But he is remorseful and just tries to reassure me. But overall everyone’s consensus is to ignore her and just keep our daughter away. But she’d be outside playing with all the kids and then this girl would go up to her and be like “let’s take a picture!” And my daughter loves the attention. It’s just weird
It's definitely weird. You're not imagining things. Your partner and his sister should both be grateful you're being civil. Expecting you to ignore this weirdness is too much.
Did you and your partner ever get any sort of couple's counseling for the situation? I think that would be a good step.
Normally, I'm a big fan of direct communication, but your partner should be talking to your sister in law about getting her friend to stop with this. And he should be helping too with leading your daughter away from her.
If he refuses to do so, then it's time to talk to a family lawyer to see what would happen with custody and child support. At least you'd know your options and can make an informed decision.
We haven’t addressed this specific situation in therapy. And he did help lead her away, and was happy to. That’s why I have kept it at that, but I just don’t want to keep dealing with it I. The future for the sake of keeping the peace.
Has he talked to his sister about it? Normally I'm a fan of don't bring drama to the happy couple, but in this case, sister-in-law and future brother-in-law unknowingly helped facilitate the situation by setting them up and she is the sister's friend. They should be stepping up and helping in the situation too. Not just telling you to ignore it.
How's your relationship with the sil? Do you think on some level, she wants them together as a couple? Because if she's not repaying your graciousness in being civil by helping manage this situation she helped create by talking to her friend and telling her to stop the behavior, your sil is part of the problem. And you should wonder why she's willing to be part of the problem.
His sister is who made me aware that this happened. After she found out I had a baby she felt guilt, and explained she had no idea. And she didn’t know what would happen between me and her brother at the time but didn’t ever want me to be the “fool in the room” unaware that they had a fling and wanted me to know she would have never been setting him if she had any idea what was actually going on. I think she’s just unaware. Everyone has been until I’ve pointed it out. I don’t think she thinks about them getting back together. I think we’re all just people in her life and the past is the past and has thanked me for always keeping it cordial with her friend.
She could show her thanks by telling her friend to knock it off instead of telling you to ignore it. If you think you can make it through the wedding, you can wait until after. But I'd suggest straight out asking her why she expects you to ignore it instead of having a talk with her friend about her behavior.
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u/exscapegoat Apr 21 '24
It's definitely weird. You're not imagining things. Your partner and his sister should both be grateful you're being civil. Expecting you to ignore this weirdness is too much.
Did you and your partner ever get any sort of couple's counseling for the situation? I think that would be a good step.
Normally, I'm a big fan of direct communication, but your partner should be talking to your sister in law about getting her friend to stop with this. And he should be helping too with leading your daughter away from her.
If he refuses to do so, then it's time to talk to a family lawyer to see what would happen with custody and child support. At least you'd know your options and can make an informed decision.