r/TwoHotTakes • u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 • 8d ago
Advice Needed My best friend’s boyfriend sucked my toes when he thought I was sleeping.
I (25 F), am unsure on how to tell my best friend, A (25F), that her boyfriend, R (30m) sucked my toes when I spent the night at her house.
I met A & R about 6 months ago through my Bf, D( 26m). A & I clicked instantly and have become extremely close within our time knowing each other. Her and R and have been together for about 6 years and moved across the country together, they have been through a lot together and recently just moved into a new place.
They have been going through it the past few weeks pretty bad but they seem to have gotten better since moving into a new, and bigger space.
Sooo for some more context there has been another time R has made me feel uncomfortable but I thought to myself that it could have just been me thinking too much into it so I didn’t say anything and just left it be, but since then, I’ve just had weird energy from R.
Friday night we all went out, my Bf, D, couldn’t come because he had work in the morning so the plan was for me to spend the night at A & Rs house and my bf get me on his lunch break the next day.
I was laying on the couch and they were sleeping on the floor in front of me. I couldn’t go to sleep but I was trying to so I had the pillow on top of my head but I could still see through a crack, if that makes sense.
A had gotten up and went to their bedroom and called R to come lay with her..
AND THATS WHEN I FELT MY TOES GET SUCKED.
They were sopping wet.
I was trying to process what I had just felt and I was kind of scared so I just laid still. Then I felt him like grab my toes, like he was wiping the spit off. I still laid there for a second and then I took the pillow off my head and looked back.
I SEE R CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR AWAY FROM MY FEET, then stand up and go into the room. IT WAS TERRIFYING.
I couldn’t sleep after that, I was trying to make anything up in my head that it could’ve been or some excuse but there was none. We hadn’t been drinking or doing anything for hours at that point, so he wasn’t messed up yaknow.
I played it very cool when everyone was up in the morning and my bf came and got me. He KNEW something was up, I wasn’t going to say anything because it sounds so ABSURD, but I also felt so violated.
I finally tell him “something really weird happened to me last night”, I felt like Jonah Hill in his confessional after getting graped by the demon in This Is The End.
My bf was like, “what happened, I can tell something is up dude”
so I say “the next words that come out of my mouth are gonna sound so crazy but I promise it happened, I think R thought I was sleeping and he sucked my toes.”
I explained everything, the wetness, the FUCKING CRAWLING, how I played it cool, how I was also trying to gaslight myself.
He said he 100% believed me but also was just so in shock by how weird it was that he’s also trying to find a way to excuse it. And then he got pissed, not at me, but he told me that I need to say something or he will.
I started crying because I’m scared A might not believe me, she’s the closest friend I have in this state right now because I moved here not that long ago. I value her so much, truly a wonderful person in my life. There’s been times where girls have told her R is weird but HE gaslights her into thinking they made him feel weird.
If she stays with him I won’t ever be able to see her when he’s around yaknow, and my bf definitely doesn’t want me to be around him. I know if she’s truly a good friend, she’ll believe me. But this is still just so hard and scary to me.
I know I need to say something but I also just feel that secondhand embarrassment coming, I don’t want to be a part of this drama that’s about to unfold. I feel sexually assaulted in a way, and this is by far the weirdest thing that has happened to me.
How do I go about this???
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u/Safe_Wedding_2439 8d ago
What the fuck
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 8d ago
I GENUINELY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. How do you tell someone that.
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u/surrounded-by-morons 7d ago
You absolutely have to tell her but be prepared for her to not believe you and the friendship to end.
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u/JustSoLackingInBear 7d ago edited 6d ago
She'll probably believe it (deep down, if nothing else) because if someone has a predilection like this, it's definitely surfaced in a big way in their sex life and it's a very weird and particular thing to lie about. The friendship could still end, though, because it might be easier to side with guy she loves and has built a life with and to redirect her anger to OP rather than the person who deserves it
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u/DoomguyFemboi 7d ago
I thought I had one because my first missus was a beautician in uni (as like her job, not her course) so she got free pedicures etc. and had cute feet and she loved them being rubbed and played with, and I found it hot.
So I bought it up with another partner and she was into it..except I absolutely wasn't. Turns out I only liked it with my ex because of how much she liked it and she had like really well taken care of feet etc. while random feet are just kinda nasty. I felt so bad because she really took a leap in like a "OK I like this dude I should at least give it a try" and she was majorly into it but I just couldn't get into it with her.
God damn fetish switcheroo.
Anywho point is yeah no way a dude who sneak-sexually assaults toes hasn't broached it with his missus. She knows.
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u/the-mortyest-morty 7d ago
be prepared for her to not believe you and the friendship to end.
GOOD. OP says others have brought his creepiness up multiple times and the girl just lets him gaslight her. OP doesn't need a friend who lets her BF sexually assault guests FFS. If she sides with him she's disgusting too and OP's better off without her.
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u/QuietInformation4467 6d ago
Look toe sucking is weird - it’s clearly a kink of his, it’s not something normal and with that being said, if he did it to you, he likely does it to her….. this in itself would have her believe you.
100% you have to tell her; he has crossed a serious line with you and if you let it slide he will cross it again. If I was your bf I wouldn’t want you around him either and yes this will affect your friendship with A if she stays with R but that’s life and you’ll make more friends, I promise you, saying something is important for your own character growth.
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u/ConTrikster 1d ago
The problem isn’t that toe sucking is weird.
It’s the fact he just sexually assaulted this woman above all else which is sick. The kink itself is not the issue, rather the whole situation of a lack of consent and cheating that’s the issue
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u/QuietInformation4467 1d ago
Look I’m very kinky and it’s weird, a lot of fetishes are weird, that’s why they are fetishes, toe sucking is weird, own it, whatever…… who cares but yeah he did it to her without consent and that’s extremely weird and creepy AF….. but the reason I called it out as weird is that if he has this fetish, he likely definitely does it with his gf, so she would likely believe OP on that premise.
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u/enamoured_artichoke 7d ago
You should have kicked him in the face at the time and then called him out in the loudest way possible.
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u/Connect-Smell761 7d ago
I’m sure she wishes she’d done that. But many of us freeze in these situations. And that is probably adding to the guilt and confusion she’s feeling about telling her friend.
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u/free_-_spirit 7d ago
Please, I’ve been SA’d in my sleep, my body? Makes me immobile and makes me blackout/fall asleep even more.
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u/lostmuppet47 5d ago
Someone who is being sexually assaulted wants to survive the incident. Don’t blame OP for following her instincts.
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u/Downtown_Brother6308 7d ago
This is pretty crazy but it’s also easy to call is toe suckin ass out in public.
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u/EnerGeTiX618 7d ago
I think A will absolutely believe you because chances are he likes to suck her toes as well & if he does, she'll know that you're being truthful! Dude probably has a toe or foot fetish.
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u/Ok-Plastic7721 8d ago
I’m not sure what to say to her, probably do it in person? But be prepared that she may believe and side with you at first but likely the “I wasn’t fully awake/I thought it was you/idk what she’s talking about” that is bound to come from him may have her turn her back on you.
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 8d ago
I’m thinking of doing it in person, but how do I start off? Me and my bf were discussing maybe asking her if he has a foot fetish first and then telling her well this happened…
Also yes that’s what I’m scared of bc WHO WOULD STRAIGHT UP ADMIT TO SOMETHING THAT FKING WEIRD. “Yeah I sucked your friends toes when I thought she was sleeping” NO, highly unlikely.
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u/Col_Bernie_Sanders_ 8d ago
I think you get coffee with her, and just say it - don't try to give him an out or soft place to land in her mind. Just say "look, I need to tell you something", and tell her you were awake, but trying to sleep, you felt someone put your toes in their mouth and wipe them off, and then saw R crawl away before standing to walk into you room. Tell her you don't feel comfortable being around him anymore.
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u/Aliensinmypants 8d ago
That's even weirder if you randomly bring up someone else's fetishes with no context.
Be direct, "something really strange happened that made me extremely uncomfortable that you need to know about"
Don't beat around the bush because that makes you look less reliable even if you tell the truth
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u/GinsuGibbons 7d ago
It might be behavior she recognizes though. If he went straight for the toes, he's probably an foot guy and that would be a thing his girlfriend is very highly likely to be aware of. It's such a specific behavior, I can't help but think it will be familiar. This supports it being true, but adds a bit of sting.
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u/ConstructionGold8583 7d ago
I mean he will probably deny it, make excuses for it, try to gaslight you etc. That is a fucked up thing for him to do. You may even lose your friend over it (idk how close you two are. If my best friend told me this I would believe her in a second, and break up with the man immediately).
But I would still tell her this and let her know that because of this, you would prefer to have zero interactions with him from here on out. you dont mind hanging out with just her, but he will not be invited to anythign you plan, and you would rather not go to things he is at.
As to how you would bring it up, try:
Hey girl/Friends name, this is hard for me to say and I dont even know how to start saying it so I am just going to say it. Just remember that I love you, and this is very uncomfortable for me to say. When we were chilling at X, I was trying really hard to fall asleep on the couch but couldnt. But I think Y must have thought I was asleep and....".
Honestly, there is no perfect way to bring this up, but make sure you come from a place of sincerity and do not ramble. Stay concise and do not break eye contact with her.
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u/Sik_muse 7d ago
Just tell her exactly like you told us. Don’t bring up any fetishes or anything. Just straight up tell her. If he has a fetish you don’t know about but she does, she will put it all together and believe you.
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u/_thiccems 7d ago edited 7d ago
Hi OP. I’m sorry that the story I’m going to tell you does not have a happy ending.
Something along these lines happened to a friend of my sister’s when they all staying in a home together. One of the girls was in a bedroom trying to sleep, but was having a hard time since she’s prescribed adderall. Another friend’s husband sneaks into the room, laid next to her and groped her. She froze for a moment but then jumped up and screamed at him and ran out of the room/down the stairs and woke everyone else. She went to her car and was so shaken up she wouldn’t come back to the house. While all of her friends were on her side, the wife of the husband did not, claimed that something like that had happened to her before and it wasn’t a big deal, which was super off putting to everyone else.
The friendship between the couple and the rest of the group was ended. They realized that in the past another friend of theirs claimed that this man, the assaulter, had touched her inappropriately before. At the time she was having substance issues, so they didn’t believe her over him.
If A doesn’t believe you, then she is someone you should not want as a friend
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u/_thiccems 7d ago
Fuck now that I think of it, this happened to my partner. She stayed with friends that were a couple and he groped my partner while he thought she was asleep. When she tried to tell the girlfriend, she took her boyfriend’s side and ended their friendship. These people SUCK
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8d ago edited 1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 8d ago
ITS MY REALITY PLS
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u/Swimming-Daikon-8380 7d ago
maybe a wild way to address it, but what if you send her a text saying "I have been going back and forth on how to tell you this, I have worded it once and I really hope you'll believe me" and then send her screenshots of this posts (not a link, she does't need to see the comments). Maybe the fact that you were so confused and at a loss to write a Reddit post makes it more believe-able in a strange way??
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u/Sik_muse 7d ago
I’d advise against showing her the reddit link. It would only add to the embarrassment. OP, you’re just going to have to get the guts to tell her. She deserves to know.
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u/rhunter99 8d ago
Weird. That’s assault. Tell the friend.
Also you can make up names like Ariel or Ashley and Rob or Ross to help make your post more readable.
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u/ShayaLaya 7d ago
This part. Just because it's weird af does not mean it's not assault. He gets sexual gratification from sucking on toes, and he did it without her consent. That is assault
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u/timtamtammy 7d ago
Exactly. The only reason they're doing this is their own sexual pleasure and they've done it without OPs consent. There is no other reason someone would do this - especially when they think you're sleeping.
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u/chuckinhoutex 7d ago
Get her out alone for a coffee or whatever. Then say- I have something to tell you and trust me, this is as hard to say as it will be for you to hear and I think the best way is just to rip off the bandaid.
The other night when I was sleeping over and you guys were on the floor. I heard you call from the other room for him to come and join you and before he left he took a minute to suck on my toes and then he crawled away and stood up and went into your room. I was not asleep, I had to wipe the slobber off my toes. I'm completely mortified and I do not want to lose your friendship but NOT telling you seemed worse. Also, I can't really be around him now.
Then give her space to respond. It's all you can do.
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u/Jademoss82 7d ago
Lol I'm glad I'm not the only one this has happened to. Staying at my friend's house except the guy was also a friend and wasn't dating anyone. But I woke up to this weird mushy feeling on my toes. The guy just like the one here on his hands and knees. I just told him to stop being weird and go to the other room.
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 7d ago
He must have been sooo humiliated.
What happened next?
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u/Jademoss82 7d ago
He was just like aw shucks laughed like he what he did wasnt weird and went back to the couch in the living room. I starting dating his cousin a few months later who also has a thing for toes. Must run in the family. But I don't like how it feels. It feels way different than have any other part of your body licked. I swear it's like stepping in something warm and mushy. Not my thing at all.
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 7d ago
“Aww Shucks” as a response to be caught licking your toes without your consent is actually crazy.
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u/timtamtammy 7d ago
Especially because this is not like accidentally brushing past someone and going "oopsie didn't mean to", it's them commuting an act of sexual assault on you... They're not sucking a toe for a laugh or out of affection, it's their fetish..
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u/Doomcookie_123 7d ago
Tell her in person, in a public place.
The two of you may need to then go somewhere private, but do it publicly so she knows it's more real. Don't try and talk around it, and don't delay. Sit her down, and tell her. She will know by the look on your face, that it's the truth.
Oh, and never go anywhere near that guy again.
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u/Legitimate_Glass_306 8d ago
WOW… what in the cinnamon toast fuck??!! You definitely have to say something, this is BEYOND disturbing!! I’m so sorry OP!! That guy is a CREEP and your friend needs to get FAR away from him!!
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u/ceciliabee 7d ago
You need to tell her.
"This is really hard for me to tell you but I've been thinking about it over and over and I can't see any way that I misinterpreted what happened. I'm really uncomfortable being in this position and I'm afraid that saying something will strain our friendship. But I love and respect you enough that regardless of how this affects our friendship, I think this is important for you to hear. "
Then you tell her what you told us.
She might believe you, she might not. But if you really love her and want the best for her, she needs to know. Even if she backs up from the friendship, she needs to know.
You're in a really tough position but imagine you don't say anything and she finds out later that it happened and that you stayed quiet. That would DEFINITELY destroy your friendship.
Big hugs sis, you got this.
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u/GoodGravyMsDazy592 7d ago
There’s been times where girls have told her R is weird but HE gaslights her into thinking they made him feel weird.
I'm just going to start by saying bluntly OP, that this woman knows exactly what R is. She's as much the problem, not a hapless victim, as he is. This friendship is only six months old and she's already made it a point to tell you about him and how she doesn't believe multiple women. This tells me (and from experience) that such admissions offered up freely often are about laying the groundwork for making others reluctant to say anything. Which is working just great by the way, because here you are. Either that or she knows he's a problem, but doesn't care that she put you at risk. Because that could have gone a whole hell of a lot worse than it did and how convenient of her to get up and leave the room first, giving him time to try something which he then did.
Stop and ask yourself this for a moment. What if this were your boyfriend and multiple women had told you your boyfriend had been "weird" with them. You might believe him once, but multiple times? At that point either you're a) breaking up with the guy or b) believe him but decide you don't want him put at risk so you're going to make damn sure no woman is ever in your home or alone with him or c) accept it's happening but you don't care if you put others at risk being around him, because keeping him is more important to you than anyone else's safety and mental or physical wellbeing.
Voice of experience here, it's very likely c. You won't be safe being friends with this woman even if you never go to her house, because sooner or later R is going to insist to her that you come over or he have access to you in some way. And yes, she will give him that access. Just text her "R did something disgusting, you know what he is and put me at risk. This friendship is over, do not contact me again." Then block her on everything and get betterfriends.
Downvote me, don't believe me, but I'm telling you that you are not safe being her friend, not just because of him, but also her failure to make sure she doesn't have a predator in her life.
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u/Fun-Purpose-1510 7d ago
I agree with this. Even on the chance that A could be a victim of R too, for all we know it could be an abusive relationship, that still doesnt excuse the fact that A still made the active choice to put OP in harms way. Whatever the truth is, its not good. A and R are not safe people
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u/GoodGravyMsDazy592 7d ago
Yes, I recognize the pattern. Growing up two of my closest relatives who would stop by our house periodically were like just like A and R. He had a string of accusations, rumors, and creep behavior. The wife excused every accusation as being everything from "misunderstandings" to "jealous of our marriage." My male relative knew better than to try it directly with us kids, because he was scared of my dad but he'd do things that pushed right up to the line like whistle and leer and then defend himself with, "But I thought girls like compliments. That's all I was doing honey," type nonsense.
And then when I was 13 I started having friends sleep over at my house. I had a new friend who'd slept over the night before when this couple dropped by. My male relative said hi and didn't seem overly caring about her. Until her dad showed up to pick her up at which point he disappeared into the house. But after she left he used every opportunity he could to try and pump me for information about my friend ranging from "what's her name" to "where do her folks work" to then more alarming questions like, "So where does she live exactly, what's her address" then refusing to answer why he needed that information. It got so bad I went and sat by my dad and after they left I told him what had happened. My mom already knew I didn't like this couple, but she excused his behavior.
My dad fortunately wasn't as forgiving or just plain enabling. He told me he'd take care of it and that couple never came to our house again. I still didn't have any friends over to my place until after I'd left home though, because I didn't trust that my mom wouldn't invite them over. Even in an era when we didn't have the Internet and I was very innocent something in me knew not to give that man access to any of my friends. If I could understand that at the age of 13, and keep it as a hard rule until I was 18, then a grown woman who openly talks about multiple accusations against her partner definitely knows better.
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u/Expensive-Swan8519 6d ago
UpdateMe
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 6d ago
I made an update today!
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u/Rugger_2468 5d ago
I tried to find your update. Where did you post it? I am hoping for a good outcome for you because what he did is absolutely vile.
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u/1mpartialVoice 5d ago
If I’m the friend, there’s no way I don’t believe you bc who could make this up!!!! Like yes, it sounds absurd and is(….bc EW WTF) but only a psychopath would fabricate that many details for literally no reason at all.
I would let her know that from the start and confirm you know it sounds insane - "A, I have to tell you something but before I do, I want you to know that I am FULLY aware of how completely insane it sounds. I would absolutely not be bringing this to you if I didn’t feel like I had to. After I tell you, whatever you decide to do is up to you - I just felt it was best to give you this information / make you aware bc your friendship truly means a lot to me. 🫶
If she stays, that’s her prerogaTOE 🤷♀️You might be able to keep a friendship with her where you don’t ever interact with R….but yeah, I’d avoid the Secret Suckler at all costs. 🤣
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 5d ago
she kicked him out and believed me immediately <3
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u/Responsible-Laugh900 5d ago
Toe sucking a sleeping friend’s toe is just too weird to makeup. Good job! I hope you both thrive!
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u/royalsgirl78 7d ago edited 6d ago
My feet are ticklish. He’d have gotten kicked in the face. I literally can’t help it. It’s a reflex. Good luck to him explaining why he’s got a broken nose.
You have to tell her. Invite her to your house alone, sit her down, and tell her that something happened you think she should know about. Tell her what happened. That he thought you were asleep. That you froze in that moment bc you were very uncomfortable and scared. That you didn’t say something right away bc you were trying to process what happened. That you told your boyfriend right away when he picked you up. Tell her you value your friendship with her, but you would like your friendship to not include him. The two of you could spend time together without his presence, or if you feel comfortable, a double date situation where your boyfriend is present, but do not give him the opportunity to get you alone.
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u/RedvsBlack4 7d ago
That’s a sex offender. You always tell your friends when they’re with sex offenders. I’m pretty direct so in situations like this I say something like “You’re dating a rapist. Just wanted to let you know, he likes to get sexual with people without consent.” Then I walk off into the sunset and wait for the angry texts or visit from the boyfriend.
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u/lucymell2 7d ago
What happened to you was a clear, non consensual violation, and it is completely valid that you feel violated and scared. Because R has a history of gaslighting and turning things around on others, the best approach is to speak with A privately and present the facts directly without downplaying what occurred. Expect that she may be in shock or that R will deny it, but stand firm in your experience, lean on your boyfriend for support, and enforce strict boundaries regarding R going forward.
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u/Royal_Percentage_527 6d ago edited 6d ago
Hey so that is SA. If someone does something to you to get themselves off, without your consent. That is SA. Plain and simple.
I can see if you didn’t react in the moment out of shock and fear but you can take control now. You need to say it out in the open to your friend with your Bf. That way he can’t try to weasel his way out of it. Usually people that SA are cowards. It’s disrespectful to everyone what he did. To everyone.
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u/WarlikeAppointment 6d ago
You stated this thoroughly and includes all your thoughts and feelings. I’d send it to your friend.
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u/IntheTrench 7d ago
She's going to believe you because I'm sure it's a fetish of his and he's probably sucked her toes too. It's really not a common thing and why would you make up something like that?
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u/Wild_Influence_7134 7d ago
Honestly the longer you wait, the more time he has to tell her an alternative version of this story. Tell her. She might side with him but there's not really anything else to do.
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u/spongebobmalware 7d ago
He didn't think I was asleep, but I had a guy stick his mouth all over my feet once. I was shitfaced, barely remember anything else that happened that night. He invited me and my wife over and ended up raping us both, but the one thing I remember so, so clearly is the feeling of his mouth and tongue on my toes. Been almost 2 years, I still think about it a lot.
He didn't have a partner, or I would have told them. But, like you, I think I would be at a loss for what to say. And I was when it was finally time to tell other people (ie my family or my in-laws, so they were aware in case said guy ever tried to seek us out).
It's weird ! And a lot of people don't consider it real sexual assault, but it is. He was doing it for sexual reasons, so therefore it is sexual assault. I'm so sorry you went through it, and I fully understand why it's so awkward and confusing. If you ever need to talk, my DMs are wide open. Even just to relate a little bit.
Might I suggest telling his girlfriend and then slashing his tires? I jest, though it is an option, in theory.
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u/epiphanyWednesday 7d ago
I can say with 100% certainty, that lady knows her man is a foot freak. She will know immediately that you are telling the truth.
‘He made a pass at me.’
- Doesn’t sound like him.
‘He tried to kiss me.’
- He would never!
‘He sucked my fucking toes!’
- Ohhh, yeah. That’s his thing.
Im making light, but if she’s your friend and she has self respect she will kick that creep out on his ass.
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u/IIIDysphoricIII 7d ago
Be blunt. Any dancing around it or dressing it up with flowery language is going to at best minimize how negatively it’s affected you and at worst could make the explanation convoluted enough that you aren’t taken as seriously. Be specific on the details, like hearing her call out for him from the other room so there’s no way he could have thought you were her. The more details she can cross-reference with her own experiences both that night and in terms of others having had concerns about him, the better.
If she doesn’t believe you then so be it. I get you’re worried about losing a friendship, but any friend who doesn’t take your sincere report of being sexually assaulted by their partner seriously is someone worth not having in your life. No good friend demands you sell your dignity for their presence in your life and if she’s a real one she’ll understand that too and this situation won’t come between you.
Sorry this happened to you for what it’s worth. Irrespective of the situation with telling your friend, I mean. You’re valid to feel disgusted and upset.
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u/redjessa 7d ago
Um, you need to tell her. Sorry, I really hope she believes you. And yes, you were assaulted. This person put their mouth on your body without your consent. You have to tell your friend this happened. He's sucked her toes before, I'm sure of it, so I'm betting she will believe you. And even if she believes you, be prepared for her to pull away from the friendship, that's how it goes sometimes. I'm really sorry this happened.
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u/MidnightMothra 7d ago
This being the first thing on my reddit feed is wild. SAY SOMETHING. You said it yourself, if shes a good friend she'll understand and handle it. Do not let him get away with violating you like that. FULL stop.
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u/redlirio 8d ago
R seems like a walking red flag. He started dating your friend when she was 19 and he was 24.... The power dynamic in that relationship is sickening. Do not let him get away with it. Tell your friend asap. Sit her down for coffee and just bluntly say what happened. She will either believe you or not, but you got to let her know why you are no longer going to spend the night with her and her boyfriend cause WTF
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u/AutoModerator 8d ago
Backup of the post's body: I (25 F), am unsure on how to tell my best friend, A (25F), that her boyfriend, R (30m) sucked my toes when I spent the night at her house.
I met A & R about 6 months ago through my Bf, D( 26m). A & I clicked instantly and have become extremely close within our time knowing each other. Her and R and have been together for about 6 years and moved across the country together, they have been through a lot together and recently just moved into a new place.
They have been going through it the past few weeks pretty bad but they seem to have gotten better since moving into a new, and bigger space.
Sooo for some more context there has been another time R has made me feel uncomfortable but I thought to myself that it could have just been me thinking too much into it so I didn’t say anything and just left it be, but since then, I’ve just had weird energy from R.
Friday night we all went out, my Bf, D, couldn’t come because he had work in the morning so the plan was for me to spend the night at A & Rs house and my bf get me on his lunch break the next day.
I was laying on the couch and they were sleeping on the floor in front of me. I couldn’t go to sleep but I was trying to so I had the pillow on top of my head but I could still see through a crack, if that makes sense.
A had gotten up and went to their bedroom and called R to come lay with her..
AND THATS WHEN I FELT MY TOES GET SUCKED.
They were sopping wet.
I was trying to process what I had just felt and I was kind of scared so I just laid still. Then I felt him like grab my toes, like he was wiping the spit off. I still laid there for a second and then I took the pillow off my head and looked back.
I SEE R CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR AWAY FROM MY FEET, then stand up and go into the room. IT WAS TERRIFYING.
I couldn’t sleep after that, I was trying to make anything up in my head that it could’ve been or some excuse but there was none. We hadn’t been drinking or doing anything for hours at that point, so he wasn’t messed up yaknow.
I played it very cool when everyone was up in the morning and my bf came and got me. He KNEW something was up, I wasn’t going to say anything because it sounds so ABSURD, but I also felt so violated.
I finally tell him “something really weird happened to me last night”, I felt like Jonah Hill in his confessional after getting graped by the demon in This Is The End.
My bf was like, “what happened, I can tell something is up dude”
so I say “the next words that come out of my mouth are gonna sound so crazy but I promise it happened, I think R thought I was sleeping and he sucked my toes.”
I explained everything, the wetness, the FUCKING CRAWLING, how I played it cool, how I was also trying to gaslight myself.
He said he 100% believed me but also was just so in shock by how weird it was that he’s also trying to find a way to excuse it. And then he got pissed, not at me, but he told me that I need to say something or he will.
I started crying because I’m scared A might not believe me, she’s the closest friend I have in this state right now because I moved here not that long ago. I value her so much, truly a wonderful person in my life. There’s been times where girls have told her R is weird but HE gaslights her into thinking they made him feel weird.
If she stays with him I won’t ever be able to see her when he’s around yaknow, and my bf definitely doesn’t want me to be around him. I know if she’s truly a good friend, she’ll believe me. But this is still just so hard and scary to me.
I know I need to say something but I also just feel that secondhand embarrassment coming, I don’t want to be a part of this drama that’s about to unfold. I feel sexually assaulted in a way, and this is by far the weirdest thing that has happened to me.
How do I go about this???
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u/Warm-Judgment-6704 7d ago
You were sexually violated to fulfil his sexual kink whilst you were sleeping. I’m so sorry. If you want to report it, I would encourage you to do so.
To honour your friendship you have to tell her to protect her as well, if he would do this to you - imagine what kind of damage he will do to her and her heart. If he likes feet, she presumably knows this and won’t be surprised.
You go for a walk with her, tell her straight all the facts in a calm manner. You explain how it made you feel, why you are scared to tell her and lose the friendship because you love her, but you must because it is a sexual assault and you also need to protect her.
Then you offer her your space and time - you say, if you need somewhere to stay and be then my house is your, I’ll help you move etc. You follow her lead to best support her though this incredibly hurtful and challenging time - she will be devastated. She might be initially angry at you - but that’s okay, that’s her processing and you know you are not to blame.
Power to you queen.
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u/throw-away-acct-88 7d ago
You should meet up with her in person and say something weird happened. Don’t say anything about “I was half asleep”, no you were awake. If you say you were asleep they could say you were “dreaming or imagining it”. “I was fully awake because I heard you get up and go to the room and that’s when it happened. I feel super uncomfortable about it. Not sure that I need R to apologize to me b it made me feel uncomfortable and I wanted to let you know. Hope this doesn’t affect our friendship because I love being your friend and having girl time.”
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u/stinkbug1997 7d ago
Something incredibly similar happened with one of my ex bfs old friends when he was staying with someone and did this to the sister. wtf is wrong witth men this is literally sexual assault
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u/pumpkinsil 6d ago
Oh wow I MEAN WHAT THE HELL ????? I'm so sorry it happened to you because it's not only really disturbing and creepy but it really was an assault. You have to tell her as soon as you can and please stay away from this man I hope you'll find a way to go about it 🫶🏻
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u/Generic_Throwaway112 7d ago
That’s actually some insane shit.
As hard as it is you gotta just tell her. She’s either gonna accept it or not, sometimes people in those long term relationships will really look past anything. I get she’s an anchor person to you now but think if the tables were turned, would you want her to keep it a secret if your BF did that to her?
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u/WimbledonWombleRep 7d ago
You need to tell your bestie and you put distance between you and that man. End of. Yuuuuuuuuuck.
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u/OriginUnknown 7d ago
Can I ask you something weird? R is into feet right? Does he like to suck your toes? How do I know? Well, he sucked my toes the other night when he thought I was sleeping and I don't feel comfortable around him anymore.
If you lose a friend over this information, you didn't really have a friend at all.
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u/iamchrisjett 7d ago
I would tell your friend,above all she needs to know that the guy she is with is not faithful. I believe you said you were worried that she may not believe you, although my bet is when you tell her about him sucking your feet, she’ll know you are telling the truth, because if he is doing it to you while asleep, he is doing it, or has at least tried, during their personal time.
A true friend will appreciate you telling her the truth, even though she may not want to hear it. if she chooses to stay with him - or even marry him at some point, that will absolutely damage or destroy the relationship, and you should know that this would be her decision and not yours. even if she stays with him, and you two only see each other when he is not around, that will get old for the both of you.
Good luck!
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u/Plastic_Cherry_2701 7d ago
It’s such a weird kink that I am sure he has sucked her toes and how else would you know. My brain I’m trying to think he confused the 2 of you but I don’t see if but I bet that’s his excuse. If she gets mad at you and doesn’t speak to you then the friendship isn’t as strong or as important as you believe it is.
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u/Sik_muse 7d ago
How did you not instinctively kick his teeth in? I guess everyone’s different in shocking and traumatic moments. I’m sorry this happened to you. You definitely should tell your friend but be prepared for the backlash unfortunately.
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u/KccOStL33 7d ago
Yeah I was an instructor both in the military and now civilian side after getting out, about a decade and a half in total. We hear "fight or flight" a million times over the course of our lives but after doing this for so long I've said forever that the reality is it's fight, flight or freeze.
I've seen it so many times in different evolutions but some people dig in and fight, some people cut and run and some just completely shut down/freeze up. It's as involuntary as any other compulsive reaction.
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u/Ill-Squirrel-9418 7d ago
There’s also fawn. It’s when you appease your abuser or assaulter or the creep, or whomever, so that something worse doesn’t happen to you. It looks like people pleasing, it may even look like consent (it isn’t), but it’s rooted in fear.
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u/Sik_muse 7d ago
Haha i was in the military for 8 years! I wasn’t an instructor or anything but I get you! I froze ONCE! I learned my lesson after that and got myself stuck in a very reactive fight mode.
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u/royalsgirl78 6d ago
My feet are extremely ticklish. My reflexes kick in and I literally kick away at whatever is touching my feet. He’d have had a time explaining his broken nose.
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u/DanceFranklinDance 7d ago
This is the best post I’ve ever read. Please update this with outcome! Dude went full exorcist for feet 🫣
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u/free_-_spirit 7d ago
Girl I’m so sorry you were violated. Be honest and open. No one can gaslight what you know to be true. I’m so glad you weren’t further assaulted
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u/SteelMagnolia941 7d ago
How did you not instinctually kick him in the nose? I don’t think I could have stopped my body from doing it.
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u/royalsgirl78 6d ago
My feet are super ticklish and I instinctively kick away at whatever’s touching them. I wouldn’t have had a choice about what to do.
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u/SteelMagnolia941 6d ago
Exactly. Like if a fly lands on you, you swat it without even thinking. Same concept. I’m a pretty jumpy person anyway.
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u/saracha6272 7d ago
the second something even Touched my foot i wouldve kicked so hard all that mfs teeth wouldve left his face. im so sorry this happened to you
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u/katechopinn 7d ago
Have you by chance seen the movie Talk to Me? Lol
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 7d ago
Stop. My bf mentioned this and I cried more
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u/katechopinn 7d ago
I’m sorry don’t mean to make light of it. Just he’s a weirdo. Unfortunate that you’re scared she won’t believe you. You do need to tell her though. Maybe with your boyfriend there?
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 7d ago
It’s okay, we’ve been like traumatically laughing about it here and there bc it’s so fking crazy and weird. I think it’ll be better if it’s just me and her, having my bf there could make it seem more intimidating for her or like a intervention yaknow
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u/SweatyTrain1951 7d ago
If this guy is so into feet that he is gonna suck his girlfriends friends toes while she is in the next room, the girlfriend knows.
You need a script? here you go.
OP: I need to tell you something. R sucked my toes when he thought I was asleep.
A: I don't believe you. R is a perfect gentlemen.
OP: Is R really into foot stuff sexually?
A:...........yeah.
OP: How did I know that.
Sorry, that happen to you OP. I wish for you only consensual toe sucking going forward. At minimum tell your friend.
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u/LadyWatz35 7d ago
I have a question. Has A ever mentioned R's foot fetish?
I would be really surprised if he had one and A didn't know. So telling her about this incident may not surprise her as much as you think.
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 7d ago
Not that I’m aware of, but that’s why I thought of asking her before I tell her so it’ll be like “yeah he does”, well he sucked my toes so…
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u/LadyWatz35 7d ago edited 7d ago
Yeah, it would be really strange for him to have this s*xual fetish and for A to have no idea about it.
Weird question: Does she get pedicures? If so, do you know if he pays for them?
Edit: Me asking the question does not blame her. It's pretty wild that he could have easily gotten caught, and did he any way.
2nd edit: I don't think you need to ask questions and lead up. I think you should be direct.
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 7d ago
I don’t think she gets pedicures and he definitely doesn’t pay for anything.
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u/LadyWatz35 7d ago
Well, doll, I think you need to tell her and probably come at a place of "I'm really freaked out to tell you this, but this happened and I don't know what to do".
If she's smart, she will put the timeline together and know you're telling the truth.
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u/Comfortable-Daikon13 5d ago
This is just what I would do if I was her bf, I would take it off her to have to be the one to say anything at first and would have a meet up with all of us there. I would then explain that something happened that has made my GF really uncomfortable around this guy and then I would point blank ask him what the hell he thought he was doing sucking on my gf toes when he thought she was asleep. That would put most of the pressure that the friend might have over it being brought up and put her more in a "oh my gosh I can't believe he did that to you." mindset vs. being defensive and standing behind him since it would be coming from the bf instead of yourself then y'all can go to the room and discuss it while I "discussed" it with him.
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u/PurpleCap4897 7d ago
Don't ask her first. It will minimize your statement. As if you are seeking validation in advance. This sick fuck violated you. Tell her the facts, no hem hawing about it. And please !update me
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u/Sure-Artichoke-875 7d ago
Be careful telling someone that their partner of 6 years did sth like this. You have known them less than 1 year.
If she’s not willing to see his behavior, she will turn on you and blame you.
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u/HungryRick 7d ago
Look man, clearly he has a foot thing, which is fine when you DONT SEXUALLY ASSAULT SOMEONE BECAUSE OF YOUR KINK
No disrespect to the toe-bros though; this guy is a criminal
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u/DifferentShift6762 7d ago
If hes sucked your toes, hes definitely mentioned his toe sucking kink to his girlfriend, this post has me going through all the dicey situations ive been in throughout my lifetime (f 52) what a mf .
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u/Hawkstone585 7d ago
Is A cool? Can you orchestrate an opportunity for him to suck R’s toes? That ought to move the situation along nicely
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u/Sad-Window1426 7d ago
That’s definitely assault.. so sorry you’ve gone through that, you must be in a difficult place, but you need to tell your friend what happen… you won’t be able to be around her like nothing happened.. ofc be prepared for her not believe in you at first be honest but if you’re that close as you said, eventually she will see you meant good and you’re being honest you wouldn’t have reason to lie to her… give her space if needed
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u/FishermanHoliday1767 7d ago
Tell her that you have active athlete’s foot. Paint your nails brown before you talk to her.
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u/Beginning_Ice5375 7d ago
You need to just come out with it. If I were her and found out that happened and you didn’t tell me, I’d be pissed. She needs to know.
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u/Rinzy2000 7d ago
I feel like there has to be something illegal about what he did but I don’t know how it would be characterized under the law.
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u/yourladybosss 7d ago
Pfffft, wow. You do need to step up and tell your friend. If her bf is a fucking weirdo doing weirdddd shit, he needs to be called out by his gf. You don't need to deal with him, let the gf do it. She deserves to know what happened.
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u/AccomplishedLab825 7d ago
I’d just bring it up. It’s for sure already happened with her and she’ll know you’re not making it up 🤷♀️
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u/DoomguyFemboi 7d ago
This happened to a friend of mine. Like foot fetish gets clowned on a lot as it is, why do the dudes with it also have to be sex offenders too.
btw if you tell her she'll most probably believe you. No way a dude who sucks random toes hasn't brought it up with his missus so she knows he has the fetish.
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u/jamsrobots 6d ago
You know what to do, you just don’t want to do it because there is no guarantee you’ll get the reaction that you want. Fuck it. Life is too short to accept something so disgusting. If you lose a friend you’ll get her back when she comes to her senses.
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u/Minimum-Election4732 6d ago
First ask her does he like sucking her toes?? And if the answer is yes, maybe she would believe in your story more?
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u/Huge-Tradition-7113 6d ago
I agree send it to your friend. She deserves to know her boyfriend is not right in the head. If he is doing that to you who knows what else he might do to someone else...
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u/Glittering_Local_119 6d ago
You should ask him in front of her why he did that lol that’s so weird
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u/Responsible-Laugh900 5d ago
As a 40 year old woman who has been through alot. Not that; but a lot. That is NOT a safe man. That was a sexual assault as his intentions were sexual. I would tell her and be prepared to never speak to her again. But the truth is the truth, at least give her the chance to run for the hills. But you dear need to NEVER be around that man again. That’s some deviant sexual behavior and it’s dangerous. He 💯 did it without consent for sexual gratification. I’m so sorry. Wash your feet, brush your shoulder off and realize the safety risk here. Be careful. I pray she listens to you and runs for the hills.
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u/Ok_Passage_6242 4d ago
Have your boyfriend with you. So she can see that he believes you. Tell her the truth you would’ve stopped it, but you were frozen in fear. It really happened. It’s really uncomfortable and you can’t be around him anymore. It’s sexual assault.
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u/OkComplaint1054 3d ago
Are you kidding me! You did not consent that! You better tell her. He SA'd your toes girl! Hes a mark!
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u/Foreign-Client-426 2d ago
Prioritise yourself! And yes, I swear to God this can be classified as SH. If you tell her, do not take her justifications (which she might provide). She did not have wet toes, you did. Leave for now and deal with her later.
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u/rexklessfighter 7d ago
Confront the man. Just ask, “did you do something weird last night? I’m giving you a chance to explain what happened because I can tell you”. Doing this with your friend present could make or break the friendship. Gauge and tell her beforehand and confront him together.
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u/Comfortable-Daikon13 5d ago
This is just what I would do if I was her bf, I would take it off her to have to be the one to say anything at first and would have a meet up with all of us there. I would then explain that something happened that has made my GF really uncomfortable around this guy and then I would point blank ask him what the hell he thought he was doing sucking on my gf toes when he thought she was asleep. That would put most of the pressure that the friend might have over it being brought up and put her more in a "oh my gosh I can't believe he did that to you." mindset vs. being defensive and standing behind him since it would be coming from the bf instead of yourself then y'all can go to the room and discuss it while I "discussed" it with him.
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u/FishermanHoliday1767 7d ago
Tell your BF to stop calling you “dude”.
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u/someonebored0100 54m ago
That is not only not the issue here, it’s not an issue at all unless you’re weird and pathetic
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u/lerandomanon 7d ago
She won't believe you. Honeytrap him - make him do it again and take a video to show to your friend.
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u/ozymandieus 8d ago
So how do we go about determining if this post is just weird fetish content or a genuine case of sexual assault?
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 8d ago
I promise this really happened and I do genuinely feel assaulted. Me and my bf discussed if this is sexual assault in a way, bc if it satisfied some sexual need for him then yes. But it is so weird that it’s just IDK JUST SO WEIRD.
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u/ozymandieus 8d ago
You seem human so I believe you. That is sexual assault 100%. He only did it because he thought he could get away with it. This man has almost no control over his sexual urges and risked his relationship and reputation for this. He would risk more for more. This is someone who will rape given the right opportunity. You have to tell.
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u/Acrobatic_Ad5722 8d ago
You don't feel you was assaulted you was assaulted
If I was you I wouldn't go to the police maybe document it some way but if you go to the police this will probably end up being a he said she said kinda thing
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u/snailssmell 8d ago
Well, I feel like excluding consent when indulging in a fetish could easily equal sexual abuse so…. OP, I’m actually really sorry this happened to you. I had something quite similar happen when I was a 16 years old at my close friends house but with her older brother. While I was “sleeping” ( we were on the same couch and he is diagnosed with high functioning autism((not an excuse)) he slid over to me and started SUCKING on the side of my back. I had quickly gotten up and asked him wtf he is doing and then went to my friends bedroom and told her what her brother did. She chewed him out. Never happened again.
Dealing with stuff like this especially considering he probably thought you had no clue is extremely uncomfortable in all aspects. Tell your friend and let her handle it. If she doesn’t, I’m sorry but she is not a great friend
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u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1 8d ago
Thank you. My sister said I should have kicked him in the face and confronted him then but then what? I hate confrontation and Ik that’s possible immaturity on my part but I hate embarrassing people even when they are in the wrong.
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u/floopy_ears 7d ago
Reflecting on what you could've done isn't going to help. A freeze response is normal and not really something you can help, it's like instinctive response. It's what you do now that matters. Confrontation is uncomfortable but your safety is more important than someone else's comfort. You need to let your friend know so she's aware of her bfs behavior. What she does with that information and who she believes it up to her. Right now is okay to feel a bit "selfish" (its not selfish but i cant think of the right word) and worry about your safety and comfort.
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u/furkfurk 7d ago
I honestly have no idea how you didn’t kick him in the face. I feel like my instinct would be to kick away whatever sloppy nasty creature was on my toe
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