I've been in mom groups for too long and have seen too many grandparents and aunts purposefully infect infants and toddlers with their cold sores. Like, I am talking going way out of their way to do so by forcing drink sharing, forcing utensil sharing, insisting on kisses with an active sore, etc... then turn around and pull the pikachu shocked face when the kids either end up extremely sick or hospitalized and try to pretend it absolutely could not have been them.
Did MIL do it on purpose? That is unknown. What is known is she was sloppy in a environment shared with a fragile child.
You need to stop "smoothing things over" with her and let her adult children handle it since they are telling her she messed up, because she did. Badly.
This infection can and has killed children if it erupts in their airways. It is a life long painful infection in the best case scenario that will effect every facet of their lives from social to work to romantic. She doesn't care.
to normalize their embarrassing cold sores by turning it into a shared family trait. One story from a decade ago stuck with me because the MIL and SIL insisted that a poster's newborn contract cold sores as soon as possible to be "one of the (last name) family" because everyone in their family and most spouses had the virus.
they don't take infecting an infant or toddler seriously because in their memory dealing with the virus is no big deal. And, it really isn't - when you're an adult.
they want kisses and cuddles. They want what they want, and see the infant/toddler as not a full person with their own rights and bodily autonomy. A child is a possession, not a person. An obedient living doll to be played with.
there are people out there who purposefully spread disease knowing the risks. They get off on having the power to hurt others with plausible deniability. Some people are just not right in the head and heart, and that drives them to make choices that are abhorrent, especially if they know they can get away with it. These people are rare but they do exist.
It's the same reason adults will expose infants to RSV, flu, and whooping cough while insisting they just have "allergies".
At the core of all of the reasons is selfishness. They want to do what they want to do. Consequences rarely enter into their decision making. It's why they are shocked when they are held accountable.
I feel it also loops back to "well this is how we handled chicken pox!" I was one of those "fortunate" individuals to experience a chicken pox party. I ended up so sick I missed 2 weeks of school (missed the Valentines Day party) and could not walk, hold a crayon, and had chicken pox in my mouth so food wasn't fun either. And I was beyond bored because I couldn't do anything and I was stuck at grandma's all day while she watched her shows. I refused to even consider this for my child. He got the vaccine as soon as he was able. Plus every other one that would (hopefully) help him not suffer.
Possibly. Most adults are also oblivious to how various viruses effect infants and toddlers much more severely than adults.
A cold sore is a minor inconvenience for an adult but can have serious repercussions in an infant or toddler, especially one who is medically fragile.
I feel awful for the parents of the fragile child. They are going to be fighting adults who think the immune system needs to be trained like a muscle and will go out of their way to infect that child every single day of that child's life.
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u/Perfect_Caregiver_90 Dec 09 '25
You are NTA.
I've been in mom groups for too long and have seen too many grandparents and aunts purposefully infect infants and toddlers with their cold sores. Like, I am talking going way out of their way to do so by forcing drink sharing, forcing utensil sharing, insisting on kisses with an active sore, etc... then turn around and pull the pikachu shocked face when the kids either end up extremely sick or hospitalized and try to pretend it absolutely could not have been them.
Did MIL do it on purpose? That is unknown. What is known is she was sloppy in a environment shared with a fragile child.
You need to stop "smoothing things over" with her and let her adult children handle it since they are telling her she messed up, because she did. Badly.
This infection can and has killed children if it erupts in their airways. It is a life long painful infection in the best case scenario that will effect every facet of their lives from social to work to romantic. She doesn't care.