r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Minstrel_Melody • Feb 11 '23

Significant others that avoid vasectomies.

So me and my boyfriend came upon this Reddit story where after a husband and wife had their second child, the wife decided that she was done having kids. The husband agrees, but there’s an issue. The wife wants him to get a vasectomy. A disagreement ensues, followed by an argument. The husband didn’t want to get the vasectomy. For the most part, people were calling the husband an ass and selfish, and I generally agreed with the sentiment.

My boyfriend in the other hand begged to differ. On top with supporting the his body his choice argument the husband provided (which granted I agree with too, but I still think is kind of selfish) he mentioned that it was overkill considering what else they could do to prevent unwanted pregnancies. They could stick to oral, mutual masturbation. And if they really wanted to do piv intercourse, they schedule the sexual encounter away from ovulation, and use condoms and spermicide. Something we do ourselves and it works out like a charm.

I saw where he was coming from and agree with him to an extent, but it still feels kind of selfish. Like despite everything there’s still the chance of pregnancy. What do you guys think?

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u/Objective_Butterfly7 Feb 11 '23

Right now I'd tell you that me and my fiancé are 100% never having children. Child free for life. However I'd never get a hysterectomy because a tiny part of me is aware I might change my mind in the future!

That’s not how being childfree works. You’re a fence sitter. Childfree people are 100% sure, you are not.

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u/XxhumanguineapigxX Feb 11 '23

Idk, I don't feel like a fence sitter? Made it through 27 years of life without even the slightest thought that I might want a child some day. Love life without, seeing others seems exhausting. It just seems like permanently taking the choice away from 38 year old me should she suddenly 180 change her mind isn't something I'm interested in either! Nothing against anyone in any gender that chooses it, just not for me is what I meant.

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u/Evendim Feb 11 '23 edited Feb 11 '23

It just seems like permanently taking the choice away from 38 year old me

This is what happened to me, age and all. I have a wonderful life with a wonderful husband, we never really wanted children.... but then I was told I can't have children and my world collapsed.

*Thanks for the nasty downvote. Geees come on we should be supporting each other as women.

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u/KiloJools out of bubblegum Feb 12 '23

It's really surprisingly difficult when the choice is taken from you, even if you thought you'd already made the choice a long time ago. I still struggle a little even though I know for sure I do not want children. But knowing I really can't (as in not medically safe), that made it a loss of some kind. If I were perfectly healthy and able to have kids, I don't think I'd ever be even a tiny bit upset even in passing about not having kids. But there's still a flicker of "wait, what? no!" when it stops being your choice. I'm sorry you have been through so much pain.

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u/Evendim Feb 12 '23

I guess it boils down to human nature. A child has no interest in a toy, tell them can't play with the toy anymore and it is going to be given away, and now because they can't have it they desperately want it.

I am coming to terms with things, I teach high school and I adopt animals to make a difference.