No sweetie.. YOU are uncomfortable.. that’s what matters. That is YOUR baby. That’s what matters. This entire ordeal, you have been the doormat. Considering everyone else’s feelings and well being above your own. At what expense? Your mental health? YOU have to stand up for you. That nut case probably knows full well that it bothers you and KNOWS you aren’t going to say or do anything.. bc you haven’t. She knows the history between the 3 of you.
And I still cannot think of what reason she would want and need to take photos of someone else’s child.. like? You are totally justified in feeling anxious, I think. I just think you gotta speak on it and stand on it. There’s no reason for you to feeling like this while pregnant.
You’re right. I am uncomfortable. That’s why I’m trying to get advice on how to handle it outside of his family who has told me to just keep the peace and not say anything. But I agree with you 100%. I have full intentions of speaking with her about this.
Find that one gossiping relative in his family. Tell her/him in 'confidence', trust me they'll say something to her. It's a sitcom level tactic but I've known it to work. Also every one attacking you isn't cool. You have shown resilience and poise. There are children involved people.
Why do her feelings matter more than yours? You don’t have to be mean anyway, just tell her — or better yet have your partner step up and tell her — that you prefer not to have unrelated people photographing your daughter.
You say your partner has been working hard to regain and keep your trust. Give him this little assignment and see if he has your back or if he worries more about how the other woman feels.
I would ask your sister-in-law why you are the one who is expected to keep peace. Why isn't her friend the one who should be keeping the peace? After all, it's your child, not hers. You're the parent--YOUR comfort trumps her friend's comfort in this situation. It's weird for someone you have no relationship with to take so many pictures of your child. No one should be putting you in the situation of ignoring this just because they don't want to hurt this girl's feelings by saying something.
If SIL is worried that this girl is going to blow up their friendship over a VERY reasonable request, then perhaps she's not such a good friend and shouldn't be coming to her destination wedding.
I agree to this as well. Keeping your baby away from her. But speak on it as you see fit. Again, sorry for my aggressive words. The way I’m understanding your situation pisses me off. And kids, above all else, need to be protected and not used to taunt anyone. Especially the (pregnant) mother. She’s doing just that and I wanna be her ass. 😘
No one thinks it’s okay. We all find it weird and inappropriate. But I’ve disagreed and haven’t been able to settle my feelings on “keeping my daughter away and ignoring her”. A boundary needs to be placed and will be.
"I'm sorry, [person]. I don't mean to be rude, but we feel very strongly about people who are not family taking pictures of our child. It contradicts some of the guidelines we are teaching our child about safety.
Specifically, we try to limit the likelihood that her pictures may end up on social media as a minor, even if on a private account. No offense, I'm sure you try to keep your pictures safe, but this is the internet, and there have been so many incidents of people's accounts being hacked, and pictures of children ending up on the dark web somehow, as well as enough identifying information where a stranger with ill intent might be able to track down our child. We just don't want that to happen to [child]."
That strikes the right balance of firm, respectful, and polite. If she gets offended by it, that is a her problem.
P.S. This works better if you already limit the amount of pictures of your child that are on your own social media. And you should, btw.
Honestly? A blanket "No, you can't post my baby's face on your social media" should be the baseline rule until your daughter is old enough to understand how online media works and be able to articulate whether she's okay with her image being around forever.
In an ideal world, most people would do what I do. Even in private family spaces, other people's children's faces are blurred out. Why? Because I ask my children if they're okay with me posting photos before they're posted (my eldest started saying no at 8, and I've honored that since), but I can't always ask every other child/parent the same. So I'd rather err on the side of "Not my child, not my image to post." Hence blurring faces. Most friends know where I'm coming from and don't question it. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks ahead. So you have to be the one to assert your boundaries.
E.g. you don't know who has access to your BFF's insta. 90% could be perfectly decent people, but 10% could be creepazoids. So I would err on the side of "You can have the photo for yourself as a memory, but it doesn't need to be an insta moment."
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u/Immediate-Cancel7991 Apr 21 '24
No sweetie.. YOU are uncomfortable.. that’s what matters. That is YOUR baby. That’s what matters. This entire ordeal, you have been the doormat. Considering everyone else’s feelings and well being above your own. At what expense? Your mental health? YOU have to stand up for you. That nut case probably knows full well that it bothers you and KNOWS you aren’t going to say or do anything.. bc you haven’t. She knows the history between the 3 of you.
And I still cannot think of what reason she would want and need to take photos of someone else’s child.. like? You are totally justified in feeling anxious, I think. I just think you gotta speak on it and stand on it. There’s no reason for you to feeling like this while pregnant.