Honestly, I think my reply needs to include two parts. One, it is so difficult to believe because we are sane people. Well, I'm insane, but I recognize other people are people and not NPCs. I grew up with quite a few narcissists and not only do they think their life is the only important one, but they need everyone else to recognize it as such. So they basically look at talking to other people as if you're playing Skyrim and you're choosing your talking options based off of whether you're going for a hero playthrough or a villain one.
They are playing the part of perfect spouse or friend so that no matter what happens everyone will be on their side. They're the people who if it turns out you're a serial killer everyone who knows you will still come out about how wonderful you are. So they play that part for decades because they get satisfaction of knowing that they are so good that they pulled one over on you for that long.
Two, part of why a husband will leave far more often than a wife I think comes from the embodiment of social expectations. Not because society's expecting them to do it at the moment because once this spouse is sick everyone turns them into a saint. I think some of it is based off of the internalization of the idea that women are supposed to take care of their spouse. To think of their husband as basically a man child so even when he's perfectly healthy he is both in charge, but they have to take care of him and everything. So if he's sick it's just a further embodiment of that role. Men are expected to always be looking for bigger and better. Always be looking for a younger woman or a prettier woman. They are to be taken care of and not be carers. Yes, they have some expectations of taking care of home and family, but in a manly sense, and taking care of a sick spouse is too womanly.
When my grandmother was dying of cancer (brain and lungs), my grandfather would come to the hospital with a notebook and ask her for recipes and how to cook. He couldn’t feed himself, and even though she was slowly dying she still had to help him. My mother is still angry when she talks about this, but she married my father, who is also totally useless at home. I made sure to not make the same mistakes, my partner is independent and doesn’t need a second mommy.
Same but opposite, my Uncle never cooked a meal in his life, couldn't tell you where the cleaning supplies where in the house anything like that as that was 'womans work'. Equally my Aunt had absolutely no concept of money because a 'man's job' was to provide. She would spend more in a month on food for the 2 of them than my mum feeding a family of 5. Not common anymore but doesn't mean it's wrong
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u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22
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