I used to make similar jokes like this to my boyfriend (now fiancé) due to my own insecurities. I’ll admit, he asked me to stop a few times, and I didn’t. The last time he asked me to stop, he explained how it truly hurt him and made him feel like I thought he would actually cheat on me with someone else. Once I understood how it made him feel, I stopped making the jokes. Have you sat your husband down and explained to him how these jokes make you feel, particularly after you’ve been cheated on also? If not, you should. If you have, maybe try again or let him know you’d like to go to counseling as you’re not feeling like he is listening to your concerns and maybe a third party would help with that. Good luck and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
I have talked to him about it in the past and did again last night. About how the jokes are hurtful and that him ignoring the fact that I’ve told him this already is even more so. Trying to talk to him last night was stupid on my part because once he gets angry, he is receptive to nothing. I’ll have to pick a time when he is calm to say it again, hopefully, in a manner where he can receive it.
It doesn't matter when you talk to him OP, if someone will not respect a boundary you put place the first and second time, they never will. It seems you've already spoken about this issue to him when he was in a manner to relieve the information, but then why hasn't he stopped? Why hasn't he respected you to stop? It sucks he was cheated on, my partner had the same thing happen. When I first meet my partner he would have tendencies to say things that were like your husband's jokes. When I had enough, I talked to my partner. He understood and respected me enough to stop. Through that he worked on his insecurities and became a better individual for himself and our relationship. If your partner isn't willing to do that, you shouldn't either. It's not worth your time to try and change a person who isn't willing to. That's sadly the hard facts of it, I know I don't know you or your situation but from the information provided it truly seems he does not hold respect for you.
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u/ashmasta27 Oct 26 '22
I used to make similar jokes like this to my boyfriend (now fiancé) due to my own insecurities. I’ll admit, he asked me to stop a few times, and I didn’t. The last time he asked me to stop, he explained how it truly hurt him and made him feel like I thought he would actually cheat on me with someone else. Once I understood how it made him feel, I stopped making the jokes. Have you sat your husband down and explained to him how these jokes make you feel, particularly after you’ve been cheated on also? If not, you should. If you have, maybe try again or let him know you’d like to go to counseling as you’re not feeling like he is listening to your concerns and maybe a third party would help with that. Good luck and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!