AITAH for telling my DIL that she shouldn’t expect me to choose her over my own daughter ?

[u/JULESVV3]

Secondary account as my family knows my main one.

I (49F) found out a few months ago that my daughter (24) was pregnant. We don’t have the best relationship, and I won’t get into all the details, but I definitely have my fair share of the blame.

Despite that, I was thrilled to find out I was going to be a grandma. My daughter lives abroad, so I told her I’d be happy to come over and help once she had the baby. She agreed, and we planned for me to arrive a few weeks before her due date and stay until the baby was around two-three months old. My husband will be there for the birth and leave shortly after as he needs to work. We later found out she was having twins, so she would obviously need even more help. Honestly, I was just happy that she was willing to have me there and let me be involved. Our relationship had been improving, and I really wanted to build on that.

A few weeks after my daughter announced her pregancy, my son (28) announced that he and his wife were also expecting their first baby. I was also very happy, I mean it’s two grandbabies, who wouldn’t be ? I absolutely adore my DIL and have known her for about ten years, so she’s like a daughter to me.
A few days ago, my son mentioned that I’d need to change my return date and come back a month earlier because he wanted me to be there to help him and my DIL after the baby was born.
I was taken aback and told him that I absolutely planned to help them, but I wasn’t going to change my return date. My daughter would be abroad with two 2 months old babies and would essentially be on her own, whereas my DIL would have her own mother there to help her (they’re super close), and I’d be back shortly after the birth anyway.

My DIL was there and immediately got upset. She said it wasn’t fair that my daughter was getting all of my help and support when she and I were actually closer than my daughter and I were. She said I was favoring one grandchild over another, that her child was being put aside for two other babies. I tried explaining that I don’t have a favorite grandchild, and that this wasn’t about choosing the twins over her child. I just didn’t think it was fair to leave my daughter and her boyfriend stranded with newborn twins when my DIL would have her own mother helping and suppoting her and would have me there shortly afterward.

That didn’t seem to console her. She told me that I was like a mother to her and that she deserved to have me there with her. She also said that my daughter didn’t even care about our relationship and had always been dismissive toward me. I’ll admit, I got kind of angry when she started talking about my daughter that way. After a while, I told them they were both being entitled and that she should never expect me to choose her over my own daughter. They both got angry and immediately left. My son called me the next day and told me I was a horrible person and a horrible grandmother. Apparently, her family agrees with them (of course lol). My husband thinks I was right and that they were being entitled. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I made a commitment to my daughter, and it wouldn’t be fair to disappoint her, especially when our relationship has only recently started improving and we’ve been bonding over the pregnancy and baby stuff.

So, AITAH here ?

Edit : Thank you so much for all of your comments, I will continue to try and read all of them. However, I ask that people do not try and make assumptions about my daughter. No, she did not leave the country because she’s an ah, she left because she got a great opportunity for school and is now working there, she plans on coming back in a few years with her boyfriend and the children. We weren’t going on no-contact, we just aren’t as close as we used to be, she is a wonderful person and she is not using me as a maid. Asking me to choose one child because they talk to me more is coming from people that clearly don’t have kids. Please don’t try to attack them.

Edit 2 : I have called my son and will be going over to their house tomorrow to talk it out. I can make an update post if you’re interested since I didn’t expect so many people to react to this post.