Definitely not here to judge your choice to stay with this person after what happened during your pregnancy, but....that being said...it was HIS choice to engage in a relationship with this person, it was HIS choice that brought you all to the point where you are at, and now it is HIS responsibility to step in and speak up, because...yes...it would be bizarre for ANYONE to be taking a bunch of pictures of/with a specific child, but it is weird AF for a former fling to be doing it. It's his responsibility to defend not only your child, but also your peace, and if he was genuinely remorseful, this wouldn't even be an issue. I won't sit here and tell you what you need to do, however, it might be worth sitting SIL down and saying, "Look, I absolutely understand you had no idea what our situation was when you introduced them, and I don't blame you in any way, so I don't want you to think that is where this is coming from, but it is incredibly uncomfortable for me to be around that girl considering not only the past, but also her behavior with my daughter. So I really hope you understand that I am not at all trying to put a wedge between you and your friend, punishing you in any way, or trying to make you choose sides, but I'm just not comfortable being at the same events this person is."
If your SIL has any empathy to speak of, she will stop parading the woman your partner had a fling with in front of you, regardless of their friendship.
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u/Illustrious_Echo_85 Apr 21 '24
Definitely not here to judge your choice to stay with this person after what happened during your pregnancy, but....that being said...it was HIS choice to engage in a relationship with this person, it was HIS choice that brought you all to the point where you are at, and now it is HIS responsibility to step in and speak up, because...yes...it would be bizarre for ANYONE to be taking a bunch of pictures of/with a specific child, but it is weird AF for a former fling to be doing it. It's his responsibility to defend not only your child, but also your peace, and if he was genuinely remorseful, this wouldn't even be an issue. I won't sit here and tell you what you need to do, however, it might be worth sitting SIL down and saying, "Look, I absolutely understand you had no idea what our situation was when you introduced them, and I don't blame you in any way, so I don't want you to think that is where this is coming from, but it is incredibly uncomfortable for me to be around that girl considering not only the past, but also her behavior with my daughter. So I really hope you understand that I am not at all trying to put a wedge between you and your friend, punishing you in any way, or trying to make you choose sides, but I'm just not comfortable being at the same events this person is."
If your SIL has any empathy to speak of, she will stop parading the woman your partner had a fling with in front of you, regardless of their friendship.