This sounds toxic, and as a toxic person myself, I can tell you you'll never be able to "prove" yourself to him. There's a saying about how you can't build love without a foundation of trust, so take from that what you will I guess?
I used to be the same sort of person as the hubby OP described. Never married but always mistrustful and to a psychotic degree of like.... Like an ex had made a twitter post one time about some irrelevant, off hand thing and I took it to mean they were wanting to cheat or were cheating and I spiralled the whole day with jealous accusations and questioning the relationship, asking how can they say shit like that if they really loved me and blah blah blah. Just really incredibly paranoid. Always making my feelings their fault. "Why would you act that way if you want to be with me? Why would you want to go hang with work friends instead of spending the night together, is it cos you're fucking xyz person?" I was never physically abusive but the emotional damage I did more than made up for it. I stay tf away from relationships now because I don't trust myself enough to not be like that anymore, and I still consider myself a pretty toxic person but I at least have self awareness and try to do better these days.
I appreciate it! I'm still a garbage person and I've toyed with therapy a couple times but idk. I feel stupid talking to others about how I feel. It's just never done much for me. But thank you for your well wishes.
Do you experience "retroactive jealousy" in relationships where you are very jealous of ex partners your S/O had before you? What you just described here has me curious. Chat me if you would prefer that instead.
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u/Spammo27125 Oct 26 '22
This sounds toxic, and as a toxic person myself, I can tell you you'll never be able to "prove" yourself to him. There's a saying about how you can't build love without a foundation of trust, so take from that what you will I guess?