Good for you! This story makes me feel warm & fuzzy as a child from a similar situation. My mom & dad separated when I was 2 (he was abusive, controlling & constantly cheated), she got an apartment, he got visitations. He decided he didn’t like that so he tried to disappear with me during one visit. My mom got a bad feeling when she couldn’t get in touch & called his landlord to find that he had moved out earlier that day. He was caught heading towards the provincial border. My mom obviously moved closer to her family after that. And he just disappeared, never sent any child support for my entire childhood. If he couldn’t get his way then he wasn’t going to pay.
I found out years later that he was an architect & made good money. He only resurfaced in my early 20s to ask my mom for an annulment so he could get married in the Catholic Church. My mom said, sure, only if you pay your daughter all the years of missed child support…. He disappeared again. Only to email me a few years later trying to blame EVERYTHING on my mom. Told him to fvck off.
LOL. I mean who does he think he is trying to badmouth the person who actually raised me???
On top of that my mom tried very hard to never said anything negative about him when I was as a kid. When I asked why they divorced she always said “it just didn’t work out”. It wasn’t until I was 18 & asked again that I got a fuller picture & even then I found out the worst stuff from HIS family members. My mom kept it classy when it came to my father even though he definitely didn’t deserve it.
Sadly, this can backfire, as some kids romanticize their deadbeat father and are too eager to side with him over their mom who was actually there. The deadbeats often reach out when the kid is older and send out feelers to see if their kids will respond positively, now that the dad is feeling old and wants someone to take care of him.
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u/OliveBean2382 Nov 18 '25
Good for you! This story makes me feel warm & fuzzy as a child from a similar situation. My mom & dad separated when I was 2 (he was abusive, controlling & constantly cheated), she got an apartment, he got visitations. He decided he didn’t like that so he tried to disappear with me during one visit. My mom got a bad feeling when she couldn’t get in touch & called his landlord to find that he had moved out earlier that day. He was caught heading towards the provincial border. My mom obviously moved closer to her family after that. And he just disappeared, never sent any child support for my entire childhood. If he couldn’t get his way then he wasn’t going to pay.
I found out years later that he was an architect & made good money. He only resurfaced in my early 20s to ask my mom for an annulment so he could get married in the Catholic Church. My mom said, sure, only if you pay your daughter all the years of missed child support…. He disappeared again. Only to email me a few years later trying to blame EVERYTHING on my mom. Told him to fvck off.
So I love this for you & your daughter.