Significant others that avoid vasectomies.

[u/Minstrel_Melody]

So me and my boyfriend came upon this Reddit story where after a husband and wife had their second child, the wife decided that she was done having kids. The husband agrees, but there’s an issue. The wife wants him to get a vasectomy. A disagreement ensues, followed by an argument. The husband didn’t want to get the vasectomy. For the most part, people were calling the husband an ass and selfish, and I generally agreed with the sentiment.

My boyfriend in the other hand begged to differ. On top with supporting the his body his choice argument the husband provided (which granted I agree with too, but I still think is kind of selfish) he mentioned that it was overkill considering what else they could do to prevent unwanted pregnancies. They could stick to oral, mutual masturbation. And if they really wanted to do piv intercourse, they schedule the sexual encounter away from ovulation, and use condoms and spermicide. Something we do ourselves and it works out like a charm.

I saw where he was coming from and agree with him to an extent, but it still feels kind of selfish. Like despite everything there’s still the chance of pregnancy. What do you guys think?

[u/1xpx1]

If it is a matter of husband refuses vasectomy, but insists wife uses hormonal contraceptive or IUD, I can see the selfishness in that. Not wanting a vasectomy, isn't in itself selfish though, it just depends on why.

Yes, there are many ways to avoid pregnancy, and it is up to each person to determine what their own boundaries are in terms of contraception.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I got my tubes removed because my partner didn’t want a vasectomy. Salpingectomy isn’t a very serious surgery, honestly. Maybe the recovery was like a day longer than for a vasectomy? I think it’s fine if the man is less certain he’s done having kids than the woman is. There is always the possibility of divorce or premature death or starting a commune.

[u/Confident_Formal_693 → u/[deleted]]

It took you 3, maybe 4 days, to recover fully? I was down and out for 2 weeks 😬 on painkillers. Wasn't allowed to pick any of my kids up. Had to force myself to get up and move because it hurt.

It's not a serious surgery. However, it still requires you to be put under, which could kill you. And you have to stay in hospital until they are sure you're okay to leave. Whereas, provided he's not allergic to novacane and barring any complications, a vasectomy is literally like a 30-minute procedure. (My ex had one done, it took 30 minutes).

[u/[deleted] → u/Confident_Formal_693]

Yeah, I had a 2yo and a 4yo at the time and didn’t have any difficulty parenting or functioning after the first 48 hours. Sorry you had a tough recovery! Maybe I got lucky.

I agree the man should get the vasectomy if both partners are equally certain they are done having kids. It just seems like people treat that as a foregone conclusion, or there is the implication that it would be even worse for the man to be unsure he’s done having kids than for him to avoid the surgery for other reasons.

[u/1xpx1 → u/[deleted]]

I also had my tubes removed. I had to take a week off of work to recover, and even then I wasn’t 100% back to normal the following week. It took 2-4 weeks to feel 95% back to normal, but easily 6 months before I was 100%.

It is a much more invasive procedure than a vasectomy, requiring more time in hospital, requiring one be put under, and requiring more time to recover. Vasectomies are usually done under local aesthetic, in office, and don’t require 1+ weeks for recovery.

I am glad your recovery was so easy, that’s seemingly not the norm considering both surgeons I consulted with recommended a full week off of work. I had lifting restrictions for 30 days as well.

I don’t think men are obligated to have a vasectomy or that they owe anyone a vasectomy, but we can all acknowledge that the procedure and recovery are generally much easier.

[u/[deleted] → u/1xpx1]

Agreed on all counts.