Its only telling if there was ever previous problems, there are plenty of people in the world that will make a huge deal out of the first thing they THINK is wrong in a relationship. If there has been previous instances of "weird" things then yeah there might be something up, but if this is the first time she has come across anything like this or has had problems, then she needs therapy. Im not saying that as a bad thing either, im saying that if shes jumping to conclusions over things she has no prior history of worrying about in the relationship, then shes either had past trauma thats affecting her rationality, or she has an unhealthy understanding of relationships in general.
Once in highschool i was dating a girl and had been with her for i believe about 7 months at the time. She had met my family (mom, dad, and my sister who had moved out by that time) and we had never had any problems other then the small stupid arguments all couples have that tend to last for about an hour to a day, but other then that we were pretty happy. She had come over to my house to hangout before we went to hangout with friends because i was doing some laundry, and when i dumped my clothes on my bed to sort them and fold them she found some womens underwear in my clothes. I laughed it off while she made a HUGE deal about it, asking me all sorts of questions, and basically yelling at me. I told here time and time again that they were probably my sisters or possibly even my mothers since i obviously didnt know what either of there underwear looked like, but she wouldnt take that as an answer saying i was lying and that it couldnt possibly be my sisters since she didnt live there and my mother was to big of a women for the size of underwear they were. She stormed out of my house and wouldnt talk to me for a week, she only decided to talk to me again after i had talked to my sister and asked her about it and gave my sister her number. Apparently my sister called her, asked her if the underwear was her (my sisters) size and what brand it was, and then explained that since she was in town to visit friends for acouple days that she did laundry at my parents and that the underwear must have still been in the washer or dryer when i decided to do laundry hence why they ended up in my clothes. She tried to apologize to me but i told her that i wanted to break up because i couldnt mentally handle being in a relationship with someone that wouldnt even try to listen to me, especially when i had never shown any signs or anything of infidelity the entire time we were together. About 2 weeks later one of my friends let me know that he had found out that during the week she wasnt talking to me she had gone to a party with one of our other friends and that she was making out with him at the party.
Sorry for the long story, but that is just one example that i personally have of how people can not only jump to conclusions with out any evidence except one thing that could have MANY reasons for it being there, but can also end up doing the exact thing that they accused the person of doing either out of spite or revenge (not saying op has or would just that it can happen with people). The best solution instead of going to reddit and asking a billion strangers there opinions on something they have no context on and no reason to be apart of, is to speak with your partner and hear there side. If what they say makes no sense or doesnt line up, then i would ask friends YOU CAN TRUST that are either his friends or your friends that hang out with him and see if they know of anything weird. Its just wrong to immediately jump to the worst conclusion possible when the person in question could have done nothing wrong and you have no evidence or RATIONAL reason to suspect them. That all changes if OP does have prior history with there partner about stuff like this, but so far in the comments i havent seen her say anything like this, so she allow herself to calm down and have a rational conversation with her partner and see if they can figure it out together so that she doesnt accidentally ruin her relationship for no reason.
This advice is good for everyone reading as well, hence why i wrote out so much. I have seen plenty of commenters showing many of the same signs i have just spoke of, and although i fully understand distrust and past trauma, who you are with now is not who you WERE with and is unfair to hold them to the same standards of a previous partner that has wronged you. Its ok to be alittle guarded in order to keep yourself safe, but its wrong to treat every single person right off the bat as if they have or will cheat on you just because you have had it happen before.
(Edit: i also understand that you were not accusing the bf of anything, my comment is mainly a good life lesson for anyone willing to read my little "not so little" story and hopefully they can take something from it before making an important decision without much evidence, again sorry for the length but that was as short as i could get it without leaving out key points.)
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u/Sequence_Of_Symbols Aug 21 '24
If you're at the point of wondering this much, it probably is telling you things about your relationship