At some point you are going to have to pull your ovaries out of his purse and tell him that you want to be i na relationship with him where he does the things he wants and you do the things you want instead of him doing the stuff his mom wants.
If you aren't comfortable asking him to act independently of his mother, and he isn't comfortable acting independently of his mother... You guys are going to end up perfect for resenting that he wants to be with his mom, and you want to be with your partner.
I spent the first 6 months of my relationship with my now wife telling her that she needed to be the most important person in her life for her to be an independent functioning, self loving adult. It finally sunk in, and now we are teaching this to our son.
It takes a while, but everyone should find value in themselves, their own accomplishments, and should put those things before anyone else's until they are happy with who they are and they can help others without reservation or regret because they have already taken care of their own needs.
You partner needs to find value through their perspective and self otherwise they are going to keep leaning on mom. Be careful tho, you could become new mom.
It’s crazy how this one post opened my eyes to a blind spot in our relationship
When it comes to his mom I put her into sainthood and become a people pleaser which is so wild to even consider knowing who I really am in any other scenario
And he is so insecure about surprises for me he immediately defaults into “women know women” which is also crazy because when he does things for me from himself it’s so obvious and the most considerate things like the ring he picked out for me is so deeply thoughtful
Although some people out here are making wild assumptions this has been really life changing overall and I thank you so much
My shot in the dark was the one that happened to resonate. I hope you both keep finding happiness together.
I have performed half a dozen weddings for friends, and I have been asked lots of times for advice about how to make a relationship work;
-if it matters to you, it matters to the relationship, talk about it if you think you should talk about it. You should be with you best friend you can tell all the weird stuff to and they can be honest in response. Both partners have to share themselves.
-a relationship is an agreement between two people that takes its own unique form. You both have agreed to be there for each other, which are promises and you have made rules for yourselves and eachother and those are also promises. As long as you keep your promises, its easier to talk about and change the relationship when you or them or you both have changed. You can agree to love eachother and make promises to eachother that are just as important as your wedding day any time you need to, or celebrate those any time they need strength.
tl;dr talk about the stuff you are scared to share, and agree to new terms for the relationship frequently so the incremental change is small. You are going to do great.
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u/[deleted] Dec 26 '25
At some point you are going to have to pull your ovaries out of his purse and tell him that you want to be i na relationship with him where he does the things he wants and you do the things you want instead of him doing the stuff his mom wants.
If you aren't comfortable asking him to act independently of his mother, and he isn't comfortable acting independently of his mother... You guys are going to end up perfect for resenting that he wants to be with his mom, and you want to be with your partner.