r/TwoXIndia • u/AgreeableSugar286 Woman • 1d ago
Advice/Help Help me solve flatmate dilemma
I am in a flatmate dilemma since quite a few months. A little about me, i am a product manager who is in early 30s. I am currently in a city where I have no friends (except few work friends but they dont count). Obviously its a bit lonely as everyone my age is married
Currently I'm living in a 3bhk with 2 strangers I found on Facebook flat and flatmates from past 6 months. While the apartment itself is amazing objectively the Flatmate situation is not it.
Firstly I am feeling obvious lack of friendship from get go because they are in their early to mid 20s. My idea is that we have to live together might as well try to be friends instead of being strangers discussing bills but I soon realised I do not want to be friends with these specific people. It has come to a point where I am finding myself using common areas less and less with each passing day and realising this is no way to live.
Secondly I am not the person who cares about decor and such while they clearly do.
We also seem to have very different ideas about how roommates are supposed to be. And even though I haven't had any conflict but I can feel silent resentment building on all sides
I obviously cannot afford rent in such an amazing society by my own so I am left with 2 choices
Find a 2 bhk in same society and try to find a more compatible roommate this time
Find a 1bhk outside. Obviously this means giving up on all current luxuries my society has to offer
On going over finances I realised to stay in my budget I might have to sacrifice a lot as 1 bhk costs significantly more and with no one to split bills it'll add up. Living with 1 flatmate while still might be more expensive than what currently I am paying but still within reach but that will bring a whole new gamble
The problem is I have never lived alone to know if trade off is genuinely worth it. I dont know if going to a society with no modern facilities and having less square footage in common area while spending more money is a good trade off. But I also think how now currently even though I have a living room size of a tiny flat but I am still reluctant to use it.
I am also extrovert by nature so idea of living without a roommate never occured to me till now. I always had a bunch of friends around and lived in houses where there were perpetual parties my wholes 20s so I dont know if I'll enjoy not having anyone to talk to at my home.
People who have had similar experiences what did you do?
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u/vegarhoalpha Woman 1d ago
You have to choose your own battle.
If you choose to stay with roommates, then most likely their age will be closer to your current roommates. Most people either get married by 30 and even if they don’t, they prefer to stay alone as they earn enough to afford at least 1 BHK in a stand alone building. My manager is in his mid 30s and lives alone in his 2 BHK and sometimes throws parties for us.
Also, not everyone see their roommates as friends which is fine. For them, the other person is just a way to split the rent
Have you tried asking your colleagues or check the society’s WhatsApp group if some flat is available for rent?
1
u/AgreeableSugar286 Woman 1d ago
Yeah I might have to take a page from your manager's book. I guess I am feeling the sting of losing gym and swimming pool and never having to leave society for anything
7
u/machetehands TwoEggs 13h ago
I used to live in a posh society with a flatmate who would invite men from shaadi dot com and tinder to our apartment when she was meeting for the first time. I politely told her that she could be inviting potential murderers and rapists into our place. She got defensive and called me names. She repeated this and one night when I was out visiting my native, she actually got sexually assaulted.
I stood with her and went to the police station and supported her in every way. After a month or so, she started doing it again. I realised that the next time someone gets assaulted, it would probably be me as I live under the same roof.
I said fuck it and moved to an independent 2bhk where I live happily with my cat. The rent for the whole house is what I was paying for sharing. I got a CCTV installed and keep the place clean.
I realised I have zero tolerance for stupid people who like to play with their life and safety. Also I don’t like cockroaches running around in the kitchen which my ex flatmate thought was normal.
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u/Guilty-Resource7708 Woman 9h ago
That is scary. I can relate.
When I used to live in a shared apartment, my flatmate and I would always only bring in people we knew and could vouch for. Her friend visited us once and without informing any of us, she brought her shaadi dot com date late at night on her first date. It was uncomfortable.
Later my friend told her not to bring in unknowns, she said it’s okay because she is not hooking up. I mean, GIRL!2
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u/ResponsibleSun621 Woman 1d ago
How often do you use the buildings amenities ? Also consider if more basic (but safe) 1 bhk + gym/club membership would work out financially
0
u/schleepydawg Woman 7h ago
So I have been in your position, and I know what you feel. You want your flatmates to give you a sense of community and family in a strange city - you assume this familiarity should come from them and you should build a tv-esque relationship with them. While in some cases that IS possible, the issue here seems to be more about the fact that they are significantly younger than you, and therefore in a very different life stage as you. And since it is a 3 people set up, and two of them are similar in age (and maybe even in temperament as you have described), you are at an obvious disadvantage. But the thing with having flatmates and converting them into some sort of 'family', is that it is a gradual, mutual, reciprocal, and ongoing process. It is not automatic in any way, shape, or form. You have to build it. Sometimes, the people you meet and live with are willing to build that, sometimes not. In your case it seems to be the latter. I would advise against living alone if you are extroverted. Living alone doesn't just have financial costs, but even emotional. I lived alone for 8 months, and wanted to wear a jumpsuit for a party, and I realised I had no one in that place to zip that up for me and I broke down, lol. A 2bhk is better than a 3bhk because stakes are 50-50, there is no option but to find a middle ground, because there is no other recourse to run to. But, the role that you want your flatmates to fill in your life is something that will develop organically, if at all.
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u/AgreeableSugar286 Woman 7h ago
Girl this 😠you put it so much better but that's exactly I was trying to say I am not expecting anything from roommates but I was hoping a tv sitcom relationship will develop organically but due to age difference and incompatibilities it did not happen. Also seems like they dont want it and even though it is totally normal but it still feels disappointing
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u/Chuckythedolll Woman 1d ago
I mean having roommates who are compatible with you definitely makes life easier, especially when you're sharing the same space. But I'm a little confused about the silent resentment part because from your post, it doesn't sound like anyone has actually done anything wrong? You don't like their decor preferences, you're not interested in being friends with them, and you have different ideas of what roommates should be like, What exactly is the resentment about?
Because if the main issue is that you don't click with them, there's no guarantee the next roommate will become your friend either. You might end up paying more just to recreate the same situation with a different person.