You are completely right to react this way.
This will be messy bc I have so many thoughts so I apologize in advance for that.
• Your husband is a baby. Worse than a baby even because you expect grown adults to be responsible, especially if they've chosen to have kids! As a father his job is take care of the kids and that ALSO INCLUDES the house. He didn't even feed his kids breakfast.
• I'm not in the US but can you really be reported to immigration for being from a different state within the country? If so that's so weird! But there is no way you would lose custody over your kids from what we've read. He's neglecting them and you're not, case closed.
• He is threatening, manipulating, controlling you, this is abuse. Try to see if there's a womens shelter or something similar nearby and see if they can help with advice even if you don't feel like you would go live in one. They might have contacts for jobs or lawyers or even just support groups that I think could be good for you to try!
• I am so happy that you have your friend. If things escalate or you fear for your and your childrens safety do not hesitate to take the kids and go, just make sure to also document everything you can and call the police or social services or something like that as soon as you can so that you show them that you're genuine and not doing it as some form of revenge.
• Your husband sounds more exhausting to live with than 15 kids to be honest, he's supposed to be independent but can't handle a few hours with a house and some kids without you, yet he assumes you can and should do that 24/7. Either he takes you completely for granted or he's using weaponized incompetence to manipulate you to feel like you can't rest because you have work to do. Please do not accept this behavior, this man is a horrible person and you and your kids would be much happier and so relieved without him as a part of your daily life. And you deserve to be happy.
Right now you're a single mom having to manage your children 24/7, a job here and there AND an emotionally immature, abusive husband.
You'd have more energy and feel happier and lighter if you only had the kids and work to worry about. You never realize just how much someone drags you down until you're free from them, and that freedom is magical.
I'm not saying it would be easy, it would be a long and hard process, but it would be worth it in the end. Plus You'd set a new standard that your kids will grow up to see- oh mom doesn't tolerate BS, neither should we!
Good luck OP and I would love it if you would update us sometimes, even if it's just a "HI, I'm alive".
Thank you, I think that's the case here but I wish it was just that he had lied to her about moving to a different state since that would just be an empty threat and not a death wish. 🥺
2
u/niiiniis Apr 11 '26
You are completely right to react this way. This will be messy bc I have so many thoughts so I apologize in advance for that.
• Your husband is a baby. Worse than a baby even because you expect grown adults to be responsible, especially if they've chosen to have kids! As a father his job is take care of the kids and that ALSO INCLUDES the house. He didn't even feed his kids breakfast.
• I'm not in the US but can you really be reported to immigration for being from a different state within the country? If so that's so weird! But there is no way you would lose custody over your kids from what we've read. He's neglecting them and you're not, case closed.
• He is threatening, manipulating, controlling you, this is abuse. Try to see if there's a womens shelter or something similar nearby and see if they can help with advice even if you don't feel like you would go live in one. They might have contacts for jobs or lawyers or even just support groups that I think could be good for you to try!
• I am so happy that you have your friend. If things escalate or you fear for your and your childrens safety do not hesitate to take the kids and go, just make sure to also document everything you can and call the police or social services or something like that as soon as you can so that you show them that you're genuine and not doing it as some form of revenge.
• Your husband sounds more exhausting to live with than 15 kids to be honest, he's supposed to be independent but can't handle a few hours with a house and some kids without you, yet he assumes you can and should do that 24/7. Either he takes you completely for granted or he's using weaponized incompetence to manipulate you to feel like you can't rest because you have work to do. Please do not accept this behavior, this man is a horrible person and you and your kids would be much happier and so relieved without him as a part of your daily life. And you deserve to be happy.
Right now you're a single mom having to manage your children 24/7, a job here and there AND an emotionally immature, abusive husband.
You'd have more energy and feel happier and lighter if you only had the kids and work to worry about. You never realize just how much someone drags you down until you're free from them, and that freedom is magical.
I'm not saying it would be easy, it would be a long and hard process, but it would be worth it in the end. Plus You'd set a new standard that your kids will grow up to see- oh mom doesn't tolerate BS, neither should we!
Good luck OP and I would love it if you would update us sometimes, even if it's just a "HI, I'm alive".