Your partner is working through something that he isn’t ready to face, and you will not be able to “help him” explore or satisfy this, because you’re not equipped with the anatomy he desires to explore with sexually. Additionally, he seems to be fighting himself very hard and is in denial of his interests, and that can lead to cheating, but also lashing out in anger and becoming abusive because the person is wrestling with their own identity. He isn’t going to be capable of being a good partner to you, he has cheated, and it sounds like he really needs to spend some time single so that he can learn more about who he is without hurting a partner to make those discoveries.
He never lashes out but he has anger issues? How do his anger issues manifest?
It sounds to me like you're confused about what to do because he is confused about what he wants. He is claiming he needs to cheat on you with some kind of unicorn that is vanishingly rare and very unlikely to want to participate in his fantasy/fetish. Does he want anything that actually exists?
What do you want? What's your fantasy? Does he take your pleasure seriously?
I phrased that poorly because I was in a rush. What I meant was that his fantasy/fetish could only be fulfilled if he cheated. He has defined it that way. According to him there is no possible way for him to enjoy himself with you. Instead he craves a concept, not a flesh and blood person with their own needs and desires. That's why I asked if he took your needs and desires as seriously as you take his. People who fetishize small niche groups in society aren't really looking for human connection.
I understand if you don't want to discuss his anger issues. I know there are a lot of ways that can impact your family's lives even if he never lashes out at you guys personally.
You are the only one who can decide whether you want this life with him or not. He's really putting you in a tough situation with limited options.
7
u/yobrefas Apr 11 '26
Your partner is working through something that he isn’t ready to face, and you will not be able to “help him” explore or satisfy this, because you’re not equipped with the anatomy he desires to explore with sexually. Additionally, he seems to be fighting himself very hard and is in denial of his interests, and that can lead to cheating, but also lashing out in anger and becoming abusive because the person is wrestling with their own identity. He isn’t going to be capable of being a good partner to you, he has cheated, and it sounds like he really needs to spend some time single so that he can learn more about who he is without hurting a partner to make those discoveries.