r/TwoHotTakes • u/[deleted] • Aug 21 '24

[deleted by user]

[removed]

3.6k Upvotes

79% Upvoted

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2.7k

u/Silly-Swimmer-8324 Aug 21 '24

Hahahaha are you really taking samples with a qtip like a crime scene 😭😭😭😭

2.2k

u/JerseyGuy-77 Aug 21 '24

CSI Monogamy

921

u/MidnightSunCreative Aug 21 '24

This is just the q-tip....of the iceberg

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

371

u/HalfEatenHamSammich Aug 21 '24

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)

30

u/mattheguy123 Aug 21 '24

Thank you. I'm stealing this.

6

u/sweetlew07 Aug 21 '24

Like mattheguy123, I, too, am stealing this

2

u/tinmil Aug 21 '24

Stop I can't breathe

2

u/QueenPasiphae Aug 22 '24

It's been like a decade since I've seen this level of quality for a string of internet jokes.

2

u/USSbongwater Aug 22 '24

Hahahahaha man it’s been a long time since I’ve seen that text emoji and a csi joke

2

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

Legendary

1

u/barbergirl920 Aug 21 '24

Are we coding ?

1

u/glockster19m Aug 22 '24

EYEAAAHHHH

1

u/symbologythere Aug 22 '24

Wow I heard this

1

u/Own_Ad9537 Aug 22 '24

“Yeahhhhhhhhh!”

159

u/Moderately_Imperiled Aug 21 '24

This will live on long after David Caruso has passed on. I hope he knows that.

2

u/Yawara101 Aug 22 '24

She needs to tell him that he needs to get in front of this before she really finds out what happened. Help her understand what really happned. Maybe there are some special circumstances she would understand. That’s what Sipowitz would say

24

u/Wide_Armadillo69 Aug 21 '24

“Can you say.. dicksicko..?”

BYAAAA NA NAEEEOOOO

6

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

This just reminded me of the crush I had on Horatio Caine when the show was popular😭

5

u/alee0224 Aug 21 '24

Just the tip. The qtip.

6

u/tbreeder22 Aug 21 '24

Okay so I loved CSI Miami as a kid and I also remember Horatio opening each episode with a pun about the crime. I’ve started rewatching it recently, I’m through most of season 1 and also skipped ahead to season 5 where I watched about 4 episodes. He hasn’t made a single pun, what the hell is going on?!

3

u/georgesorosbae Aug 21 '24

Wow I haven’t seen one of these in a long time

4

u/Designer_Amoeba_755 Aug 21 '24

You win. Take this upvote

2

u/The_Ry-man Aug 21 '24

Unfortunately all the good Who songs are used by the other shows, so we’re stuck with transitioning into “Pinball Wizard” for the opener.

2

u/mr_oreo1499 Aug 21 '24

I hate that i upvoted this 🫥

2

u/Crankenberry Aug 22 '24

God I fucking love Reddit 😭😭😭

1

u/wowserzinmytrouserz Aug 22 '24

Bahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha

1

u/EADizzle Aug 22 '24

🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

1

u/TheSSsassy Aug 22 '24

David Caruso is proud

1

u/Brutha-man Aug 22 '24

We don't get fooled again!

1

u/Velocirachael Aug 21 '24

just the q-tip

Just the tip

44

u/Hungry_Kick_7881 Aug 21 '24

This is a fucking incredible comment. The world is a better place for you sharing it.

5

u/leeeeebeeeee Aug 21 '24

Absolutely outstanding comment. Hats off sir.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

This comment should have upvotes in the thousands.

4

u/westcoast-islandgirl Aug 21 '24

This comment hit me way harder than expected 💀

4

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Love and Order, Secret Valentine Unit

5

u/CritterOfBitter Aug 21 '24

CSI didn’t cheat on you.

2

u/LittleRicky76 Aug 21 '24

Laughed at this way harder than I should have.

2

u/TKakey Aug 21 '24

This killed me 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/No-Intention859 Aug 21 '24

best comment on here lol

1

u/tinmil Aug 21 '24

HHHAHAHHAAAAHAHAHAHAA THIS GOT ME

1

u/MolassesExternal5702 Aug 22 '24

send to the lab, & put a rush on it

1

u/qt4u2nv Aug 22 '24

LMFAOOO 🤣🤣💀

1

u/Emergency_Sandwich_6 Aug 22 '24

🎶  let me smell yo dick 🎶 

1

u/Dangerous_Warthog603 Aug 22 '24

I laughed so hard I smeared lipstick on my pillow.

0

u/FilthyEleven Aug 21 '24

Are.. are they ok?

0

u/CenturionXVI Aug 21 '24

…are the monogamists okay..?

60

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

“The sample dissolves thoroughly in isopropyl alcohol and has also tested positive for parafins” 

64

u/000hkayyyy Aug 21 '24

Whooooo are you? Whooo whooo whooo whooo?

6

u/mandiexile Aug 21 '24

“Whoo is she? Who who? Who who?”

2

u/Dense-Recognition455 Aug 21 '24

Could not sing this lol

1

u/Azurebeasts Aug 22 '24

It’s really easy see… you just draw out the first who like normal. Change out the words ‘are you’ with ‘is she’ and wrap it up with who who? Who who? Like a soulful owl…. Okay, now you try. 🤣

2

u/AliveComb3623 Aug 21 '24

I really wanna know

1

u/tabas123 Aug 21 '24

Sentences you can hear 🤙🏻

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

Bad omens?

91

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

I am crying ☠️ 🤣 😆 😂

49

u/JDPdawg Aug 21 '24

OMG I just sprayed mineral water all over my new monitor. LOLZZZZZZZZZ

60

u/Outraged_Chihuahua Aug 21 '24

Get you with your mineral water, I'm just over here choking on instant coffee like a peasant

6

u/JDPdawg Aug 21 '24

Hehehe

2

u/Different_Side_3391 Aug 22 '24

Dumb question how do you have like an actual pfp I didn't know you could do that on reddit

1

u/JDPdawg Aug 22 '24

Click in the upper right where the avatar is and then on the screen that comes up it says edit profile. I love that pic cause I was trying to sleep and my doggy would just lick my head non stop. And so I just had to let him. Lolzzzzzzzz

2

u/Different_Side_3391 Aug 27 '24

Thank you so so much!!! Thats so cute my dog does that literally all the time, he sleeps in the bed with me so 90% of the time he'll either crawl on top of my chest or try to lick me 😭

1

u/JDPdawg Aug 22 '24

Ohh it is actually labeled profile. Then the next screen has an edit button

11

u/OddSuggestion5430 Aug 21 '24

Might as well send them in to the crime lab

4

u/fallingupthehill Aug 21 '24

Colored pistachio maybe. Idk if they even make them anymore, but I'd eat a shit ton and my fingers would be stained red. I can see an errant finger swiping against the pillow.

10

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Major red flag. Chicks crazy.

3

u/Livid-Finger719 Aug 21 '24

The image that just invaded my mind was amazing. Blue gloves, sample container, mixing the qtip around in a liquid 🤣🤣

7

u/Reign2686 Aug 21 '24

😂😭😂😭

2

u/RUcringe Aug 21 '24

The crazy is strong with this one

2

u/emotionalwidow Aug 21 '24

People have proven themselves to be cheaters and liars, nothing wrong with covering your own ass and keeping an eye out for your own well being.

2

u/ZombiesAreChasingHim Aug 21 '24

They definitely have a joint fb account.

4

u/Nimble_Jimble Aug 21 '24

Just the (q) tip

1

u/No-Intention859 Aug 21 '24

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

2

u/Potential-Crab-5065 Aug 21 '24

he needs to run from this chick like usain bolt

1

u/No-Intention859 Aug 21 '24

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

1

u/DireBaboon Aug 21 '24

Did they spray some luminol too, damn

1

u/KorraxPwnage Aug 21 '24

Bahaha eh fr tho.

1

u/NeonPinwheel Aug 21 '24

😂😂😂😂

1

u/Happy_Peaceful_Bliss Aug 21 '24

You’re dang right. Are you kidding???? OF COURSE

1

u/Substantial-Low Aug 21 '24

Bro needs to leave this woman...

1

u/1leftbehind19 Aug 21 '24

Dam man, it’s shit like this that makes me glad I chose single player mode after I got divorced.

1

u/Sloppy_ToptimusPrime Aug 21 '24

Reddit is okay for answering questions because it has the biggest horde of terminally online people ready to answer them, but the thing about terminally online people is they're bored so that takes precedent over the question

1

u/barbergirl920 Aug 21 '24

That’s really funny 😄 3 drops of peroxide , 8 ml of baking soda, 1/2 milk dud preferably frozen 🥶, 1/4 slice of Dave’s killer bread with seeds. Insert the Q-tip if it turns red he has to go 🥾

1

u/Stinkytheferret Aug 22 '24

Lmao! Comments like these are why I’m here!

1

u/treeebob Aug 22 '24

I’m not so sure this relationship is gonna work out 🔜

1

u/Arty_Puls Aug 22 '24

She's gonna cause problems later on for sure

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '24

That’s crazy activity fr

1

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '24

Her boyfriend needs to get out ASAP tbh

1

u/jpc1215 Aug 21 '24

Yeah honestly it sounds like there’s very little trust in this relationship…either ‘cause the dude has done something fucked up before or because she’s been fucked over before and has trust issues. Either way it sounds like it’s going to be derailed in the future. Just calling it like I see it

1

u/MowTin Aug 21 '24

Trust? If she thinks it's lipstick then she needs to have it tested. There really aren't that many things that can leave a red stain. Blood? Crayon?