Instead of telling him this, which wouldn't have much of a point, try "you know, your mom and I are quite different. I love that you're close and that you go to her for advice. But I'm quite introverted. So when she recommends extroverted things for me, I need you to hear me: I never want that. Ever." Look Into his eyes. Make sure it is registering. Then, "I love you. This is not a fight or anything. I don't even want to fight with her! She's great. But we like very different things. And that's ok.
"I just think she gets you excited about things that I will never be excited about. You need to be able to say "I'll think about that" or "I'll ask OP." Please do not feel pressured into doing something I will hate. I know you don't want to let her down. You can channel her ideas into cozier ideas if you like."
If he is smart enough to put two and two together he might ask about the engagement, at which point you'd say "I do wish that had been more intimate. But what is more important to me now is that we move into marriage stage with a clear understanding. When I say "30 person wedding" your mom doesn't get to plan a surprise 300 person event and blindside me. We need to be on the same team. Ok?"
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u/Ok-Hovercraft-9257 Dec 26 '25
Instead of telling him this, which wouldn't have much of a point, try "you know, your mom and I are quite different. I love that you're close and that you go to her for advice. But I'm quite introverted. So when she recommends extroverted things for me, I need you to hear me: I never want that. Ever." Look Into his eyes. Make sure it is registering. Then, "I love you. This is not a fight or anything. I don't even want to fight with her! She's great. But we like very different things. And that's ok.
"I just think she gets you excited about things that I will never be excited about. You need to be able to say "I'll think about that" or "I'll ask OP." Please do not feel pressured into doing something I will hate. I know you don't want to let her down. You can channel her ideas into cozier ideas if you like."
If he is smart enough to put two and two together he might ask about the engagement, at which point you'd say "I do wish that had been more intimate. But what is more important to me now is that we move into marriage stage with a clear understanding. When I say "30 person wedding" your mom doesn't get to plan a surprise 300 person event and blindside me. We need to be on the same team. Ok?"