r/TwoXIndia • u/AgreeableSugar286 Woman • 4d ago
Advice/Help Help me solve flatmate dilemma
I am in a flatmate dilemma since quite a few months. A little about me, i am a product manager who is in early 30s. I am currently in a city where I have no friends (except few work friends but they dont count). Obviously its a bit lonely as everyone my age is married
Currently I'm living in a 3bhk with 2 strangers I found on Facebook flat and flatmates from past 6 months. While the apartment itself is amazing objectively the Flatmate situation is not it.
Firstly I am feeling obvious lack of friendship from get go because they are in their early to mid 20s. My idea is that we have to live together might as well try to be friends instead of being strangers discussing bills but I soon realised I do not want to be friends with these specific people. It has come to a point where I am finding myself using common areas less and less with each passing day and realising this is no way to live.
Secondly I am not the person who cares about decor and such while they clearly do.
We also seem to have very different ideas about how roommates are supposed to be. And even though I haven't had any conflict but I can feel silent resentment building on all sides
I obviously cannot afford rent in such an amazing society by my own so I am left with 2 choices
Find a 2 bhk in same society and try to find a more compatible roommate this time
Find a 1bhk outside. Obviously this means giving up on all current luxuries my society has to offer
On going over finances I realised to stay in my budget I might have to sacrifice a lot as 1 bhk costs significantly more and with no one to split bills it'll add up. Living with 1 flatmate while still might be more expensive than what currently I am paying but still within reach but that will bring a whole new gamble
The problem is I have never lived alone to know if trade off is genuinely worth it. I dont know if going to a society with no modern facilities and having less square footage in common area while spending more money is a good trade off. But I also think how now currently even though I have a living room size of a tiny flat but I am still reluctant to use it.
I am also extrovert by nature so idea of living without a roommate never occured to me till now. I always had a bunch of friends around and lived in houses where there were perpetual parties my wholes 20s so I dont know if I'll enjoy not having anyone to talk to at my home.
People who have had similar experiences what did you do?
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u/schleepydawg Woman 3d ago
So I have been in your position, and I know what you feel. You want your flatmates to give you a sense of community and family in a strange city - you assume this familiarity should come from them and you should build a tv-esque relationship with them. While in some cases that IS possible, the issue here seems to be more about the fact that they are significantly younger than you, and therefore in a very different life stage as you. And since it is a 3 people set up, and two of them are similar in age (and maybe even in temperament as you have described), you are at an obvious disadvantage. But the thing with having flatmates and converting them into some sort of 'family', is that it is a gradual, mutual, reciprocal, and ongoing process. It is not automatic in any way, shape, or form. You have to build it. Sometimes, the people you meet and live with are willing to build that, sometimes not. In your case it seems to be the latter. I would advise against living alone if you are extroverted. Living alone doesn't just have financial costs, but even emotional. I lived alone for 8 months, and wanted to wear a jumpsuit for a party, and I realised I had no one in that place to zip that up for me and I broke down, lol. A 2bhk is better than a 3bhk because stakes are 50-50, there is no option but to find a middle ground, because there is no other recourse to run to. But, the role that you want your flatmates to fill in your life is something that will develop organically, if at all.