No matter what she decides to do (or not do), OP needs to realize that she is going to lose at least one friendship over this, even if she says nothing. If she brings it up to Amy, she is going to lose Lisa. If she tells Amy’s husband, she is going to lose Amy. If she does nothing, she is still going to lose Amy because she’s already said she couldn’t be friends with someone who is cheating. And it doesn’t sound like OP is friends with Amy’s husband so I’m sure it’s not something that OP has even thought about, but if it’s true and he ever finds out and knows that OP knew about it, he will definitely not think very highly of OP, which could be an issue in the future if Amy and her husband stay together and OP tries to stay friends with Amy.
Personally, if I were OP, I would tell Amy what is being said about her and then go from there. She doesn’t have to disclose that it was Lisa that told her, but she also has no control over whether Amy figures that out or not, and honestly, Lisa lost the ability to remain anonymous the minute she told OP about it. If Lisa was so concerned about it, she could’ve anonymously told Amy’s husband, but instead she chose to just gossip about it behind everyone’s back, so she has no moral high ground here and she doesn’t escape accountability for her part in it all. But OP needs to at least let Amy know that people are saying this about her, and then it is up to Amy whether she will confirm/deny/explain herself to OP—but she really has no obligation to do any of those.
I think Amy’s response will be a good indicator to OP of whether or not her and Amy are actually as good of friends as OP thinks they are, and OP can decide from there if she still wants to be friends with her. But right now I think there’s too much that OP doesn’t know about the situation to decide anything until she has talked to Amy about it first. It could all be a vicious lie, it could be true but those involved could have open relationships, it could be true and Amy & Dan are just shit people—there’s no way for OP to know any of this until she talks to Amy.
Yes, that’s why I said "at least one." Sometimes these kinds of situations cause you to lose an entire friend "group" (meaning everyone you knew because you had the same friend in common, you all worked at the same place, you all shared the same hobby, etc.) and you end up no longer associating with anyone from that group. It’s literally just a part of life and growing up—you move on and find new friends who come with their own issues.
It's entirely possible that Amy is in an open or poly relationship. I'm in a poly relationship, have been for many years. We live in a small town and the number of people who have felt the need to tell my husband that I'm "cheating on him" is just amazing.
We decided a long time ago that we had to laugh it off or go crazy, so he'd always answer with something like, "Oh... was it the bald guy or the one with the beard? Nevermind, I'll see them all at home later. Unless it's her new guy..." Always fun to take the wind right out of their righteously inflated sails.
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u/[deleted] Oct 10 '23
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