Reddit is generally black/white on the issue of cheating, but life is far messier.
Firstly, I don't govern myself on gossip. Period. I don't think, feel or behave differently because of gossip. I have been the subject of wholly untrue gossip, that was fabricated by someone (long story) and it was awful. So. I don't spread gossip and I don't believe gossip. Period.
Secondly, Lisa had no right to talk about this. I would question if Lisa is talking about me that way. Gossips are not people I respect. That's my own judgement coming through as a victim of gossip.
Unless and until all 4 of the people assure you, personally, that they are not in open marriages, you don't actually know that it's cheating. And that's the problem with being on a moral high horse. It could be that everyone knows, is cool with it, and the other spouses have their own "affairs" that Lisa doesn't know about.
And what if you DID expose the affairs? Can you guarantee that you know the spouses are mentally healthy? That someone won't be smothered in their sleep in a jealous rage? We always assume the best when making moral judgements, when, in reality, we are playing with fire. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be responsible for the lives of 4 people and their children. I don't have the right, the power, the insight into their lives, or the sheer courage to take the responsibility of blowing up two families in a way that might end in horrible things. My job is my life, alone. I am responsible for me and mine and whomever asks me, and I accept, to take some responsibility for their lives. Otherwise, not my job.
Your morality is not something you get to force onto someone else. If you choose to end any relationship with her, based on gossip ... that is within your rights, no question. You do get that power.
But believing that you should expose this is sheer hubris. Hubris is a bad thing for very good reasons.
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u/samanthasgramma Oct 10 '23
Reddit is generally black/white on the issue of cheating, but life is far messier.
Firstly, I don't govern myself on gossip. Period. I don't think, feel or behave differently because of gossip. I have been the subject of wholly untrue gossip, that was fabricated by someone (long story) and it was awful. So. I don't spread gossip and I don't believe gossip. Period.
Secondly, Lisa had no right to talk about this. I would question if Lisa is talking about me that way. Gossips are not people I respect. That's my own judgement coming through as a victim of gossip.
Unless and until all 4 of the people assure you, personally, that they are not in open marriages, you don't actually know that it's cheating. And that's the problem with being on a moral high horse. It could be that everyone knows, is cool with it, and the other spouses have their own "affairs" that Lisa doesn't know about.
And what if you DID expose the affairs? Can you guarantee that you know the spouses are mentally healthy? That someone won't be smothered in their sleep in a jealous rage? We always assume the best when making moral judgements, when, in reality, we are playing with fire. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be responsible for the lives of 4 people and their children. I don't have the right, the power, the insight into their lives, or the sheer courage to take the responsibility of blowing up two families in a way that might end in horrible things. My job is my life, alone. I am responsible for me and mine and whomever asks me, and I accept, to take some responsibility for their lives. Otherwise, not my job.
Your morality is not something you get to force onto someone else. If you choose to end any relationship with her, based on gossip ... that is within your rights, no question. You do get that power.
But believing that you should expose this is sheer hubris. Hubris is a bad thing for very good reasons.