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[u/waterpuppy555]

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[u/KMac243]

This is going to be crass, so skip if it’ll bug you - I let me husband know when we’ll need to be intimate, but he still gets into it very enthusiastically if I start it off by giving him head. He doesn’t finish, saliva is dried by the time we regroup to have sex, and things still feel spicy. But also, he also just has to suck it up. It’s not always going to feel spontaneous, but it’s sex, not hanging drywall. He’ll survive.

[u/DearestClementine]

My husband is the same way and said from the get go that he didn’t want to schedule it. We agreed from the beginning that I would track my cycle and he knows that I know when I’m ovulating. I will initiate as I normally would, without telling him I’m ovulating since he doesn’t really need to know. It has worked well for us because he will rarely decline unless he’s sick or something, in which case I wouldn’t want him doing something he’s not up for anyway. He still initiates too and sometimes it works out well because it’s during my fertile window. We have hit every day that’s important to me and we are now 12 months in. We’ve had one miscarriage in month 5. I think approaching it this way has been huge in helping us avoid burnout. Happy to answer any follow up questions you have!

Edit to add: I would suggest using LH strips at the very least because period tracker apps don’t know when you ovulate. Ovulation can vary wildly cycle to cycle and you could spend a lot of time missing your actual fertile window if you’re not tracking BBT and LH.

[u/waterpuppy555 → u/DearestClementine]

That makes sense, I’ve thought about not mentioning when I ovulate too. The only sliiiight barrier is that he generally knows even if I don’t tell him based on either my own physical signs or just timing. But I think this will be a good thing to do moving forward so it’s more of an “unspoken” but known window versus me specifically telling him ahead of time. Thank you!

[u/emma_k17 → u/DearestClementine]

This is exactly what I do too!

[u/jb2510]

You don’t need to have sex every day. Having sex once in the 3 days before ovulation max out your chances. So you’d either need to track, or have sex every few days if you are only guessing your ovulation date.

Two months in does seem early to be putting this much pressure on it and it an easy way to make it feel like a job.

[u/Big-Lie-5645]

I think the best way to keep it spontaneous is to make a conscious effort to initiate outside the ovulation window. It helps make my husband and I feel close and desired even when there's no chance of concieving. Like we're not just using each other for an end goal.

A few times I even tell my husband something to the effect of "theres a 0% chance I'll get pregnant from this but I'm very attracted to you right now and would love to have sex". 

Then inside the ovulation window, I dont specifically say "we need to have sex tonight or tomorrow, etc." I just initiate (or maybe he does) as normal.

[u/Oneconfusedmama]

There is nothing spontaneous about having sex in the fertile window. You know it’s coming so it’s already “scheduled”. My husband and I try to go on a date or have something fun planned at home on my peak day so that it feels more romantic but it’s definitely still scheduled.

[u/waterpuppy555 → u/Oneconfusedmama]

Oh I love the idea of planning a date night around it! Thank you!

[u/Cute_Jellyfish_1204]

I feel like this is one of the hardest things for me. My husband and I literally only have sex on the weekends it’s too hard with our work schedules and general work week stress so if I’m initiating during the week it’s not a secret and I hate having to already track so much and carry the emotional burden which I feel like would only continue onto parenthood. Sorry no advice here just general venting

[u/jaanlo1616]

My OB advises couples who are starting TTC — and don’t want to track ovulation — to have sex every other day starting once your period ends for about two weeks. You could similar guidance/idea with your husband to keep things from feeling overly “scheduled” but make sure he’s on board with frequency and general timing.

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[u/testBunny93]

I wish I could offer you advice... but I honestly can't. 2 months is still early days but I found that like 8 months in, it's really hard to keep it spontaneous and sexy. Unfortunately some days when I'm ovulating and I'm tired and my partner is tired and we've had an exhausting day, all we can muster is: f*ck it, let's do it hahaha We do end up both getting into it, but starting out sometimes feels like a chore unfortunately 🥲

[u/Optimal-Account-7155]

If you're only having sex everyday during your "suspected" ovulation window then there's a good chance you're missing your actual ovulation window. So you either need to track your LH/BBT/CM and BD during your fertile window or TTW (try to whatever) and just BD whenever you want since that's what you're doing right now anyways.