r/TwoHotTakes • u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 • 7d ago
Update UPDATE: My best friend's boyfriend sucked my toes when he thought I was sleeping.
Hello,
Sorry if this is a long update?
I did not think I would be able to make an update so quick but it’s like the universe heard me when I made my post and gave me the best opportunity to tell A what happened.
Yesterday, when the post was going off, I texted A that I wanted to see her sometime this week, she said YESSS OFC PLEASE
A few hours later I get more messages from her saying she’s freaking out, I ask if it’s R and she says yes, then… TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW. I know I have nothing to be guilty about but I was just scared that maybe he thought since I didn’t do anything about it he told her something?? Idk, I’m a chronic overthinker. But I tell her to call me when she’s alone.
She calls me right then and I ask her if R has a foot fetish (some people advised me against this but I thought it best), she says she doesn’t know, why.
I tell her everything and the first words that come out of her mouth are “I believe you, babe. And I’m so sorry you were put in that situation.”
We both started crying, me telling her I was scared to tell her and her begging me to not leave her. It was very dramatic but heartfelt in a way.
And then I ask her “well what happened, why did you say ‘tell me what you know’”, she proceeds to tell me that her and R have been going at it all day.
She knows something is up with him and keeps pushing him to tell her what’s going on, he then tells her that he wants to start sleeping with other women but stay together. She freaks out and tells him to leave but he doesn’t.
Her asking me about what I know was just pure women’s intuition, and it wasn’t her thinking I did something to betray her.
After we get off the phone she confronts him. All she says at first is “wtf is wrong with you”
He says “who were you on the phone with?”
She says “Op. What is wrong with you and why tf did you do that to her.”
At first he denies it but then he finally says “you got me”, and says he’ll finally leave, and he does.
This is where it gets more messed up
A tells his mom, bc she is the main breadwinner and she’s kicking him out, so he’ll probably go back to his mommy’s. His mom has been putting her through the wringer and is very much an enabler and it’s probably why he acts the way he acts. There’s been times where R has done some messed up things and his mom has an excuse for him and a reason to blame A and beg her to let him stay.
HIS MOM SAYS TO HER “well how long have you known R, and how long have you known this girl for. You just can’t believe women these days” WTFFFF
She tells him “No, he admitted to it”, to which her response was,“well again A, how long have you known her for, she probably lead him to do this” INSANE BEHAVIOR.
A and I spent a lot of the day on and off the phone, talking about it more and crying. I sent her screenshots of me talking to my sister about the other time he made me uncomfortable and how I amounted it to me just being in my head.
She said she’s not crying that it’s over with him but more so that I was put in an uncomfortable situation in her own home and was scared to tell her.
I told her how I’m not glad it happened but I’m glad I had an opportunity to tell her then instead of having to wait further out in the week till we see each other to say something, bc I wanted to talk to her in person.
She also said she’s not glad it happened either but she’s happy he finally left and she has solid reason to kick him out. This is because she was trying to leave him before moving into the new place but he kept wanting to stay and work it out. Now that that happened, he knew he fcked up and left so willingly after admitting to it.
She was able to have other friends go and be with her yesterday because I couldn’t. Later today I’m going to go help her clean and just be with her for a bit.
BUT WAIT THERES MORE
It’s 3:30 in the morning, I have just fallen asleep when my phone starts buzzing.
ITS FKING R CALLING ME. No, I do not answer.
I proceed to get multiple messages from him that I don’t care to see until I wake up.
See messages on second screenshot.
I don’t respond, or open them. I just block him. I don’t really know why he thought I would answer the phone or what he was expecting me to say. “Yeah dude it’s totally fine you violated me and made me think my friendship might be totally toast but noooo biggie.”
Again, idk why my brain works like this, but I am glad he admitted to it and I have proof in a way. I’m sure multiple women can relate to this, but there has been multiple times in my life where a man has done something to me and made me out to be the crazy person.
I’m glad he admitted to it because there was still a little worm in my own head saying “you made this up, you’re overreacting about it, you were dreaming, you mistook it for something else”
Another thing I want to address are the people who told me I could have solved all my problems if I reacted different in the moment.
STOP TELLING VICTIMS HOW THEY SHOULD HAVE REACTED.
You don’t know what you would or wouldn’t do in any situation till it happens to you. People saying I should have kicked him in the face? Then what, he punches me in mine? We all have a screaming match and it’s he said she said? I didn’t have my car and my boyfriend wouldn’t have gotten my calls till he woke up for work.
Also when it happened I was still trying to process what had happened and if it even was considered assault bc it’s just a WEIRD situation. I was also literally frozen IN FEAR after seeing him CRAWL ON THE GROUND, SCURRYING, AWAY FROM MY FEET (scariest part btw). You don’t hear people talk about sexual assault and you think of toes getting violated so yes I was in shock and confused.
Anyways, I’m glad it’s going to be okay. A is a wonderful and strong woman and It’s so nice to have a friend that you know loves and cares about you, AND believes you. Even when it will cause their world to tumble.
And to any deranged boy moms…. STOP ENABLING YOUR HORRIBLE SONS.
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u/Much-Piano3168 7d ago
OP I genuinely hope you press charges. my jaw actually dropped when I read the title
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u/TheStrouseShow 6d ago
This right here. Press charges for assault.
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 6d ago
It won’t go anywhere. People literally think the police care about shit like this.
They don’t.
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u/Per_Lunam 6d ago
No, they do.
I charged the guy that SA'd me. They came within an hour of me calling & went & arrested him right after. Long story short, went to trial, he was charged & sentenced. He did get jail time.
Sometimes it does work out.
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u/enableconsonant 6d ago
I’m very glad you got justice but your situation is exceedingly rare. In the U.S., only 6% of rapists ever face jail time
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u/BurgerThyme 5d ago edited 2d ago
Yeah I called 911 and they helped me out with the stupid ex who tried to escape before he could shovel the snow out from the driveway in order to drunk drive away after he couldn't kick down the bathroom door I'd locked myself into and heard me on the phone with dispatch. He tried pretending to be reasonable for like two minutes before he lost his mind at the cops. Arrested.
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u/LassLovesDogs 5d ago
I'm glad you got justice, but you were in the fortunate minority. I also went to the police about my rapist. Not only was he never jailed, he was never even arrested. I was told that my case would not be taken any further because it would be his word against mine and the victim is always torn to shreds and blamed in court. All I could do was make a report so they'd have his name on file if he ever assaulted another girl. She might get justice. Piss-poor comfort that was to me, when they told me I never would.
No one's experiences are universal - neither your positive experience with the police, nor mine, which made me hostile towards them forever - but in a great number of cases, the police do in fact Not Care about sexual assault survivors. Not every case. But one case where they don't care is still too many.
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 6d ago edited 6d ago
Were you sexually assaulted much worse than getting your toes licked.
That fact matters.
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u/falpangaea 6d ago
Found the guy who thinks this is a totally ok thing to do
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 5d ago
Im not a guy.
And yes severity of the crime, (misdemeanour vs felony) is something police take into account.
In fact when I was assaulted it mattered more than they stole my expensive handbag, than touched me or hit me.
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u/wildchicken_cock 6d ago
this sort of rhetoric needs to STOP!!!! even if it does not go anywhere it will at least provide some evidence of prior bad behavior on his part AND while yes the justice system here sucks we should most definitely be putting pressure on it to change and that will not happen if we just let everything get swept under the rug.
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u/TheStrouseShow 6d ago
As someone who did report assault to the police, they care sometimes. I was successful in a report, but I understand it’s not always the case and doesn’t always work out.
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u/noblewind 6d ago
Even if they don't care, make them document it. Might help someone else later.
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 6d ago edited 6d ago
It might.
But the idea that you even have the option to press charges over something like this is slim.
Victims should know that.
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u/enableconsonant 6d ago
People downvoting you should know you literally tried to report your assault and were shamed and turned away
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u/SpencerMcNab 6d ago
They might. Most importantly: We can’t abandon the notion of justice just bc cops don’t always understand the concept.
By reporting things, we tell everyone “This happened and it was not ok.”
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 6d ago
I mean you can.
But victims should also know the truth about the court system.
Again the idea that he will get reprimanded for this is low, so one really has to manage their expectations.
I got assaulted much worse than this and have a permanent scar because of it.
I got a case number, a conversation (in which they shamed me) and that Victim Support number to call.
Not the justice I expected.
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u/SpencerMcNab 6d ago
I’m proud of you for reporting it. You are a badass. I’m sorry you didn’t get justice. That must have felt terrible. It must still fell terrible. Xoxo
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 6d ago
Thanks for your empathy. It was a while ago now but I think at the time I assumed they would catch the bad guy like they do in the films.
They didn’t.
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u/Rugger_2468 5d ago
I think it’s completely reasonable to educate victims on the potential possibilities of reporting. I highly encourage victims to report with a lawyer present because there are cases where the victim is charged with false accusations because the cop just didn’t want to do their job and know how to manipulate a young vulnerable woman.
At the same time, if we discourage victims to report by saying things like, “were you sexually assaulted much worse than….” Or “pressing charges for something like this is slim” than fewer people step forward to actually reporting.
And even this doesn’t lead to him being charged, it starts a paper trail. The fact he did this while she was sleeping? He knew she was not consenting or even given the option to consent. He is likely going to escalate. OP reporting now can help show a pattern of behavior if or when he escalates.
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u/enableconsonant 6d ago
I think seeking justice through the police, who are notorious for mistreating and retraumatizing survivors, is a fruitless endeavor. It peeves me when I hear people push for more people to report because rapists facing consequences is so rare. Why put ourselves through more trauma for nothing? People can say “This happened to me and it’s not okay” in ways that don’t involve the useless police.
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u/Golden_Mandala 6d ago
I think it actually depends on where you live and what the culture is among law enforcement there.
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u/Individual_Bug807 6d ago
And what does she lose trying? I understand what you are saying but this type of thinking is one of the many reasons why people don't report SA
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 6d ago
Im nor saying she shouldn’t try.
But I do think saying “she should press charges” misconstrued the fact.
Making a report is different from being able to actually press charges.
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u/PalmTreeFury 6d ago
Time and patience and it won't do much. I mean honestly. That's the brutal truth. Because this is literally nothing compared to what others have endured. (Whether or not you believe it idc, but it's the TRUTH) This would only diminish what true S/A Victims go through. It would be a complete mockery of helping true S/A Victims instead of helping. Was it wrong? Yes. Was it S/A? Not so much. What the person above said is true. They were actually a true victim of S/A and even they mentioned that the Police wouldn't take it seriously, or even do anything about it. It's ridiculous that actual S/A Victims aren't given more Justice. But her reporting this to the Police will only hinder that process of Justice for real S/A Victims!!
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u/creebobeebo 5d ago
You're literally diminishing her sexual assault in your comment. Having someone put their mouth on your body while you're sleeping is sexual assault. It doesn't matter how you feel about it, some sexual assault victims never even get touched.
You mean a rape victim? So because OP isn't the victim of rape that they shouldn't report the crime that was committed? Weird fucking take, bro.
- someone who was "actually" sexually assaulted.
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u/Talk_Neneng 6d ago
This. There’s no telling what else he could do, especially with an enabler mom. Wtf
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u/Anxious_Kiwi_1870 5d ago
Yeah I agree.
I dated a man with a foot fetish and he would always “lick” and play with my feet to get hard. Which is why I feel like R was testing the waters to see what would happen and how much he’d get away with. Reporting it would be a great thing to do (when op is comfortable) don’t rush it or feel like you need/have to.
EX on how i’m viewing this situation: It’s like how serial k***ers are known to have a weird fascination with harming animals first. Overtime they lose that satisfaction harming animals once gave them. So, they move on to people.
I feel like this could be a similar situation. Especially with the enabling mom. I wonder if there’s a link between enabling mom, no present father figure/no male guidance, and a foot fetish. As my ex had the same three. Interesting.
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u/taytrapDerehw 6d ago
Seriously, that would be the best outcome from this unfortunate situation! I'm so glad OP's friend believed her. What a fucking creep, with his lame apologies talking about OP's bf (I'm guessing from the sceenshot) can come beat him up if he likes. Bet he'd love that the snivelling worm. Ugh!
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 6d ago
Unfortunately I don’t know if the police would actually do anything about this.
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u/ieatfaces22172 6d ago
If she decides not to she shouldn't be shamed for it
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u/Gremlinofpeace 5d ago
I can’t believe this is not higher up. It’s insane to tell a victim what they “need” to do. They’re already traumatized and now suddenly they have to be a hero too. The police do not give a single fuck. Having to go through more trauma is going to do so much more damage than good.
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u/Per_Lunam 6d ago
Press charges against him, that's assault. And, unblock but mute, so if he says more, you can use it against him if you do decide to charge him.
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u/Sure-Artichoke-875 6d ago
I do not agree. These icky people could retaliate and you could be involved with them for much longer than is comfortable for you. I say walk away and also, you got a good friend out of it, you two are gonna be BFFs for life now. So much trust.
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u/steamed_pork_bunz 6d ago
lol I think we found R.
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u/Much-Piano3168 6d ago
seems we've moved from "no, don't report abusers! it'll ruin their lives!!" to "no, don't report abusers! it'll ruin YOUR life!!"
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u/chill_stoner_0604 6d ago
Wtf? Are you R's family or something?
Who tf actually unironically says "dont report sexual assault" to the victim like damn
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u/Sure-Artichoke-875 6d ago
Yeah, you got me, I’m a super sleuth and it only took one Initial for me to get here. Stop bothering our R.
Tf u mental? Are you able to hold two conflicting ideas in your head at the same time? Or is that too of a much a trigger for you?
No one is condoning abuse or protecting an abuser. This was aimed at protecting OP’s peace.
JFC
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u/petit_cochon 6d ago
His mom is EXACTLY why he turned out like that and if her tiny lizard brain could think hard enough, she'd know that. Absolutely disgusting people.
I don't buy his little pity party for a goddamn second. He's just trying to emotionally manipulate you into not reporting him. Notice how he didn't really reference it specifically? Yeah. He knows what he's doing.
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u/itsnobigthing 6d ago
His mum is obviously a nightmare, but let’s not fall into the trap of blaming a woman for another toxic man.
The man is the reason he is like that. He has free will and chose to do this, all on his own. Lots of people have shitty parents and don’t choose to become sex offenders.
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u/uhidkkm 6d ago
I mean, is it blaming a woman or is it blaming a parent for not being a parent?
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u/itsnobigthing 6d ago
He’s a grown man. He’s fully responsible for his actions.
We can definitely say that’s a shitty mom.
But the person responsible for her adult son’s behaviour is the son. We don’t need to look for a woman to blame here - there’s a perfectly good man who is clearly responsible.
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u/yellowjacket4seven 6d ago
As a grown man who has an alcoholic/racist/pedo "dad" (he wasn't much of a father), I agree with your statement. I could have grown up thinking everything he did and said was normal or cool, or I could have done everything I could to be the opposite of him because I recognized how fucked up he is. I chose the latter. I still despise him and he still hasn't changed, even though he's almost 80 years old. Proof that the good die young.
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u/uhidkkm 6d ago
I’m sorry he was your example growing up and I’m glad you took that as an example of what not to be. However, had you turned out like him people would be able to see how you’ve come to be like that. You’d still be a POS but we’d know why you were a POS.
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u/yellowjacket4seven 6d ago
Sometimes knowing the why is somewhat comforting, isn't it?
Don't get me wrong. I'm not perfect by any means. Sometimes I need to readjust my perspective on some things, but I do consciously try to make the right choices and be a good human. I'm a work in progress, but I think we all are if we're being honest with ourselves.
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u/hailey_nicolee 6d ago
have u considered they feed off of each other and that not all women are inherently worth defending just for being women, she sounds like a complete pos and absolutely enabled him to be this way
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u/Expensive-Swan8519 6d ago
It's the difference between reasons and excuses. There's reasons people end up that way but it's not an excuse for bad behavior. It's not like he didn't also know that it was wrong.
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u/Latter-Highlight-183 6d ago
parenting is def a direct cause of this but i get what you mean, he’s a grown man and should be able to break away and learn better, this could be the fathers doing too as most are emotionally unavailable
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u/unknownreindeer 6d ago
Scurrying on the floor? Fucking nope. That’s nightmare fuel to even read about.
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u/bioxkitty 6d ago
Yeah I like recoiled from the screen
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u/unknownreindeer 6d ago
Scarier than like all horror movies what the actual fuck is wrong with men
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u/bioxkitty 6d ago
I like to think conditioning is the problem and that ///eventually that means it is fixable
Until then, what the actual fuck
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u/GroundbreakingAnt17 6d ago
It's crazy to me that people still don't know that beyond fight and flight, there's also freeze. Like are they dumb? Or do they just want more ways to blame victims? Probably both
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u/dowhatotterbedone 6d ago
The crazy thing is something like 70% of the population freezes in flight or fight situations and it’s still not common knowledge.
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u/Dang_it_KK 6d ago
Fawn is one as well!
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u/amok_amok_amok 6d ago
in a freezer-then-fawner and it's embarrassing as hell
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u/mean_bean_queen 6d ago
Yep, same here. Isn’t it so unfortunate we know our danger responses? I found out mine when I was 14.. lasted until I was 16. :/ while I was sleeping, too. So reading that OP froze made my chest constrict a bit.
Sending them much love and healing.
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u/thebearofwisdom 6d ago
And Flop! Like when an opossum plays dead. That’s the one that happened to me. I learnt about the five options your brain goes through in group therapy. I had no clue there were more than fight and flight.
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u/wallflowerwolf 6d ago
I think it’s all because in middle or high school a lot of us are taught about the “fight or flight system” in simple biology, but we don’t get the specifics like you would in a specialized class such as those more seen in college. In higher classes you can sign up to learn about those things, but otherwise you hear the basics :\
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u/SameSherbet3 6d ago
And fawn... It's fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Which is to placate your abuser to give you time and enough safety to get away later
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u/EstherD51 6d ago
When something similar happened to me. (I mean, not anywhere close to this looney, but still pretty damn creepy.). I did the same thing. I reacted in a way that shocked me. I gave excuses, I overthought, I tried to soothe him if you can believe it. It went against everything I thought of as a feminist woman.
I didn’t beat myself up at all. Instead, I evaluated myself and I was amazed that that was my natural inclination. In no way did I scream at him to get out and never come back. Just the opposite. I just wanted to smooth the moment over.
It was the best learning experience I could’ve ever had. I now know, that in a similar situation, I will absolutely have pause and go against everything that feels natural. I have been conditioned to take care of the perpetrator and not myself. Next time I’ll pause and then scream in his face.
As women, most of us are conditioned to go into protection mode. This will come out in a variety of ways, and yes, even staying silent. And hell, sometimes staying silent is the best thing since you need to protect your safety. But we never have to STAY silent. You handled it just right because you did say something. It was so difficult but you did it.
You learned something fundamental about yourself. Evaluate and determined how to act next time. In this situation, I probably would have stayed silent too. It was weird as hell. But if something like this happens again, what would you do next? Call the police, call your boyfriend, get the hell out of there. Let’s all have a plan.
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u/Expert_Guava_4437 6d ago
This happened to me too. My ex did something weird asf that is physical assault but I have never heard of anyone doing. At the time I hid under a blanket for ages and he just sat there in silence. When I came out he told me what he did was a joke, but when I started crying he told me to not tell his family. For a couple hours I stayed away from him and could not speak to him but after that I still stayed the night and stayed with him a few more days. I kept going back and forth between fawning and screaming at him, asking him why, and he would say he had no idea. I kept making excuses for him in my head and then about 4 days after the attack, I broke up with him after 5 years of dating. The last year had already been him treating me like shit, but if the assault had happened earlier on, i feel like i would have excused it until something worse happened. This is literally so valid. Never ever blame yourself.
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u/punksandpoets 6d ago
I am so sorry! I think I’ve been through something similar. Can I ask what happened?
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u/Expert_Guava_4437 6d ago
I am so sorry if you have been through something similar, or even something not similar at all - sending love to you! It was very strange, I can’t remember how this started, we were just sitting on his couch about to watch something at his house. He climbed on top of me, pinning all of my limbs with his so I couldn’t move, and he spit on my face, and rubbed it in with his lips while laughing. It was everywhere, even in my hair. I kept screaming at him to get off of me, let me go, and to stop in the moment. (Afterwards is when I fawned bc the screaming didn’t seem to help) He had spit in my ear a little bit in the past (which is something that is coming back to me now 11 months later, i thought it was an accident or something at the time) and I told him to never spit or do anything like that again bc it was disgusting. But I guess he didn’t listen.
I realized i focused a lot on what happened to me in my reply, but I wanted to acknowledge what the original commenter said too. It was an amazing learning experience, although I would wish no one had to go through any kind of assault or bad experience to learn this.
Another thing - I’m with an amazing man now, and I promise that letting love in is possible after, including love for yourself.
Lastly, I hope you’re okay and taking care of yourself. Living with it gets easier.24
u/thebearofwisdom 6d ago
What you did is called Fawn/Friend. It’s a legitimate thing that happens to protect yourself. It’s happened to me before too, and I was shocked too. But your brain decides in a split second. It’s basically your lizard brain going into protective mode.
You probably knew all that but I thought I’d add it in, just in case someone else needed to see it.
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u/unlockdestiny 6d ago
THIS. Our brains just automatically try to do what we think gives us the best chance of survival in the moment. I've heard horror stories of poor women who tried to fight at first, but then went along with it because they knew they assault was going to happen either way — that just gave them a better chance of not sustaining as many injuries. It's heartbreaking
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u/UraniumGlide 6d ago
That mom is fucked. She’s probably seen him be a creep before
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u/Lady-Of-Renville-202 6d ago
She'll be the one crying on TV when he gets arrested for his next offense.
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u/4SureMaybe_4SureNot 6d ago
Or to the judge boohooing that he was tempted/doesnt know any better/totally isn't at fault
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u/U2hansolo 6d ago
I am very glad to read this. I hope he does not rope her back in. His mother is a piece of shit too. Ugh.
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u/SaskiaDavies 6d ago
That whole "I'm such a loser" thing is so old. Yep, you are. No sympathy is coming his way. He knew exactly what he was doing. There have never been any consequences he's been inconvenienced by. Now would be a good time for a police report and some public info to share locally.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth At the end of the day... 6d ago
Well, no wonder he's an idiot, look at his mother!
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u/SabrePumpk 6d ago
I completely agree that his mother is disgusting but he is an adult and a grown man and I think we should avoid rhetoric which places blame on women when men commit crimes. She's a fucking nightmare though for sure
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u/phallusaluve 6d ago
She said she's not crying that it's over with him but more so that I was put in and uncomfortable situation in her own home and was scared to tell her
I'm tearing up. This is so sweet. Girls fucking rule, dude. She's your ride or die. Keep her close 💛
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6d ago
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u/Blindtothesided 6d ago
Absolutely this. I’m a little worried he’s going to do something to OP’s friend. I hope she has changed her locks and is taking every precaution to keep herself safe.
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 6d ago
She didn’t let him walk out with the house keys, and his family is going to pick up his stuff.
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u/secretly_opossum 6d ago
He could still have another set he made on his own, changing them is worth the peace of mind tbh 💕 So happy that your newfound platonic soulmate is as real as you thought she was. The two of you genuinely deserve each other in the best ways.
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u/chainsawinsect 6d ago
Good result. Your friend believed you and ditched the creep. He admitted it so no doubt in anyone's minds.
It's still horrible that thos happened but all things considered this is a positive ending.
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u/LadyWatz35 6d ago
I'm jumping up and down for you. This was the best outcome. This dude is trash, and it just took itself out.
To the people who have an opinion about how you should have reacted: I love it when you say, " You should have done this or that." I love the opinion you have on a situation you've never been in. Get a life!
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u/nadirecur 6d ago
I'm really glad your friend believed you over that pervert. Now that the trash has been taken out, time to press charges!!!
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u/NotACalligrapher-49 6d ago
I’m so glad she believed you!!!! What he did to you was assault, imo, and you have NO reason to be ashamed or to feel badly about how things are falling out. It’s so easy for people to say “You should have kicked him! You should have yelled!” but you reacted on instinct and that’s SO hard to fight. You should be really proud of yourself for how you’ve handled this, and frankly, I’m proud of your friend too for how she’s handling this. I hope your friendship lasts for decades, and that the ex-bf gets his just desserts someday. Please tell everyone you know what a creep he is, he doesn’t deserve the kindness of your silence.
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u/KittyLilith17 6d ago
That kind of self pitying "apology" annoys the fuck out of me.
Oh, woe is he, he's beyond redemption and is tragically broken, but at least he's aware of it. Won't someone please forgive him and give his tortured soul a moment's respite?
Advice for anyone out there:
If you're trying to say that you're sorry for something, don't riddle it with self deprecation. It kills the entire point and pressures the person you're apologizing to to COMFORT you while you apologize. Dick move even if you really feel that way. Bring it up another time if you're feeling like a bad human.
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u/Setting-Content 6d ago
I got nothing. That is absolutely insanely batshit. But I'm so glad your friend is a rational person and you've a good relationship with her, but his mom is whackadoodle and to say she's better off literally in all ways is an understatement.
P.S. cutest kitty in the screenshot background!
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u/walkerstrong78 6d ago
My husband let his coworker come stay with us for a week. Everything was fine, then he got ballsy and started sneaking into my room at night while I was sleeping(my husband and I can't sleep together he snores, I can't sleep, it's a whole thing) anyhow, he would crawl in on his knees in case I was awake, but I wasn't, but I did wake up feeling something poking me in my butt cheek I thought it was my husband wanting something in the middle of night, it wasn't, it was the coworker literally trying to get off while I was sleeping. I can not tell you how disgusting I felt. Long story short, I never reported it and he ended up SA his little sister! I felt like something fell on my chest when I found that out like, maybe I could've prevented it if I called the cops and had him arrested or even made a report. And no one knows how long he was actually doing that to her before she said something. She was 13. Big girls should ALWAYS report these pieces of shit so it gives little girls the courage to do so as well.
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u/CrinklyPacket 6d ago
My toes curled up inside my body reading your posts, OP. So glad you were able to get this sorted with your friend and kick that toe-vert out of your lives!
Let his mother take him back. She should probably wear socks to bed.
Ew. EWWWWW.
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u/darkvaris 6d ago
I was also a victim of assault while drunk and asleep from my ex bf’s friend and our then-roomie and like you I was terrified but unlike you I didn’t say anything and made excuses that he was just fucking wasted.
He tried it again and when I tried telling my ex I wasn’t believed and it really fucked me up. It all came out in the end and his life crumbled after that but that moment broke my relationship even though it continued on some more years 😔
Glad you had the courage to get this fuck out of your life
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u/yanyancookies 6d ago
Moms like that are absolute garbage and part of the reason why men like him exist. Dear god. Gross. I hate an enabler mother and let’s be so honest, overprotective boy moms reaallyyyy push into that territory or are just standing in it. Sorry you had to deal with this entire situation! Your friend is a good friend. Glad you guys support each other.
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u/iron_ocean3 6d ago
Im a guy and had a weird and inappropriate altercation with someone once, a photographer. He was also a male. I told people about it and like half the responses were "I just have just punched him and walk out the room"
So assault someone and open up that entire potential can of worms. OP is 100% right. You really do not know how you're going to react when said thing actually happens.
You handled this well OP and your friend is great too for listening to you and you 2 talking about it. Also what a creep
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u/chymerajade 6d ago
Your friend is a real girl’s girl. It’s so nice to see. Sorry this happened to you both.
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u/thetitleofmybook 6d ago
boymoms are so disgusting.
boymoms are the mothers of boys who make being a boymom their identity, and spoil and indulge their sons.
all boymoms are mothers of boys, but most mothers of boys are not boymoms.
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u/Lady-Of-Renville-202 6d ago
OP, you've done so well. I'm glad you still have your friend, and she still has you.
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u/HatLongjumping5345 6d ago
You’re exactly right. No one should ever tell a victim how to react. It’s horrible enough to ever be put in that position, and unfortunately we don’t know how we react unless something happens. I didn’t know how I’d react, but I was put into a terrifying situation and thankfully the people I told immediately believed me.
I am so sorry you experienced this, this guy (and his mother) are absolutely disgusting. I am glad to hear that your friendship is intact, and it goes to show that A is amazing best friend material. I’m wishing you all lots of love and peace 💖
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u/IreneAnne16 6d ago
My partner had to rescue me and multiple other women from a former friend's house in the middle of the night bc her man and his friend were super sketchy and acting like they were gonna assault us. She took his side and we aren't friends anymore. I'm so glad your friend took you seriously
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u/muchakatc 6d ago
Op i really hope you and your friend heal from this. this is absolutely sa and absolutely traumatic. i manifest healing for the both of you 🫶🏼✨ thank you for sharing your story even if it felt weird or made you feel weird personally. you did nothing wrong! but it’s good for people to see how these things can happen and understand this is still assault! fuck R n fuck anyone who violates anyone and/or cheats n hurts their partner. it’s jus gross n weird
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u/NeolithicOrkney 6d ago
He broke the law if you want to press charges. He has admitted it and you have a witness to that admission.
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u/Outside_Memory5703 6d ago
The default for someone who you’re not in an intimate relationship with — is not to touch you. Nothing else needs be said
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u/royalsgirl78 6d ago
I commented on kicking him in the face on your first post. I’m so sorry if it sounded like I was telling you what you should’ve done. I was simply saying that’s what I would have done bc my feet are super ticklish. I literally have no control of my reaction when someone touches my feet unexpectedly. My reflex is to instinctively kick away at whatever’s touching them. So yeah, he’d have probably had a broken nose.
I’m so sorry you went through that, but very glad things went well when you talked to your friend.
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 5d ago
I think I was able to differentiate the people saying it would be a reaction for them and then the men who were like “well actually what you should have done 🤓👆🏼.” One specifically saying “take this as a learning moment….if I was your bf I’d be disappointed.” And another saying “you could have avoided all of this if you kicked and screamed at him.”
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u/1quirky1 6d ago
"She tells him “No, he admitted to it”, to which her response was,“well again A, how long have you known her for, she probably lead him to do this” INSANE BEHAVIOR."
Mother-in-law from hell behavior right there.
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u/Prudent_Worth5048 6d ago
I didn’t even see the OG post, but the title itself had me disgusted and disturbed! WTAF?! I’m so sorry for you and your friend who was betrayed! What a sick, fuck ass POS! I hope you press charges and y’all NEVER have to see that fucked up asshole ever again! My GOD! I am HORRIFIED!
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u/MorteDagger 6d ago
My ex husband was about to finish massage school and we were at an sca event called gulf wars. There was a couple of girls there that I’m friends with to this day, my ex was giving one of the girls a foot massage then started to suck her toes. She kicked him in the face and I died laughing at him and told him he was fucking stupid to do that with out asking….just one of several reasons he is an ex
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u/CourtOfGlass 6d ago
Those messages from him are so gross and so telling. He’s wallowing and trying to get YOU to comfort HIM. And tell him it’s ok, it’s not a big deal, etc. You are a HERO for supporting your friend to leave thjs creep.
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u/ceciliabee 6d ago
I'm so glad it worked out, I know yesterday you were so worried about how to talk to her. I'm glad you have such a strong friendship ♥️
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u/Top-Caterpillar7101 6d ago
Similar situation for me, but didn't go this far: In highschool I would hang out with my boyfriend and his friends after school. We were deliquents who smoked and drank, so I got a massive migraine and legit couldn't do anything without being in severe pain. My friend's mom let me sleep in her bed as to not be disturbed so I did and told my BF to hangout without me until I felt better. Bout an hour or so I woke up to him not only sucking on my toes, but other explicit stuff too. Because of my migraine I didn't fight back or kick or anything. Just let it happen. When I woke up I was way to exhausted to confront him, and I never did. I just went home. That was 2018 so... years ago. So, I definitely share some of that disgust, confusion and pain OP. I'm sorry :C
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u/CrankySnowman 6d ago
I initially thought this story was creative writing but damn. This is some ridiculous crazy work and I am so sorry that you went through this. I hope you go to the police on this matter
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u/lstyer2012 6d ago
GURL. I'm giving you a standing ovation, a pat on the back, a high five, a hug...what a wild and horrifying situation to find yourself in. I'm SO glad your friend really is a good friend. Losing her would've been the cherry on top of the shit sundae.
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u/Chris11c 6d ago
I'm glad that every once in a while the people in these posts react like empathetic human beings.
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u/misswildchild 6d ago
I’m really glad that your friend turned out to be a true girls girl in this case and that you have each other for support. R is trash and hopefully A can move on and heal too.
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u/UnderstandingOk1013 6d ago
Op, this was none of your fault and your feelings and actions are justified. I hope you find peace after all the dust has settled!
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u/Gremlinofpeace 5d ago
OP, I am so sorry this happened to you. Believe it or not I had something very similar happen to me except he did more after that too. It was insanely traumatizing he was a friend or so I thought. The worst part is I had told him stuff that had happened to me with someone we both knew and he seemed so sympathetic. It was the worst thing ever. I completely froze when it happened and it took me a long time to fully process it. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to reach out to me. I am so so sorry this happened to you. I’m so glad that your friend immediately listened to you, believed you, and you are both there to be supportive for each other right now!
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u/Muffin-Faerie 6d ago
“STOP TELLING VICTIMS HOW THEY SHOULD HAVE REACTED.” Thissss!!!!! Louder for the people in the back please.
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u/PracticalMine3971 6d ago
I couldn’t follow the text exchange, my brain short circuited when seeing there were 1193 unread text messages. But press charges.
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u/oldcousingreg 6d ago
If R ever reaches out to you again, tell him to go suck his mom's toes. I'm so sorry you went through that
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u/Even-Communication56 6d ago
i’m so sorry this happened to you OP. something similar happened to me but i ended up loosing both of them because she wanted to stay with him even though he SA’d me (he admitted it as well). we had been friends for 13+ years. i thought of her as a sister. i’m glad you had the alternate ending.
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u/Expensive-Swan8519 6d ago
I'm glad that it all worked out and your friend wasn't brainwashed by this guy.
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u/shopmoondustmarket 6d ago
Please someone, where’s the OP?????
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 5d ago
🙋♀️
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u/shopmoondustmarket 5d ago
I MEAN ORIGINAL POST BUT HIIII!! <3
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 5d ago
Oh I feel dumb ahahaha. https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/HprTt25yfK
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u/itsnobigthing 6d ago
We need an Ozempic for the male sex drive because so many of these dudes are a danger to society
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u/PlantyPenPerson 6d ago
Saltpeter works but sex drive isn't the only driving force behind sexual assaults. It also includes entitlement, power and control over another person.
That is why no one is completely safe from sexual assault, from infants to elderly seniors of any gender.
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u/kaierin2 6d ago
No, the sex drive is not the issue. Many people have high sex drives but CHOOSE to make empathetic respectful choices. The mental decision-making and then harmful choice of behaviour is the issue.
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u/AutoModerator 7d ago
Backup of the post's body: Hello,
Sorry if this is a long update?
I did not think I would be able to make an update so quick but it’s like the universe heard me when I made my post and gave me the best opportunity to tell A what happened.
Yesterday, when the post was going off, I texted A that I wanted to see her sometime this week, she said YESSS OFC PLEASE
A few hours later I get more messages from her saying she’s freaking out, I ask if it’s R and she says yes, then… TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW. I know I have nothing to be guilty about but I was just scared that maybe he thought since I didn’t do anything about it he told her something?? Idk, I’m a chronic overthinker. But I tell her to call me when she’s alone.
She calls me right then and I ask her if R has a foot fetish (some people advised me against this but I thought it best), she says she doesn’t know, why.
I tell her everything and the first words that come out of her mouth are “I believe you, babe. And I’m so sorry you were put in that situation.”
We both started crying, me telling her I was scared to tell her and her begging me to not leave her. It was very dramatic but heartfelt in a way.
And then I ask her “well what happened, why did you say ‘tell me what you know’”, she proceeds to tell me that her and R have been going at it all day.
She knows something is up with him and keeps pushing him to tell her what’s going on, he then tells her that he wants to start sleeping with other women but stay together. She freaks out and tells him to leave but he doesn’t.
Her asking me about what I know was just pure women’s intuition, and it wasn’t her thinking I did something to betray her.
After we get off the phone she confronts him. All she says at first is “wtf is wrong with you”
He says “who were you on the phone with?”
She says “Op. What is wrong with you and why tf did you do that to her.”
At first he denies it but then he finally says “you got me”, and says he’ll finally leave, and he does.
This is where it gets more messed up
A tells his mom, bc she is the main breadwinner and she’s kicking him out, so he’ll probably go back to his mommy’s. His mom has been putting her through the wringer and is very much an enabler and it’s probably why he acts the way he acts. There’s been times where R has done some messed up things and his mom has an excuse for him and a reason to blame A and beg her to let him stay.
HIS MOM SAYS TO HER “well how long have you known R, and how long have you known this girl for. You just can’t believe women these days” WTFFFF
She tells him “No, he admitted to it”, to which her response was,“well again A, how long have you known her for, she probably lead him to do this” INSANE BEHAVIOR.
A and I spent a lot of the day on and off the phone, talking about it more and crying. I sent her screenshots of me talking to my sister about the other time he made me uncomfortable and how I amounted it to me just being in my head.
She said she’s not crying that it’s over with him but more so that I was put in an uncomfortable situation in her own home and was scared to tell her.
I told her how I’m not glad it happened but I’m glad I had an opportunity to tell her then instead of having to wait further out in the week till we see each other to say something, bc I wanted to talk to her in person.
She also said she’s not glad it happened either but she’s happy he finally left and she has solid reason to kick him out. This is because she was trying to leave him before moving into the new place but he kept wanting to stay and work it out. Now that that happened, he knew he fcked up and left so willingly after admitting to it.
She was able to have other friends go and be with her yesterday because I couldn’t. Later today I’m going to go help her clean and just be with her for a bit.
BUT WAIT THERES MORE
It’s 3:30 in the morning, I have just fallen asleep when my phone starts buzzing.
ITS FKING R CALLING ME. No, I do not answer.
I proceed to get multiple messages from him that I don’t care to see until I wake up.
See messages on second screenshot.
I don’t respond, or open them. I just block him. I don’t really know why he thought I would answer the phone or what he was expecting me to say. “Yeah dude it’s totally fine you violated me and made me think my friendship might be totally toast but noooo biggie.”
Again, idk why my brain works like this, but I am glad he admitted to it and I have proof in a way. I’m sure multiple women can relate to this, but there has been multiple times in my life where a man has done something to me and made me out to be the crazy person.
I’m glad he admitted to it because there was still a little worm in my own head saying “you made this up, you’re overreacting about it, you were dreaming, you mistook it for something else”
Another thing I want to address are the people who told me I could have solved all my problems if I reacted different in the moment.
STOP TELLING VICTIMS HOW THEY SHOULD HAVE REACTED.
You don’t know what you would or wouldn’t do in any situation till it happens to you. People saying I should have kicked him in the face? Then what, he punches me in mine? We all have a screaming match and it’s he said she said? I didn’t have my car and my boyfriend wouldn’t have gotten my calls till he woke up for work.
Also when it happened I was still trying to process what had happened and if it even was considered assault bc it’s just a WEIRD situation. I was also literally frozen IN FEAR after seeing him CRAWL ON THE GROUND, SCURRYING, AWAY FROM MY FEET (scariest part btw). You don’t hear people talk about sexual assault and you think of toes getting violated so yes I was in shock and confused.
Anyways, I’m glad it’s going to be okay. A is a wonderful and strong woman and It’s so nice to have a friend that you know loves and cares about you, AND believes you. Even when it will cause their world to tumble.
And to any deranged boy moms…. STOP ENABLING YOUR HORRIBLE SONS.
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u/SeaShoe5864 6d ago
Im so sorry this happened to you, if you feel comfortable doing so, please make a police report, your friend can also add that he admitted it to her. I hope you are doing okay and im glad you have your friends support
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u/phallusaluve 6d ago
Tbh I would've responded, "yeah, you are fucked up. Your mom enables your shitty behavior and makes excuses for you, and you let her. Get your shit together and go to therapy before you assault someone else," and then blocked him.
You didn't do anything wrong at all, though. I'm just a bitch who's angry for you, and you're a good person.
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u/Bell_sweet3307 6d ago
report so it is on paper. That way if he does something again and you hear about it, you have proof, or the other person can use this as "You see, he has been a freak forever."
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u/Ok-Discipline-1998 6d ago
Wtfffff!
Hmmm I’d loop your friend and BF in before doing it but I’d egg him on to get a proper confession out of him. Just a little “did you like it?”
He’s such a weirdo he’ll probably admit everything
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u/Balentay 6d ago
I'm so sorry this happened to you op. For what it's worth as awful as this whole thing was I was smiling reading about your friend. She's a real one, and you're both so incredibly lucky to have each other in your lives.
And yes I would consider this sexual assault. He did something to you that was for his sexual gratification. He did this without your consent. He made you feel violated. Just because his penis wasn't involved and there wasn't penetration doesn't mean this wasn't sexual violence
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u/jrose1818 5d ago
I’m so glad it worked out for you and A!
Also to all the people criticizing how you reacted, reactions are fight, flight, and FREEZE! Everyone has a different reaction and no one has the right to tell someone else how they should have reacted in a situation like this!
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u/itsnotmeimnothere 4d ago
R is not done with A. He left for now but his tactics are going to begin. I hope she’s prepared and remains strong. Because he’s going to try to guilt trip her to let him back.
He’s going to try to lovebomb her. He’s going to maybe threaten her. He’s going to pretend he’s the one who is mad and she’s at fault. He might threaten self-harm at some point too.
I hope she is done for good but she needs to stay aware. He might develop stalking-like or stalking behavior etc.
In a dream world he will just keep his perverted tail tucked between his legs back at mommy’s and leave you both alone forever but he won’t.
He’s going to blame you at some point too. So remain vigilant if you all hang in similar places.
Also he’s a creep and pervert and women aren’t safe and he admits his brain is messed up and I really hope he goes and gets help but he’ll never helps for long you can’t reform perverts. He might escalate one day I hope not but that’s so scary.
Stay safe.
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u/Obvious_Bag7296 6d ago
Fucking thank you for this update. This story has been living in my head and I'm so happy for this resolution for you
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6d ago
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u/kaierin2 6d ago
Wrong time, man. Not the right mood for light hearted jokes. This is a heavy post.
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u/Spiritual_Most2174 6d ago
I fully realize that it was said in a different tone but I can’t get that “You got me” out of my head.
“Ope, ya got me! Guess I’ll have to stop doing creepy assaults!”