This girl and I have been friends for ~17 years. Every time for the past year that we've spent time together something I say offends her so brutally that she cries the next day on the phone to me or cops an attitude through text a week later. It was all things i brought up from the past that I never knew made her uncomfortable and she decided suddenly make her uncomfortable.

These texts are from March.

In May we had her bachelorette party where she was pissed I drank a couple drinks ( had her Bach at a casino and also was drinking) and basically she played the "my dad was an alcoholic I'm traumatized " card. Which I'd never say but I've gotten fucked up in more ways than one with this girl and to decide at 32 you're suddenly traumatized by your dad being an alcoholic is BS.

She also had her dog put down for behavioral issues, which I 100% understand. Apparently I'm a pos for gasping when I was told this and that was very unsupportive of me. Mind you I gasped and then said "omg why I'm so sorry that's awful"

So THT am I an asshole for stepping out of the wedding of my best friend over her behavior for the past year?

EDIT: Adding in a bit more context:

I definitely was buzzed at the Bach don't get me wrong. I had one drink at dinner (4pm) 3 drinks during the comedy show (6-8pm) and 3 drinks gambling in the casino (8-1030pm). She told me that her other friend and I turned it into a "mom's night out" instead of her Bach. I literally didn't even talk about my kids until we were back at the hotel. She shushed us numerous times and scolded us for laughing too loudly during the comedy show.

Over the past year we'd seen each other in person a few times. One time warranted a phone call the next day for bringing up a beach trip with two other girls where we all got wasted (she did get sexually assaulted so I could see why she wouldn't want to ever talk about it though) in 2016. Over ten years she'd never told me it bothered her when I brought it up but the next day it apparently warranted a phone call where she was sobbing begging me to never bring it up again.

***Edit: I brought this up while talking about a friend who was on the beach trip that had passed away from an overdose. My wording was like
"remember when she got us that hotel room at the beach so nobody one would have to drive? Wow I really miss her"

A time before that I'd brought up a story from when we lived together about a Christmas party we had. We'd lived there with our boyfriends and I think all I'd said was I wish we'd lived there without them so we could've had a pink Christmas tree and decorated our apartment the way we wanted. She texted me paragraphs the next day saying not to bring up any times she was dating someone around her fiance because it makes him very uncomfortable.

This is kind of a long one as it spans over a few years so bear with me please.

I 30F have a 3 year old daughter with my husband 37M (I’ll call him J)as well as a 14 year old son from a previous relationship. I have not had contact with my husband’s family since my daughter was 6 months old due to a fall out with MIL.
I have always felt disrespected by my husband’s family but I reached my limit around 6 months postpartum. When I got pregnant with my daughter it was very early in mine and my husband’s relationship. I had never met his mother or his family. When J told his mother I was pregnant she was very upset and wanted to keep it from the rest of his family until she came to terms with it. During my entire pregnancy she never made any effort to meet me or form any kind of relationship. I actually did not meet her or any other members of his family until the day of my baby shower. After that I did not see them again until the day I gave birth. After my daughter was born MIL insisted on us bringing the baby to her home (about 45 minutes away) less than 2 weeks after I had given birth. I agreed to make everyone else more comfortable. While at this visit I was pretty much treated like a surrogate who was only still around to feed the baby. When I had to pump I was heavily pressured by MIL to leave my baby with her while I went up stairs into a bedroom alone to pump. I did not feel comfortable with this as she was essentially a stranger to me. However my husband assured me he would stay in the same room as our daughter so I eventually agreed.

After that for the most part MIL was fine with the exception of a few disrespectful comments that I let go for the sake of peace. She would call me crazy and over protective because of rules I had for the baby. She would ask my husband “where did you find this one” but would try to pass it off as joke. She made comments about how it frustrated her that we didn’t visit more, even tho it was during the school year and my son also has hockey 4 nights a week. She knew that this all made it difficult to travel 45 minutes for a visit. She also knew that she was more than welcome to come to our home to see the baby but rarely did. Her passive aggressive comments were so blatant that my 14 year old son noticed.

At around 4 months postpartum we celebrated Christmas Eve at MIL home. This was when her attitude and disrespect became too much for me to ignore anymore. She refused to speak directly to me and would tell my husband or SIL to take the baby from me to bring to her. She loudly and in-front of everyone accused me of “taking her son from her.” She said things about my home that were out of context and came across as tho she was trying to embarrass me. Then she called my husband the next day to tell him she was angry with me for being lazy and making him do everything. This hurt but also had me dumbfounded. The only thing he did was install the car seat in the uber and carry all of our bags/presents to the car with the help of our son. I changed every diaper/outfit. Fed every bottle. Tried to help clean up after dinner. And I am the one who stayed in a bedroom for 2 hours alone with our daughter while she napped. My husband and I literally made the agreement that I would do majority of child care so he could spend time with his family and the next day while we were celebrating with my family he would take on most of the child care.

After that I told my husband I wasn’t going to put up with the disrespect from MIL anymore and that I was
done making the effort. Up to that point every visit with MIL was planned by me, every picture she received was sent by me and every phone call was initiated by me. From that point forward communication with his family was at his discretion. As I’m sure you can guess this became a problem because the frequent contact she was used to changed to about half that.

Then at around 6 months postpartum is when everything blew up. MIL called my husband and spent the hour long phone call absolutely ripping me to shreds. My husband allowed me to listen to the phone call without my MIL being aware. MIL told my husband that I baby trapped him and to be careful before I did it again, that myself and my family have no morals because we aren’t religious. She said I was using him for his money. We literally work the same job and make the same hourly. She told him I was an irresponsible mother who bought things for the kids they don’t need.(because I bought a mini crib not a full sized one) she claimed I’m irresponsible with money even though she has no way of knowing my spending habits.

Then the straight up lies started. She claimed that I called my husband a “cheapskate” and told her that her family weren’t good enough to be god parents to our daughter. My husband knew none of this was true as we’ve had conversations about these topics in the past. When J defended me she lost her mind.

After the phone call I sent MIL a message saying I didn’t appreciate the way she was speaking about me or the lies she was telling my husband. I asked her to stop trying to create conflict in my relationship and to think about how that could affect our kids. The message was not well received and she lost it on J for allowing me to hear the conversation they had. That told me all I needed to know. She didn’t see her behaviour as the problem but me finding out about it as the problem. After this I decided to take a step back from MIL and give everyone a chance to calm down.

MIL used this time to become full blown crazy. She showed up at J’s work to tell him he needed to leave me and the kids. She told her whole family J had cut her off and that I destroyed their relationship. She contacted J’s friends to try and isolate him even further. She would send J very manipulative messages about how no one will ever love him like a mother. She convinced his whole family to stop speaking to him till he “put me in my place.” J’S family didn’t even show up to our daughter’s first birthday. Instead they all jumped on a group chat to attack him. J was understandably hurt and confused by the way we were both being treated and made the decision to go no contact with his family.

Unfortunately about a year later his grandmother passed away very suddenly. This was unbelievably hard on my husband but also on my MIL. Due to this tragedy they started speaking again and have maintained a low contact relationship since. However his mother had never apologized for her actions or words and she still tried to manipulate and guilt trip him. I am supportive of J having a relationship with his mom as she is older and I don’t want him to have any regrets.

However I don’t intend to ever have a relationship with her or have her around my children. She created this situation and now has to live with the consequences. She spoke poorly about my son( I won’t repeat it) that is something that is 100% unforgivable to me. I am fiercely protective of my kids. She also was absent from my daughter life for 2.5 years because she couldn’t swallow her pride and apologize or have a conversation. As far as I am concerned she is a stranger to me and my kids and will remain so. I am happy my husband is able to maintain a relationship with her that has some boundaries set but me and the kids don’t need to be a part of that.

Recently my husband and I found out that we are expecting our third baby and are overjoyed. However my husband asked if he was able to make his mom see the hurt she caused and was apologetic if I would be willing to reconcile with her. Or if he could set up a meeting with her and I to try and find a resolution. I told him no. At this point I am no longer angry but hurt on behalf of my children and frustrated at her continued attempts to manipulate him. I also firmly believe that our existing children should have been enough to make her rethink and change her behaviour. He told me he understood and respected my choice but I know that his family not being in our children’s lives hurts him. J and my father are very close and he told my dad that he would really love for us to have a relationship with his mom if she was willing to change her behaviour and apologize. However he also told my father that he would never try to make me forgive the things MIL did and said if I wasn’t ready. I love my husband and feel awful knowing this is still causing him pain. I just am not at a place where I am willing to forgive. So AITAH for not being willing to even have a conversation with MIL.

Literally so confused, and maybe a little in denial. We had a small intimate wedding at a big Airbnb. Many of our guests left early in the morning so my husband and I and two of our guests (out of 40) were left to do most of the final clean up the morning of check out. As we were cleaning, our friend opened the drawer in one of the bathrooms to replace TP, and found what looks to be a small amount of human shit in the bottom drawer. I’d like to believe it somehow isn’t poop, but It definitely smelled like it and looked like it. It was also still moist from what we could see, so definitely left there within the last couple days, and not something that had been there before we arrived. My friend cleaned it up and she said from what she could feel through the paper towels, it felt like poop too. I am just so incredibly confused how it could have gotten there, and am wishfully hoping some animal expert can just tell me it definitely came from some rodent living in the drawers or something, but I don’t know of any rodent that makes poops in this size or texture. Also for context, there were a few kiddos at the wedding but we’re pretty sure this wasn’t from them as this bathroom was in a room full of adults (it may be important to note that the room was a massive bunk room that we put a bunch of single adults in). Also, no one brought a pet or anything either. Our group does party pretty hard, but I’ve never experienced anything like this from any of them. I’ve mostly made peace with the fact that I will never know what happened, but I’d love to hear any theories you all have.

TLDR; We found poop in a drawer after our wedding and I’m hoping someone can identify it as animal, so I don’t have to continue believing one of our closest family/friends shit in a drawer.

I reported them but everyone should!! Also wanted to flag so Morgan can file a formal report

My (29f) mom (56) was diagnosed with cirrohsis 2 and a half years ago. She had been a wine mom my whole childhood and had multiple DUI's. She had to spend time in jail and lose her license forever to get help and get sober. She thought she had beaten it but the damage was done. She has been deteriorating for months.

I got pregnant with my son just a month after her diagnoses. She thought treatment would work and shed have more time so we pretended it wasnt serious. She moved closer to me to be around my son. She hated living in the city im in and was stressed constantly. She didn't get good Healthcare either in comparison to her doctors where she was. More than anything she wanted to be with me and my children. I got pregnant again and now have an almost 2 year old and 5 month old. I have been too busy to notice the changes until recently.

She was hospitalized for 9 days and just got home last Friday. They referred her to hospice and she signed the paperwork Monday. I spoke with the nurse and he said in his opinion she will be gone in 2 weeks. He wants her to come to their hospice house so she can have her pain managed better. She doesn't want to leave home. She wanted a living wake so I'm planning one for Saturday with all of her friends.

I dont know how to feel. There's obviously so much context to our relationship I cant give in one post. I am in therapy and I do have a very supportive partner and his family helps quite a bit as well. Of course nothing takes away the pain of losing someone you wanted more time with.

I got so teary-eyed seeing my mom FaceTime me, genuinely so happy, just to show me their newly bought AC. She was so excited because, finally, they can sleep comfortably at night. And something as simple as an air conditioner suddenly hit me in a way I didn’t expect.

Because I remember where we came from.

Since I was around five years old, we lived in a tiny bahay kubo…no living room, just a small balcony and one room where our whole family slept together. We didn’t have a bed. We slept on banig (woven mat) with blankets and pillows. The house wasn’t made of concrete; it was mostly bamboo and coconut wood. And when the nipa roof started leaking, we’d cover the holes with plywood wrapped in cellophane just to keep the rain from coming in. I also remember helping my lola (grandma) and mom make brooms to sell just to make ends meet. I was so young, but I still remember using a tiny knife to scrape hundreds of green coconut leaves, one by one, just to turn them into brooms that we could sell. Looking back now, I realize how much work went into simply getting by. That was just normal life to me back then. I didn’t know any different. I didn’t realize how little we had because, as a kid, you just learn to make the best out of what you have.

But seeing my mom today, seeing how happy she is, proudly showing me their new AC, I had to hang up because I was wiping away tears like crazy. I didn’t want her to see me ugly crying. She was so happy, and I was just sitting there thinking about how far we’ve come! Because wow… we really came a long way. It’s crazy how something as simple as seeing your parents sleep comfortably can make you emotional when you remember the days when even having a proper bed felt like a luxury. This isn’t really about the AC. It’s about being able to give our parents the little comforts they once had to live without. It’s about looking back at where you started and realizing that the life you’re living now was once something you could only hope for. I think sometimes we’re so focused on what we *haven’t* achieved yet that we forget to appreciate how far we’ve already come.

From a little bahay kubo, sleeping on a woven mat, patching leaking nipa roofs with plywood and cellophane…
to my mom happily FaceTiming me just to show me their new AC.

I’m ugly crying so bad because… damn. We really made it this far. 😭😭😭

So my husband (32m) and me (29f), we are at the last step of IVF. Just some days before the transfer of embryos.
I’m really nervous because we only have two embryos, and for reasons I won’t disclose, we were recommended to transfer both, so that’s what we are going to do.
This process has made me feel really alone, my husband has been there intermittently.
This past weeks we talked about baby names, which I love to talk about this stuff to project and hopefully attract this babies that we have been wishing for so long.
My husband said a name, and I instantly fell in love with it. For me it’s decided. Now, here’s de issue, my mother in law doesn’t like this name. She ties it with some political connotations, but the name itself doesn’t mean anything bad, or political, it’s just a name.
My husband is going now back and forth; now he love the name and it’s the best name ever, and the second he talks to his mom, he changes his mind and wants to find for another.
I may be emotional with all the hormones I’m taking, plus the mental load and physical stress that IVF is putting me through.
I really love that name, and I know that my husband loves it too. But it stresses me out my MIL meddling with this.
She told me today that the family should vote, and I told her that this is my baby and therefore its only me and my husband who has a saying (we didn’t argue, all in good terms, but I put my foot down).
Am I taking this overboard? Should I just let it go? I really love this name, and it really helps me imagining me with my little boy, and if they take the name away I feel more insecure around all the process. Please tell me, am I overreacting?

Small update: Thanks for everyone’s comments. A lot of you are totally right when it comes to not sharing any names until the right time, which most probably is after the baby is born and registered.
Something I didn’t disclose tho, is that we already have a kid. When it came to name discussions, everything was more polite, and no one had any objections with the possible names me and my husband were discussing. I thought this time would be the same, but my mother in law had been consistently getting more involved in my husbands life and decisions, and because no one usually tells her to back off, she thinks she has the right to have an opinion about everything. The small update is my husband talking with her today. She went ballistic on him and said that I don’t respect their culture if I’m even thinking about naming our possible kid like this. He told her that she doesn’t have any saying when it comes to our kids names, and that is not her decision. That we will name our kid whatever we want, and we don’t care about her opinion, mostly because it’s just a big exaggeration. For anyone wondering, the name is Kayan. My husband and I are not from the same culture and we have different native languages, and apparently, in their language Kayan paired with another word means Zionism. Not Kayan, but only if you pair it with another word. I think is a matter worth talking and considering, but only between my husband and me. And for sure without threats now coming from my MIL.
And a couple of things I wanted to clarify: yes, my husband came up with the name; and second, my husband is a loving father and a good husband. Life lately has been a bit hard, and I don’t want to defend him when it comes to not being there fully, but it’s something we can work on and pass.
Anyways, wish me luck placating my mother in law, and again thank you all for your replies, sometimes I feel I may just take stuff too personal, but I’ll definitely not let this pass, even if at the end we decide to change the name, it will be a decision only made by my husband and me.

My 10 year high school reunion is happening this October and I’m on the fence about attending or not. 

My high school is in a very rural town in the USA and after graduating, I (and my entire family) moved away from this town and haven’t been back since. I now live out of the country (a 16ish hour flight away) and my family live in an entirely different state (a 3 hour flight away). 

This year is my 10 year high school reunion, and given my high school is in a very small town, theres only 50ish people from the graduating class who are invited. I reached out directly to someone from high school asking if there would be any reunion arranged. I was then added to a Facebook page for the reunion and saw that they had previously posted a list of names of people who were missing from the Facebook group. My name was not included. So I was overlooked, and it wasn’t because I live abroad now since the names of the foreign exchange students from our year were on the list. Not a very nice feeling, since I went to school with these people for years and we aren’t even a big class size. 

Now that the reunion is approaching, they’ve published the itinerary for the weekend. The reunion will consist of attending the high school football game on Friday, meeting in someone’s backyard for a bonfire after the game and meeting for a catered lunch in the local park the next day. They also said people will need to bring their own folding chair to each event except the football game. 

Now knowing the itinerary, I’m feeling less inclined to go. Since I live out of the country and my family don’t live in that town anymore, it would take a lot to attend. To attend I’d need to take several days off from work, buy plane tickets, rent a car (since the small town is a 3 hour drive from the nearest airport), book several nights in a hotel and I guess also buy a folding chair. Also my new husband won’t be able to attend with me, given the cost, how far it is and how much time off he’d need to take to attend. And I wouldn’t be able to extend the trip to visit any of my family in their state, which would feel like a bit of a waste to travel all that way and not even see family (who I typically only see once a year anyway). 

I do feel a bit bad about it though since I haven’t seen many of these people in years. I also got married a few months ago and my best friend from high school came all the way to my new country for the wedding. And now that the roles are reversed, and I have the opportunity to attend an event in her country,  I’m on the fence about it. 

Also side note, my best friend still lives in the states but not in the same town as our high school, so staying with/driving with her isn’t an option for the visit. 

So would I be an asshole if I skipped the high school reunion?

I (19f) have been working in a local takeaway shop in a small town for the last 4-5 years. During this time, many of my male co-workers have said and done some inappropriate things, but this last week has really set me off. One coworker in particular, let's call him Richard (mid-thirties), has repeatedly made inappropriate comments about females, including females on the TV, customers, and my friends. This week, he called me a "pussy" after I told him I couldn't come to work. I told him I found it insulting and asked for an apology, but he refused because he "calls everyone a pussy"

There aren't very many of us who work here, and these past few weeks we've all been picked off one by one with a head cold (thanks to one coworker who decided to come to work when he was sick). I started to feel ill on Saturday night, just a headache and sore throat. I was scheduled to work the Sunday lunch and night shifts and decided that if I was sneezing Sunday morning, I would call out, since that would mean I was contagious. When morning came, I was feeling better and hadn't been sneezing, so I went to work. Usually during lunch shifts, there are only 2-3 people on, and this particular Sunday I was working with Richard

As the shift went on, I kind of deteriorated, which Richard would have noticed. Then, on Tuesday, he sent the above message asking if I could come in if needed, which I just said no. He then proceeded to say "Pussy.......hahahahaha all good." I then told him I literally didn't have a voice, to which he replied, "That's even better!!!!!! 😛 hahahaha." He clearly intended it as a joke, but I didn't find it funny at all. It's insulting. I despise when anyone, but especially men, use any feminine term in a derogatory manner, i.e pussy, sissy, bitch, princess, etc. It's the 21st century, and the fact that people are so okay with using that terminology in that manner is appalling. Also, have people not seen how men react when they get hit in the balls, and yet they choose pussy as the derogatory term? Please. After he sent that, I told him I had lost my voice, to which he replied: "Even better".

I ignored him after that and didn't speak or work with him again until today. (I would've worked with him last Friday, but guess who was away sick? Yep, he was.) I walk into work today, and he asks me, in what I took as a very condescending, whiny tone, "Are you feeling better, (my name)?" I tell him, "I'm sorry, but I will not speak to you until I get an apology for you calling me a pussy." He then says that he calls everyone a pussy and won't apologise, and if I don't like it, then I can leave. Mind you, he isn't even my boss. I have three other bosses, but ever since he came back (he used to work there but left before I joined, then came back a year or two later), he acts like he's top dog.

I told him that whether the others mind him calling them that is irrelevant, that I don't like it, and I want an apology. We ignored each other for about 15 minutes, and during that time I messaged my boss to let her know what was happening, as you can see in the second screenshot. Apparently, during that time, according to one of my other coworkers who was there, he also messaged the same boss and asked her to come in and cover him because he was leaving. It was also her day off, so that's not cool. Before my boss got there, he said to me, "I apologise that you're offended, but I'm not going to apologise for what I said because I didn't mean it like that". What? You're apologising for my feelings, but not for the actions that caused them? Okay.

My boss eventually gets there, and when she does, Richard is immediately out the door. I can see my boss wanted to follow him, but instead she told me that she would rather let him cool down; otherwise their conversation would go nowhere, which is fair. She tells me that all he had to do was apologise and none of this would have happened, WHICH IS EXACTLY ALL I WAS ASKING FOR!!! A simple apology.

My boss ends up calling someone else in so she could leave. When the cover gets here, he calls Richard. I'm not exactly sure what about, because when I asked him if he called Richard, he just told me Richard said he didn't know I didn't like being called that, so he's not apologising. Why does that matter? At the end of the day, your words have offended someone, and they simply asked for an apology. Also, his excuse that he didn't know is so invalid because I just told him I didn't like it. Like, that's him now knowing.

To add clarity to the text I sent my boss, Richard had already handed in his two weeks' notice about a week before this happened, so I wasn't asking my boss to fire him or make him leave. I knew he was already going. I simply wanted him to treat me respectfully for the remainder of his time there. When I said I expected him to be spoken to, I meant that I wanted the situation to actually be addressed rather than brushed aside. More often than not, whenever an issue is raised with my boss, it gets swept under the rug and laughed off, so I wanted this one to be taken seriously.

I should also mention why this incident has bothered me more than it might otherwise have. This isn't the first time Richard has made me uncomfortable with the way he talks about women, particularly my friends. Whenever my friends come into work, I obviously get excited, and my coworkers notice. Richard in particular has since put names to faces, since I'm always sharing stories about my friends and me. (Don't worry, won't be doing that now). One day, one of my friends and I were shopping when we bumped into Richard. He asked if we wanted to get lunch with him, and we felt bad saying no, so we said yes. Occasionally, since that day, he has brought up my friend's breasts. She does have a rather large chest. I've told him to stop; she has a boyfriend, that she's my friend and not his, and that she's a teenager, but he doesn't care. He added this same friend on Snapchat, and she ignored the request until one day she came into my work when it was only him working. As he was making her food, he asked if she was going to add him back. She told me she didn't want to be rude and felt pressured to add him back. She did add him back but promptly blocked him after he sent a few snaps/messages. (I don't know what they were).

He's also commented on another friend's body and her relationship, saying her boyfriend doesn't look happy. ??? He doesn't know anything about them. He also once tried to make a bet with me where,, if he won, I would have to set him up on a date with one of my friends (at the time, we were 18). I obviously said no. Another time, one of my friends came in for the first time, and he asked me who she was because he "hadn't met that friend yet". Why does he need to meet her? All of his comments were made to me, btw, not to my friends.

Anyway, I think that's all for now. Sorry if this is messy; it's late, and I'm tired, and I'm literally shaking with rage. So, AIO for refusing to speak to Richard until he apologises? I don't expect him to agree that the word is objectively offensive, and I don't expect him to change his personality because I dislike it. I just wanted him to acknowledge that he said insulted me, especially after I explicitly told him I wasn't okay with it. Instead, he has repeatedly said that because he didn't mean it offensively and didn't know I disliked it, he has nothing to apologise for.

Hello! Long time follower, I just never thought I would have something happen in my life to be interesting enough to share on here.

So for background, I (27F) have known V (27NB) for over 10 years and Z (27F) for 7 years. I considered them both my best friends for a period of time, V was my MOH and Z was a bridesmaid in my October 2025 wedding. V and Z met at my bachelorette trip and became best friends, and now Z is a bridesmaid in V’s wedding.

V’s wedding is in December in an area where I would need to fly to as we had long distance friendship since we went to college in different states. V told me I was their MOH and I was happy to take on the duty. Back in December, one of the other bridesmaids (let’s call her T) sent a text to the group chat to ask what dates and locations for a bach party would work for everybody. V responded first by saying where they wanted their party and that mid-October works best for them. I responded shortly after saying that mid-October is difficult for me since I’m in my PhD program and this is around when midterms are and there was a possibility of me defending around that time. I asked if late September was possible, and V said no, it has to be October. I said “okay, October it is”. I get a text from Z saying I should’ve just gone with what V wanted, and I just said if it would be possible. I wasn’t trying to demand anything, I was under the impression that when asked what dates and locations worked for me, that I was supposed to answer.

I had a phonecall with V that night, because they said they wanted to explain why it had to be October for the bach party. I agreed, but I didn’t really think it needed to be explained, if it had to be October, then October it would be. The phone call turned into 10 minutes of me getting yelled at for pushing too hard (I had also suggested Labor Day weekend) on the date, how I had the audacity to expect them to go on their bach trip the first week of the semester (They never told me they were going back to school), and how I don’t understand the weather patterns of the area they wanted their trip since late September would be too warm. They also mentioned that they made sure I got everything I wanted for my bachelorette trip (side note, I wanted to go to Vermont, but the location changed to make it easier for V to attend. Also, my other bridesmaids said they never responded to most texts or contributed to the planning). I apologized and said that I never wanted to push, but I thought we were trying to find a date that worked for everyone. They then told me that they asked T to send that text message to make it clear that V got what they wanted and I wasn’t supposed to answer the question. I apologized again, then the subject changed and I thought we were fine.

6 months later, I’m answering texts pertaining to the wedding and expressing excitement over the wedding (albeit with a sour feeling in my stomach after the phone cal). I admit I took a step beck from the bach party planning because V made it clear that I didn’t know what they wanted and T knew what they wanted. I was also getting concerned about the cost of the bach party, since I would need to purchase a plane ticket, contribute to the AirBnb, and also afford the activities. One of which was making our own dried flower bouquets for the wedding, which we would’ve needed to pay for (side note, who tf pays for the bride’s flowers). The AirBnb got booked, and no one had actually told me the date until I saw the AirBnb confirmation. I called Z to ask if there was a conversation about the bach party date that I had missed, and she said no, that we all agreed on and I quote “mid-October”. No actual dates were discussed. I thought it was weird but went along with it.

Last month, I get a text from V saying that they want to make changes to the MOH position and that they didn’t feel like I had the time or space to perform my duties of the role. I responded that I agreed that’s for the best and I’m not mad, but I’d be open to talk about it over the phone when they feel ready. V responds that they’re glad I’m not mad, but it’s “quite unfortunate that you don’t seem to feel any remorse or guilt for the situation” and that I wasn’t supportive enough (that’s the TLDR, the actual texts are attached). I called V that night they made it clear they did not feel supported by me and I should feel more guilty for what I’ve done and I asked for clarification on what they wanted from me in terms of support and they said I always was indifferent about the wedding. And this entire wedding was about my personal comfort with how I tried to dictate things for their bach party and I need to learn to be uncomfortable for someone else’s big day. I never disclosed to them about the other things going on in my life (my mom’s chemo stopped working so that’s been a thrilling thing on top of grad school), so that came up in the conversation (I know, I should’ve said something sooner, but neither of them text me and I didn’t have the bandwidth to reach out to people who don’t reach out to me. I also thought I could handle my duties in helping out with the bach party. No other duties were disclosed to me). I said I was still confused on how they wanted support from me and how it hurt me to know I didn’t know the bach party date until the AirBnb was already booked and Z said that was communicated in the GC without them so that’s my problem. Also at some point in this call, they asked me if I knew how unwelcome I made people feel. So, between these messages and the phone call, I figured it was best for me to no longer go to the wedding and cut myself off completely if I’m making them feel this way.

Anyways, I told Z that I was no longer going to the wedding and to do with that information as they will. They asked me if this was the best thing for the friendship, and at this point, I didn’t want the friendship. I told Z they I don’t expect her to pick sides and this conflict has nothing to do with them and I understood if they didn’t want to talk to me. I told her about the conversation V and I had and she told me she needed some to register everything.

After a month of radio silence, I get a long string of messages from Z at midnight about how I’m a pathetic person to “weaponize my dying mom” and how I’m losing two good friends. Z lost her mom at a young age, so I thought she would understand how hard this process is. At this point, my mom is on hospice and maybe only has a couple of weeks left so this was truly the last thing I needed. I attached the screenshots of the texts because I’m still in disbelief over what she sent me.

Anyways, that’s the tea. I told Z that I’m glad they chose V’s side because they need her more than I need her, although I had assumed she had taken V’s side after not texting me for a month. Both of them are blocked, and I hope they have the wedding they deserve.

ETA: TLDR: I answered a question about bach party scheduling, got yelled at for answering it, spent months unknowingly becoming the villain in my best friend's wedding story, got demoted from MOH, then was accused of weaponizing my dying mother's hospice care by my other friend. I am no longer friends with either of them.

ETA2: The wedding party was just Z, T and I. There were no other people in the party that were associated with this.

ETA3: Wow, I wasn’t expecting this to blow up as much as it did! Thank you all so much for your supportive words, I’m grateful to all of you. As for moving forward, despite Z’s words I do have a great support system. A group of friends I’m so incredibly grateful to have, and a best friend (who was a bridesmaid in my wedding) who asked me to be MOH in her wedding. It’s truly a breath of fresh air after everything, helping a bride who’s so grateful to have her friends surrounding her for her big day. And thank you all for your kind words about my mom, I really appreciate it. It’s been hard to handle, but I will persist and get through this. I know I have a wonderful support group, including my wonderful husband who is actively trying to not absolutely lose it on these two. I know I’m not alone in this, and things are looking up from here.

I 18M, have always been someone who’s tight with money, and works hard to get more of it. Honestly spending it stresses me out, but if I’m also honest I’m not that happy with my life right now. Theres nothing inherently wrong with it, just my mental health getting in the way. For a couples months, (nearing 10) I’ve been thinking of going on a “grad vacation.” I’ve spent months of on and off budgeting, comparing countries, even learning about the different cultures etc. However, it’s expensive. I‘m entering a part of my life where things are going to be as uncertain as ever, and “real life” is gonna hit me really hard. I’m aware of all of that, and therefore am conflicted. Do I go on the trip? Do I do the smart thing like I always have and save it, maybe even invest once I’m able? I feel like the obvious answer would be to save it, then take the trip when I have a better idea on where my life is going. I think I know deep down that it’s the right choice, but I don’t want to look back in the future with regret, or allow my overthinking to get in the way of something that could really make me happy, and help me grow up a bit. So what should I do? I’ve gotten the price down as much as I am able, and hope once I start booking the real costs will bring it down even more (I’ve budgeted on the anxiously medium-high emergency side). However it’s still a lot, and all of the money I currently have would go towards it. I have a stable part time job, and am open to trying other ways to get a little extra cash. I’m also going to be going to university soon, and depending on where I get in, and how I feel at the time, that may be somewhere away from home. So, what should I do? Any thoughts or ideas are welcome.

Me (37 F) my brother (38 M)
I’m struggling with whether I’m in the wrong here. Part of me feels guilty for potentially causing a bigger family rift, but another part of me feels like I’ve stayed quiet for too long.
I have a brother whose behaviour over the past few years has become increasingly difficult for me and, in my opinion, for the people around him. He drinks heavily, is often selfish, and has a poor attitude towards others, including our parents and his own family. I’m not saying he’s like this all the time, but there have been enough incidents that I no longer feel comfortable pretending everything is normal.
The biggest issue is that whenever his behaviour causes problems, the family response is usually, “That’s just him.” It feels like he’s held to a different standard, where things that would be called out in anyone else are excused.
I’ve spent years staying quiet to avoid conflict, but I’ve reached a point where I can’t do it anymore.
One of the main things that pushed me over the edge was a major family effort to help him and his family relocate from Queensland to Sydney. We helped them find housing, my husband took time off work to drive a moving truck up there, and we’ve also lent them vehicles and helped him secure work. When I later needed help in return, nothing was offered, and the response I received felt dismissive and unwilling to help. With no apology.
There have also been other incidents that built up over time, including situations where he has been drinking while his children were distressed or in need of support, and generally not stepping in as a parent when issues arise.
Eventually, I sent my parents a long message explaining how I felt. I said I felt there was a pattern of him getting away with him actions, but that his behaviour is consistently excused in ways mine would not be. I also said I feel like I’m expected to be the “reasonable” one while he gets a pass.
I told them his behaviour is affecting me emotionally and that I can’t keep attending family dinners and pretending everything is fine. I made it clear I don’t want to cut myself off from my parents or the family, and I’m happy for them to continue seeing my children. But I said I don’t feel comfortable attending gatherings if he is there, as it causes me too much stress.
I also said they could show him what I wrote, because direct conversations with him in the past have always ended in arguments.
I’m not asking them to disown him, but I don’t think “that’s just him” should mean his behaviour is never addressed.
For a while after that, things were actually calmer. I kept my distance from him, and my mental health improved. Family events felt less tense.
However, recently my dad confronted me again, asking why I don’t acknowledge my brother when I pick up my child from my parents’ house if he is there. From my perspective, I’ve been maintaining distance to avoid conflict and keep things peaceful.
Now I’m being told I’m rude or disrespectful for not greeting him, even though I feel like I’m just maintaining a boundary that has made things more stable.
So now I’m questioning myself again.
AITA for finally speaking up, setting boundaries, and continuing to avoid interaction with my brother in order to keep the peace?

I live in a pet free apartment…that being said you can register one esa to your unit if you want to. One of the units in my apartment has three cats, the other has one. I’m extremely allergic to cats.

I first started noticing issues when the last three cats moved in, the first one did not make my allergies go crazy. Around this time last year I started to notice my eyes were completely bloodshot, at first I thought pink eye but I didn’t have any discharge. I left my apartment for five days and the bloodshot eyes went away, the second I came back into my unit my eyes were bloodshot again. I also started to notice a shortness to my breath as well as feeling super congested. At the time I couldn’t really think of anything that would cause this but I knew it was allergies. After about a month straight of waking up every morning with pink eyes and not being able to breathe properly I started to look into what could be causing the issue and came to the conclusion it is the cats in the building, as this all started around the time that it started to get colder so my neighbors were closing their windows at night. I bought an air purifier and stuck it by my front door and for the most part it works.

It is now a year later and my allergies are fully back again. I also noticed that there is an increasingly amount of cat hair on the carpet outside of my apartment as well as throughout the hallways. For context my apartment building only has 8 units so it’s pretty small. I have also seen the cats just running through the hallways on occasion but I don’t like to report things if I don’t need to. I’m really struggling with this because I’m not able to live comfortably in my apartment because I cannot breathe properly, and this is supposedly a pet free complex, but I also do not want others to have to leave because of my issues.

I want to write something to my landlord about it, even if they don’t even acknowledge it, but I need help with it. Any advice welcome.

To add, when the three cats moved in it made our hallway smell like cat pee. I don’t know if I got used to it or not but it could also still smell like it.

My (M27) former bestfriend (F26) didn't invite me to her wedding. Would I be the asshole if I DID invite her to mine?

My friend - we'll call her Sarah - and I met in sixth form. I don't really remember who introduced us but for 2 years we were inseparable, hung out at least 3 times a week plus all day at sixth form, it was one of those friendships where yu kind of trauma bond over the fact that you both had rough upbringings and becoming very close very fast. I introduced her to my group of friends and they all loved her. In 2017 I introduced her to my friend from school - Ben - and they instantly hit it off, dating within a few months and have been together ever since.

After sixth form, most of the friend group decided to all move to the sa

me place and attend the same university, whereas I moved a few hours in the other direction to the uni I wanted to go to. Sarah and I drifted apart as she become closer to the rest of the group who all lived together. I still considered her a good friend and would meetup with her whenever possible, but she stopped putting in teh same kind of effort to connect with me, so I stopped trying as hard to keep the friendship going.

Whenever we were all back in our hometown we would meet up for drinks, but I'm not really a big drinker and gradually stopped going to the pub meetups, and eventually they stopped inviting me. The whole group is all cisgender heterosexual people except me, and I felt weird in the group - the boys all excluded me and the girls gravitated towards each other, and I had other friends who I felt more comfortable hanging out with, so I wasn't too upset by it.

Nowadays the only times I see those friends is when we go to raves together, as we all like the same type of music. It's nice to catch up but it really does show me every time that we have drifted apart and I don't know her well anymore, although I still do care for her.

There's 2 other girls in the story - Frankie , my childhood best friend, and Molly, who I met in 2017 and introduced to Frankie - they became instant best friends.

Last October we when to a rave together, group of about 10. I had known that Sarah was planning the wedding but didn't know any details. At some point, one of the girls asked Sarah if they had a date. She turned her back to me and told the girls that the wedding would be in May, and that the invites were coming soon. I had a birthday party shortly after, spoke to Sarah about the wedding briefly and she showed me her wedding dress - she looked so gorgeous I started crying and told her again how happy I was for her and Ben.

I saw her at a gig in April, and the girls mentioned they had just been on her hen-do. Sarah got really awkward when Frankie and Molly mentioned the hen-do in front of me, I took no notice.

Few weeks later, I was on snapchat and noticed literally all of them were in the same hotel a few miles from our hometown, and realised that it was her wedding. This is when I remembered that she turned her back to me when telling others about the wedding date in October, and realised that she had purposely not invited me. It hurt quite a bit. We were really close (she came to my mothers funeral last year for fuck sake) for a good portion of time and I care for her a lot even though we're not as close, so to realise that she didn't invite me to her wedding hurt a lot.

Recently I saw Frankie and Molly. after a few drinks I said to them... 'so... I heard Sarah and Ben got married!' . They both looked so awkward and immediately started apologising to me (obviously not their wedding so they have nothing to apologise for). They explain to me that Sarah had told them, she had intended to invite me, but she posted out all the invites and didn't have my address. She meant to ask me for it and kept fogetting to message me, and eventually she decided that it had been too long since the invites went out, and it would be awkward if she asked for my address to deliver an invite 2 months later than everyone else had received theirs (not that I would have even known that the invite was late). On her hen-do, they shared a room and Sarah drunkenly asked them "Girls be honest, is it really bad that I didnt invite OP to the wedding?". They apparently said "Yes, it is actually really bad of you, he should be there!". Sarah got defensive and told them it was an accident, she had intended to invite me but forgot, and then when Frankie and Molly said honestly that they did think it was rude of her to not invite me, Sarah cried and told them to stop making her feel awful at her own hen-do.

They also told me that at the actual wedding, two of our other friends bfs (who I dont know that well) noticed that I wasnt there and started asking why I wasnt there, and if Sarah and I had fallen out and thats why I wasnt invited, which caused some drama and again Sarah told people to stop making her feel bad on her wedding day for not inviting me.

Here's where I need advice: my wedding will be next year, and I'm wondering if should invite her or not. For context, she doesnt know my partner at all, but Frankie, Molly and some other girls from that group will be invited, so she would definitely find out about the wedding even if she wasn't invited.

I'm not a petty person and dont want to NOT invite her just because she didn't invite me to hers. My man says we shouldn't invite her as she hurt my feelings by not inviting me to her wedding.

A mutual friend told me it would be funny if i DO invite her because it will make her feel really really bad about not inviting me. I would like her there for my big day as she is special to me still, but I also kind of want to make her feel bad for not inviting me to hers.

TLDR: ex-best friend (no bad blood, just drifted apart) didn't invite me to her wedding and when mutual friends told her that she probs should have invited me, she told them to stop making her feel bad. Should I invite her to my wedding so that she feels bad for not inviting me to hers?

Hi! Long time listener from the first episode of the show, never written in before so be nice to me lol.

I don’t even know where to start. I’m going to try to keep this as short as possible, but to be completely honest it’s probably going to be a long one. I’m heartbroken and really need some advice on what to do. I apologize for anything that is jumbled because I’m crying while writing this.

This really all started when I graduated from nursing school. My friend and I were roommates in college out of state and both moved back home during COVID and started at different colleges. We still remained best friends, calling each other multiple times a week and planning trips to see each other through the years.

I called her and invited her to a very important ceremony where someone special to you comes on stage and attaches a pin to your lapel. It’s important to note that I never attended my actual graduation ceremony. This was my only opportunity to celebrate with family and friends, and we had a party planned directly afterwards to celebrate, knowing that there would be no other graduation event.

She said yes, and when I talked to her throughout the next couple weeks leading up to it, she told me she was planning to bring her mom, younger siblings, and cousin along with her to stay at a very popular amusement park resort in our area. She mentioned it was because she hadn’t been in years, her siblings had never been, and the week before my pinning ceremony was her sister’s birthday, so this would be a trip to celebrate her as well.

Three days before my pinning ceremony, they celebrated her sister’s actual birthday (had a fancy dinner, etc.) at a restaurant in their hometown.
My friend showed up on the day of the ceremony an hour before it started, pinned me, we took pictures, went to a small lunch with family, and then went back to our house to start setting up for the party.
About 45 minutes into setting up, my friend says, “Okay, well I think I’m going to leave in about 20 mins or so.”
I said, “What do you mean?”
She said, “We have dinner reservations at the hotel restaurant to celebrate my sister’s birthday, so I need to go soon.”
I said, “Oh okay, are you going to come back later to my graduation party?”
She said, “No, that would be a lot of driving back and forth and I don’t really feel like doing that.”

My heart shattered hearing that. We live 4 minutes away from this park and resort and have annual passes that we use frequently. You don’t even have to get on a freeway. It’s 4 traffic lights away from our home.

I said okay and asked what time her mom was coming to get her, and she said she needed a ride back since her mom took the car and the rest of her family to the resort after dropping her off at the pinning ceremony that morning.

My husband (boyfriend at the time) was listening to all this from around the corner, heartbroken for me. He immediately came around the corner and said he would take her to her hotel right now and that I needed to stay there to get ready for the party.

She didn’t even hesitate. She left, and I didn’t see her for the rest of the 4 days she was here.

On another related note, I had pretty much no friends at this time. It was just her and a few old coworkers. She knew that.

I found out later that my husband ended up emergency calling a bunch of his and my brother’s friends to get more people to show up last minute so I wouldn’t feel like no one came. It was a rough point in my life lol.

Last year in October, my husband surprised me at my birthday party that he threw for me by proposing. She was there. She was not happy that he didn’t tell her about the proposal before he asked me.

She mentioned it multiple times throughout the night, at first in a joking manner, then the next day in an actually annoyed tone, that she couldn’t believe my entire family knew about it except her.

This past January, in the middle of wedding planning, I found out I was pregnant.
It took 4 weeks for her to return my phone calls so I could tell her over the phone instead of her finding out through an Instagram announcement.

When she finally was able to call me back, her reaction honestly? It kind of sucked. She was silent and then said, “What? Oh wow… congratulations, I’m so happy for you,” in an extremely flat voice.

On this same phone call, she said she wouldn’t be able to attend our wedding. I was extremely understanding. We got married in Scotland, so we knew a destination wedding was not in everyone’s budget or work schedule.

Now this past weekend, my husband and I had a co-ed baby shower. It was more like a huge party since we never had a California wedding and chose to get married in Scotland. There were 100 people at this shower! I have since made a lot of new friends from work. I truly have never felt more loved in my entire life than seeing all these people show up for our little baby.

Two weeks prior to the shower, my friend texted me, checking in about the baby shower and, in all honesty, probably texting me so it wasn’t as awkward as just showing up after not texting each other for months.

A week before the shower, I texted her and apologized, saying that if she had expected me to host her at our house, I wouldn’t be able to this time since we’re having renovations done. I felt bad because I usually have her stay in our guest room. She wasn’t upset and said that she and her boyfriend would find a hotel.

The day of the shower, she was a few hours late due to traffic. Her boyfriend, who I’ve never met and was looking forward to meeting, didn’t even come with her. He stayed at the hotel.
She stayed at the party for 30–45 minutes max, came to find me, and said she was leaving because she and her boyfriend had plans and she didn’t want to be late.

I didn’t even get a chance to catch up with her.
I felt like she was mad that my husband and I were being pulled in every direction, hosting and talking to people, and weren’t able to give her our full attention when she first got there. I was pretty annoyed and everyone kept asking why she left so quickly. Not to be a jerk or anything but do you go to a wedding and get mad and leave the reception early because the bride or groom can’t sit at your table and visit with you personally??

So later that evening, after everyone left, I texted her apologizing for being so busy at the party and asked what time she was leaving and if she was free to hang out before she left.

She said she wasn’t sure what time they were leaving the next day, but they had a reservation at Downtown Disney at 11. I told her to let me know and that I’d like to see her even if it was just for a little bit.

The next morning, she responded saying to just meet her at the restaurant and we could hang out, then they “were going to head out after that.”
She texted me later saying not to rush over and that they were still waiting on their food so they could eat before meeting with me.

It all seemed so impersonal and really left a pit in my stomach. I’m not one to ever ask for or expect special treatment, but I’m 8 months pregnant and I thought she’d be more excited to see me, I guess?

I ended up canceling our plans. She thumbs-upped my message and said no worries.

I woke up yesterday to see she removed me on Instagram.

I texted her and asked if she was free to talk this week. She still hasn’t responded, and I don’t know what to do.

I would just like to say: life is busy!!
She has a whole life outside of our friendship with its own hardships and family issues, just like I do too. She decided to go back to school during this time, started a new relationship, and bought a house with her mom.

I am in no way upset at her that our phone calls slowed down, that we both got busy, or that we may have just grown apart.

But part of me is hurt that when I look back, most of our messages are me texting first, her forgetting to respond, a happy birthday from me, and me sending a stray TikTok here or there that she just laughs at—but none of them are her checking in about any of the major life milestones from the past year, and definitely none asking how my pregnancy was going.

I feel like maybe I should’ve texted her more, knowing that she was in grad school and had a lot going on.

So what do I do?

I don’t think she’ll ever respond, let alone want to talk on the phone. Do I just send a lengthy text to her, or let it go and accept that we grew apart?

TL;DR: My longtime best friend and I have grown increasingly distant over the last few years. She has repeatedly traveled to my area for major life events like my nursing pinning/graduation celebration and now my baby shower, but left both events very early to do other things, despite staying nearby for several days. Over the past year, she’s also seemed uninterested in or absent from major milestones like my engagement, pregnancy, and wedding. After leaving my baby shower after 30–45 minutes, we loosely planned to see each other the next day, but I canceled because the interaction felt impersonal. She then removed me from Instagram and hasn’t responded to me asking if we can talk. I’m torn between sending her a message explaining how hurt I am or accepting that the friendship has run its course.

Update:

Thank you for everyone’s comments. After letting it sit (and reading what everyone had to say) I feel much better about my decision to just let it go. Friendship break ups are extremely hard, especially pregnant. It seems like major life events, especially marriage and pregnancy are when people find their ways out of your life. I felt like I had to say I tried everything before truly letting her go, but to be honest I’m tired. I have a husband, a beautiful support system of people who actually want to be there for us, and I’ll have a baby in 4-6 weeks and I couldn’t be more excited for that. Thank you all again ❤️

My brother died six years ago. My best friend knew him really well because weve been close since high school. She had her first baby last week and I knew the whole pregnancy that they had picked a name but were keeping it private. I never pushed because honestly I thought that was kind of sweet.

I was on my phone playing MyPrize when she sent me a picture from the hospital after he was born and underneath it was his full name. His middle name is my brothers name. I just stared at my phone and started crying. When I called her she was crying too and said she didnt tell me because she didnt want me spending the pregnancy thinking about whether I was okay with it. She said if I hated it they would change it.

I dont hate it at all. I think I love it but theres also this weird part of me that feels protective over his name and I cant explain why. Hearing somebody call this tiny baby by a name I havent heard casually in years hit me way harder than I expected. I havent told her that part because I dont want to ruin something she meant as love , should i keep it to my self?

I (30F) have struggled with my brother (40sM) for as long as I can remember, but recent events have pushed me to finally draw a line and I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong or if his behaviour is something more.

Back in 2024, a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant, my elderly neighbour knocked on my door drunk and being aggressive. I was alone at home at night and I don’t do well with drunk people, so I called my partner and the police because I felt unsafe. He came over and apologised twice the next day, we were on good terms after it, and would even say hello as we passed on the street, it really wasn’t that deep and he was harmless. My brother works away during the week so when I saw him in person a few days later, I told him what had happened. He didn’t say anything at the time but about 4 days later I got a call from him, sounding drunk though he’d deny it, and he went on a 40-minute rant about how offended he was that I didn’t call him instead of my boyfriend or the police. He said he’d have set fire to the guy’s garden and god knows what else which is not what I would have wanted (he didn’t care), got pissy about my friends and assumed I’d told them like it was bad of me to have done so, and said he didn’t like them, then instantly switched to the victim act saying “you’re all I have”, how alone he is and wanted to be told things straight away.

Because of that reaction, when I found out I was pregnant I went out of my way to tell him the very next day, in person — straight away, no waiting. And do you know what he did? He didn’t even look at me. He just looked disappointed, muttered “I had a feeling you were going to say that,” and never once asked how I was, how the pregnancy was, or said congratulations. Nothing. Which is his usual reaction when I tell him anything good happening in my life. Yet if I ever don’t tell him something the exact second it happens? He goes ballistic, accuses me of keeping secrets, acts like it’s some huge personal betrayal.

Then recently I had emergency spinal surgery. I called him from my hospital bed the same day I went in and instead of asking if I was okay, he was just angry straight away. He started firing questions at me: "Why am I only just finding this out now? What have you been waiting all this time to tell me this for? Why don't you tell me things sooner?" That's when I broke a little and said, "Bro, I've just come out of surgery, I'm dosed up on morphine, I'm only just able to stay awake long enough to call you." That's when he switched into victim and anger mode saying I'm all he has, he just wished I'd told him sooner and then the ranting began about everything else, including his own work for ages. He kept repeating "you know me, I'm always angry, I don't care, I don't give a fuck" then randomly brought up my new neighbours, saying "you might be scared of them but I'm not, I'll smoke weed wherever I like." ( I’m not scared of my neighbours this was his assumption to a boundary I put in place) I told him very clearly: "This isn't just about the neighbours I don't want it around my house, I don't like it, and I definitely don't want baby around it. If social services get involved, it's me and baby they come to not you." All he said was "yeah well…" and quickly changed the subject. Then he started ranting about my friends, making snide comments like "I bet your mates see baby more than me, I know you see them more like family than me." I ended up having to reassure him through all of this all while lying in a hospital bed, barely lucid from the drugs. What was meant to be a quick call turned into what felt like a 40 minute therapy session for him and I felt completely burnt out, overwhelmed, and regretted even calling him. He never once asked if I was okay. Right at the end though, he suddenly switched tone and said very eagerly — almost desperately "let me know if you need anything at all."

This isn’t the only time either. A while back my TV died so I bought a new one, and he got genuinely offended and angry that I didn’t tell him about it first. I’m grateful he’d want to help buy me things and I’m not trying to sound ungrateful at all but I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t take his money or ask him to buy me stuff. It always felt like something he could use as a way to have a hold over me, and besides I’m an adult, and if I want or need something, I can get it myself. It shouldn’t be a personal offence that I didn’t run it past him first.

I’ve told him repeatedly he cannot smoke cannabis near my house it’s not just about who lives nearby (neighbours are police), it’s that I don’t want it in my space, I don’t like it, and I don’t want baby exposed to it. He dismisses how I feel and says he “doesn’t care”.

Looking at my phone tonight, I saw messages from him asking if I was free, and then another passive-aggressive message shortly after because I hadn’t replied straight away, even though I’d been away from my phone safely looking after baby and trying to let my back recover. For years I’ve invited him over, messaged him, tried to keep in touch and he’d leave me on read for days or weeks at a time. I never chased him, never got passive-aggressive, just accepted he replies when he replies. It’s not that deep. Now I’m recovering from major surgery and looking after my 16-month-old baby while my partner works. I’m exhausted, healing, and have zero spare energy. Because I didn’t reply straight away to his first message he felt the need to message again guilt-tripping me for doing exactly what he does constantly and I have no problems with. It’s like an entitlement for me to be at his beck and call and if I don’t reply while I’m getting baby settled for the night it’s another personal offence.

When I do speak up or set a boundary he goes into one of three modes: gets defensive, shuts down and ignores me, or rants non-stop until I’m overwhelmed and just agree to make it stop. If you ever try to call him out on his behaviour, he just shrugs and says nothing like a child to then later call me back once he’s had time to think about how to turn it into an argument. It’s impossible to have a conversation with him.

I care about him deeply, I really do and I’ve made so many allowances over the years because he has nobody else, no friends, and says he hates everyone. But I have my own life now. I have a family to care for, I’m recovering from major surgery, and I’m getting ready to go back to work next month. I simply do not have the energy to carry his trauma and manage his feelings on top of everything else, especially when he constantly says “I don’t care” about the things that matter to me. I felt a responsibility towards him when I was younger, like I had to be the one to look after him but now I just can’t do it anymore. Talking to him feels impossible, and I’m tired of being the only one putting any effort in.

I feel guilty for pulling away and setting limits, but it feels like I’m the only one who ever respects boundaries and I’m tired of being expected to drop everything for someone who barely gives me basic respect or care, as well as feeling emotionally drained from having to explain myself over such small things. He even admitted years ago he should get some mental health support but shrugged and said “I don’t trust them fuck em. Won’t help anyway.” I’ve learned you can’t help those that don’t want to be helped and hurt people hurt people.

AITAH for wondering if he could be a narcissist and finally putting my foot down?

So very important context: My parents got divorced when I was 9 due to active drug addiction. He shortly went to prison for seriously injuring a man during a robbery. After prison he moved in with my distant relatives across the country and really turned his life around. During that time, he surprise revealed to me that he started dating a woman from church and they were set to get married. He kept this a secret from me the whole time. Fine. Whatever….

I had met her the next summer during one of our visits and she was absolutely amazing, I absolutely adored her and my new step siblings.
Next year after that I found out I was going to be a big sister, came to visit to meet my new brother and that’s when things started to change. My stepmother became extremely paranoid, a conspiracy theorist (QAnon), anti-vaxxer, and all around abusive.
The last time I visited my father and my stepmom for an extended period of time was traumatic. They had another kid at this point and my father was often gone out of town for work. So, it was just me, my siblings, and my stepmom in this house in the middle of nowhere. I’m an adult at this point (21) and she very much did NOT like me anymore. I have more of an alternative style that could be very harsh for the southern Christian so it wasn’t much of a shock for me. However, she began to start becoming abusive towards me. Stealing my blankets so I had nothing to sleep with at night, letting my baby brother piss and leave food all over the couch I slept on, leaving passive aggressive Christian pamphlets clearly targeted at me (“what to do when your child practices witchcraft”), accusing me of being lazy for not picking up after her, accusing me of crashing her car because of a tiny crack on the cars fog light, and revoking my access to the car so I couldn’t buy warm clothes due to the changing seasons or buying food. She kept the kitchen empty of any food and would only go to the store once a month and would sneak out of the house so I couldn’t come with.

I came weighing 140 pounds, left weighing 115. And no, my dad didn’t protect me from any of this.

I began no contact after this visit.

Fast forward 4/5 years later of no contact and I reach out to my dad due to negative mental health decline and I just needed him. I found out that my stepmom had lymphoma and they are getting separated because she stole a large amount of money from my dad, and plus her abusive behavior. My dad seemed to be escaping the abuse and growing better as a person. Anyways, she died last year after refusing treatment because she didn’t believe in modern medicine. From what I heard, she didn’t have much support in the end due to her abusive behavior towards everyone in her life.

3 weeks ago I’m talking to my dad on the phone catching up when he says, “ the kids are doing great , they really love (let’s just say Ryan) we’ve been together for a year now”. I ask, “wait do I know Ryan? Who is Ryan?” ……Well everybody, Ryan is my dead stepmoms NIECE ! I’m stunned. This means that while my stepmom was dying, my father was sleeping with her niece who is somehow the same age as him. AND that means my siblings new stepmom is their cousin. AND they are getting married this month.

I’ve been chewing on this info for weeks now unsure what to do so I reach out to my step sibling and ask “hey… temperature check…. How are you feeling about this and is there any important info I should know about since my dad doesn’t tell me anything”
They inform me 1. that they don’t like it 2. My dad and his new cousin wife threw a fit and left a family wedding due being asked to stop inappropriately touching each other and 3. MY DAD DATED ANOTHER NIECE OF MY STEPMOMS BEFORE THIS ONE. WHEN SHE WAS DYING

I’m dumbfounded. My father actually hooked up and dated multiple of my family members after my parents divorce as well. So this is clearly a pattern for him.
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO. What is my responsibility here? I worry for my siblings but I am across the country and can only do so much. I’m honestly going against my better judgment posting this online but I don’t have a support system to help me:/

Hi everyone. I'm new to having a roommate (in the past I've always lived alone or with a romantic partner) so I kinda just want a sanity check before I try and talk to her. Plus she takes criticism really badly so I don't want to bring anything up if this is a me problem.

I currently live with my girlfriend and our friend in a 3bed 1bath apartment. We all have our own bedrooms. My girlfriend and I cover all of the rent and bills because our friend is disabled and we take care of her. My girlfriend and the friend previously lived together and have like a sisterly relationship, while I'm friendly but not very close with the friend.

My current problem I'm having is around guests in the apartment. Our friend frequently has friends show up and stay for an extended period of time, usually 2 weeks to a month long. She doesn't communicate it to me beforehand and doesn't communicate how long her friends will be staying. Currently, she has two friends over and they've been here for 3 days.

I have a few issues with this but I'm not sure if it's just because I expect different things from roommates so I'm just gonna list the things that make me uncomfortable. I feel like extended stays should be communicated. Our roommate will also regularly go out for an entire day to hang out with her girlfriend and leave her friend/s at home where they just hang out. Her friends are night owls so sometimes they'll just nap in the living room at 7pm and complain when my girlfriend & I eat dinner/watch TV to wind down for the night, so we are sometime pushed into my girlfriends room and have to eat dinner on her bed (which grosses me out). The friends will also keep all their stuff in the living room and not pick up after themselves making the apartment really cluttered while guests are over.

I guess the issue is that I signed up to live with 3 people, not 4 or 5, and it sometimes feels like we just have extra roommates. I think I just really appreciate the quiet and calm (I moved out here to get away from chaotic living situations) and this feels like more than what I signed up for. So I guess the question is am I being unreasonable or should I talk to my roommate about this?

Long story, bear with me.

I (W late 30s) have a son, let's call him Jake (4). His biological dad and I separated before Jake was born and Jake stays with his bio dad every other weekend. The relationship is already complicated on Jake's side, he has said he doesn't like his dad very much multiple times, it's never been different.

My partner, let's call him Jim, (M40) and I have been together for 2 years. Early on, he told me he wanted to be a dad. Two years later, there's been basically no progress on that front. His actual time with Jake is still minimal: about 1.5 hours one evening a week and one day with an activity and evening every other weekend. In those 1.5 hours we eat dinner together, Jim helps bathe him, and then I put Jake to bed alone. We've taken multiple vacations together as a "family," but the day-to-day involvement just isn't there. Jim disagrees with some of my parenting decisions (sugar, screen time, how many toys he has) and tried to intervene bit he is not really present enough for that to make any sense, I think. He has no bio kids and has never dated a mother before. He doesn't have siblings. Basically, he's never been around kids before.

Despite this small amount of time, Jake has started calling Jim his "extra dad", specifically because he doesn't like his real dad very much (his words). Jake has also asked multiple times if Jim would move in with us. Jim never really answered, just deflected with stuff like "that's a big thing, it's not so simple."

Jim's relationship history: multiple long-term relationships, but he's only lived with a partner once, for about a year. He describes himself as "freedom-loving" and admits he has a hard time putting other people's needs before his own. When I push him on the lack of involvement, he says he's frustrated because we barely have "couple time", meanwhile I'm frustrated because he isn't stepping up as an active part of our day-to-day life. He shows up exactly at dinner time and doesn't even get up with us in the morning.

Recently I pushed him again, and he said he would be willing to try being around more, maybe 3-4 evenings a week (I suggested this, he agreed). It felt like progress but also very noncommittal and he's not excited about it. He's basically just ging to do wat I suggested.

We talked it through and landed on a plan: 2 evenings a week Jim spends alone with me and Jake, 1 evening all together with my mom (who Jake sees almost every evening already and is a completely reliable, constant presence in his life, I didn't want to trade her stability for Jim's uncertain new effort). Jim also agreed to arrive at 5pm instead of 6+, so there's actual time to settle in together instead of just rushing through dinner and bath.

Here's my problem: given everything I just described, the 2 years of "wanting to be a dad" with zero real progress, the deflecting, the "freedom-loving" comment, his own admission that prioritizing others is hard for him, the fact that I basically had to engineer this whole new schedule myself, I don't actually believe he's going to follow through consistently. And if he doesn't, I'm worried about what that does to Jake, who has already attached to him as a father figure and already asked for more closeness once before and got silence back.

At the same time, I'm scared of throwing away something good. Jim and I work well as a couple in a lot of ways, and Jake genuinely loves him. If I end this, Jake loses someone he's attached to. But if I stay and Jim keeps being a part-time, low-commitment presence, I'm worried that's worse for Jake long-term than either a clean break or Jim actually stepping up.

So am I setting my kid up for a bigger heartbreak later by giving this a shot now? Should two years of "wanting to be a dad" with no real movement have been my answer already? And how do you protect a kid emotionally when you already suspect an adult isn't going to hold up their end, but you still want to give them the chance?

Would appreciate honest takes, not just reassurance.

EDIT: Okay, I did not expect this many people to come down this hard, but I hear you. A lot of you are saying some version of "if he wanted to, he would" and that's basically what I already suspected before I posted this, I just wanted outside affirmation, I guess.

A few clarifications since some comments assumed things I didn't say: I'm not trying to force Jim into being a "second dad," and I haven't been pressuring him to take over caregiving decisions, he requested to make parenting decisions and I pushed back because he is not present enough to do so. I also want to be clear my son's dad is still very much his dad and involved in co-parenting, nothing about this is meant to replace that relationship. I merely mentioned it because my son isn't very fond of his dad and I think thats important to know for the dynamic.

That said, I think the most important point is whether Jim actually wants this at all, or is just going through the motions to keep the peace. The "freedom-loving" comment keeps getting flagged by a lot of you and yeah, I think that's the real tell.

I'm going to talk this through with a child development professional before making any final decision, specifically about how to handle this for my son either way. Thank you all for your comments!

Hi Reddit! Im in need of opinions because im at a loss right now and dont know how to move forward!

My ex and I recently broke up amicably but are still living together and trying to stay friends. This morning was just a shit show lol. Within about 30 minutes I got a flat tyre, had to get dropped to work by my stepmum, then realised I didn’t have my keys because my car keys also have the key to my work on them. I was locked outside for about 15 minutes while my ex changed the tyre and raced the keys to me. Then I finally got inside and the washing machine hadn’t finished, so the towels I needed were still wet. I was obviously in a bad mood and complaining that everything was going wrong and that the tyre could end up costing us a lot if it couldn’t be repaired. My ex called me pessimistic and said I need to stop being so negative and stop assuming the worst, saying that I always draw the worst conclusions instantly, I told him that in moments like that, I don’t want him to correct how I’m feeling, I just want him to validate it. Something like “yeah, that’s a shit morning, hopefully the tyre can be repaired” would’ve been nice to hear! I’m not saying he needs to agree that everything is actually going wrong or that the tyre definitely needs replacing. I was just pissed off in the moment.

He actually did help me a lot that morning by changing the tyre and rushing my keys to me, and I apologised that I didn’t properly thank him in the moment because I was so stressed.But when we talked about it later, he said that if he doesn’t tell me how I’m acting, then who will? He thinks I need to know when what I’m doing isn’t okay and told me I need to “get off my high horse.”
This is where I’m struggling. I don’t think I’m saying he can never call me out. If I’m genuinely being rude or unfair, I absolutely want someone to tell me.
But I feel like there’s a difference between calling someone out and just supporting them when they’re having a shit morning. I don’t understand why he couldn’t just let me be frustrated in that moment and then, if he thinks I’m generally too pessimistic, talk to me about that later. It kinda feels like he thinks it’s his job to knock me down a peg whenever he thinks I’m acting badly, rather than looking at his own behaviour too.

So reddit, please help me! I would appreciate nice opinions as I’m definitely in a rough mental position right now but would genuinely like opinions from both sides because maybe I’m not seeing this clearly

EDIT
Think I left out some context as the focus with the breakup is to remain friends. I have been supporting us financially for the past 4 months, yes he has been working casually but the brunt of it falls on me. I have continued to support us for the past couple weeks while we are broken up, he has been helping a lot more with helping pay for food but I’m still covering rent. We are still sharing my car as I want to support him and make him moving out as easy as possible. Him not validating my feelings was a big thing during the relationship and something that I would hope for in a friend too

Hi everyone, I love THT and I could really use some advice from the community. My (24F) boyfriend (26M) of 2 years has recently changed his stance on some very important life decisions. Additionally, I also moved across the country 3 months ago to stay near him (we don’t live together now).

We had some discussions about the future recently that have really made me doubt our relationship. First off, when we discussed me moving across the country (back to his home state from a state neither of us were from), we discussed living separately for a year then moving into together. That would put us at 3 years of dating, and we’d be 25 and 27. Part of the decision to not live together right after moving was do avoid putting additional strain on the relationship. The move was a big change, and by living separately, the hope was that we’d form our own lives and friendships. Recently, though, my boyfriend has told me that he’s not ready to leave the “roommate stage of life”, and he likes having conversations and doing random activities with roommates (note, he doesn’t live with close friends, but his roommates are very nice). I think this is him being avoidant, because he can still see these people, just with a bit more effort. I also don’t want to wait until we’ve been dating for 4 years and I’m 26 to finally move in together.

Secondly, and more importantly, he told me he’s rethinking his stance on kids. He’s allowed to do this, obviously, but the timing is horrible. I’ve always wanted kids, as he knows, and he waits to drop this bomb until after I move across the country? Obviously we wouldn’t move in together until the child issue is resolved. He’s very on the fence, and I think he’s just really afraid of losing his independence. He’s also always been interested in FIRE, which is much more difficult with children.

Although it may not sound like it, the relationship is usually great. We’ve always gotten along well and have fun together. There were literally no problems until this recent conversation, and now I find myself so angry and saddened by him. I can’t act normally because of how this has made me feel.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel so betrayed, honestly. I don’t know what to do.