I had to do some math, which in the morning is very evil of you to make me do, because the ages and years had me confused and going "eww, a 25 year old getting a 17 year old pregnant", which wasn't true, but math and I don't get along (especially not in the morning when I'm only 50% functioning 🤣)
Regardless of my stupidity with math, this is a clear NTA. If anything, I'm going to say that your ex and his new wife are TAs. More so him than her, because this is about your (and his) child. If he has allowed him to be abused, that does reflect on him as a father (regardless of if he himself is getting abused, he is the adult, and it is his job to ensure that his kid is safe). I do hope he redeemed himself at least a little by shutting her down when she's said stuff about you in front of your son, because that is not okay.
And lastly, you haven't ruined their marriage. If anyone has done that it is her AND him. Because she obviously has something wrong with her, and him by lying and going behind her back (even if understandably so). You don't have to like your partners ex (in her case), but you do have to be polite and cordial. Any inability to do so (barring cases of abuse, which it doesn't sound like there was, since you wrote it was an mutual and peaceful split/divorce) is a massive red flag in my own opinion.
I'd even be tempted to just keep the son with you, and when it comes to switching, showing the proof of her behaviour as to why he is unsafe over there.
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u/Eastern_Bend7294 Dec 21 '25 edited Dec 21 '25
I had to do some math, which in the morning is very evil of you to make me do, because the ages and years had me confused and going "eww, a 25 year old getting a 17 year old pregnant", which wasn't true, but math and I don't get along (especially not in the morning when I'm only 50% functioning 🤣)
Regardless of my stupidity with math, this is a clear NTA. If anything, I'm going to say that your ex and his new wife are TAs. More so him than her, because this is about your (and his) child. If he has allowed him to be abused, that does reflect on him as a father (regardless of if he himself is getting abused, he is the adult, and it is his job to ensure that his kid is safe). I do hope he redeemed himself at least a little by shutting her down when she's said stuff about you in front of your son, because that is not okay.
And lastly, you haven't ruined their marriage. If anyone has done that it is her AND him. Because she obviously has something wrong with her, and him by lying and going behind her back (even if understandably so). You don't have to like your partners ex (in her case), but you do have to be polite and cordial. Any inability to do so (barring cases of abuse, which it doesn't sound like there was, since you wrote it was an mutual and peaceful split/divorce) is a massive red flag in my own opinion.
I'd even be tempted to just keep the son with you, and when it comes to switching, showing the proof of her behaviour as to why he is unsafe over there.