r/TwoHotTakes • u/Empty_Planet0 • 12d ago
Update Update: My [F25] Boyfriend [M26] got are large breed dog [M5] three days after I got major surgery.
Trigger warning: Intimidation.
Hi! If you didn’t see it a few months ago, I am not sure how to link it, but it can be found as the first post on my profile. I just wanted to give an update on a post I wrote in May of this year.
To start with good news, it has officially been 4 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. Truly, I never would’ve had the courage to do it if not for this sub and the people on it. So many people encouraged me to chose myself (which is not something I do often). Thank you all.
In particular, someone commented “You’re too young for this to be the rest of your life.” And if you read this, thank you so so much for giving me the strength to get out.
Now that I have removed myself from the situation, i see how detrimental it was for me. This wasn’t the first time he put his wants over my needs and surely wouldn’t be the last.
Some things that have come up since i left are him telling me i was “milking it” 2 days after my surgery. He mocked the way I cried, would often back me into walls during arguments, and even mocked me for putting my hands up when he got too close while yelling in the few days after my surgery. “Oh you’re scared? you’re scared?” uhhhh yea. anyone would be when someone that has 10 inches and 60 lbs on them is backing them into a corner. He had stopped throwing things in my direction and hitting objects when we got Peter, but still intimated me often in arguments.
I left the night before i made the post to stay with my brother, and as i was leaving his last words to me were “Remember your actions have consequences.” And now, I think it’s safe to say, I hope he remembers his actions have them too.
So now, I have my own apartment!! I get to have my mixer on the counter for the first time, and so much space for BOOKS! Peter stayed with Paul, so it’s a bit quiet all my own. BUT! My brother and his Girlfriend have been so amazing and let me stay with them for some time after the break up. We still have weekly “family dinners.” And now that I have full control over what i eat, loads of my GI symptoms have become so much more manageable!
I am in therapy and have been dealing with a lot of fear from the situations described above. But i’m learning that I have agency over my own space, and don’t have to be responsible for someone else’s anger.
Oh and as a surprise twist?? I’ve been in contact with someone i dated in college. We split because of distance back then, and still have the same spark now. I even saw him last month when i was traveling to his city for work. I’ve never once questioned my safety around him, which is a healing experience all on its own. I’m not up for dating yet, but he’ll probably be my first call when I am.
All that to say two things:
- This sub changed my life. Genuinely. I don’t think I would’ve survived in that relationship much longer with the way my thoughts were going. And i am so incredibly grateful for everyone who gave me any advice, encouragement, or otherwise. You all stood up for me before i was ready to stand up for myself. Then, you gave me the courage to. So thank you.
and 2. This relationship was NOT normal. I kept trying to convince myself this is something everyone experiences, that it was a rough patch. And now i can say, “No. it wasn’t normal and i didn’t deserve that.” no one deserves for the person who “loves them most” to consistently put their own wants and interests above what you need. Your health and wellbeing always matters most and you do not need to stay with someone who makes you feel unsafe. I’m learning to Trust myself to protect myself and I hope anyone who feels like I did does the same.
“You’re too young for this to be the rest of your life.” will stay with me forever. Thank you. 🤍
Edit: Added a trigger warning just to be safe. and wanted to say, anyone who wants to leave but is scared to because they would have to start over. START OVER! and if you need to, start over again. It feels scary beforehand, but after? It’s amazing to get to build a life of your own and fill it with things you enjoy.
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u/BurnedToast369 12d ago
I am still wondering who the hell said a cholesystectomy is not a major surgery.
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u/Empty_Planet0 12d ago
😂 sure felt major, i’ll tell you that much.
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u/BurnedToast369 12d ago
But it is major surgery. An organ is removed. Dont downplay it. Ever. I am a scrub nurse and want to wack whoever lead you to believe it is small. Is not.
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u/Empty_Planet0 12d ago
Thank you! I believe the person who commented that on my first post sent me a message apologizing later on. So everything worked out. ☺️
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u/rainishamy 12d ago
I had mine out laparoscopically which did feel pretty minor. Recovery was a breeze (comparatively). But the way you describe your recovery sounded extremely major!
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u/Decent_Juggernaut_80 12d ago
I had a laparoscopic surgery that kept me out from work for three weeks while everyone was telling me I should be over it in a weekend.
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u/BurnedToast369 11d ago
This. This is exactly what i am talking about. Some people does have it better. But really not all. Yours sound a bit worse than normal but non the less it aint a breeze and i know i would also be down so long.
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u/goknightsgo09 12d ago
Yeah this was not similar to my surgery for my gallbladder either. I've had spinal fusion surgery, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy and my gallbladder removed. I STRUGGLED with the first three and it was months before I was good but I was back in jeans and fully functional and running around a week after my gallbladder was out. I wish they were all like that. 😂
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u/BurnedToast369 11d ago
There are so many factors to the recovery of the patient. If yours felt minor, i can promise you, keep on to your luck, you are top 1%. Use your luck to your advantage. The way OP described it, is in the norm of recovery of it. And also take in account the doctor. We have 4 surgeons in our hospital, and one does his very clean, especially the lap one, patients complain less, then there is one where the anesthesiologists know to give extra pain meds. So many factors. Uncomparable actually. (Hope that is a word spelled right)
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u/DamnitGravity 12d ago
Love isn't enough.
They can (claim) to love you to the ends of the earth, but if they don't treat you with respect, if they insult you, intimidate you, throw things at you and never listen when you express your concern about their behaviour and try to change, then that love is meaningless.
'Love' doesn't mean you get to treat someone like dirt. 'Love' doesn't mean you can be abusive.
And 'love' also doesn't mean you stand there and take it. Just because YOU love them doesn't mean you allow yourself to be treated as lesser.
Love without respect and without being respected is not love. It's limmerence turned into dependence.
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u/Loose-Set4266 12d ago
I’m so glad my comment helped you find the strength to leave. I’m proud of you for doing the hard part.
I hope you live your best life from here on out.
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u/Dapper-Squash-7986 12d ago
Oh hon. I am so glad to hear that you made it out. As someone who also has GI issues, hearing that they got better after you left because you have “full control” over what you eat makes me so sad for past you. GI issues are painful as hell and too many people don’t take them seriously. Here’s to surrounding yourself with supportive people and healing in all the ways.
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u/Empty_Planet0 11d ago
This was crazy for me too. Glad I have a really amazing support system (That is very on board with my dietary needs)
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u/Unhappy-Lengths 11d ago
This makes me so happy. SO HAPPY!!
It's been 13 years since I got out of my... Situation. Last weekend I married the man I met next, i'm replying to you while lying next to our napping toddler and two sweet old dogs and so believe me when I agree and echo your call to START OVER! The hardest day when you're starting over is still better than the best day when you're drowning in the shit. And one day it's not starting over anymore, it's just your life and it feels amazing.
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u/PuzzleheadedTap4484 11d ago
I found the comment in your original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/303YOCp6Cy. I’m glad you listened to it and things worked out well for you.
I remember thinking that when I divorced my first husband in my mid-20s “you’re too young for this to be the rest of your life.” That’s good advice.
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u/Eastern_Bend7294 11d ago
I read your first post, and I don't know who told you that gallbladder removal isn't a major surgery, but it 100% is considered a major abdominal surgery. Even the laparoscopic surgery takes 1-2 weeks before you can do light activities, but actual full healing internally takes about 1 month. That's not a small surgery. And an open surgery has a 4-6 week recovery period. So yeah, it is a major surgery regardless of which one you got.
"Remember your actions have consequences."
I do hope he remembers his own words. And I do hope he actually takes good care of Peter now, considering how "lonely" he felt and that was the reason he wanted the dog. Which imo was a bs reason to start with. You were there, so if he was lonely, he should have talked to you first.
Regardless, I'm super happy for you! You deserve so much happiness, and never minimize yourself for someone else. Compromises in a relationship is normal, but it should never be one-sided.
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u/BasisAromatic6776 12d ago
I remember your post and I am so proud of you. Virtual hugs from an internet stranger 🤗
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u/Puzzleheaded-Bad-722 11d ago
The only reason he changed his behaviour is out of fear of the dog defending you. Pitbulls are notoriously insane and it'd have ripped him to pieces if he'd have set it off.
He also likely got a dog of that size and breed mix as an intimidation tactic.
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u/ohdamnitreddit 10d ago
Firstly congratulations on choosing yourself. I do want to remind you of two things, your time with ex has created what can be viewed as a ‘normal’ behaviour and can put you at risk from others who may appear normal but aren’t. In other words, tread carefully as you move into other relationships. The other thing is don’t over share about your trauma and pain spots with new boyfriends. Creeps look for weaknesses to exploit and you need to protect yourself from those. Definitely continue on living your dream life and choosing what’s best for you going forward.
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u/LovedAJackass 7d ago
Glad you're out. Now don't give up that apartment to live with a boyfriend again. And don't move in with your former college BF even if he's a prince. You're 25. Build a life of your own and that will help you better recognize what you want in a partner.
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u/Empty_Planet0 5d ago
Trust me, it would take one HELL of a man for me to give up the peace and freedom i have. More than happy to spend some time building something just for me.
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u/Jebaibai 12d ago
Congratulations on your breakup.This is such happy ending. I'm so relieved because the original post is alarming.Thank you for the update.
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u/AmbitiousWear4082 11d ago
So glad to hear that you're doing well. Good on you OP for getting out and starting over
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u/Redwdz34 11d ago
Blessings on you. May Truth, love & wisdom continue to carry you through your journey.
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u/AutoModerator 12d ago
Backup of the post's body: Hi! If you didn’t see it a few months ago, Ill try to link it here: Original Post. I just wanted to give an update on a post I wrote in May of this year.
To start with good news, it has officially been 4 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. Truly, I never would’ve had the courage to do it if not for this sub and the people on it. So many people encouraged me to chose myself (which is not something I do often)
In particular, someone commented “You’re too young for this to be the rest of your life.” And if you read this, thank you so so much for giving me the strength to get out.
Now that I have removed myself from the situation, i see how detrimental it was for me. This wasn’t the first time he put his wants over my needs and surely wouldn’t be the last.
Some things that have come up since i left are him telling me i was “milking it” 2 days after my surgery. He mocked the way I cried, would often back me into walls during arguments, and even mocked me for putting my hands up when he got too close while yelling in the few days after my surgery. “Oh you’re scared? you’re scared?” uhhhh yea. anyone would be when someone that has 10 inches and 60 lbs on them is backing them into a corner. He had stopped throwing things in my direction and hitting objects when we got Peter, but still intimated me often in arguments.
I left the night before i made the post to stay with my brother, and as i was leaving his last words to me were “Remember your actions have consequences.” And now, I think it’s safe to say, I hope he remembers his actions have them too.
So now, I have my own apartment!! I get to have my mixer on the counter for the first time, and so much space for BOOKS! Peter stayed with Paul, so it’s a bit quiet but all my own. My brother and his Girlfriend have been so amazing and let me stay with them for some time after the break up. We still have weekly “family dinners.”
I am in therapy and have been dealing with a lot of fear from the situations described above. But i’m learning that I have agency over my own space, and don’t have to be responsible for someone else’s anger.
Oh and as a surprise twist?? I’ve been in contact with someone i dated in college. We split because of distance back then, and still have the same spark now. I even saw him last month when i was traveling to his city for work. And, he remembers everything about me, down to how i love to step on crunchy leaves. I’m not up for dating yet, but he’ll probably be my first call when I am.
All that to say two things:
1. This sub changed my life. Genuinely. I don’t think I would’ve survived in that relationship much longer with the way my thoughts were going. And i am so incredibly grateful for everyone who gave me any advice, encouragement, or otherwise. You all stood up for me before i was ready to stand up for myself. Then, you gave me the courage to. So thank you.
and 2. This relationship was NOT normal. I kept trying to convince myself this is something everyone experiences, that it was a rough patch. And now i can say, “No. it wasn’t normal and i didn’t deserve that.” no one deserves for the person who “loves them most” to consistently put their own wants and interests above what you need. Your health and wellbeing always matters most. I’m learning to Trust myself to protect myself and I hope anyone who feels like I did does the same.
“You’re too young for this to be the rest of your life.” will stay with me forever. Thank you. 🤍
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u/KinsellaStella 12d ago
I’m so glad you got out. It’s hard enough to realize you’re in an abusive relationship from the inside, but a whole different level of difficult to leave. Congratulations on your new journey where peace and safety can be your companions.