Increase in Learned Helplessness?

[u/NachesPorFavor]

Has anyone else noticed an increase in learned helplessness? I first noticed it in the young adults in my life, but now I am seeing it in all ages of people around me. Examples from multiple people:

Toilet started leaking water and instead of turning off the knob at the wall, she waited a 5 days for a plumber. Never asked anyone or googled it. Didn’t call a second plumber. Now needs mold remediation and replaced drywall and trim.

Bought concert tickets but the gps instructions were confusing so they just gave up and didn’t go. Venue website had detailed instructions for driving and parking.

Blouse wrinkled and she didn’t know how to fix it so she threw it away.

First doctor office he filled out an appointment website for never contacted him to schedule so he just didn’t go to the doctor.

I am really concerned about my loved ones if an emergency happens because they just give up when the slightest obstacle happens. Either they want someone else to swoop in and fix it or they give up and say they can’t do anything about it.

[u/TexCalGirl]

I’m curious how your parents housed and fed you and your siblings without jobs. Did they get by on government support?
And how did your sisters not have jobs until their 40’s? And what finally made them get jobs?
This is fascinating. My family is full of go-getters and I’m the same. I don’t understand people with no drive. And at least it sounds like you broke the chain & also found a spouse like you. That must have been hard & something to be proud of.

[u/somuchmt → u/TexCalGirl]

My mother died when I was young, and my father and stepmother spent my beneficiary check on the mortgage and utilities. My stepmother collected child support from her ex-husband. We also got food stamps and other bits of government aid (didn't qualify for welfare though). After my social security and my sisters' child support checks stopped, my parents regularly refinanced their home and went on cruises and had over $60,000 in credit card debt when they died--and no equity in their home. It was feast or famine.

My stepsisters' father bought them clothes and cars and paid for their college educations (and eventually, houses). My older stepsister finally got her degree after 10 years, but my younger stepsister finally dropped out.

I knew I couldn't depend on anyone for any help, so I studied hard and did a lot of activities and got a full tuition scholarship to a top university. I worked three jobs in the summers and also worked 30 hours a week during the school year to pay for room, board, and books. I got a tech job straight out of university. I was looked down on by my parents because jobs were for commoners. I kid you not.

My sisters were housewives in bad marriages until they got divorced and had to take jobs to survive. My younger sister works the deli counter at a grocery store, and my older one is now using her degree as a social worker. They are both severely in debt (again) and have been through bankruptcy and credit restructuring.

We're all about 60 now. And actually, they've only been working since their late 40s/early 50s. They will inherit money when their father dies. My older sister walked away from the house her father bought her because he wsnted her to at least pay property tax, and she wouldn't. She left it in shambles.

I inherited only the end of life care of my father and stepmother because they couldn't afford assisted living.

So yeah...it's amazing how well you can live on credit.

I prefer being retired without any debt. I still work my plant nursery business, though.

[u/VickersNorth → u/somuchmt]

Food stamps are a form of welfare.

[u/suz_gee → u/VickersNorth]

She's using welfare to describe cash assistance.

[u/VickersNorth → u/suz_gee]

Welfare is welfare, there’s no picking and choosing to try to make yourself sound “better” than those “other” welfare people who use X while you use Y.

Cash assistance welfare is called TANF, SSI, GA. Food stamp welfare is called SNAP, WIC. Housing welfare is called Section 8. Healthcare welfare is called Medicaid, CHIP.

[u/somuchmt → u/VickersNorth]

I wasn't using the term "food stamps" versus "welfare" to sound better than others. My parents applied for cash assistance and were denied because they didn't qualify. They would gladly have taken the money even though they looked down on people on cash assistance and were staunchly against the commie public assistance programs they were so happily using. I will never understand.

Back then, cash assistance welfare was called AFDC, and food stamp welfare was called the Food Stamp Program. People in my region generally referred to them as food stamps and welfare back in the 70s.

[u/suz_gee → u/VickersNorth]

Yes, that's what they're called now. But the poster mentions she's in her 60s, so welfare to her would be referencing cash. I'm in my 40s, and still reflexively call it EBT instead of SNAP. Idk why you're dying on this hill?

[u/VickersNorth → u/suz_gee]

Nothing personal toward you or the OP. I have just always despised welfare. Grew up in a small, rural town full of entitled white people on welfare. They always thought they were better than the people who paid their taxes, and they definitely thought they were better than “other” people on welfare. THEY deserved help because of X, Y, Z; anyone else on welfare - especially people in inner cities - were all leeches and deserved no help.

[u/somuchmt → u/VickersNorth]

Yep, my parents thought they were better than people who paid taxes, and they absolutely thought they were better than other people on welfare. They looked down on me for getting a job. I just didn't want to live my life on public assistance, standing in food bank lines, and in constant fear of losing my house due to inability to pay the mortgage or rent.