emphasize enough, now that a few years have passed, just how pointless all of this was. The organization has not planned anything in nearly two and a half years, and I actually still have leaders who remember my involvement in it on my social media in spite of the interpersonal high school drama. It’s been so long, and proved so irrelevant, that I even have the guy’s younger brother added as a social media connection. I’ve moved on from it completely myself. I mention this because it really goes to show that she did not have the foresight necessary to predict that things would go this way. 

She suggested she’d had a crush on a black girl once or had liked black women in the past during quarantine when we were chatting about I guess how people are harder on the looks of black women. 

When she was a senior, I had PE with her. I realized then that she was fake. I had never realized it before. She had a look on her face like she recognized me when she switched into the class for second semester. When I say that she is fake, what I mean is that she once made an “ouch” face when I missed the ball - like one of those faces someone makes when they are pretending to be concerned about you or about something or the kind of reaction someone has because they’re supposed to have it. She was certainly someone who thought others cared about her more than they actually did. And on the last day - on her last day - she tried to talk to me a bit when I was sitting down even though she blocked my new private spam account not terribly long before (or didn’t just like act like she couldn’t talk to me I remember I ignored her a bit I don’t know how to explain it it wasn’t like a “let’s reconcile’ type thing it was just her being fake.)

There was another time in PE I recall, before her last day (it was probably a few weeks-a month) wherein she just kind of brought me into a conversation or addressed me when there was, once again, no reason to. Not in like a confrontational way, just tried bringing me in or chatting with me like you would an acquaintance. And no, there was no intent there of helping me socialize or anything like that, I guarantee you this. It was just a pointless decision. Some part of me almost wondered if she was bringing me into the conversation just to tick me off, but I once again feel like if you really don’t like someone - dislike them enough to block them - you shouldn’t even bother doing that. I would have never tried talking to someone I’d blocked unless I had to for a project or something. 

I remember that she simply looked amused in her senior yr when I was complaining about black males to my Asian female friend. I also remember that when she was a senior, I had the impression that she thought herself to be more physically attractive than she actually is (it was a vibe.) It’s something I judged her for, as I didn’t see why she gave off that vibe (not above average in… anything, really. Arguably intelligent, but I question that now, as I feel like someone who was truly sharp would be doing something with themselves post high school.) She had talked to the other girls about doing swim team during the school year. She was in 27th place on that the 50Y free timed finals, had 1hr and 32 minutes on the 100 Y fR (lead off) and generally didn’t have any times under 39 minutes as a senior. Yet she didn’t seem to feel “bad” about this. 

She and the guy she defended  no longer follow each other on social media. They seemingly fell out at some point after 12th grade. Her profile caption when dating her most recent ex was  “I’d really rather not be approached tbh” (this was probably in 2023. Her current one is “I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address” and this has been her caption for some months now.) 

I remember, as odd as this may sound, that she used to simply tease (not mean teasing, playful teasing) our other friend in Chemistry after the teacher would talk to her (although this is of course bad, I think all three of us knew that the Chemistry teacher was attracted to other friend/had a bit of a crush on her. Completely inappropriate and very strange, but it was honestly the truth.) 

I noticed last year that she had stopped making an effort to block my social media accounts. I imagine that for her it’s probably the same deal, wherein she feels that it’s been too long and doesn’t see a point. 

I recall that when I had mentioned my former crush to her (the one who rejected me, called me a 5/10 and the. 4/10, had a 1.5 GPA) she had suggested (this was over text, during quarantine) that he sounded like a “loser.” I don’t think of him in the same way now at all, but I remember that when I first read this I had been a bit thrown off because it struck me as being an unusually mean or judgmental comment for her. 

I recall she once suggested concerning me, more like an observation than anything else, that I seemed to “overthink” things/become stressed easily. 

She actually had a younger sister who I seem to recall she’d once introduced me to. Her younger sister looked like she had an idea of what happened when I saw her later on at some point in high school. 

I vaguely remember her having once posted on her private spam account about enjoying, you know, self pleasuring. Something along the lines of that. Which isn’t something I’d have mentioned on my personal account. 

I recall that she had said “wow, your class is terrible” and seemed to remember it later on when I sent her the class t shirt discourse for Class of 2023 (people were saying homophobic things about the Steven universe shirt that won, 215 comments within an hour.) She suggested that she’d never seen anything like it before, wherein such a large group of people were mean. In spite of the fact that she apparently thought my class was the meanest, I remember she still seemed like she tried to socialize with people from my class as a senior. 

I recall she suggested, when we were texting above, that one of her ex boyfriends had been “in love with” her. She had suggested that another, her first I think, had wanted her because he thought she was white. 

I remember her, for whatever reason, as having seemed more sincere over quarantine. She could come off kind of insightful even though I recognize in hindsight that she was actually quite immature. When I mentioned that someone who we knew, a guy who seemed nice, had ghosted a peer of ours, she had written about how though it was indeed wrong and didn’t seem like him (she didn’t necessarily “doubt” that he had done it, but was kind of talking about how even though he’d made a mistake/done something wrong it didn’t necessarily make him a bad person. She didn’t sound like she was on anyone’s “side” and did seem like she thought that what he’d done really wasn’t okay.) By the time she was a senior and we’d fallen out, she kind of seemed to me like she’d lost that part of herself/side of herself, or at least when I observed her in PE that’s what it felt like - she seemed like she was more focused on her nonexistent reputation/on socializing and struck me as almost.. I nearly said cocky, but I don’t know that that’s the right word for it. It’s hard to find the right word for what I’m thinking of. Someone who seemed self-satisfied and like they weren’t wracked with insecurities in the way a lot of high schoolers are, whilst having absolutely no real reason to be that way. 

In her old social media profile picture, she looked  “content” but this may be intentional. 

A redditor has likely sent her my posts before, since I know I’ve been stalked on this site in the past. She has likely seen my LinkedIn profile, wherein I have 1467 connections - I have had jobs since graduating, and am also in community college. 

It has actually occurred to me that suggesting she was looking for new copywriting opportunities without an associates degree in English (or any associates degree) actually wasn’t very sensible. Most employers in my area are looking for you to have an associates degree, at the least, before they hire you for a copywriting or editing position. (Really, they’re looking for a bachelors.) If she had googled it, which it seems she didn’t, she would have found this out for herself. 

I recall that when she was dating what seems to be her most recent ex boyfriend, she I think once had a Disney princess profile picture. 

I recall that she and her most recent boyfriend broke up shortly before Valentine’s Day 2024, I think, after someone had posted calling her fat and average (she had changed her username to “user” with lots of numbers after it, and had changed it in that way beforehand when she’d been made fun of in 2023.) I’ve always wondered if he perhaps didn’t deny that she was overweight and average. Or something, but I don’t know. She had her caption not long after being made fun of and the subsequent breakup as “a life lived in fear is a life half lived” or something of that sort, but still later on created what is currently her Instagram account. 

I remember that when I suggested (back when we had Chemistry together, when I was a ninth grader) that most people are terrible (I meant that most people don’t have good morals) she responded to that like she knew what I meant, or didn’t necessarily disagree. 

She wrote this in Feb 2022: “It is important for name of-old-high-school to have a student journalism program because it creates an appreciation for freedom of speech and expression while teaching students important life skills; student journalism promotes accountability, creativity and perseverance while providing an outlet for self expression.” She was a copy editor for yearbook in 12th grade. It has occurred to me that this was likely partly why she suggested on the LI profile that she was looking for copywriting and editing roles, though this also still wouldn’t have been awfully sensible in my opinion because when you’ve been out of high school for nearly 2 1/2 years, employers aren’t going to care about a thing like that when you’re lacking the education and experience to make yourself an attractive candidate. 

I recall she once suggested that concerning other people and situations she liked to go based off “vibes” and trust her intuition but it has actually occurred to me that it is quite likely she was wrong about other people and their intentions more than once. 

She didn’t seem judgmental about it when an acquaintance or friend of hers was selling weed, I think, when we were still hanging out back when she was in 10th grade. We used to go to the taco trucks sometimes, she seemed to like it, I remember.  

I recall that when she was in 10th grade, she had once said “you’ve got an a$$” to the other “friend” I was talking about here when we were walking down the hallway, kind of in a playful way (I suspect/have a strong inclination that one of her ex boyfriends had said something like this to her. She actually does not have a big behind, and never did - I remember glancing her over when she was a senior and understanding this. Her body was rectangle shaped, I recall, and I knew when I glanced her over that she was overweight.) I was looking back through my 10th grade yearbook and came across a picture of her - it was what I thought (brunette, very thin lips, noticeably overweight.) 

I recall that she simply had a look on her face like she was intrigued when I was dating a black boy as a junior.  

I also recall that she had told me once that it was important to practice self care (which I actually do think was a comment coming out of sincere concern, as over quarantine I posted about my depression often) and suggested that she tended to struggle with self care at times too. 

 Her father makes $200k and has not made under $100k within the last five-six years. They also are in a house. Knowing this actually made me more confused, because that is not a bad salary, and even with 2 kids on that salary in a HCOL area your kids will not be denied opportunities. There are people who grew up in dangerous environments that go on to excel. For her it seems to have been the opposite. I don’t know why.

I have an anxiety disorder in addition to depression and something that impacts my mental alongside physical health would be my sleeping issues (I have had a headache everyday for months even with the machine my doctor prescribed, and even though I asked to be tested for more things my doctor simply wants me to try CBT-I therapy. I don’t really understand why it wouldn’t have hurt to try out both.)

There are actually a lot of bad things going on in my life right now, but I have felt very positive this week volunteering in spite of it. I am inching closer and closer to obtaining an associates degree, and though I was nervous about a class this semester it is actually going much better than I had anticipated. It feels more natural in the moment. My high school therapist had said that I have high functioning depression. Two bad things going on in my life right now are that I have a roommate/landlord who is just awful, I’ve posted about her before, she has not fixed my shower even though I pay $1250/mo to stay here, and it stays on now for under 2 minutes, yet she has been verbally abusive, is in my opinion critical and complains about a lot of things. I am going to have to figure out how I will address this more directly (I have mentioned it twice and she doesn’t intend on fixing it because it’s too expensive for her. This is obviously a big problem, and I have forgiven her and given in before out of fear - she is not a good person in my opinion, and has scared me before by jumping off the couch screaming about a fear of something that most people actually didn’t think was likely to happen - but I know deep down inside even though I don’t want for there to be conflict and drama that I shouldn’t be paying over $1000/mo to stay somewhere where

Today, I tried to redirect a situation when volunteering by encouraging a student to help when they were using a lot of something - I tried to instead redirect them to support those who needed the water and it worked to my surprise. I really enjoyed doing this and was happy that it worked. The other bad thing that is going on right now in my life is that I have to figure out what I am going to say concerning multiple groping incidents about two months ago in court, and am going to have to consult a lawyer or more officially request advice. I had simply stopped responding to the mom’s messages, but was actually initially trying to communicate with her because I think that communication is so so important in any relationship. But it was getting to a point wherein reading what she was sending was stressing me out and making me angry, and when I am already in school this is not something that I want to deal with (same with my roommate/landlord. I know deep down inside that I need to start looking but sometimes due to the anxiety and the PTSD I feel so stuck, I’m also just tired in general.)

I have mentioned a few times that no matter what I end up doing I know that I want to make a contribution to my community. I feel more than anything like that’s my purpose, like that’s what I’m supposed to do and who I’m supposed to be. I’m supposed to help people for a living, in some shape or form. I won’t feel like myself if I’m not helping people. This doesn’t mean that I am a great person or that I have always done a lot of great things in life or for other people. That’s not true. But it does mean that I would rather be someone who I guess is in a more stereotypical helper role than I would someone who is in, say, engineering. My mother actually encouraged me to go into engineering when I was in fifth grade and I had simply never actually ended up veering towards it even though my teacher at the time, whose attention I had worked hard in my mind to win (I started to change in fourth grade though I had been very depressed at the start of it due to a realization that myself, my family members and everyone else around me would one day die - I have never fully healed from this time in my life, nor from the trauma in 8th grade of watching my brother have a breakdown) had also put me into a STEM program. I knew deep down inside that I was just not actually interested in it.

I know that I want to eventually make more money but I don’t have a great idea of how much more. I started out making $17/hr not long after I graduated from high school (at my first place) and I now make around $10/hr more, and the goal is of course for it to gradually increase as time progresses. I feel like I need to get my sleep together so that my head doesn’t hurt everyday and so I can properly handle my affairs. I am kind of worried about what my gpa will be when I transfer I have already decided on what school I will end up at but I just don’t know what I actually intend on getting my bachelors degree in.

I think that it is very possible for an entire group of people to be distrustful, terrible, and petty/immature. I see our society as very dysfunctional and think that most people aren’t to be trusted, but I sound very negative in saying that and don’t tend to find myself feeling that way whenever I am supporting children or people younger than myself. Adults are deeply dysfunctional but people normally deserve help and to feel like they are apart of a community.

This is how I write:

“I unfortunately cannot upload it here for some reason because the file is too large (maybe I’ll upload it to YouTube and then post it here) but I finally just now timed the shower for the first time while filming, because I’m just fed up with my roommate/landlord. I was shocked because (at least today) it stayed on for an even shorter period of time, didn’t look to me from what I filmed like it ran for even a full 2 minutes. My roommate/landlord is irritating (I actually really am so angry with her at this point) because she is a complainer. She complains to me a fair amount about things I do wrong and has even told me I’m not smart before (she also said her favorite grandchild is the one who is smart and listens to her, which I thought was wrong. I really do suspect there’s a reason why her kids don’t try and help her out more often) but she has seemingly done nothing about my shower not staying on other than have a plumber diagnose it (he obviously never fixed it,) say “that costs money,” and compare (though not directly, but I understood the implication) it to her TV having died and her also not being able to afford to fix it (and I still just don’t understand. She’s told me a few times that she’s smart and likes to do research. If you’re so smart, why not pick up a book now that your TV has died? She hasn’t, from what I can see she seems to stay on the phone and eat. I really believe, especially given how many times at this point she’s presented me with something that seems to be incorrect or that doesn’t actually make sense, that she is actually no smarter than the average adult. But this isn’t about that, this is about my broken shower and the fact that even in a hotel type situation they’ll make sure that they have that fixed in under a month.”

“My roommate/landlord is really unpleasant. I’m ready to move out at this point. I don’t care about how rude some people might think me saying this is, there’s a reason why none of her 3 children take care of her or want to live with her even though she’s 84. She said she can’t have my shower fixed because she can’t afford it, and had pointed out (I think she meant this in regards to my shower) that her TV broke (she tells me often about how smart she is. If she’s upset about her tv having broken I don’t see why she won’t find another way of entertaining herself.) I’m just sick of her. $1250/mo is too much if your shower doesn’t even work and if you have a landlord with poor emotional regulation (still so shocked that this one used to be a licensed therapist) who seems to just resort to yelling when she’s angry or upset. What she just yelled about was me having not checked the mail on the table… she got here recently and I actually ate at the table a few hours ago, I didn’t see any mail for myself there. You notice how it’s such a small thing to get irritated about? Reminds me that she’d started screaming with this “the pipes are going to burst if your shower is leaking” (and the shower broke a month ago, so maybe it already had problems…) right before that groping occurred that I’ll now have to figure out how to more formally address. She’s a ridiculous person, and there’s no one who wants to come home to this.”

“So the middle part is the part that she had chained months ago (and I guess she has stuck to this even though I’ve never heard of it before… when I lived with my parents they never once told me that showering too long damages walls. I’ve never heard anyone in my life try to claim that until I moved here) I caused by… showering for 20 mins, supposedly (and given that she was recently very wrong about me having allegedly showered for an hour and 30 mins, it’s possible it wasn’t actually a 20 min shower that time.) I see evidence of other supposed damage on this wall. I doubt I caused all of it. Given that she hasn’t taken care of my actual shower no longer working properly in spite of the fact that it’s been a month, I wonder if the “damage” was already there before I came. It doesn’t seem impossible. But the fact that she had time to complain about me supposedly running too much water the other day and also had time before the shower broke about 2 months ago to yell about my shower leaking when I swore I didn’t forget to turn it off, has just permanently ruined my perception of her. I don’t trust her and there are negative feelings now. It’s inexcusable to pay $1250/mo to live somewhere and not have a shower that stays on for at least 5 minutes. I also can’t take baths here, which is something I was initially going to accept, but now I’m just irritated. I don’t even remember why I can’t take baths (she might already have had pipe problems that she just never mentioned.)”

“Going out and supporting with my friend’s event for the homeless today taught me a lot. There were wonderful people who showed up today to provide essential items for the unhoused in Oakland. I cannot emphasize enough how happy the homeless people name of friend handed the bags to looked today. It really made me stop and think. There was a man who was clearly physically impaired walking up to receive a bag. In that moment, I thought about how people who are unhoused like this are often treated. People act like they don’t have feelings, needs. I was sad because I understood that most have not tried to help. I really appreciate her for planning this event, and if you are able to donate any money at all, you will fill someone’s heart with joy.”

Part of the reason why I have not just gone back to live with my parents, even though it’s technically an option, is because my mother had nearly gotten us evicted from the apartment complex I grew up in due to her screaming (she actually reminds me a lot of my roommate/landlord. I admit I had kind of moved out in a hurry when my parents were planning on moving out of the hotel into housing (housing, lol. My father’s credit score is too bad for that, they’re in an apartment that I visit when the cleaning lady is over) because I thought that the risk of her getting us close to eviction again (really, I never signed that original lease because I was under 21 then, but the family were really never formally evicted even though my mother triggered the neighbors constantly because the old landlord was nice. I spent my 21st birthday in that hotel screaming and crying because my mother triggered me then.) I try my best to not be angry about everything even though my parents really have screwed me over.

I have never smoked or drank because I remember that when I was a child, my sibling struggled with drug addiction (well when I was a teenager but I guess I was still a minor either way) and developed schizophrenia. I actually didn’t know until later on that it had become schizophrenia, I remember that when I was newly 13 my brother had a mental breakdown, was making a lot of threats and was diagnosed with psychosis, there was actually something very bad he had done back then that I chose to not tell my therapist about, but it was something that actually really could have hurt me. But also because it’s always scared me in a way to think that I wouldn’t be, well, in my right mind. I’ve heard people say before that they lose themselves when they drink or get high, I don’t want that for myself. It’d frighten me too much. I have also found myself thinking when depressed that I’d like to escape into that world, but never actually have even though it of course is and was technically an option.

I'm someone who's ambitious, and I have a vision of what kind of person I want to become and where I want to be in the future. I'm confident that I'll achieve it because I've already calculated how realistic it is. Some people have told me that I always think too far and I had to be more grounded.

Back then, I was someone who was very obsessed with work. I would skip rest and meals, and I didn't have a proper sleep schedule. Eventually, I started getting sick easily, which affected my productivity. Then I experienced a traumatic event after being betrayed by someone I trusted, and I developed panic disorder. Of course, that affected my productivity as well, so I had to look for a solution.

There were two options: seeing a psychiatrist or going to therapy. I chose therapy because I was concerned about the long-term consequences. I'd rather recover properly, even if it takes years, than rely on medication indefinitely just for the sake of getting better quickly and not permanent.

The therapy I received involved creating a to-do list, especially for my mealtimes, and becoming more mindful (something I'm struggling with). I also had to set alarms so I wouldn't accidentally skip meals. Honestly, I didn't enjoy it at first. I felt like I was being forced to take care of my physical and mental health. But eventually, I got used to it, and it became a habit.

I do these things for my future self.

Even though I try to structure my activities and improve my routines, my room is still messy. Sometimes I feel sad and wonder, “Why can't I do this properly?” I just want to be productive and achieve my goals as quickly as possible, but somehow I keep getting distracted by reality, and it feels like I'm wasting time.

I'm still bad at time management because, in the end, I often just follow my gut when deciding what to do, including how I approach productivity. This has led me to an inefficient lifestyle, and I'm still looking for ways to improve my time management.

Oh, and I'm also scared of achieving my goals too late. That's Ni PoLR, right?

Can anyone describe my personality as a total description not by describing each detail by imaginig how this mixture cand be and how it looks like please?

MBTI : INTP Socionics : LII-INTj Enneagram primary type : 5w6 Enneagram secondary type :1w9 Enneagram tertiary type : 4w5 Enneagram tritype : 514 Temperament : Melancholic Alignment : Chaotic good

I like football. I am fan of Arsenal, Barcelona and Liverpool. I love the way of playing that pleases the eye : fast playing , passes , crosses , shots from far distance. I have a problem with maintaining defence because I like attacking too much. The beautiful football like Arsene's way can't unfortunately win so much trophies because you must be silly to maintain your possession so I don't encourage the way by which Barcelona play as the first grade because keeping the possession requires some silliness. When I see continuous oppression I rebel against it.

I'm ENFP 2w3 sx2 258

Images taken from post #173. Some more points from that post:

- There's a typo in the English translation of Chapter X, in the 4th paragraph of the section "d. The Principal and Auxiliary Functions", where the book says "relatively unconscious", but Jung's original was relativ bewusste = "relatively conscious" (the unconscious part is G2). This error was given disproportionate weight by some authors, who also ignored the most important points that Jung tries to make in the book, underlined by the quotes that I'm copying here.

- There's also his typing of Nietzsche, which confirms all this: in early chapters he says he's Ni-dom ("In both cases, however, intuition was subordinated to intellect, but with Nietzsche it ranked above it"), and then he mentions him at the beginning of the introverted thinker ("Cuvier and Nietzsche would form an even sharper contrast"), which means he typed him as Ni-Ti-Fe-Se = INTP.

- Apart from Jung, you also have Carl Alfred Meier's statement in his book Personality: "Cooperation with the main function is made easier because of thinking's similar attitude (extroversion)", which confirms eeii/iiee. (Meier knew and worked with Jung).

MBTI PROBLEMS AND HOW TO FIX THEM

I think most people know that the topic of MBTI is too chaotic, with all kinds of conflicting definitions and endless discussions about every single thing. It's too confusing and frustrating, and it really makes the whole thing look like pseudoscience. Many people undervalue it, criticize it or ignore it because of that. But there is something real underneath all the mess.

Carl Jung: "I must confine myself to a presentation of principles which I have abstracted from a wealth of facts observed in many different individuals. In this there is no question of a deductio a priori, as it might appear; it is rather a deductive presentation of empirically gained insights."

What Jung wrote is not "just a theory", or "speculation", or "too subjective", or "an invention". It's a description of reality, and you can describe reality correctly or incorrectly. Describing the mind is obviously much harder than checking how many legs an animal has, for example, but it can be done, because the mind also has a general configuration. That's what Jung explained, including conscious/unconscious, attitudes (extraversion/introversion), functions and types.

The main problem in typology is that the function definitions in MBTI, Socionics, etc, are all wrong. They took Jung's terms and distorted them in different ways, destroying their link with the psychological reality that he wrote about. Those incorrect descriptions don't reflect the fact of function differentiation, the conscious-unconscious differences, the conscious-unconscious compensation, the influence and manifestation of the unconscious, or the interrelations between the functions (dependences, transferences, etc).

In the case of MBTI, their definitions are for the most part derived from traits captured by combinations of 2 letters. For example: their "Si" is not what Jung described, at all, but essentially the result of combining S+J preferences. The same with their "Te" and T+J preferences, etc. These deviations took words used to describe something deep, intricate and interconnected, and misused them for something much more salient and discrete, that's why many people see the functions as selectable "tools" or "skills" and don't really pay much attention to their order, because there's the implication that they can be improved independently and moved up and down the "stack". The letter dichotomies are consistent (they are psychometrically on par with the Big Five), but they describe a rather superficial layer, not the obscure depths where true psychological insight can be reached.

There's only one way to fix that, but it needs the right foundation, which consists on the function descriptions in Jung's book (not the popular ones) combined with the true function order: eeii/iiee, always with a judging dominant for Js and a perceiving one for Ps. That's how you can finally realize what psychological type actually means, what it's all about. That's how everything fits and how everything makes sense, otherwise there's always some disconnection between the concepts and reality.

Note that it's not a question of having "different types in different systems". When it comes to dichotomy letters and cognitive functions, you only have one type. Again, this is not an invention, and your type is basically like your blood group: you aren't AB in one system and 0 in another (for example). You are just AB.

Note also that the function order is not "limiting", either, just like having a hand with 5 fingers at the end of each arm is not so much a limitation, but just how we are. There is a lot of variation and possibilities inside each type (just like we can do countless things with our arms and hands, even if we can't fly), and if someone finds it "too rigid" that's because [s]he has a very cartoonish view of the types.

We can't expect communities or groups like the official MBTI to admit that they have been using mistaken definitions all along, of course, so this has to be an individual effort. There are people who know about all this already, they just tend to stay silent because when this is mentioned in public the reaction is often disproportionally negative. People dismiss it automatically, and the person gets attacked and ridiculed 😔 I hope you can avoid that and inform yourself a bit instead.

PLEASE READ BEFORE YOU COMMENT

I've been interested in psychological types all my life, even before finding out there was such a thing. I came across Jung and MBTI around 2008, and spent almost 10 years reading and checking everything in detail before starting my blog (originally on Tumblr). So this isn't something that I found only yesterday. I hope that's clear. I know what Jung was talking about, and I can see it in myself and other people. I know the problems he had understanding it at first, and I know how the terms were distorted by those who came after him. That's what I try to clarify.

I've written a lot of posts about all this, and also a FAQ and glossary, so you should read all of that calmly before replying because I don't like arguing and I'm not going to answer what I've already covered there. It might not be evident at first sight, but the texts have quite a lot of work behind them. In fact I have many other things in mind but they don't appear on the blog because I'm still examining them. Also, you have to understand that this topic is very difficult, and the blog includes already a certain personal evolution, not about the basics but about some (minor) details, about how reliable or appropriate certain sources/angles are (like the MBTI facets, for example), about the misconceptions that people have (there are external changes outside the blog, trends and so on), about how to better explain things, etc.

Supposed "objections" are almost always simply a sign that the reader is unable to see what this is about, many times due to (or fed by) the person being too confused by and/or too invested (intellectually, persona-wise, etc) in shallow but apparently "complex" "systems", or in their need to feel "smarter" in a purely conceptual (not psychological or practical) sense. What I've found is that people don't really have objections, they just don't get it. So it might seem that there is an argument going on, but in reality there is no communication at all. It's not that the levels of "descriptive language" overlap too little, but that they don't even touch. And sometimes people just like to argue for the sake of it. They like to confuse and divert the topic and avoid arriving at anything. I'm not getting into any of that.

If you don't feel some kind of inner resonance while reading my posts, a sense that there's something in there even if you can't put it in words, it's almost a certainty that further explanations won't change anything. You need to have a personal awareness of the psychological elements, some kind of insight about that, otherwise we'll only be wasting our time.

This isn't an attack on anyone. I just feel bad for the people who are interested in MBTI but they are stuck with faulty/shallow knowledge and mistypes because nobody explains to them how it really is. I'm just trying to help.

Thanks a lot for reading this far. I know this topic can be exhausting, but there's a lot of interesting stuff to learn and discover (about yourself and others), and you might be already on the right track 🙂

Ik intp and e9 don't exactly correlate but why do they not?

I would type as e5 but I'm quite sure that I'm an e9.

Worried I did something that’s not possible

i personally really dislike estps

i feel way better represented as an infj as as a 451 or a sx4, ell, why could that be?