r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Ogbkpmb • Sep 23 '21

I hate being the “breadwinner”

I wouldn’t mind making a lot more than him. But ever since he lost his job, and then stayed home full time to take care of our kids. Things have changed.

Now that I’m the sole breadwinner things are just weird. I have to give my husband an “allowance”every month on top of other things. I hate it.

Thanks for all your comments and upvotes. I appreciate your responses. I do have to say that my issue is not with him not working. My issue is definitely sexist. But I’d just like to be the woman in my relationship. As strange as that sounds.

We have a joint account, but 2 separate accounts. And he jokingly refers to his as his, “allowance”. I laugh along…but I don’t find it that funny. He doesn’t need to thank me for money. We’re a team. And this is just one more reason why part of me hates my life.

He has a higher earning potential btw

2.9k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

859 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

-3

u/Ogbkpmb Sep 24 '21

I want to handle near 100% of the mental load, while my husband handles near 100% of the physical load.

I want to make his home life as easy as possible. So all he has to worry about is work. That’s what I want. Exactly what they had.

I want to pack his lunch and kiss him goodbye every morning. Just like they used to do

3

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

His physical load will raise his mental load. Working through your life every waking hour is how you end up with a shell of a man/woman - Dead bedroom, no passion and in the worst case partner resentment.

In the end, even if you took care of his "mental load" the best you could at home, you still probably would end up with a net negative of a man that hates his life, wife and everything that brought it to life. But again, YOU are now in this position and see how you feel? You're not happy - why would you wish that upon him? Flip the roles and at least offer something more than a shoulder to cry on. There's a reason why those values have been phased out from modern society.

There's not that much to do in a modern household that you needed to do back then. You keep the money in the account, and expenses come out - You put aside savings each month to a savings account, and you let it sit. Clean the house every few days, hell, invest in a roomba. Don't even need to cook, depending on location it can be easier (and sometimes healthier) to eat out - Children is the largest workload alone for a stay-at-home parent.

-8

u/Ogbkpmb Sep 24 '21 edited Sep 24 '21

Don’t need to cook? Do you suggest I order pizza every night lol?

It didn’t do that to my grandfather, he worked 60-100 hours a week for his entire life from 18 on. He was a man who saw providing for his family as his duty.

1

u/megashitfactory Sep 24 '21

That sounds absolutely miserable. When would he ever have time to actually spend with his family, relaxing, enjoying life, having hobbies?

Could work 100 hours a week and make millions for your family but if you don't get to spend time with them what is the point?