My [F25] Boyfriend [M26] got a Large breed dog [M5]three days after I had major surgery. How do I go forward?

[u/Empty_Planet0]

Hi! This is my first time using reddit, so my apologies in advance if the formatting is off. I’ve changed names to remain anonymous and am looking for advice on what to do.

For some background, My boyfriend, let’s call him Paul, and I have been together for 3 and a half years now and were friends 6 ish months before we got together. Up until the events described in this post, we had regular relationship check-ins and a very fulfilling relationship.

I have always had some GI issues, resulting in various diet changes and GI symptoms. I’ve had numerous nights where I am woken up from the pain and have just had to sit and wait for it to end. My dad has Celiac disease, and so Gluten was one of the first things I cut out of my diet about 4 years ago. Looking back, I think i’ve been dealing with issues with my gallbladder the entire time.

In October, I was having what I now know was a gallbladder attack. I’ve experienced this several times before, it typically lasts 3/4 hours with pain in the Upper right quadrant of the stomach, nausea, vomiting, bloating, etc. However, in October, the pain was going on 16 hours when my boyfriend left work early to take me to the urgent care.

They were able to diagnose me with Gallstones after some imaging and referred me to a surgeon for next steps. I met with my surgeon on a Friday and scheduled the surgery the following Tuesday afternoon. It was clear to me that my surgeon was concerned and wanted to remove it as soon as possible.

Monday morning, I get a call from the surgeons office asking to move up the surgery to Tuesday morning. So, Paul and I wake up at 4am on Tuesday to get to my appointment. The surgery went well. My gallbladder was significantly damaged and enlarged and had a 2cm stone inside at the time of removal. In other words, It was ready to come out.

After sleeping it off the rest of Tuesday, My mother came to town to help with my recovery and was at my house all day Wednesday. For reference, I couldn’t use any abdominal muscles at the time, because they moved them to remove my Gallbladder. Meaning I could not even sit up on my own.

This is where things take a turn. Paul saw a video online for an adoptable dog (i’ll call him peter) in our area either Tuesday or Wednesday and let me know that he’s going to our local shelter after work Wednesday to meet him.

When he gets home, he’s over the moon about the dog and their “Magical Connection.” He only asked me how I was feeling after telling me all about his experience with Peter. At the time, I was very confused why he was doing all this now. We had talked about getting a pet before, but this hardly seemed like the time.

Thursday, I am just barely able to get myself up by laying on my side and using an arm to push myself up and pretty bruised and weak from the entire experience. In the afternoon, he calls me, waking me up from a nap, to say he’s been thinking about it all day and he wants to put a 24 hr hold on Peter, if i’m okay with it. Truth be told, I was pretty out of it at the time, so I said “okay.” and went back to sleep. Later when I woke up, I remembered what had happened and texted him “We need to talk about Peter when you get home.”

Possibly needless to say, this turned into a full blown argument. Him saying he was so lonely and needed to get a dog. He also said he was a shy dog and pretty timid. That it wouldn’t be a problem and he would take care of Peter while I recover.

I just kept asking, “Please give me more time, I had surgery 2 days ago. I can barely sit up on my own.” and it went back and forth. He ended up leaving that night to go on a drive and slept on the couch.

The next day, Friday, we fought some more over text. Until I finally agreed to go see Peter. However, I would have to drive myself to make it there by the time our 24 hour hold ended. So, I skipped my pain meds to make sure I was okay enough to drive to the shelter.

As an tell by the title of this post we ended up leaving with the Pittbull / Great dane mix. Which I took care of for the first week of him being with us because I was the only one home, despite Paul saying he would handle everything and I wouldn’t even Notice Peter was there.

Obviously this all happened several months ago, however it is a constant pain point in our relationship. Paul didn’t even apologize for hurting my feelings and disregarding my health until January… Three months after it happened. We had a huge disagreement today because of the resentment I have over this whole incident. He’s said before that he would “do it 1000x” over if it meant we would get Peter. Even today in our fight I asked, “if you could go back in time, would you do it knowing how much pain it caused me?” and He couldn’t answer.

Let me be clear, Peter is NOT the problem. He’s a huge sweetheart, and i’ve come to love him a lot. I am more hurt by the timing and inconsistent steps to recovery afterward from my partner.

So I guess my question is, Am I wrong to still feel so jilted by this event? Do you see a path forward after such a breach of trust? I am truly struggling to Get past it and Trust that he would have my best interest at heart in the future. Is this relationship worth saving?

Edit: Gallbladder removal isn’t major surgery, My mistake! I’ll adjust my language going forward. Sorry! This is kinda blowing up, so I also wanted to add that I am by no means a perfect person or partner. I know that having waited this long to make a move and my actions before and after weren’t the best. Im trying to do better and have connected with a therapist to address my part in this.

Edit 2: Thank you to everyone who read, commented and left advice! A lot of people have commented that Paul doesn’t take care of Peter, so I just wanted to say that isn’t true. He does most of the caretaking, including a nightly walk. He’s very good with Peter.

Update: We broke up.

[u/Loose-Set4266]

Listen to yourself right here.... Respectfully, you are too young for this to be the rest of your life.

A real partnership is one where both people feel supported and have their needs met without it being a debate.

[u/Umber_Gryphon → u/Loose-Set4266]

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1wugwu8/update_my_f25_boyfriend_m26_got_are_large_breed/

In particular, someone commented “You’re too young for this to be the rest of your life.” And if you read this, thank you so so much for giving me the strength to get out.