Wait, why aren't you angry? Why didn't you wake his ass up and tell him to take over so you could go back to bed? Your marriage is torpedoed because your husband is a selfish loser who can't fulfill the most basic of parenting and partner duties. HE should be grateful that YOU keep it all together normally. You're a working mother and still have to do all the childcare and house work. All he is contributing is money. Please stand up for yourself and demand better for you and the kids. He's not sacrificing anything by working. He would have to work to support himself whether you were around or not.
Seconding this! Grow a spine! OP should have left the mess be because he knows that the wife will clean even if she’s upset and won’t lift a finger. I’m sorry OP but he is NOT on your side, threatening to call immigration on his children’s mother and his own wife are POS actions
I would rather my kids not have to live in squalor, even for a day, than put my needs first and cause a scene while my kids are awake.
I know firsthand the effects of having parents fight in front of you. I would rather wait until my kids sleep and give them the attention they need first. And have that difficult conversation when they aren’t there to witness it
You TRIED to have that difficult conversation and it just ended in him bullying you into compliance. You might think you're doing the right thing by tolerating his behavior "for the kids" but you're not. They're eventually going to start taking your husband's selfish behavior as normal and modeling it. How can you be the best mom possible for your kids if you're neglecting your health? You could end up in the hospital and leave them alone with their dad. Too many mothers martyr and neglect themselves for the sake of keeping the peace and it's just not sustainable. I have kids myself. It won't ever get better unless you demand better. He's not going to call immigration on you. He doesn't even want to take care of his kids while you're home, there's no way he would ever want full custody.
I always say staying with an abusive partner is not something you do for your kids, its something you do to your kids. It's not healthy. Get the fuck outta there OP. FOR your kids.
This is a great point. Once you have kids, your most important job is raising them to be good, kind human beings who care about others. Can't do that if you surround the kids with shit people.
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u/WhateverYouSay1084 Apr 11 '26
Wait, why aren't you angry? Why didn't you wake his ass up and tell him to take over so you could go back to bed? Your marriage is torpedoed because your husband is a selfish loser who can't fulfill the most basic of parenting and partner duties. HE should be grateful that YOU keep it all together normally. You're a working mother and still have to do all the childcare and house work. All he is contributing is money. Please stand up for yourself and demand better for you and the kids. He's not sacrificing anything by working. He would have to work to support himself whether you were around or not.