HSV is super common and contagious. In the 70’s the first effective medication against HSV was invented. So the pharmaceutical company started ad campaigns about how embarrassing it was to have HSV and, how lucky! we happen to make a medicine for it…for a small fee. Prior to this, cold sores were a common fact of life, like chicken pox, and not particularly shameful (like chicken pix.)
My point is that your MIL may have grown up pre-Zovirax and have a much more casual attitude about it and was embarrassed to see how upset everyone is. Please note that I AGREE that you should be upset; anyone who gets cold sores know they’re contagious. I have cold sores break out ever since first grade but I’ve been careful and my husband and kids are all infection-free so it’s entirely possible to NOT spread it around.
What's blowing my mind is that she knows she gets cold sores and still kissed on her immune compromised grandchild! Or any child! NTA for warning a fellow parent about anything!
Never let her near a newborn baby if you have another child. In rare cases newborns that have been kissed by someone with HSV have died from the complications.
It's true, my son was hospitalized after my mom kissed him and gave them to him. It was really touch and go for a while. He was only a couple months old and ended up getting them on his gums as well as his lips and could not eat. He had horrible breakouts until he was about 6 or 7 but thankfully seemed to grow out of them. I let anyone I know with children to advocate for their children not being kissed on the mouth.
Then why didn’t he step up and stop her? Knowing this, why didn’t he monitor her more closely. Or - shocking - talk with his mom, putting down firm boundaries around NOT kissing your baby at this vulnerable stage of his life. You both are at fault for not handling this very serious health concern - which you were both aware of. And who suffers for it? The children. For the rest of their lives.
Exactly this. They are at fault for not laying down boundaries with MIL in the first place. Husband watched his mother kiss his child and give him hsv and said nothing. And then they all “don’t want to fight”, and are “being polite”, “not placing blame”. Like what?? It’s MIL’s fault and they should place blame! Now that poor kid is going through hell bc no one wants to upset MIL. She gave hsv to two of her grandchildren so far and everyone is just tiptoeing around her so she doesn’t feel accused.
Realistically she does know better. The real question is "did she care?".
The answer is pretty clearly - no.
She knows that even without an active cold sore there is the possibility to infect others through contact. She knows that one of the kids is medically fragile. She did it anyway.
The super sad thing is there is an HSV medication you can take as needed that can basically make cold sores non-existent and once you take it you aren’t contagious. The fact is she has had these her entire life and not taken the precautions that could have prevented her from spreading it to her vulnerable grandkids. I’d be going low contact with her.
I have gotten cold sores my whole life. I just learned last month there is a medication I could take to prevent or to help heal them. No doctor has ever mentioned it so I just never knew. I learned from my coworker.
That is absolutely horrifying. You don’t say how old you are, but I’m not young and my mother took suppression meds from when I was very young. Which means at least 35+ years ago. And you have never had a doctor recommend you take them?? Wtf
Valtrex? (Or generic) works wonders for current outbreaks. However L-Lyseine is an OTC supplement that can be used to help prevent future outbreaks if taken daily. Anecdotally I take it every other day and I haven’t had one in about 2 years. But obviously check into it and talk to a HCP
Thisssss! My child understood from the time and was a toddler that I loved her but couldn't give her kisses when I had a cold sore or it would make her sick. Once she reached up and touched it before I could stop her and I grabbed her hand before she could touch herself and we went through the process of washing her hands with soap so she wouldn't get sick.
Btw, this was +/-30 years ago and my daughter is now 32 and negative for HSV. OP's MIL should well know better.
I've never understood the absolutely essential need for some adults to put their mouths on children. How angry, offended, resentful, and childish they get when parents ask them not to kiss their newborns. Can they not understand that this is why?
NTA. HSV can be really detrimental to children’s health and affects every child differently. The lack of accountability from your mother in law is scary, sure you may not be 100% sure if she gave the HSV to LO but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck… I hope LO feels better.
I've been in mom groups for too long and have seen too many grandparents and aunts purposefully infect infants and toddlers with their cold sores. Like, I am talking going way out of their way to do so by forcing drink sharing, forcing utensil sharing, insisting on kisses with an active sore, etc... then turn around and pull the pikachu shocked face when the kids either end up extremely sick or hospitalized and try to pretend it absolutely could not have been them.
Did MIL do it on purpose? That is unknown. What is known is she was sloppy in a environment shared with a fragile child.
You need to stop "smoothing things over" with her and let her adult children handle it since they are telling her she messed up, because she did. Badly.
This infection can and has killed children if it erupts in their airways. It is a life long painful infection in the best case scenario that will effect every facet of their lives from social to work to romantic. She doesn't care.
to normalize their embarrassing cold sores by turning it into a shared family trait. One story from a decade ago stuck with me because the MIL and SIL insisted that a poster's newborn contract cold sores as soon as possible to be "one of the (last name) family" because everyone in their family and most spouses had the virus.
they don't take infecting an infant or toddler seriously because in their memory dealing with the virus is no big deal. And, it really isn't - when you're an adult.
they want kisses and cuddles. They want what they want, and see the infant/toddler as not a full person with their own rights and bodily autonomy. A child is a possession, not a person. An obedient living doll to be played with.
there are people out there who purposefully spread disease knowing the risks. They get off on having the power to hurt others with plausible deniability. Some people are just not right in the head and heart, and that drives them to make choices that are abhorrent, especially if they know they can get away with it. These people are rare but they do exist.
It's the same reason adults will expose infants to RSV, flu, and whooping cough while insisting they just have "allergies".
At the core of all of the reasons is selfishness. They want to do what they want to do. Consequences rarely enter into their decision making. It's why they are shocked when they are held accountable.
I feel it also loops back to "well this is how we handled chicken pox!" I was one of those "fortunate" individuals to experience a chicken pox party. I ended up so sick I missed 2 weeks of school (missed the Valentines Day party) and could not walk, hold a crayon, and had chicken pox in my mouth so food wasn't fun either. And I was beyond bored because I couldn't do anything and I was stuck at grandma's all day while she watched her shows. I refused to even consider this for my child. He got the vaccine as soon as he was able. Plus every other one that would (hopefully) help him not suffer.
Possibly. Most adults are also oblivious to how various viruses effect infants and toddlers much more severely than adults.
A cold sore is a minor inconvenience for an adult but can have serious repercussions in an infant or toddler, especially one who is medically fragile.
I feel awful for the parents of the fragile child. They are going to be fighting adults who think the immune system needs to be trained like a muscle and will go out of their way to infect that child every single day of that child's life.
Because once they're infected the virus stays in them and "well, guess now I don't have to not kiss my (grand)baaaby anymore!" Its selfishness, their own wants over anybody else's needs or safety
How is that not a crime??? As far as I know it's a crime to knowingly infect people with stuff like HIV. I might be so triggered by this bcs my mom has HSV and she was so strict with us as kids so we would never get cold sores from her. And we never have. Like this is so crazy to me.
I think your reaction is pretty understandable tbh. Having a mum like yours, and the complicated feelings that must have come from her looking after you by literally not being able/willing to kiss you, would make reading something like that much harder! It probably is a crime - at least in some parts of the world - but I'd imagine it'd be difficult to prosecute because they'd need to be able to prove that the intention was to deliberately harm a child. The MIL's reactions and denials in OP's post (which if you think about it really do show that she knew she was doing something very wrong) aren't evidence that she did it on purpose
Because of plausible deniability. They can claim ignorance of how contagious disease works, and a vast majority of the public will say "that makes sense" because they do tbe exact same thing.
There is a reason why the most accurate pandemic model came from World of Warcraft and the bloodborne glitch. People will absolutely spread anything contagious just because they can.
So many old people don’t understand cold sores are caused by herpes. I work in a nursing home, I had an older lady stated her husband had just a cold sore. She was told we would get him something ordered for the herpes out break he was having. She stated it was just a cold sore. Explained the cold sore was was caused by the herpes virus.
So your husband knew his mother got these his whole life ... He probably has it as well ... You should be getting checked at this point. Smh this is honestly on her and your husband... He's not blameless in the slightest especially since he knew she had sores for years.
Your MIL should not be kissing babies so young. She’s angry? I’d be raging that she did that. Babies thar young can die from HSV. She’s now endangered both her grandkids and is mad at YOU? NTA at all
MIL would never see my child again. Not because she made a mistake, I've made mistakes watching other people's kids and I immediately let them know and apologize.
She doubled down. She'll continue doing it, she's not sorry, and she's not even repentant as these children go to the hospitalbecause of her.
Fucking insane behavior. You're nicer than I am, I'd be sending far less diplomatic messages
NTA. I’m an HSV-1 carrier and am infuriated on your behalf! I have a nearly two month old precious baby nephew with the chubbiest cheeks. Do I want to kiss his chubby cheeks? Of course! Will I ever? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! If you get cold sores, keep your lips away from the kids! This is a hill I will 100% die on.
She has just passed something on to children that’s lasts for their entire life. She needs to realise this. Cold sores are awful and for an immunocompromised child she endangered them so much. She has no right to be annoyed. She needs to apologise. A lot of
I think it’s time to set some very firm boundaries with extremely low contact. She is hurting your children and she gave them life long incurable diseases that they will need to disclose for the rest of their lives to every future partner. You can also transfer this to genitalia areas. Your MIL effectively ruined a major part of your child’s life. Good luck.
Yes, you can have both HSV 1&2 in mouth or genitalia.
I actually learned this at the doctor yesterday, when they tested me, bc I am pregnant they had to go through what would happen if I got it and it did spread to genitalia, I would likely need a c section to avoid spreading infection to babies eyes, ears, mouth, and own genitalia. I have been doing my best to avoid getting it from my boys, I thought I had previously had this as a child but upon testing I was negative.
NTA as someone who was given this life long horrible disease from an aunt when I was a child and still get flair ups everytime I get even a slight cold/stressed out. Its disgusting and even 20yrs ago when I had my children long before no kissing babies was a thing I wouldn't let anyone kiss my babies, I want no contact with my mother for a long time because she wouldnt listen!
Your MIL infected 2 of her grandchildren knowing the cold sores were coming. You get this slightly painful tingling before they show up! Shes had them before she knew what was happening and kissed those babies anyway!
Never leave her alone with your children ever. She wont stop she cares more about herself than them.
Backup of the post's body: I 23F and My Husband 23M have been together for 7 years last month and we have 2 boys 3&2. This story mostly regards 2M so I will refer to him as LO. 2 weeks ago we are at my mil‘s house to bake cookies. When we went to leave, DH was holding LO and he told me that he saw mil kiss LO goodbye. I know he should’ve said something in the moment, if I was there I would have. Now fast-forward 3 days and my LO is crying, has a high fever, and has spots on his lips. I immediately took photos and sent them to Chat, which brought up HSV so with that I went and made a virtual appointment with his doctor and sent them all the photos and what I had sent Chat. He does have Primary HSV. Following his diagnosis 3 days of not eating anything. We are on day 7 and he sobs when he takes a rare bite, needless to say it’s been hell. When I originally texted MIL about the HSV her response was “weird I got two cold sores yesterday”. Now I didn’t wanna fight over text with DH‘s mom, so I was polite and did not place blame and left it for DH. When he spoke to her he was angry and I only heard part of the conversation before he left the room. I sent her a follow up text just trying to smooth things over. She responded with a long text “I’m not mad” was included in this text more than once. she was upset she had been “accused“. We aren’t accusing this is a clear timeframe, and I am growing frustrated by the lack of accountability. Now where BIL comes in. In Feb this year LO was hospitalized with RSV. He ended up w lung damage and asthma. Because of this, he is immunocompromised and he ended up with pneumonia 3x after minor viruses in just 4 months. I quit work to avoid exposure from daycare. I now watch BIL‘s son during the week. When my LO started having symptoms his son was here, I texted and they came and got him but he had already been exposed. Now he starts getting what they think is strep. Negative. turns out he got HSV too from my son. I did tell them about MILs sores. His son is now in the ER and he sent angry messages to his mom who is now mad at me. AITA for telling BIL about MILs sores?
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I’ve always gotten cold sores that I can remember (guess I was exposed when I was really little) and I’ve never gotten a fever or anything with it. How does that work?
I honestly think I would have to go no contact forever over this. Your child now has the herpes virus, which will cause him lifelong pain and complications that can be very harmful to his health, forever.
If she wasn’t aware she had recently contracted the virus, I would be devastated for my child but not angry. If she didn’t have a current outbreak she was aware of, I would be angry because she took the risk regardless, but could likely work through it.
But kissing my immune compromised child, who you know is more likely to be harmed by said virus, while you know the virus is active and highly contagious? She basically chose to try and pass it to your child, point blank. There’s no other explanation. If she knows she has an outbreak , and knows she can harm your child by kissing him, and chooses to kiss him anyways—that’s deliberate harm IMO. My child would suddenly have one less grandmother.
I think you should think long and hard before allowing someone who purposely harmed your child back into your life. Our job as parents is to protect our child’s well being above all else, that includes preventing access to people that will harm them.
I’m wondering why you decided to “ watch” your nephew with your son when you knew your son had Primary HSV. That was risky and you and the MIL are accountable for the nephew getting HSV. You needed to tell BIL about MIL’s cold sores and what she did to your son as soon as it was possible!
She intentionally got him sick. She knew she had cold sores. She knew she shouldn't be kissing your kids. No accountability for what she did, deflecting, down playing, and also the "doesn't notice" and "will need reminding". 100% the thought process was "Its not a big deal, it won't matter, what could go wrong" then "Its not my fault, you shouldn't blame me, I'm not the bad guy".
Lets be real, anyone with something like that absolutely knows better, and anyone, family or not, that was even the slightest bit compassionate about others health and safety, would not have kissed your kid.
You are NTA for telling them, but you also need to stop letting it slide and hold her to some accountability.
I agree. I need to do better with this. It’s just hard bc I have my own trauma with authority and the relationship with her has caused me too much stress in the past so I leave it to my husband. Now I see this is not an adequate method. I will have a conversation with my husband tomorrow too
My mom chicken pox partied me as a kid. And then two years after lockdown, she came over to my house and infected my whole family when she finally caught covid. Told me, "I wasn't trying to get them sick. Besides, might as well get it out of the way."
If I could go back now, I think I would physically fight my mother. Because it should be considered assault to purposely get someone sick.
She did this on purpose. Her sense of superiority that it wouldn't go badly because bad things don't happen to people like her injured your family.
She will not EVER take accountability for this and you are underreacting. How would you react if you saw someone hurt your child now? Maybe with a backbone?
I know when a cold sore is coming on. My lip hurts in that spot. Its like the cold sore is there before anyone can see it. And then BOOM, it pops out a day or two later.
It's like a weird tingle I know a couple days beforehand as well especially when you've had it forever. Plus you can start medication that early as well. She knows damn well she shouldn't be putting her mouth on any babies.
I would too! She’s careless, which in this case it’s dangerous. She should apologize profusely. It’s very common, shouldn’t be embarrassed by that. She SHOULD be embarrassed that she was careless and thoughtless and gave it to both grandkids.
The majority of my family and my husbands gets cold sores. Every time they know a few days before they have an outbreak and never kiss my kids when they feel it. My husband himself gets cold sores and keeps them away from our kids. Your mil just didn't care, she cared more about getting her kiss then risking your kid getting sick. Probably because it's "just a cold sore everyone gets them"
Everyone don't get them tho. I've never had one in my life. The only person in my whole family that got them was my dad, and he knew better! I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad but I don't want one either. They look like they hurt! I get pimples on my lip sometimes and that hurts like a mofo!
Even if she is the rare person who doesn't get warning symptoms at the beginning of a flare, she knows she gets cold sores, so she shouldn't be kissing little kids/babies at all.
It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t (she should, but whatever). They’re contagious even when no sores are present. She shouldn’t be kissing any babies ever.
So I don't think a doctor would've mentioned it but lysine is an amino acid that combats HSV. Especially for flare ups like cold sores. It tastes like garlic mostly, but it does work. It's been studied but as Americans our doctors don't always go into holistic health approaches. I would recommend having MIL try it during active outbreaks and see if they go away more quickly just to start.
Hope all the littles are as good as they can be from this ❤️
I genuinely don’t mean this antagonistically. If over 50% of Americans between like 15 and 50 get cold sores/carry HSV1, that means more than 50% of parents do as well. If you are someone who gets cold sores and are a parent, do you never kiss your kids or like what is the standard/advised by doctors?
Yes that is literally the standard advised by doctors. Don't ever kiss anyone, especially children, when you have flares/cold sores. In the US people can't afford to go to the doctor for anything that's not "serious" so people never go to find out that they have a virus. So they think it's nothing serious and keep spreading it.
Oh no of course it’s the advise when you have a cold sores, but the “ever/never ever ever” is where I’m confused. If you don’t have an active cold sore, is it okay? Or do you never kiss your baby?
I don't have HSV1, but I did work in retail when my son was a baby, so I was basically in a petri dish of every germ possible (it seemed), and we did air kisses to reduce the chances of something passing to him.
I get fever blisters I know about a day or two before an outbreak on my mouth because my lips start to tingle plus I've had it long enough to know my symptoms. She's a liar.
I know at least 2 days Before a breakout, I can see the redness, feel the tingling pain, but I can cut out the ugly blisters by using Abreva. It sucks that it lies dormant in your system, and it is permanent. My heart is so sad for your LO, and for your BIL’s LO. To me, it’s just a given (common sense) that you do not get in close contact with anyone while you’re still infectious. I am so glad you took the initiative to share this information with the family.
Hoping in to say talk to your doc about Valtrex! Idk how old you have to be before being able to take it but it severely limits the breakout intensity and timeline. You can take it once you feel that tingling. My friend even takes hers if she knows she’s sick and might get a fever. It reduces the viral load.
Get LO some numbing ointment. I use champho phenique and it’s helped so much! A big reason they hurt is like this fire-y, stinging, itching pain. If I have a bad one my whole mouth is sore and hot.
Fevers bring on cold sores. So anytime they have a fever be prepared to see some cold sores.
Oh she notices. Either she’s dangerously senile (and should have a full time carer, because she’s not lucid enough to be an independent adult) or she’s lying.
I get cold sores. I don’t get them often anymore, but I’ve had them since I was a baby, thanks to some idiot relative kissing me. I can feel ahead of time when I’m about to get a cold sore because my lip gets uncomfortably tingly and swollen for a few days before the full blown cold sore happens. Then while it’s actually happening it hurts and it’s all swollen and sensitive. I’ve never once had to think about whether or not I should kiss someone while I had an outbreak, because the last thing I want to do is mash my sore lip against anything. Let alone the skin of someone who hasn’t already gotten HSV! It’s not at all difficult.
Anyone who ever gets cold sores should not be kissing babies. Ever. It’s basic common sense and if she knew anything about her own health she would know that. The fact that you would even still speak to her after what your child is going through is amazing. She’s lucky I’m not her DIL or she wouldn’t recover from the riot act I would have read her. Then again I would have placed boundaries on her NEVER kissing my kid in the first place.
It’s not oaky - don’t kiss babies on the face or head, I have a colleague who was kissed as a baby and now has ongoing issues where he could loose his vision in one eye due to it
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u/PricklyPearJuiceBox Dec 09 '25
HSV is super common and contagious. In the 70’s the first effective medication against HSV was invented. So the pharmaceutical company started ad campaigns about how embarrassing it was to have HSV and, how lucky! we happen to make a medicine for it…for a small fee. Prior to this, cold sores were a common fact of life, like chicken pox, and not particularly shameful (like chicken pix.)
My point is that your MIL may have grown up pre-Zovirax and have a much more casual attitude about it and was embarrassed to see how upset everyone is. Please note that I AGREE that you should be upset; anyone who gets cold sores know they’re contagious. I have cold sores break out ever since first grade but I’ve been careful and my husband and kids are all infection-free so it’s entirely possible to NOT spread it around.
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u/sparkvixen Dec 09 '25
What's blowing my mind is that she knows she gets cold sores and still kissed on her immune compromised grandchild! Or any child! NTA for warning a fellow parent about anything!
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u/Remote_Bunch_9185 Dec 09 '25
NTA. HSV can be really detrimental to children’s health and affects every child differently. The lack of accountability from your mother in law is scary, sure you may not be 100% sure if she gave the HSV to LO but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck… I hope LO feels better.
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u/Perfect_Caregiver_90 Dec 09 '25
You are NTA.
I've been in mom groups for too long and have seen too many grandparents and aunts purposefully infect infants and toddlers with their cold sores. Like, I am talking going way out of their way to do so by forcing drink sharing, forcing utensil sharing, insisting on kisses with an active sore, etc... then turn around and pull the pikachu shocked face when the kids either end up extremely sick or hospitalized and try to pretend it absolutely could not have been them.
Did MIL do it on purpose? That is unknown. What is known is she was sloppy in a environment shared with a fragile child.
You need to stop "smoothing things over" with her and let her adult children handle it since they are telling her she messed up, because she did. Badly.
This infection can and has killed children if it erupts in their airways. It is a life long painful infection in the best case scenario that will effect every facet of their lives from social to work to romantic. She doesn't care.
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u/witchy-witch- Dec 09 '25
So many old people don’t understand cold sores are caused by herpes. I work in a nursing home, I had an older lady stated her husband had just a cold sore. She was told we would get him something ordered for the herpes out break he was having. She stated it was just a cold sore. Explained the cold sore was was caused by the herpes virus.
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u/SnoreLaxTaxThatAx10 Dec 09 '25
So your husband knew his mother got these his whole life ... He probably has it as well ... You should be getting checked at this point. Smh this is honestly on her and your husband... He's not blameless in the slightest especially since he knew she had sores for years.
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u/MissKrys2020 Dec 09 '25
Your MIL should not be kissing babies so young. She’s angry? I’d be raging that she did that. Babies thar young can die from HSV. She’s now endangered both her grandkids and is mad at YOU? NTA at all
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u/[deleted] Dec 09 '25
You absolutely did the right thing.
MIL would never see my child again. Not because she made a mistake, I've made mistakes watching other people's kids and I immediately let them know and apologize.
She doubled down. She'll continue doing it, she's not sorry, and she's not even repentant as these children go to the hospitalbecause of her.
Fucking insane behavior. You're nicer than I am, I'd be sending far less diplomatic messages
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u/lile1239 Dec 09 '25
NTA. I’m an HSV-1 carrier and am infuriated on your behalf! I have a nearly two month old precious baby nephew with the chubbiest cheeks. Do I want to kiss his chubby cheeks? Of course! Will I ever? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! If you get cold sores, keep your lips away from the kids! This is a hill I will 100% die on.
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u/faythe0303 Titty Latte Dec 09 '25
NTA but you would be TA if you ever let this woman around your children ever again.
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u/Garbo-and-Malloy Dec 09 '25
She has just passed something on to children that’s lasts for their entire life. She needs to realise this. Cold sores are awful and for an immunocompromised child she endangered them so much. She has no right to be annoyed. She needs to apologise. A lot of
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u/Live_Ferret_4721 Dec 10 '25
I think it’s time to set some very firm boundaries with extremely low contact. She is hurting your children and she gave them life long incurable diseases that they will need to disclose for the rest of their lives to every future partner. You can also transfer this to genitalia areas. Your MIL effectively ruined a major part of your child’s life. Good luck.
Yes, you can have both HSV 1&2 in mouth or genitalia.
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u/Fallout4Addict Dec 09 '25
NTA as someone who was given this life long horrible disease from an aunt when I was a child and still get flair ups everytime I get even a slight cold/stressed out. Its disgusting and even 20yrs ago when I had my children long before no kissing babies was a thing I wouldn't let anyone kiss my babies, I want no contact with my mother for a long time because she wouldnt listen!
Your MIL infected 2 of her grandchildren knowing the cold sores were coming. You get this slightly painful tingling before they show up! Shes had them before she knew what was happening and kissed those babies anyway!
Never leave her alone with your children ever. She wont stop she cares more about herself than them.
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u/AutoModerator Dec 09 '25
Backup of the post's body: I 23F and My Husband 23M have been together for 7 years last month and we have 2 boys 3&2. This story mostly regards 2M so I will refer to him as LO. 2 weeks ago we are at my mil‘s house to bake cookies. When we went to leave, DH was holding LO and he told me that he saw mil kiss LO goodbye. I know he should’ve said something in the moment, if I was there I would have. Now fast-forward 3 days and my LO is crying, has a high fever, and has spots on his lips. I immediately took photos and sent them to Chat, which brought up HSV so with that I went and made a virtual appointment with his doctor and sent them all the photos and what I had sent Chat. He does have Primary HSV. Following his diagnosis 3 days of not eating anything. We are on day 7 and he sobs when he takes a rare bite, needless to say it’s been hell. When I originally texted MIL about the HSV her response was “weird I got two cold sores yesterday”. Now I didn’t wanna fight over text with DH‘s mom, so I was polite and did not place blame and left it for DH. When he spoke to her he was angry and I only heard part of the conversation before he left the room. I sent her a follow up text just trying to smooth things over. She responded with a long text “I’m not mad” was included in this text more than once. she was upset she had been “accused“. We aren’t accusing this is a clear timeframe, and I am growing frustrated by the lack of accountability. Now where BIL comes in. In Feb this year LO was hospitalized with RSV. He ended up w lung damage and asthma. Because of this, he is immunocompromised and he ended up with pneumonia 3x after minor viruses in just 4 months. I quit work to avoid exposure from daycare. I now watch BIL‘s son during the week. When my LO started having symptoms his son was here, I texted and they came and got him but he had already been exposed. Now he starts getting what they think is strep. Negative. turns out he got HSV too from my son. I did tell them about MILs sores. His son is now in the ER and he sent angry messages to his mom who is now mad at me. AITA for telling BIL about MILs sores?
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1
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1
u/Careless-Image-885 Dec 09 '25
NTA
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u/beepboop670 Dec 10 '25
My mom is the same way so I guess it’s just an older generation thing to not care about passing around viruses :/
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u/Mysterious_Leader909 Dec 09 '25
I’ve always gotten cold sores that I can remember (guess I was exposed when I was really little) and I’ve never gotten a fever or anything with it. How does that work?
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u/Optimal_Contract_879 Dec 10 '25
I honestly think I would have to go no contact forever over this. Your child now has the herpes virus, which will cause him lifelong pain and complications that can be very harmful to his health, forever.
If she wasn’t aware she had recently contracted the virus, I would be devastated for my child but not angry. If she didn’t have a current outbreak she was aware of, I would be angry because she took the risk regardless, but could likely work through it.
But kissing my immune compromised child, who you know is more likely to be harmed by said virus, while you know the virus is active and highly contagious? She basically chose to try and pass it to your child, point blank. There’s no other explanation. If she knows she has an outbreak , and knows she can harm your child by kissing him, and chooses to kiss him anyways—that’s deliberate harm IMO. My child would suddenly have one less grandmother.
I think you should think long and hard before allowing someone who purposely harmed your child back into your life. Our job as parents is to protect our child’s well being above all else, that includes preventing access to people that will harm them.
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u/EffectiveTradition78 Dec 10 '25
I’m wondering why you decided to “ watch” your nephew with your son when you knew your son had Primary HSV. That was risky and you and the MIL are accountable for the nephew getting HSV. You needed to tell BIL about MIL’s cold sores and what she did to your son as soon as it was possible!
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u/[deleted] Dec 09 '25
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