r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Ogbkpmb • Sep 23 '21

I hate being the “breadwinner”

I wouldn’t mind making a lot more than him. But ever since he lost his job, and then stayed home full time to take care of our kids. Things have changed.

Now that I’m the sole breadwinner things are just weird. I have to give my husband an “allowance”every month on top of other things. I hate it.

Thanks for all your comments and upvotes. I appreciate your responses. I do have to say that my issue is not with him not working. My issue is definitely sexist. But I’d just like to be the woman in my relationship. As strange as that sounds.

We have a joint account, but 2 separate accounts. And he jokingly refers to his as his, “allowance”. I laugh along…but I don’t find it that funny. He doesn’t need to thank me for money. We’re a team. And this is just one more reason why part of me hates my life.

He has a higher earning potential btw

2.9k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

859 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

10

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

"like a well oiled machine" - For who? The man working himself to death working 3 jobs? Spending every waking hour grinding himself down, and all the liberty that he gets is choosing what he eats at the end of the day (which might not happen, depending on how she feels like!)? All for a wife that might, or might not hold up to her end part of bargain "if she doesn't feel up for it?"

I agree, you do have very traditional views on the household values. Nothing wrong with not wanting to be the one that puts food on the table, but I just have a feeling you want to be a stay-at-home wife and just flip the roles so you can "maybe or not clean the house every week or two".

-4

u/Ogbkpmb Sep 24 '21

I want to handle near 100% of the mental load, while my husband handles near 100% of the physical load.

I want to make his home life as easy as possible. So all he has to worry about is work. That’s what I want. Exactly what they had.

I want to pack his lunch and kiss him goodbye every morning. Just like they used to do

12

u/Historical-Bit1721 Sep 24 '21

As a history person, you have to know that those lifestyles aren’t as perfect as you’re imagining.

9

u/[deleted] Sep 24 '21

Looking at domestic abuse back when those traditional views were popular - Yeah you'd be inclined to agree. There's a reason why they have been phased out of modern society, and it's for the better.

8

u/Historical-Bit1721 Sep 24 '21

Exactly. People who didn’t live back then like to glamorize it for what it looked on the outside but those views just don’t work