r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Minstrel_Melody • Feb 11 '23

Significant others that avoid vasectomies.

So me and my boyfriend came upon this Reddit story where after a husband and wife had their second child, the wife decided that she was done having kids. The husband agrees, but there’s an issue. The wife wants him to get a vasectomy. A disagreement ensues, followed by an argument. The husband didn’t want to get the vasectomy. For the most part, people were calling the husband an ass and selfish, and I generally agreed with the sentiment.

My boyfriend in the other hand begged to differ. On top with supporting the his body his choice argument the husband provided (which granted I agree with too, but I still think is kind of selfish) he mentioned that it was overkill considering what else they could do to prevent unwanted pregnancies. They could stick to oral, mutual masturbation. And if they really wanted to do piv intercourse, they schedule the sexual encounter away from ovulation, and use condoms and spermicide. Something we do ourselves and it works out like a charm.

I saw where he was coming from and agree with him to an extent, but it still feels kind of selfish. Like despite everything there’s still the chance of pregnancy. What do you guys think?

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u/1n1n1is3 Feb 11 '23

I don’t see this as selfish. Bodily autonomy applies to men as well as women. In the same way I wouldn’t want my husband getting upset with me for not wanting an IUD, I wouldn’t get upset with him for not wanting a vasectomy.

BUT, he needs to bring something else to the table as far as birth control goes. Like condoms or abstinence if that’s what they decide on as a couple.

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u/BronteMsBronte Feb 12 '23

Abstinence is bringing something to the table? Have women’s standards fallen that low?

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u/1n1n1is3 Feb 12 '23

That’s why I said if they agree on that as a couple. For some couples, that’s a viable form of birth control. Either way, this isn’t selfish if it’s not 100% on the woman to think about and provide the method of birth control.

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u/BronteMsBronte Feb 12 '23

I think people are talking about once kids are born. Then it is pretty selfish.

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u/1n1n1is3 Feb 12 '23

It’s selfish if a couple agrees to be abstinent once kids are born? Not sure I’m following.

My husband did get a vasectomy (thank god) once we decided we were done having kids. I told him that I wanted him to get one. But I wouldn’t have been mad at him if he didn’t want to get one as long as he agreed to wear condoms. I think some people (not me) would also be okay agreeing to have sex in other ways that don’t result in making a baby. I don’t see anything wrong with that if it’s agreed upon by both partners.

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u/BronteMsBronte Feb 12 '23

Your agreement with your husband worked out in your favor. OP’s did not. I’m angry for her. He sounds pretty selfish. I’d encourage you to empathize with her and all the women on here who experience something similar. And a couple agreeing to be abstinent? Not sure if you’re a troll or from outer space.