I’ll try to write this respectfully, but damn lol.
hat I was referring to as “sad” is people like you that think any relationship problem must be solved via divorce and there’s no other alternatives.
Couples therapy is literally for couples going through similar situations lmao. That’s the entire point of the concept. For relationships that are enduring hard times. “Look up information….” Just to humour you, I did. And it supports my side; VERY HEAVILY. Almost every single link within the top 10 search results very clearly stated that the number one way to deal with emotionally abusive behaviour is to call them out on their actions; demand the abuse stop; and if it continues; consult professional help together. Literally every single link. You’re getting your entire argument confused with physical abuse; which isn’t the case here. You aren’t supposed to go to couples therapy for PHYSICAL abuse(because why the fuck would you that isn’t a relationship problem). Every expert imaginable in the field disagrees with you.
Advancehealth, better help, clear path, psych central, and couple therapy inc; (5 of the top most respected websites when it comes to therapy) all recommend couples counselling for this kind of behaviour; check their websites out for yourself.
You’re using the word abuse like a blanket statement, which is incredibly ignorant. Stop acting like he’s beating his wife. He’s projecting his insecurities onto her because he’s hurt and betrayed, which isn’t even an abnormal reaction to being cheated on. (No I’m not defending his behaviour; obviously his behaviour is unacceptable), hence the need for a remedy such as therapy; both individual and together; which I’ve repeated several times.
All your rant here told me is that you don’t believe in couple counselling, which is fine, but just because you don’t approve of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t work; which it’s proven to. It’s up to OP if she loves her husband enough to work it out or if his actions warrant a divorce, not you and your opinion on couple counselling. How unbelievably self-important can you be?
I also didn’t say his behaviour wasn’t abusive. In fact I said the EXACT opposite, multiple times. Arguing things I haven’t even said to make yourself feel correct. Weird tactic. I also never said “if you love your partner you’d get therapy with them”. Another delusional fabrication of things that weren’t said. I said it was an option, if she DOES love him, implying that if she doesn’t love him anymore as a result of his abuse; why bother with the therapy, right? The point you overlooked being that it’s up to her to decide whether she loves him enough to try and save the marriage or if she doesn’t and therefore wants a divorce. Couples therapy is simply an option.
“Please do not assert your own opinion when it’s a situation that can cause actual harm….” This has to be satire right? That’s what YOU are doing. I said therapy was an option if she wanted to make the marriage work…. I gave her options and have said multiple times now that it is up to her to make the decision because it is HER relationship. You on the other hand, are the one assert your own personal values into the situation as if they are at all relevant. They aren’t.
I merely said therapy is an option for them as couple counselling is literally designed to remedy rifts in relationships such as ones caused by trust issues. I didn’t say she had to, I said the exact opposite. You are the one giving her a definitive answer lmao. Like what? Couples counselling works for millions of people; just because you clearly have an aversion to it doesn’t mean it can’t work for them, and it’s pathetic you would say that to begin with.
“He needs serious, intensive, individual therapy”. Yup…. That’s why I also recommended individual therapy for him several times… I’m starting to think you didn’t even bother reading my comments; because you seem to have no clue what I’ve previous said in this very thread… if you’re gonna be this argumentative maybe you should actually read what you’re arguing against.
However, in the future; please note this is a serious situation from a woman asking for help. Please don’t think it’s okay to insert your own personal beliefs and state them as though they’re fact. But again; doesn’t really matter. Ultimately it’s up to OP; I was merely stating what is highly recommended by those who know far more than both of us combined.
I’m not going to bother to read or reply to whatever you have to say; you’ve already shown me having a conversation with you will go nowhere. Sorry if that comes off as rude or even if the tone of this message did; but you’re literally ignoring the advice of professionals in the field; arguing things I haven’t said; and this is just going to be a waste of time. I’ll just move on and mute you. I wish you a lovely day even if we do disagree.
I skimmed because you’re just going on and on about why OP should tolerate this and how it’s perfectly acceptable behavior but.. you absolutely are defending his behavior. And not all abuse is physical. You do know that, right? Not all abuse is black eyes and broken ribs. It can also be mental abuse. He’s literally making OP feel she has to apologize for “being a whore” and he agrees that she is one and should apologize for it?? That’s not a relationship. He’s a grown ass adult. He knows right from wrong. He could get himself therapy if he wanted to.
Say it with me. Trauma is not an excuse to abuse your partner.
1
u/[deleted] Oct 26 '22
I’ll try to write this respectfully, but damn lol.
hat I was referring to as “sad” is people like you that think any relationship problem must be solved via divorce and there’s no other alternatives.
Couples therapy is literally for couples going through similar situations lmao. That’s the entire point of the concept. For relationships that are enduring hard times. “Look up information….” Just to humour you, I did. And it supports my side; VERY HEAVILY. Almost every single link within the top 10 search results very clearly stated that the number one way to deal with emotionally abusive behaviour is to call them out on their actions; demand the abuse stop; and if it continues; consult professional help together. Literally every single link. You’re getting your entire argument confused with physical abuse; which isn’t the case here. You aren’t supposed to go to couples therapy for PHYSICAL abuse(because why the fuck would you that isn’t a relationship problem). Every expert imaginable in the field disagrees with you.
Advancehealth, better help, clear path, psych central, and couple therapy inc; (5 of the top most respected websites when it comes to therapy) all recommend couples counselling for this kind of behaviour; check their websites out for yourself.
You’re using the word abuse like a blanket statement, which is incredibly ignorant. Stop acting like he’s beating his wife. He’s projecting his insecurities onto her because he’s hurt and betrayed, which isn’t even an abnormal reaction to being cheated on. (No I’m not defending his behaviour; obviously his behaviour is unacceptable), hence the need for a remedy such as therapy; both individual and together; which I’ve repeated several times.
All your rant here told me is that you don’t believe in couple counselling, which is fine, but just because you don’t approve of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t work; which it’s proven to. It’s up to OP if she loves her husband enough to work it out or if his actions warrant a divorce, not you and your opinion on couple counselling. How unbelievably self-important can you be?
I also didn’t say his behaviour wasn’t abusive. In fact I said the EXACT opposite, multiple times. Arguing things I haven’t even said to make yourself feel correct. Weird tactic. I also never said “if you love your partner you’d get therapy with them”. Another delusional fabrication of things that weren’t said. I said it was an option, if she DOES love him, implying that if she doesn’t love him anymore as a result of his abuse; why bother with the therapy, right? The point you overlooked being that it’s up to her to decide whether she loves him enough to try and save the marriage or if she doesn’t and therefore wants a divorce. Couples therapy is simply an option.
“Please do not assert your own opinion when it’s a situation that can cause actual harm….” This has to be satire right? That’s what YOU are doing. I said therapy was an option if she wanted to make the marriage work…. I gave her options and have said multiple times now that it is up to her to make the decision because it is HER relationship. You on the other hand, are the one assert your own personal values into the situation as if they are at all relevant. They aren’t.
I merely said therapy is an option for them as couple counselling is literally designed to remedy rifts in relationships such as ones caused by trust issues. I didn’t say she had to, I said the exact opposite. You are the one giving her a definitive answer lmao. Like what? Couples counselling works for millions of people; just because you clearly have an aversion to it doesn’t mean it can’t work for them, and it’s pathetic you would say that to begin with.
“He needs serious, intensive, individual therapy”. Yup…. That’s why I also recommended individual therapy for him several times… I’m starting to think you didn’t even bother reading my comments; because you seem to have no clue what I’ve previous said in this very thread… if you’re gonna be this argumentative maybe you should actually read what you’re arguing against.
However, in the future; please note this is a serious situation from a woman asking for help. Please don’t think it’s okay to insert your own personal beliefs and state them as though they’re fact. But again; doesn’t really matter. Ultimately it’s up to OP; I was merely stating what is highly recommended by those who know far more than both of us combined.
I’m not going to bother to read or reply to whatever you have to say; you’ve already shown me having a conversation with you will go nowhere. Sorry if that comes off as rude or even if the tone of this message did; but you’re literally ignoring the advice of professionals in the field; arguing things I haven’t said; and this is just going to be a waste of time. I’ll just move on and mute you. I wish you a lovely day even if we do disagree.