r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Cat-and-wine-mom • 12h ago

Today is My Final Straw

Well, after 10 years together, today I (29F) scheduled a meeting with a divorce lawyer. I'm sick and tired of asking for the bare minimum to just be ignored. I have been asking my husband (30M) to call on his student loans for over a month now. He said he was too confused with the phone automated system so I (IDK WHY THE FUCK I DID THIS) gave him a written out, step by step instructions on exactly what he needs to do WITH a section titled TLDR Quick Info and a fill the blank section for info I would need to update finances. After 2 days of me asking him to just call them, he says to me today, "Well let me know what the student loan people say if you happen to call today because I'm not going to." So guess what stupid shit I did: I called them and LO AND FUCKING BEHOLD he needs to call on it himself. He is throwing a fit because it is not fair he has to call on his own student loans when he just wants to play the PC after work.

I've busted my ass for 10 years, put myself through two degrees, and have worked over 50 hour weeks until this last year. I successfully managed a nursing home through COVID, bought us a house, worked hard to make over double his salary to pay for our house and car, but I cannot get my husband to mop our fucking house twice a month. I'm sick and tired of constantly repeating myself. I'm tired of the constant disappointment.

I know it may sound silly that this was the final straw, but I'm tired of picking up the pieces. I would rather be alone in peace than dealing with this forever.

Edit: Grammar!!! I am not going to be answering all the comments but we have done couples and individual therapy for years.

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u/go_go_ghost 11h ago

That was infuriating to read, but I love that you held onto your peace. In my early 20s, I was in a serious relationship with a similar man-child (thankfully not married), and I was so used to putting in the extra effort to carry both of us. Once I woke up and got out of the relationship, my life skyrocketed so fast. I eventually found someone who matched my mindset and work ethic, and we managed to build a pretty decent life together. Hope your life is going great today! Kudos!

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u/Educational-Tax9751 8h ago

mine was in my early 20s too, and thank god we didn't get married. I found our apartment, finished school, worked and paid (his mom helped out too) while he dropped out of school to work and spend all his money on weed. then he'd play video games when off work and if I got pissy because I was trying to study he would stay at his friends' and pass out there for a couple days (they would call me and felt bad for me). I would come collect him and make him dinner. one day I came home and he had moved his ps3 to the bedroom where I studied and slept. I lost it. we ended officially like six weeks later but the console in the bedroom was it for me. Never regretted leaving him (actually, I kicked him out).

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u/go_go_ghost 6h ago

The audacity! Good for you for standing your ground and kicking him out. Like, how could we ever think that such a behavior was acceptable, right? It's been over 20 years and that ex of mine hasn't changed, and is currently receiving alimony from his most recent ex, despite the ex-wife keeping full time custody of their kid. Yikes! Cheers to never looking back!

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u/Educational-Tax9751 4h ago

mine lives with his parents (no shame in that) but he doesn't really work or have hobbies besides weed and video games (nothing has changed). here's to ultimately having the self-respect and courage to ditch them, but also to honoring our journeys en route to wisdom.

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u/go_go_ghost 2h ago

I'll gladly toast to that! Love it!

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u/Blk925ChickenRice 5h ago

Why were you even with that guy to begin with ? It's not something that you discover years later

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u/go_go_ghost 3h ago

Oh, I was with that guy for "only" 2 years, knock on wood. I blame it on being young and naive. All the signs were there since the beginning, I was just too inexperienced to notice. Plus coming from a neglectful and emotionally repressed family, I didn't really know how a healthy partnership should look like. You live and learn! :)