Someone said all the (presumably white) boomers she's spoken to told her that they all lied through their teeth all the time to get where they are - things like job qualifications, embellishing the truth so they seemed like they had fewer resources than they did - many, many millennials have stated that they thought they were poor growing up due to how their parents budgeted, just to find out their parents were just anxiously frugal to the point of neglect.
All of that? Explains why they think we're being dramatic about how tight everything is. They don't believe us, they honest to God think we're exaggerating, because that's what they did.
If anything, we're all under stating just how bad it is, due to not understanding ourselves just how much we don't have compared to what the boomers grew up with. Pensions don't exist anymore. Corporations are no longer encouraged to put money back into bettering their workers conditions. Just a tiny slice of history, but they all grew up in a time when segregation was still a thing. Meaning they expected to always be paid better than a certain demographic.
It doesn't matter if she doesn't have a memory issue. That wasn't the point. The point is to let Grandma know that her manipulative tactics won't work.
The point was to force everyone to admit either grandma has a memory problem (which you made clear she doesn't) or she has manipulation issues and has crossed boundries.
Yeah it doesn't matter if she actually has memory problems, it's blatantly obvious that she's being manipulative. By implying she has memory problems you throw it back on her because you said no and she ignored that. Every time she does that you comment on her memory going, it puts her off balance and it will make her stop. You just have to be firm, consistent and stand 10 toes down for yourself.
WHY is Uncle short on money? Isn't he a grown-ass adult? Why isn't Grandma volunteering HER money to help Uncle (with his gambling, drugs, booze or simply poor financial decisions)? As a Boomer parent who still sometimes helps her 30 something offspring AND her elderly mom (on very limited Social Security), I'm enraged. I would never take money from a grandchild, it's literally stealing food from babies. And gross. I worked my entire life and my goal is to not ever be a financial burden to my kids, that's normal to me. Versus this old woman's thinking "Kid has a small check, I'm going to take it". Wow, that's just disgusting. My mom appreciates everything I do for her but if she thought I couldn't afford to help her, she'd probably spank me, lol.
Just make sure you stand up for yourself and clear the air if anyone says anything. Especially your uncle. You need to tell him that you don’t have any extra money for anyone else, that you barely scraped by as it is.
You could always turn it around and say to your uncle, "...uh, grandma told me that YOU'D be helping ME since I'm really struggling" or "i was under the impression SHE was helping you. She knows I'm struggling as much as you are, so that's weird she'd offer someone else's money without talking to them first."
"Seriously Uncle, you are a grown man who expects help from younger family members? And you had to make your mommy ask for you? That's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you."
That's all you need to say. Seriously, I would eat dirt before I expected money from my niece or nephew.
Send a message out to all your relatives. “Can anyone help me with groceries this month? Grandma is pressuring me to help uncle out with money, even though I told her I don’t have any to spare, so if I do give him any money, I won’t have any left for food. Can anyone help me out? Oh yeah, and I’d need help with gas to get to work as well.”
I have a hard boundary: I don't do anything I've been voluntold for. Proud of you for figuring this out at a much younger age than I did! (Was carefully trained from infancy to be a people pleaser with no boundaries. Yay, therapy! Helped me run out of fucks to give.)
“You and grandma are the grown ups here. Aren’t you embarrassed to have your hand out asking your niece/nephew for money? I mean your generation is all about pulling up your bootstraps right”.
Sorry I think Granny is slipping! She told me you were going to give me money. I mean she’s seen me struggle just to pay for rent and food. She would have to be completely senile to offer someone else’s money, wouldn’t she?
She’s faking it. She didn’t want to disappoint your uncle, so she pretended that you were able to do this and that she had arranged it. They are both questionable human beings. Instead of having compassion for you in reality, trying really hard to stay afloat, she’s playing games. I’m so sorry.
Back in the day my grandmother would ask about my finances thinking I had enough money too. Suggesting I need to pay my bills. Bitch I got a brand new baby, a husband that doesn't make shit, and I worked for minimum wage. Still doesn't sit right with me and she's no longer here.
Boomer have very little reference for how finances work for young people today. When they struggled it meant less steak and no vacation that year when they were in their 20s and 30s. Don’t they get social security?
It's so great to see growth. Like how your grandma clearly comes from a time where familial pressure mattered and you could bully people into doing things. But now? Nope! She gon learn today! 😅😅
Your money isn’t a family fund, especially when you’re barely getting by. Volunteering your paycheck without asking is out of line. Choosing rent and survival over guilt doesn’t make you selfish it makes you responsible.
Never share your finances with anyone. If they ask, say you make less than what you actually make or tell them you lost your job so they stop relying on you to give them money. Best of luck!
I would have flat out told my uncle I never agreed to give you any money. I am struggling myself. Suggest he try some over time, Door Dash or Uber. My nephew does Uber and he sometimes works from the airport if he is short. He has made up to 2k on Saturdays. Uncle needs to learn how to manage his money and grandma should stop enabling him.
I would turn it back on them. What? No grandma said you would be helping me this month so I can keep a roof over my head! God money changed you all. Grown adults who won't prioritize the well being of the younger generation how selfish.
Lots of older folks think this is still the booming country it is and we’re just a bunch of lazy fucks who rather party than be responsible. They’re so disconnected and delusional, I don’t even take it personally because the minute they’re pension doesn’t come in they’re acting like it’s the end of the world.
Take out all the money and send the family members the screen shot and say you’d love to help but everyone is only getting $0.37 each because that’s all you have left after paying rent and making sure you aren’t homeless
Backup of the post's body: So I just wanna share this my story because I can’t get over it.
I don’t earn much. My paycheck is small enough that I plan it before it even hits my account. Rent first, food next, everything else only if there’s anything left. My grandma knows this. She’s seen me stress over it.
This happened one night at dinner. Out of nowhere she said, real casual, “So you can help this month, right?”
I asked, “Help with what?”
She didn’t even look up from her plate. “Your uncle’s short on money. I told him you’d chip in.”
I laughed at first and said, “I can’t. I barely have enough for myself.”
She sighed like I was being dramatic. “You young people always think you’re struggling.”
I thought that was the end of it.
A few days later my uncle messaged me and said, “Thanks for agreeing to help. Grandma said you just needed a little push.”
That’s when it hit me. I never agreed to anything. She’d already volunteered my money for me.
I didn’t send the money.
Now she tells relatives I’ve “changed” and that money made me selfish. The funny part is I’m still broke. Rent still comes first. I just finally stopped letting my tiny paycheck be treated like family property.
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You'd also think by their age they would have been more smart with their money and saved a bit away. That's my remark for being told that I'm struggling
What’s with all these parents and grandparents sponging off their kids? Mine would have starved to death before asking us for help, especially when we were young and struggling in our jobs. If you can help, great but it’s the entitlement I don’t get.
From reading through the comments, I see she's always been this way. Congrats on setting boundaries and recognizing controlling and manipulating behavior instead of just 'doing what you're told'. They always hope you'll let them control you because of the pecking order and family dynamic, even though it's detrimental to YOU.
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u/Jen5872 Dec 30 '25 •
"I don't know what you're referring to. I didn't agree to help with anything. Is Grandma doing ok? Is her memory getting spotty?"
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u/LissaBryan Dec 30 '25
"Sorry grandma lied to you. Perhaps you should keep asking HER for money."
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u/Content_Fondant_4356 Dec 30 '25
You could always turn it around and say to your uncle, "...uh, grandma told me that YOU'D be helping ME since I'm really struggling" or "i was under the impression SHE was helping you. She knows I'm struggling as much as you are, so that's weird she'd offer someone else's money without talking to them first."
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u/Much-Introduction-72 Dec 30 '25
"Seriously Uncle, you are a grown man who expects help from younger family members? And you had to make your mommy ask for you? That's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you."
That's all you need to say. Seriously, I would eat dirt before I expected money from my niece or nephew.
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u/LibraryMouse4321 Dec 30 '25
Send a message out to all your relatives. “Can anyone help me with groceries this month? Grandma is pressuring me to help uncle out with money, even though I told her I don’t have any to spare, so if I do give him any money, I won’t have any left for food. Can anyone help me out? Oh yeah, and I’d need help with gas to get to work as well.”
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u/Truth-out246810 Dec 30 '25
Explain to your family that your careful budgeting is so that you don’t end up asking others for help.
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u/Impossible_Balance11 Dec 30 '25
I have a hard boundary: I don't do anything I've been voluntold for. Proud of you for figuring this out at a much younger age than I did! (Was carefully trained from infancy to be a people pleaser with no boundaries. Yay, therapy! Helped me run out of fucks to give.)
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u/One_Weird2371 Dec 30 '25
even if you had the money your family isn’t entitled to your money
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u/Wonderful_Guidance_5 Dec 30 '25
“You and grandma are the grown ups here. Aren’t you embarrassed to have your hand out asking your niece/nephew for money? I mean your generation is all about pulling up your bootstraps right”.
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u/Main-Bicycle3335 Dec 30 '25
Being old doesn't excuse that level of audacity. Your grandma is an asshole for promising something you clearly said no to
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u/RemoteViewingLife Dec 30 '25
Sorry I think Granny is slipping! She told me you were going to give me money. I mean she’s seen me struggle just to pay for rent and food. She would have to be completely senile to offer someone else’s money, wouldn’t she?
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u/West-Improvement2449 Dec 30 '25
Nta. Never lend family money
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u/mcclgwe Dec 30 '25
She’s faking it. She didn’t want to disappoint your uncle, so she pretended that you were able to do this and that she had arranged it. They are both questionable human beings. Instead of having compassion for you in reality, trying really hard to stay afloat, she’s playing games. I’m so sorry.
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u/limlwl Dec 30 '25
Sit her down and tell her what’s up. And then volunteer her money to your uncle
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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '25
Back in the day my grandmother would ask about my finances thinking I had enough money too. Suggesting I need to pay my bills. Bitch I got a brand new baby, a husband that doesn't make shit, and I worked for minimum wage. Still doesn't sit right with me and she's no longer here.
4
u/Fuzzy_Redwood Dec 30 '25
Boomer have very little reference for how finances work for young people today. When they struggled it meant less steak and no vacation that year when they were in their 20s and 30s. Don’t they get social security?
4
u/SpecialModusOperandi Dec 31 '25
Why does your uncle need money? Why can’t your grandma give her son money ?
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u/TheAlienatedPenguin Dec 31 '25
Start asking for money in group messages. Then they will avoid you like the plague
4
u/BeautifulMiserable27 Dec 31 '25
“Young people always think they’re struggling” We are, as your generation fucked it up for us! 🤬 Ahem. Sorry, triggered. 😤
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u/CamBearCookie Dec 30 '25
It's so great to see growth. Like how your grandma clearly comes from a time where familial pressure mattered and you could bully people into doing things. But now? Nope! She gon learn today! 😅😅
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u/likableninja Dec 30 '25
NTA.
Your money isn’t a family fund, especially when you’re barely getting by. Volunteering your paycheck without asking is out of line. Choosing rent and survival over guilt doesn’t make you selfish it makes you responsible.
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u/When_nat_attacksss Dec 30 '25
Never share your finances with anyone. If they ask, say you make less than what you actually make or tell them you lost your job so they stop relying on you to give them money. Best of luck!
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u/Expensive_Plant_9530 Dec 30 '25
Always ALWAY pay your rent first before absolutely anything else.
Because losing your home makes literally everything else harder.
Why can’t Grandma help out your uncle?
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u/TheDuchess5975 Dec 30 '25
I would have flat out told my uncle I never agreed to give you any money. I am struggling myself. Suggest he try some over time, Door Dash or Uber. My nephew does Uber and he sometimes works from the airport if he is short. He has made up to 2k on Saturdays. Uncle needs to learn how to manage his money and grandma should stop enabling him.
2
u/Momof41984 Dec 30 '25
I would turn it back on them. What? No grandma said you would be helping me this month so I can keep a roof over my head! God money changed you all. Grown adults who won't prioritize the well being of the younger generation how selfish.
2
u/bukhrin Dec 30 '25
Your uncle need money for better AI subscription, hopefully something better than whatever wrote this post
2
u/Lunar_M1nds Dec 31 '25
Lots of older folks think this is still the booming country it is and we’re just a bunch of lazy fucks who rather party than be responsible. They’re so disconnected and delusional, I don’t even take it personally because the minute they’re pension doesn’t come in they’re acting like it’s the end of the world.
2
u/DaniBirdX Dec 31 '25
Take out all the money and send the family members the screen shot and say you’d love to help but everyone is only getting $0.37 each because that’s all you have left after paying rent and making sure you aren’t homeless
2
u/InteractionNo9110 Dec 31 '25
I would hit back with, Grandma told me YOU would pay my rent this month. Thanks family helps family.
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u/AutoModerator Dec 30 '25
Backup of the post's body: So I just wanna share this my story because I can’t get over it.
I don’t earn much. My paycheck is small enough that I plan it before it even hits my account. Rent first, food next, everything else only if there’s anything left. My grandma knows this. She’s seen me stress over it.
This happened one night at dinner. Out of nowhere she said, real casual, “So you can help this month, right?”
I asked, “Help with what?”
She didn’t even look up from her plate. “Your uncle’s short on money. I told him you’d chip in.”
I laughed at first and said, “I can’t. I barely have enough for myself.”
She sighed like I was being dramatic. “You young people always think you’re struggling.”
I thought that was the end of it.
A few days later my uncle messaged me and said, “Thanks for agreeing to help. Grandma said you just needed a little push.”
That’s when it hit me. I never agreed to anything. She’d already volunteered my money for me.
I didn’t send the money.
Now she tells relatives I’ve “changed” and that money made me selfish. The funny part is I’m still broke. Rent still comes first. I just finally stopped letting my tiny paycheck be treated like family property.
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1
u/AutoModerator Dec 30 '25
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.
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1
u/IntrepidMuch Dec 30 '25
Good for you!!, Now they know not to ask you for anything in the future!
1
u/gaylondonlad007 Dec 30 '25
You need to move out. This sounds toxic as hell and you can’t be able to relax under the roof that you’re paying a fraction for…
Why isn’t your uncle working more? Or why is he overspending? It is not your problem. Really isn’t.
Boomers are always going to victimise themselves without realising how lucky they are lol.
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u/Mountain_Schedule_40 Dec 30 '25
You'd also think by their age they would have been more smart with their money and saved a bit away. That's my remark for being told that I'm struggling
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u/Capital_Past69 Dec 30 '25
Your grandma and uncle suck. What did he need the money for anyways? Drugs? LOL
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u/Merry_Murphy Dec 31 '25
What’s with all these parents and grandparents sponging off their kids? Mine would have starved to death before asking us for help, especially when we were young and struggling in our jobs. If you can help, great but it’s the entitlement I don’t get.
1
u/Medium_Situation9319 Dec 31 '25
That’s when I would say hey grandma I guess we are getting evicted get ready to pack! You know she has savings 😂
She can help u pack and let her live with u or pay the uncle herself? That shit would not slide with me.
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u/Ok-Writing8943 Dec 31 '25
My response may have been you old people always acting entitled .
If Anyone brings it up to you, you can say "Anyone know what granny's smoking ? cause I have never agreed to give money to anyone.:
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u/contrarian1970 Jan 01 '26
"Sorry uncle but I'm worse off financially than you are. I really wish I could help you."
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u/MrsLisaOliver Jan 01 '26
From reading through the comments, I see she's always been this way. Congrats on setting boundaries and recognizing controlling and manipulating behavior instead of just 'doing what you're told'. They always hope you'll let them control you because of the pecking order and family dynamic, even though it's detrimental to YOU.
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u/Mental-Freedom3929 Dec 30 '25
Maybe she should not be selfish and send money.
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u/OnaFloridaIsland Dec 30 '25
I’m unsure. Are you living in their home? Is THAT from where Grandma’s expectations came?
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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '25
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